Wilted
Author's Notes: Random fics of mine always sequel. No one seems to
understand I'd be perfectly happy not writing more, but then when
someone mentions that I should do a follow up of some sort, I always
do. Or plan it, at least.
I wrote this as Clue played in the background, and you will pleased to
know that the movie didn't affect or inspire me in the least. Moving
on, this is the sequel to Paper Flowers. I thought that "Wilted" would
be an appropriate title… don't you think so?
Names: Sakura (Daisy), Ayame (Violet), Botan (Lily), Kasumi (Misty),
Satoshi (Ash), Sekiei Kougen (Indigo Plateau), Yuuji (Drake)
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I haven't been sleeping well lately. Putting it any other way would
make it sound like a mockery. I don't know if it's because when I
close my eyes,
I'm going to be haunted by Natsume's eyes, and what I could do, and
how I could change it all, until I die. I need to find a way to pull
myself together… I'm like a piece of a puzzle that's been lost
underneath and I'll never be found again.
"Miss Erika, are you all right?" a young girl of the gym asks, the
aura of her perfume assaulting my senses. I cringe at the smell, and
the girl blinks as I hold my hand up and tell her, simply, to stop.
We're the only two here, in this well lit hall at the back of the Gym…
"Is… is there a problem, Miss Erika?" she asks me softly, nervously
chewing on her bottom lip and pushing her dark green hair back over
her shoulders. Violet eyes focus upon my own, and I breathe in deeply.
"What is that scent that you're wearing?" I ask softly, and the girl's
cheeks pink as she replies shyly.
"The newest of our line, Miss Erika. It's called -"
My nose cringes. "It's terrible, that's what it is." The girl blinks,
and her smile of happiness is broken to a hundred different pieces as
it falls down and hits the floor. "It's too piercing, it's far too
heavy smelling. Who let this out?" I scowl.
"Y-you did," she replies in a whisper.
I stare at her in surprise, and then run my hands up slowly through my
hair. "I… I don't remember that," I answer in a soft murmur.
There's… so much I don't seem to remember.
The green haired girl reaches out tentatively, and then draws her hand
back to her body. Nervously she fidgets, shifting from foot to foot,
making her pastel green and blue skirt swish to and fro as she does.
I breathe out slowly and then force a smiling mask back onto my lips.
"It must have slipped my mind," I say, and the girl's worried look
turns to a more hesitant smile instead.
"That's so unfortunate, Miss Erika. I know how busy you can get, with
the Gym, with everything…"
I nod, and then she's left in silence. She swirls a finger in her dark
hair, and then grants me a steadier smile upon her lips even as she
speaks nervously. "Well then, I should be going."
I nod, and the girl scurries away, her footsteps retreating into the
distance. I lower my gaze and sigh heavily, pressing a hand to my
forehead. I don't feel hot, don't feel too cold. I just happen to feel
like I'm completely out of orbit and I'm going to crash and burn at
any second.
I don't like feeling like this.
I… I don't like it at all.
Shaking my head, I brush hair back over my ears and then breathe in a
deep breath of air. I can't let myself be weighed down by it all,
though.
I can't just stand here, I have to get a move on. I breathe in and
then straighten my shirt and then continue to head down the hallway,
my shoes the only sound as I move along. I need to pull myself back
together…
But I just don't know how to go about that line of thought.
It's so easy to picture the end, happy and safe, but the path that
must be taken is never so easy to tread…
I need someone to talk to. Someone who will understand me, understand
where I'm coming from. But who could that possibly be?
I need to figure that out… out of all of my friends, why do I now feel
so alone?
By the time the day is done and gone, only then do I find myself
having time to look further into this development. So much that had to
be handled, trainers to battle, so much that had to be put to rest
before I could be myself.
It's a sacrifice. It's one of many…
Calling Natsume would be the stupidest thing I could possibly do. No
matter what, she'd read me like an open book. All of my pain, all of
my misery, everything I wish to hide from her… I would be bare to her
eyes.
Someone else then, someone else who understands this standing as a gym
leader…
Automatically, as I sit in my office, I know that cuts it down
dramatically. Sakura, or Ayame or Botan, but somehow I doubt that they
would fully understand.
Perhaps… no… how could I possibly get in touch with her?
Yet that doesn't stop me from opening my laptop, and waiting as it
loads and then bringing up my message system. A short email directed
at the youngest sister of Hanada… It's a long shot, but I don't know
what else I'm supposed to do.
I don't want to feel like this anymore. There must be a simple answer
out there. Something that could make it all better. Something that
could mend all my hurts…
Something that could give me the bravery to make or break what my
heart has built up.
I run a hand through my hair, and then grab a pencil and absently
sketch Natsume's face as I sit there in silence. It would be so
perfect. Our love… I could see it now.
Always together, supporting each other. Loving one another and never
letting go…
Smiling and laughing, bringing joy with each other's presence. Always
knowing the right thing to say… the right way to say it.
