Ukyo Welcome to Ucchan’s Okonomiyaki… err, well, what’s left of it. Oh, don’t worry. Around Nerima this is nothing. Had my whole place blown up once during a stupid fight between Ranma and that jackass Ryoga. Somehow I always manage to make repairs and get going again. Of course, this mess is a bit unusual in that it is my own doing. One of my councilors once said I had a lot of repressed anger. Well, let’s just say I’m not all that repressed anymore. Fortunately I think it’s largely out of my system and I’m not about to go busting up the place again. It was all Ranma’s fault anyway, him and his stupid ideas. What does he think I am, huh? He’s so thick headed sometimes it makes me want to crack his head open. Confused? Yeah, well so am I. I thought that jerk loved me. Guess maybe I was fooling myself a bit, but he could have been a little more open you know. How the hell was I supposed to know? I mean, when that sauce I… and… Oh, what’s it matter? I was obviously wrong about him, the jerk. I really need to get this off my chest. I got a decision to make, and don’t know what to do. Maybe I better fill you in on the details first. I’m sure you know about the mess Akane and Shampoo got into. Rumor mill is going crazy with it. Some of those twits even have me in the mix as some kind of threesome. Yeesh, give me a break. Just for the record, not a word of that nonsense is true. And as for the stuff about me and Kodachi, I’m still looking to thank the moron who start that piece of crap rumor, which again is utter nonsense. So, where should I start? You guys know Mousse kidnapped Akane right? Well, right after that is as good a time as any to start. Just before he left I decided it best to get some info and pay him my respects. "Mousse, how dare you even think-" No, let’s skip that. I was angry at the time and got a little… colorful. Well, what do you expect? He kidnaps Akane for some crazy scheme or other and scares Shampoo and Ranma half to death. The last thing I needed at that time was for Akane to get hurt, or worse killed, and have Ranma and Shampoo hunting Mousse down for it. Besides that, Akane’s my friend. We may not be the best of friends, but friends still and I don’t appreciate someone doing that to her. Fortunately Mousse took his berating well, and I calmed down enough to get something productive done. We moved the conversation to my restaurant after that, having been talking out in the street before. "All right Ukyo, just what do you want to know?" He asked. "Well first off, I want the truth. Are you or are you not giving up on Shampoo?" Mousse frowned, and looked down at the table he was sitting at, but finally nodded. "Yes. I think I’ve overstayed by welcome anyway." "In that case, I need to know some stuff about Amazon law." Mousse looked up and eyed me suspiciously. He knew what I was aiming for. "Now look sugar, you just said you’re out of the game. Step aside gracefully." "I am willing to do that. I just don’t like the idea of you messing in Shampoo’s love life. Let her and Akane do their own damned thing. They don’t need you toying around trying to get them away from Ranma." "What I’m trying to do is work things out so everyone’s happy. What’s wrong with that? Nothing. I’m not going to force anyone into anything. Give them some encouragement maybe, but no force." Mousse continued to look skeptical so I pressed in a little harder. "Face it sugar, you’re thinking out of jealousy. You may have officially given up, but I bet you hate the idea of Shampoo being with someone else." Mousse seemed to cave to that one, and looked off at one of the walls. "Okay, fine. What do you want to know?" "I need to know Shampoo’s situation and options. She’s not being very forthcoming with me." Mousse thought about that for about a minute before replying. "Her situation is pretty simple. She’s on probation. She came back in defeat once already, and even though Ranma was really a boy, Shampoo still effectively failed to follow through with her perceived duty. She thought Ranma to be a girl and should have killed her, but she didn’t. Cologne managed to convince the council that Shampoo did not strictly violate the law by returning under such conditions so they were lenient on her, and just punished her with the curse." "Lenient is a curse?" "Harsh is death," Mousse responded with a grim look. "You’re telling me they would have executed her?" I asked, and Mousse nodded. "It’s one possibility, and not even the worst one." For a brief moment I thought he was joking, or at least exaggerating. However, the dead serious look on his face said otherwise. Right then is when I understood the full gravity of Shampoo’s situation. Having a death sentence hanging over your head is not a pleasant thought. Having something worse than death threatening you was even less pleasant. It took me almost a minute to fully absorb that before letting Mousse continue. "Anyway, the way things are now is that Shampoo is effectively on probation. If she can get Ranma to marry her, her record will be cleared and she can go on without any penalty, save the curse she already bares, but she’s always been free to seek a cure for it. On the other hand, should she not comply with her duty she’s looking at getting full punishment, actually probably worse." "So she has to marry Ranma. There is no getting around that?" "Ranma or a superior male who can defeat him fairly." "Well, that’s something. What about this relationship with Akane? Is that okay, or taboo." Mousse looked depressed for a moment, but answered. "There’s nothing really wrong with it by itself. Was she not legally bound to marry Ranma then this thing with Akane would be perfectly fine. Oh, I suppose some of the village would be displeased having Shampoo involved with an untested outsider woman, but in the end that means nothing. However with the legal troubles, that displeasure will only worsen Shampoo’s situation." "Great… Okay, let’s assume Shampoo marries some appropriate guy to satisfy the law and carries on the relationship with Akane. Is that okay?" Mousse nodded after a few seconds of thought. "I would think so. Again, you’d have those not liking having Akane brought into the village without some proof she is worthy, but nothing other than that." "Is there some way Akane can prove her worthiness by chance?" "Defeating a warrior of her age would do it. She’d have to be joined to Shampoo already though to avoid the law." "Okay, okay, that opens up some possibilities… They have no problem with multiple partners in a marriage?" "No, that’s Christian nonsense. Some Amazons have been known to have more than ten husbands in ancient times. Not much of that happening now, but there is nothing saying that it can’t happen. The Chinese government might have something to say about it, but they don’t much deal with us. They leave us alone as much as possible. I doubt it would be a problem." I nodded with a number of plans already in the works in my mind. "Okay, how about staying outside the village? If she did violate their laws, are they going to send some hunt party out for her or something?" Mousse shook his head. "No, they wouldn’t bother. The disgrace would fall on the family, and it is the family’s decision on how to handle it. They may take the disgrace, or do something about it." "What kind of disgrace?" "Probably in this case being thrown off the elder council. Cologne certainly would loose the matriarchy. Really academic anyway. I know Shampoo enough to say she won’t allow that. She’ll take her punishment rather than have her family take it for her." I nodded, agreeing with that much. "Okay, but in general, staying outside the village is okay if she obeys the law?" "She can do what she pleases. Some might even like it that she’s getting experience outside the village. The only trouble would come up when she has to take over her family’s position on the council. They would want her back by then." "Well, that is the least of my worries. No offense, but you have some pretty barbaric laws in that village." "I didn’t write them," Mousse pointed out. "Okay, well anyway, thanks, I think that will cover it. Oh, one last thing. How did you find out anyway? About Akane and Shampoo that is?" "Tsubasa told me," Mousse answered simply, causing me no small measure of surprise. "Tsubasa? How would he… Oh gees, that little creep has been sneaking around my place again! I’ll kill him!" I said in anger. That little fungus is always hiding around someplace it seems. I thought giving him a job would keep him in my sights but apparently he’s been pulling some of his crap again. I once even found him disguised as my dresser in my bedroom. Fortunately that time I discovered him before he saw anything, but apparently he had been working on his technique. Needless to say, shortly after Mousse headed off I had a nice chat with the little twerp. I had a lot on my mind the next several days. The best option seemed to be to get some guy to beat Ranma and take his position in the marriage. That way Akane and Shampoo could do what they wanted from that point. Of course, that meant getting a guy they could like. Mousse was out of course, but Ryoga, now he had some potential. He really liked Akane, and Akane was at least positively inclined towards him. He was also a good fighter, and had Ranma on the ropes several times. It could work, but the plan had some bumps. Getting Ryoga and Shampoo together might be tricky. Don’t know why, but I get the impression that he is somewhat nervous about her at times. That was a minor problem next to Ranma’s ego. I’ve never seen Ranma admit defeat, even when it is in his best interest to do so. He’d have a real problem letting Ryoga beat him publicly. Of course, that dealt with the Amazon situation. Akane’s situation with that arranged marriage was another matter. Ranma jackass father couldn’t say much as I was just as much Ranma’s fiancée as Akane, but Akane’s father would certainly raise a fuss. That particular problem needed some further thought, but basically came inevitably down to convincing Akane’s father to accept another husband for Akane. So, getting Mr. Tendo to come around had to be added into the plan as well. These things weren’t going to be easy. However, considering