Friends and lovers forever and ever more…
I… I could get used to these daydreams. Even if at the same time they
feel as if they rip through me like the sharp blade of a razor.
And if these tears were my blood…
I drop the pencil, and the orange-yellow thing rolls away from me as I
wipe my eyes clear. Those late nights, bereft of sleep. Lying lonely
and awake, empty but for my tears.
It could all be so perfect…
I just…
I'm rocked from my reverie by a sharp chime that comes from my
computer. Shaking my head, and the daze from my eyes, I push my hair
back and then accept the email that's waiting for me. She's answered
so fast.
Erika, it begins, it sounded like an emergency, I wrote back as soon
as I could.
What do you need? If it's something my sisters couldn't handle, then
be sure that Kasumi's the girl for this situation…
Kasumi.
I smile. This is exactly what I needed. I write my reply simply,
quickly, and don't hold back on the urgency.
Kasumi, I type, call me when you can. I'll accept the charges.
I… I need to talk to you. I can't express how much this means to me…
only that it's important, and I need this. I need your advice.
If you can call, I'll be waiting.
Erika.
As I sign my name and then hit send, I feel so very obsessed, obsessed
with something I just can't have. I sigh and then close my eyes,
pulling down the lid of the computer as I do, sitting back against the
softness of the tall chair.
I'm losing it… and what's worse, I'm dragging Kasumi down with me.
But maybe she won't call…
And yet the phone rings loudly, and I open my eyes. I reach over to
tap the button the receive the call, and Kasumi's face appears on the
small vid-screen.
She smiles, though concerned, "It's been a while, Erika."
I smile slightly if not completely, and run a hand through my hair
again. "I know. I'm sorry that it had to be on such…"
Kasumi waves a hand and interrupts me with a smile and a wink instead.
"Nothing's too good for a friend of mine, Erika. If you need my help,
then I'm here for you." She scowls slightly, and pushes something away
from the screen. I catch a glimpse of a red hat and then Kasumi speaks
again.
"Satoshi doesn't understand that this is a private call," she mutters,
and then smiles. "But enough about me…"
Suddenly, I'm terrified. I can feel that fear, cold and heavy, holding
me down. "So, you had a real ordeal with the Unown, I hear."
Kasumi blinks, and then nods. "Yeah, but we got out of it all in one
piece, thankfully. Satoshi's surprisingly good at getting out of
things on top of it all…"
I smile slightly. "I'm glad for you -"
"But that's not why you wanted me to call," Kasumi says, dark eyes
intent upon my own. The red haired water trainer pushes her hair back,
and then scowls at me. "What is it, Erika. I know you're hiding
something… it's obvious."
"W-why do you say that?" I reply, stuttering.
She rolls her eyes. "You just answered that yourself. Erika, you
wrote, I answered, I called, I want to help you. I know you need help.
So don't think that I'm going to let you dodge the issue…"
I grimace. "I chose the proper person for this, I see."
Kasumi grins. "Of course you did. I don't want to see this ended in a
messy fashion, either. Now, you can trust me, and I'll do my best to
help you. Just trust me, Erika. Please."
Please… "I… I…" I swallow a lump of fear, and then speak quietly.
"Have you ever loved someone, Kasumi? Loved someone so much that you
knew that being with them would complete you more than anything else…
and yet were so afraid of approaching that love, knowing that society
would shun you for that wanted happiness?"
Kasumi stares at me, silently.
"I… I thought so." I reply quietly, lowering my gaze.
"Erika, don't say that. Perhaps not… exactly, but I do understand in
one way or another. Not being able to approach the object of one's
affections is a frustrating and trying thing. Sometimes, you want to
cry. More often with me," she laughs, "you want to yell and scream…"
I can't help but laugh softly.
"With you, that's understandable."
She mock growls, and then laughs. "But enough about me… why did you
bring this up, Erika?"
I bite at my lip, and close my eyes halfway. "I… I don't know how to
start," I reply in a murmur.
"Why not try the beginning," Kasumi's amused voice replies. "I've
heard that that's the nominal place to start a story."
I grin wryly at her. "You're very good at making me smile, Kasumi.
Even when it's the last thing I feel like wanting to do…"
"Well, it's a part of my talent, I suppose." Kasumi cracks a grin.
"But this still isn't what I want to hear, you know."
I look at her suddenly serious face, and then sigh. "You're good at
getting to the point, as well. And I shouldn't waste your time… I've
had you call, and this is important, and God knows I don't want to go
to one of your sisters for this advice."
"What about Natsume? I mean, if it's a woman's…" Kasumi's voice trails
off, as I try and hide the wince that the mention of Natsume caused to
blossom on my lips. "Or maybe that's the problem."
"How astute of you, Kasumi."
She gazes at me intently, and then tilts her head to the side. I put
my hand on the side of the vid-screen, clinging to it, and then I
sigh. "But Natsume? Why Natsume… did she do something, Erika? What's
the problem…?"