the potential with the problems, this looked like the right way to go. Sometimes, I must admit, I rush into things without giving them the necessary planning. Take that first date I set up with Ryoga and Akane, what a disaster. This time I decided to give this plan the proper level of planning and thought. It did help I suppose that Ryoga was no where to be found. Actually, he had been missing for an unusually long time. A month was the biggest gap in his appearances usually, but the last time I heard mention of him appearing was over two months ago, which did cause me some worry. However, I did not let myself get panicked, and instead planned on his return. So, I had three main tasks for the moment. One, to convince Akane and Shampoo. Two, to bring around Akane’s father. And three, to work on Ranma and get him to go along with it. All and all, it was not going to be easy, but I was ready for the challenge. "I’m sorry Miss Kuonji, but the matter has been decided. Ranma will marry my Akane and together they will carry on the Tendo training hall." "Lose?! To Ryoga?! Not a chance! No way! I ain’t losing to that twit, and there is no way I’m letting that pig marry Akane!" "If Ukyo think Ryoga so good, why no you marry him and Shampoo marry Ranma?" "I don’t want to marry him, and Ranma is my fiancé, not yours!" "Is right. Ranma no fiancé, is husband." Needless to say, it did not go smoothly. Mr. Tendo refused to budge. Ranma was being thick headed. And Shampoo... Quite frankly Shampoo was being a bitch. Even Akane who seemed slightly more receptive to the idea, came no where near accepting it. In the end I had made no progress. After two weeks of futile effort, and no sign of Ryoga, I was beginning to lose hope. Not about Ranma and me getting married though. I mean, I knew that as soon as he was clear of his obligations he would come around. It wouldn’t be quick, Ranma being so stubborn, but sooner or later it would happen. It was getting Akane and Shampoo safe and clear that I was losing hope about. However, before that could happen, I found an ally... of sorts. It was the end of the school week, and the night of the weekly "poker" game that Nabiki came in my restaurant’s door, wearing a poker face that left me wondering what she was up to. Usually from Nabiki I get that, "I have a deal for you" look, the look everyone that was acquainted with Nabiki knew and feared. Nabiki was the shark, and you were her latest meal. Damn near every person in Furinkan had fallen prey to her at one time or another. Even I have felt those ‘teeth’ on occasion, although, unlike most, I am not so easily chewed. However, that was not the look I was getting and in a way that worried me more. "Alright Nabiki, come out with it. What is it you want?" I asked cautiously. Nabiki did not respond right away, instead taking my question as an invitation to sit down at the grill, the poker face still locked firmly in place. "It has come to my attention that you have been trying to sell the idea of a marriage between Ryoga and Shampoo as a solution to the whole mess my little sister and the Amazon have found themselves in," she said plainly "And?" Nabiki stayed silent, apparently examining me. After only a second though she responded. "And I’m here as a sympathetic ear, and I have a suggestion or two for you." "So, just how much will this cost me?" Nabiki took a moment to think about that, then looked down at the counter top. "Actually, I think the best I’d get is nothing, so all I ask for is your attention." "Feeling generous today?" I asked with a smile, but Nabiki kept her expression locked. "No, it is simply that what I’m going to tell you probably won’t go over well." Nabiki said this sincerely, not at all her usual way of trying to sell you an idea. That was enough to get my full attention. Nabiki rarely ever… actually, I cannot recall a single time she has ever been this serious. Naturally I readied myself for something, what I wasn’t sure. "Okay, I’m listening." Nabiki nodded, but waited a moment before starting. "I can somewhat sympathize with your situation. You’re trying to work it out so that Akane and Shampoo stay together and that leaves you with Ranma. That way no one is hurt, right? Maybe, but the big problem is no one is going to accept this solution of yours. Daddy has his mind made up about the marriage between Akane and Ranma. Shampoo has no reason to marry Ryoga, especially now. And, Ranma will never allow it. Your only prayer is that Akane likes the idea, but I highly doubt that. Ryoga is just a friend to her, and nothing more." I shook my head at this point, already concluding Nabiki was trying to make it easier for Akane to get Ranma. "Look Nabiki, I never thought it would be an easy path. However, it is the only one I got. Just why are you doing this anyway, Nabiki? Did your dad put you up to this, or maybe Akane?" "I suppose you could say Akane did, although she didn’t say anything to me. No, she’s been moping around the house ever since Dad caught her with Shampoo. It is really becoming a downer. Besides, you’re not the only one who made inquiries with Mousse." "You talked to Mousse?" "Yes, apparently just shortly after you did, and the way I see it things have turned into a nice volatile powder keg just waiting for the right reason to blow, and I personally would rather not be near that explosion. The last thing I want is you messing in things." Nabiki said this with a deadly serious look that shocked even me. However, after a moment Nabiki lightened up. "Besides, you’re wrong. It’s not the only path you have. An obvious one has been sitting right in your face, in everyone’s face in fact, for a long time now. It just involves a little lateral thinking." "And just what is that?" "You want Shampoo to marry Ryoga and effectively take Akane in as well. Why bother with Ryoga." "Because I’m marrying Ranma!" I exclaimed, breaking Nabiki’s stride. "If you’d let me finish… You don’t need Ryoga because you can marry Ranma too. Now, legality aside, Japanese law being the least of our worries, you all can marry him." For a moment I thought Nabiki was joking around, but there was no smile on her face. No, she was serious. "That’s nuts!" "What’s nuts about it?" "Well, just… Everything!" "So, it’s fine for Akane and Shampoo to accept such a thing, but when it comes to you the rules change huh?" "But I-" "Don’t want to share him," Nabiki said, shutting me up in an instant. It was practically the same argument I had given Shampoo about being greedy wanting both Akane and Ranma. Now Nabiki had used the same premise against me. "It’s not the same," I muttered to myself after a moment, but Nabiki must have thought I was talking to her. "I guess not, but you may have to take it if you want anything. Like it or not Akane and Shampoo both love Ranma and aren’t likely to accept anyone in his place for sometime, if ever. I don’t know how strong that love is anymore with their own relationship complicating things, so maybe you’ll get lucky in the end and get most of Ranma’s attentions. However, if you think about it, it is about the only way to safely solve everyone’s troubles. Shampoo will have met her legal obligations, plus you, Akane and Ranma will have all met your family obligations." "This has nothing to do with my family obligations! I love Ranma." "Right, no argument here, but that’s not the point anyway. Come on Ukyo, look at this reasonably. Ranma has managed to get himself thoroughly twisted up with three girl, four if you count Kodachi-" "You’re not going to suggest-" "NO! God no! You three would be tough enough to make it work. Kodachi is in the clear obligation wise so she’ll have to just deal with it. No, just you, Akane, and Shampoo." I was about to open my mouth in protest once again but Nabiki cut me off. "As I was saying, Ranma is in a mess with you three, and at the same time denying culpability for that. Frankly I think if he got the chance he’d like to be engaged to none of you." "That’s not true! Ran-chan-" "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just give it some consideration huh. I really think it is your best possible solution." Nabiki said, then began to get up, but stopped and gave me an annoying smile. "You might even want to consider the benefits of being married to two other women." "Huh?" Was all I managed to get out before Nabiki made a quick get away. "HEY! COME BACK HERE NABIKI! HOW DARE YOU IMPLY I’M LIKE THAT!" Just to repeat myself, I have no interest in either Akane or Shampoo in any sort of sexual way. Clear? Good. By the way, I didn’t hurt Nabiki. She slipped away before I could, and I calmed down in the meantime. You know, I wouldn’t be surprised though to find out those rumors originated with her. If they did… However, I have no proof. What Nabiki said though did pry on my mind that night. Didn’t help that I ran out of drinks and we ended up using some sake I had lying around. Oh god, I really should avoid alcohol. No matters what anybody says to you on the subject, it is not cool to drink yourself into a stupor. I don’t remember much of the night’s events past the point when we started into the sake. I do remember switching over to strip poker. You know Ranma actually becomes a better poker player when he’s drunk. I think it has to do mostly with the improvement in his poker face. I wish we had known that when we were against the Gambling King. Past the point when I literally lost my shirt to Shampoo it’s a blank. I woke up with the most awful headache, and a really awkward taste in my mouth. Judging from the pool of vomit on my bedroom floor I didn’t stomach the alcohol too well. Judging from the fact I was also naked I didn’t fair so well in the poker game either. It’s all Nabiki’s fault! If that stupid suggestion of hers hadn’t driven me to distraction I wouldn’t have drank so much. I would have been paying attention. As is I found Shampoo in most of my clothes and some of Ranma’s, Akane in a similar state of undress as me, and Ranma as a girl wearing bits of everyone’s stuff. Don’t ask me how any of that happened, I haven’t the foggiest clue and I didn’t have the nerve to ask. No doubt I had made a complete fool of myself. After that incident I banned alcohol from my place. A couple of weeks passed after that. I filed Nabiki’s suggestion and worked on my own plan. Progress was minimal. As Nabiki had said, no one was going along with the idea. It was really becoming quite frustrating. No one was willing to budge. That minimal progress amounted to thinking about possibly, maybe, giving consideration of, taking it under advisement. It was right when my last hopes of making this plan work were dwindling that Ryoga finally showed up, and those last hopes were blown away. I was on my way to the Tendos, not looking forward to talking once more with Akane and her father. Just outside their house I found the man I had been looking for. The strange thing was that he looked directly at the gate to the Tendo home, then turned to leave. Even Ryoga isn’t usually dense enough to miss a sign if it’s right in front of him, and this took me by surprise. Fortunately I chased him down before he made much progress. "Hey, Ryoga, where are you going? I’ve been looking all over for you for weeks." Ryoga looked back at me with look of real uncertainty. "I’ve been… trying to get away." "Get away? Why? Oh, let me guess, you heard about Akane and Shampoo." In response Ryoga turned his eyes to the ground, and looked more depressed than was usual for even him. That lasted only a second before he looked back up at me in shock. "You know?" "Of course I do. Half the neighborhood knows by now. Most think it’s just a rumor, but I know differently. Guess you didn’t hear, but then how do you know." "Ah…" Ryoga began to say, but I dismissed the question. Who cared how he knew? Right now that wasn’t important. "Never mind. Come on Sugar, I just might have a way to cheer you up." I lead Ryoga back to my place, ready to lay my plan on him. Maybe with his help things would turn around I thought. Ryoga didn’t say a thing on the way. I guess he was simply too depressed to talk. In fact, he looked almost as if he were looking for a way to escape. Whether he was looking to make a get away or not, I managed to get him into my place and get down to business. "Okay Ryoga, here’s my idea. You see, Shampoo’s got this little situation she has to deal with. The best way for that situation to be dealt with is for her to marry some guy, a guy who can defeat Ranma. This is where you come in. You’ve been the one guy around here who can consistently give Ranma a good fight. So, if you beat him you can marry Shampoo." "Yeah, but I don’t want to marry Shampoo." "Hear me out would ya. The marriage to Shampoo is just an official thing. Shampoo and Akane are still going together so in an important way you’re also married to Akane. That’s what you want, right?" "Marry both Shampoo and Akane? Is that possible?" "Well, legally in Japan no, but to the Amazons apparently it’s fine. You could marry both of them by Amazon law, and just Akane for Japanese law if that’s necessary. So, what do you think?" Ryoga looked totally confused, or maybe it was just shock that I would suggest such a thing. He seemed to be considering it for a second then suddenly turned away from me shaking his head. "I couldn’t, I couldn’t. Akane would find out for sure." "Find out? Find out about what? That you love her? Isn’t that the point?" I asked in some confusion myself. Ryoga was gutless but this was getting ridiculous. Ryoga didn’t answer me for nearly a minute, then without explanation headed into my kitchen. For a moment I thought he was trying to run off and choose the wrong way to go, but when I raced after him, he had stopped and was pouring himself a glass of water. I watched this in even more confusion until he finally turned back to me, glass in hand and said, "this is what she’ll find out." He then splashed himself with the water. Right then I figure, Jusenkyo curse. I was certainly surprised he had one, but initially I didn’t see the big deal. So what if he changes into a deer or something. Shampoo changes into a cat and Akane doesn’t mind in the least. Matter of fact, sometimes she even likes holding Shampoo that way. Of course, that was before I saw what he changed into. He’s P-chan! I couldn’t believe it at first, but then I almost wanted to hit myself for not realizing it sooner. The idiot was P-chan! Of all the idiotic, stupid, moronic, foolish, half- witted things for him to do, he had to go sleep with Akane. If she were to find out, he’d be a dead man for sure. Ryoga must have changed back while I was stunned with this revelation. "Now you know why?" "YOU IDIOT!" I yelled at him and began pacing. "Why didn’t you tell me about his earlier?" "I… I didn’t want to risk you telling Akane. I couldn’t bear for her to find out." "Why now then?" "Because Shampoo knows. She’s sure to tell Akane. I’m surprised she hasn’t already." At this point held my head and screamed at the top of my lungs. That wasn’t enough though, so I turned on Ryoga. "I just wasted the better part of a month trying to get this stupid plan to work and now I find out you’re really P-chan! What the hell were you thinking? No, what the hell weren’t you thinking?" "I… I… Akane was just so nice to me… I mean, no one was ever nice to me as a pig before and she…" Ryoga just trailed off and hung his head. "You mean to tell me that is why you love her, because she was nice to you as a pig?" I asked angrily, and he nodded. "I suppose you liked the idea of sleeping with her without her knowing about it too, not to mention the get view you get any time she changes!" "It wasn’t like that!" "Oh no? Then what was it like, and this better be good because Akane is certainly going to think you’re the world’s worst pervert?" "I never peeped on Akane, never. You know me, I pass out at even seeing a lingerie photo. And as for sleeping… sleeping with her… I… I… well… kind of, sorta-" "Got off on it," a third voice cut in to say. Both me and Ryoga spun around to see Ranma standing in the doorway. "You were yelling so loudly I could hear you from a block away." "Ranma, how dare you say I would do such a thing!" Ryoga yelled as a battle cry and assaulted Ranma. Ranma fell back, dodging into the main dinning room, keeping Ryoga out of range. "Well then, what were you doing sleeping in Akane’s bed every chance you could get huh?" Ranma asked, but Ryoga refused to answer, instead concentrating on getting his hands on Ranma. "You knew?" I asked, as the fight went on. "Of course I knew. Unfortunately I made a stupid promise not to tell anyone, and this jerk took advantage of that." "I did not!" Ryoga exclaimed, abandoning his hand to hand attacks in favor of using his chi attack. "It was your fault I have this curse in the first place!" He shouted out, letting loose his attack, which Ranma canceled out with one of his own. "Akane took me with her. What was I supposed to do?" "Get loose, stop it the first chance you could get, but no, you went right along with it like a perverted little piggy." "SHUT UP RAN-" At this point I had declared enough was enough and leveled Ryoga with a blow from my spatula. His short twenty second fight had already destroyed several of my tables. "So, I guess this means you’re going to give up on that dumb idea of yours," Ranma said as he looked Ryoga over. "Well, I got no choice now." I let my spatula fall to the floor, as the frustration over everything became just too much to bear. "Ran-chan, what the heck is going to happen now?" "What are you asking me for? I ain’t no oracle," Ranma answered, then picked up Ryoga and propped him up in one of the booths. "You know, I guess in a way it isn’t his fault. He’s just got no sense when it comes to Akane. It’s like his brain goes on a holiday whenever she’s involved." "Like Akane is going to accept that reasoning. For heaven sakes, what was he thinking? Sooner or later Akane would have clued in." "He was probably hoping to find a cure before then," Ranma said, then started laughing. "What?" "You should have seen him that night. He had totally flipped." "What night?" "Who do you think it was that clued me into the Shampoo, Akane situation? Him. Mr. P here had a front row seat." "WHAT?" I exclaimed in disgust, and nearly smashed Ryoga again, but Ranma shook his head. "Nono, he just saw them kiss. I think he’d have died on the spot if they… they had done that with him in the room." I shook my head, then turned on Ranma. "How can you take this so damned casually?" "Casually! Look Ukyo, I…" Ranma began to respond with an usual amount of force, but Ryoga groaned and began to wake up. "Hey Mr. P, back among the living I see." "Ranma," Ryoga growled and got back to his feet to confront him. "This is all your fault!" "How’s it all my fault?" "Your blasted indecision and shoddy treatment of Akane and Shampoo drove them to each other." "SAY WHAT? You have no idea what you’re talking about. I had no bloody involvement in their twisted affair!" "Yeah, and like you’re one to be giving criticism P- chan," I added in, causing most of Ryoga’s anger to drain away and be replaced with depression. "I have a good mind to tell Akane myself." In an instant Ryoga was at my feet in a begging posture. "No, don’t, you can’t! Please!" "What the hell is your problem? I thought you were going away. Besides, if I don’t tell her, Shampoo will. How much do you want to bet she’s waiting for you to show up and is going to choose that instant to tell Akane?" In response to that Ryoga let out a wail and began batting his head against the floor while constantly repeating, "I’m doomed!" I wasn’t about to argue with him. In fact I was so disgusted with the idiot at the moment I didn’t even bother to stop his self-inflicted beating. I bowed out of the conversation to sit down and fend off a threatening headache that rivaled my hang over. Ranma seemed to take pity on Ryoga after a minute, or maybe just couldn’t take the wailing any longer, and pulled Ryoga back to his feet. "Just where the heck have you been all this time anyway?" "Well… well, I was just wondering at first. Then I tried to get back to Jusenkyo to find a cure." "You tried to go all the way back to China! You can’t even find your way down the street let alone to another country. I’m amazed you got there and back the first time." "Shut up Ranma. If you hadn’t skipped out on our duel I wouldn’t have this blasted curse." "Blah, blah, blah. So, how’d you get back so quick, or did you even make it out of Japan?" "Well I ah… never mind. Look, I got to get out of here. They’re probably looking for me." I took notice once again when he said that. "Who’s looking for you? Are you in some sort of trouble?" "Of a sort," Ryoga answered then grabbed up his backpack, which was on a nearby table. "Look, it’s not that important, but if I stick around too long… Oh god, what if they talk to Shampoo!" Ryoga exclaimed with great anxiety. "What are you babbling about?" Ranma asked, voicing my own frustration with the lost boy’s ranting. "Look, while I was going to China, I kind of ran into those two girls that are from Shampoo’s village." "Ling Ling and Lung Lung. Oh gees, you didn’t say anything did you?" I asked tensely. This could potentially unravel the whole situation. Ryoga once more hung his head. "Not in so many words, but they figured it out and started going on about how Shampoo can’t do that and that they should tell the elder council. I figured I better stop them so I… ah, sort of… ah…" "You beat them!" Ranma exclaimed in shock and Ryoga weakly nodded his head. Ranma took a moment to recover then began laughing hysterically. I ignored Ranma for the moment, more worried about this newest situation. "Let me get this straight. Ling Ling and Lung Lung know, and they are going to tell the village?" "No, not now. I convinced them not to after I beat them." "How did you manage that? I figured they’d be mad as…" Don’t ask me where my brain was up to this point. I guess I just forgot about the Amazon laws for a moment, more worried about the possibility of those two blowing the news to their village. Once I did remember though, I almost joined Ranma in laughing. "You mean, they want to marry you?" I asked, and he once more nodded weakly. Ryoga took a moment more to just stare at the floor in sorrow, then glared at Ranma. "This isn’t over yet Ranma. I’ll be back one day, and then we’ll settle the score for good." He said in a deadly serious fashion that brought Ranma out of his laughter. However, within a second, Ryoga’s nervousness returned. "Look, I got to go. They are pretty good at hunting me down." Ryoga wasted no more time, and raced off. Ranma took another minute to get all the laughter out of his system, while I just shook my head. What a mess. After Ranma calmed down, he was about to depart as well, but I pulled him to a stop. "Ran-chan, we have to talk." "About what?" "About what to do. This was my best shot at fixing the situation, now it’s blown to hell. I don’t know what to do now." "Join the club," Ranma said with a frown. "Ever since this whole mess started I’ve been trying to figure that out myself. I don’t know if there is anything that can be done." Ranma sighed his own frustration, and walked to the back of my place. "This is a crazy mess. I mean really, do you really think you’re fooling anybody with this poker night nonsense?" Ranma asked, looking directly at me. "Well, nobody has said anything." "Because Mr. Tendo and Cologne don’t have a clue about what to do about it either, so they play the ignorant act. Trust me, they both know. It’s like with everyone at school, once the facts sunk in, it didn’t seem so bad, so they let them slide. I mean what else are they going to do, forcibly split them up? Mr. Tendo hasn’t got the guts for that, and I think Cologne has already gone as far as she wants too. Hell, in the end most of us are just condoning it." "You talk like it was a crime." Ranma looked at me then lowered his head in thought. "No, I don’t mean it that way. It’s just…" At the moment he looked like he had suddenly aged ten years. "Ever since this whole damned thing started I’ve been so screwed up inside I don’t know half the time whether I’m coming or going. Before this I was close to working things out in my head, then this goes and happens. I mean, what the… heck am I supposed to feel. It was so damned simple before in comparison to how it is now." Ranma was rambling, and confusing me in the process. However, that ‘feel’ bit had me concerned. "Do you mean how you’re supposed to feel to Akane?" "Her, Shampoo, you even." "ME? What do you mean by that?" Ranma looked like he wanted to dive for cover. It might have a wise idea with how I was starting to feel at the moment. "I mean… well, ah… ummm…" "Ranmaaa…" "I mean changes in positive ways." "What kind of positive ways?" "Look… ahhh…" Ranma immediately put some distance, and three tables between us, then changed to a more serious look. "Look, Ukyo, I got to be straight with you. Before all this, I thought me and Akane… that we’d be the ones getting together." After he blurted that out, he promptly ducked under the nearest table. There was no need really. I was too stunned to act right off the bat. In fact, for a moment I thought, no, I wished I had heard him wrong. Unfortunately I knew I had heard him right. "But… you’re supposed to marry me." "Come on Ukyo, you know that engagement stuff was all my Pop’s fault. I never-" "Never cared about me at all!" I yelled out. I must have been really angry at the time because I had already retrieved my spatula and was stalking Ranma’s way. "Nonono! That’s not true." I stopped in front of him, just trying to control myself and keep from bashing him into the floor. "Then what do you mean then?" Ranma didn’t answer, instead paralyzed in thought. "You don’t even know what you mean, do you?" "Well, that’s the problem! I don’t know what to feel towards anyone anymore." He at last answered, standing back up to face me. "It was simple when it was another guy after Akane, but Shampoo… And even I didn’t find out until after the fact. I don’t know what to do, what to feel…" Wildly shifting states of emotion would best describe my mental state at the time. I considered tossing Ranma out onto the street. Then I thought that would too easy and that I should beat him senseless first. In the next instant I doubted my conclusions and wanted for him to deny them. Then right after that I felt like throwing myself at his feet and just begging him to deny it. I’m not too sure what exactly won out, but I ended up taking a slightly more reserved response. "So, it… it’s been Akane all this time. Despite all your fights, and all your protests otherwise, you… you…" Ranma swallowed loudly, and turned away from me. "Well, maybe… I’m not sure, especially now." "And Shampoo and I weren’t ever… even considered?" I hissed out the last bit, but I think I also start to break apart and cry. "I…" was all Ranma could get out in response for about a minute. Hearing that just finished it for me. I must have just gone to pieces right there. That stupid jerk. The least the jackass could have done is tell me this in the first place, instead of building up my hopes all along. Had he done it then I could have dealt with it easier I think, or then again maybe not. I don’t know. You know, now that I think about it, although I always like to set myself apart from Shampoo, we do share at least one quality. We both were deceiving ourselves into thinking Ranma loved us. The clues were there to say otherwise, but we didn’t want to see them, or at least I didn’t. Can’t say for Shampoo. This wasn’t the end of it though. Things took another twisted turn thanks to Nabiki. I came back to myself after a couple minutes, and even realized Ranma was holding me. I must have really broken up for him to show that kind of concern. However, as much as at other times I would love to have been held in his arms, at that moment, I was in no mood, so I pushed him away, and nearly hit him too. However, I just didn’t have it in me at the moment. I don’t know what exactly made me blurt it out. I guess maybe I just felt so used up I half wanted for him to truly betray me in every way. "Why don’t you just go and marry both of them then if you can’t make up your damned mind?" "What are you talking about?" "It is just like Nabiki said, it’s the only solution, and I’m sure you like that. You get Akane that way." Ranma is either clueless, or just didn’t care about the hostility I was throwing his way, because I suddenly found myself being held by him again. "You’re right. Why didn’t I think of it before? That solves everything. No, wait…" He got up, releasing me, and began walking around in a tight circle at the point thinking aloud. "I can’t marry both of them, that’s not legal." "It is by Amazon law," I pointed out, as I sat on the floor feeling sorry for myself. "It is. Then… then maybe… ah, this is crazy… I mean… but then again…" Finally it seemed Ranma took notice of me. For whatever reasons, he once again down in front of me, and looking me right in the eye. "Ukyo?" "What?" "Nabiki wouldn’t tell you something like that unless it involved you. She meant for you to be in on it too." "It was a stupid idea." "But that is what she meant?" "Yeah, so what?" "Don’t you see Ukyo, it is perfect. That way everyone is satisfied." I couldn’t take it anymore at that point, so I got up, took Ranma by the collar and tossed him outside. "You don’t understand at all!" I yelled at him, then promptly shut the door. Which brings me to about now. My restaurant is in shambles thanks to a little temper tantrum I had afterwards. I mean, what does he think I am? Doesn’t he understand marriage is more than being called husband and wife? He seems to be taking it for granted that he can have all of us. You know the funny thing is though I don’t know myself. Damn it if I’m not considering it. Despite finding out about his feelings, or rather lack of them, I still find myself longing to be with him. Even this twisted arrangement doesn’t seem to be enough to deter me. Like Nabiki said, maybe in the end I get him anyway, so maybe I should go for it. I just don’t know. It is just not the same. ===== Finally done. God I’m slow. Anyway, that was Ukyo’s turn in the spotlight. Hmmm, not much Shampoo or Akane content. Oh well, it just worked out that way. You had to see what everyone else was doing. Next I think will be Ranma and maybe one after that and I think I’ll call it quits after that. Questions, comments, flames, praise, requests, money offers, jobs, offers of marriage, E-mail me.
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