"She… she didn't do anything to me, Kasumi. I'm the one who went and…
went and had to…"
My voice trails off, and Kasumi's eyes cloud for a moment. And yet
understanding then blooms. "Oh Erika," she whispers softly. "I see…"
"Is it that obvious?"
"Now that I've put it all together, yes. Oh… oh Erika…"
"I… I don't know what to do," I whisper, bowing my head. "I want to
tell her, I want to tell the world. And yet you're the first I've
actually gone and told. I've been so distracted with my work, my
challengers, I haven't been paying attention to anything… all I know
is that I love her, and yet I can't tell her."
Kasumi's reply is blunt, and somehow manages to catch me by surprise.
"Why?"
I lift my head, blinking. "Why? How can you ask that, Kasumi?" I reply
bitterly.
"Because what good will sitting here and suffering do, Erika? You'll
be lost and alone… and maybe perhaps if you talk to Natsume," the red
head continues, "then all of your worries will be put to rest."
I scowl at her. Her words make such sense…
It could be so easy.
"I… I…" I sigh, and shake my head. "You're right, Kasumi. Why… why
don't you put your own advice into action for yourself? It seems like
it would save you such trouble…"
The blue eyed girl laughs softly. "It's because of one thing, Erika."
"Oh?"
Kasumi nods. "Yes. Just one thing… I'm a hypocrite. I could tell him
how I feel, and it would save so much trouble, but then I'd have
nothing left to hide behind."
She sighs wistfully.
"And yet you think that it's right for me to step out of the shadows?"
I ask softly.
Kasumi nods. "Of course."
It's all so confusing, and I sigh again. "Thank you for calling,
Kasumi. I'll… take your advice into consideration."
She smiles softly. "I hope that helps, Erika. If you need anything…
call me again." Kasumi scowls. "And I think we have good timing.
Satoshi's decided to try at the gym again… you can't put him down for
long." Kasumi finishes that with a smile.
I laugh again. "Then enjoy yourself. I… I have to think."
She nods and then waves. "Good bye."
"Good bye…"
The connection goes dead, and I sigh yet again.
Now that I know where to go, will I do what I must, or will I find yet
another way to hide… but how do I approach Natsume? Kasumi's words, if
contradictory to her own predicament, make more sense than I would
otherwise wish to admit.
There's a knock at the door, and I run my hands through my hair and
shake my head before answering, "Enter."
A young woman enters, dressed in yellow and green with a smile on her
blue eyed face. Eyes that remind me of Natsume's… "Yes?"
She's holding a bunch of papers, and she walks to my desk and puts
them down. "The invitation for the League Ball has arrived," she says,
and I take the top paper away.
She's right… The delicate writing invites me to the League Ball to be
held at the Sekiei Kougen. This could be the perfect opportunity…
"Thank you," I reply, distracted.
I hear her walk away, and the sound of the closing door. But my eyes
are on the paper before me. This could be it. It must be a sign…
But will it end pleasantly, or are my hopes and dreams to be nothing
in the coming night?
All I know is that in the end, I stand silently at the back of the
crowded ballroom, dressed simply in a long gown of black and violet
trim. People from around Kanto and beyond mingle, exchanging
pleasantries.
Natsume…
She's nowhere to be seen.
I sigh heavily, as Yuuji slide up towards me. I grin at the reigning
Orange League Crew Leader. "What a pleasure," he says, and I raise my
hand. He accepts it gently, and a soft kiss is pressed against my
skin.
His dark eyes twinkle, and I shake my head as I pull my hand away.
Wrapping my arms around me, I look out into the sea of people again.
He stands so calmly beside me, in his dark suit, his hair gleaming jet
in the light. "You… seem to have something on your mind," he says.
"You could say that, Yuuji," I reply briskly.
Yuuji chuckles. "I've never seen you like this, Erika."
I blink, and look up at him, shifting my bare arms as I do. "What do
you mean by that, Yuuji?" I demand softly.
"I've never seen you in such a snappy mood, Erika." He replies, almost
amused.
I scowl and then sigh instead. "I'm sorry, forgive -"
"No no no," he says. "No need to apologise."
I turn out to the mingling people again. "I… do you know if Natsume
will be here?" I ask, tentatively.
"Natsume? Yes, I do believe she will be…"
I feel a small smile spring onto my lips, and hope swirls around me in
the air. "I… I'm glad." I reply in a small voice. I feel like I could
fly…
Yuuji chuckles. "Excuse me then, I'll leave you to wait…" he says. He
bows his head slightly, and I answer likewise, as he turns and strides
away on long legs.
I'm left alone.
It's how I want it to be.
I breathe in deeply, my hands tingling with anticipation. She could be
here at any minute… any moment at all. What would I say to her? Could
I speak at all? Perhaps this is a mistake…
No, no it's not a mistake. It… it's a needed course of action.
For better or for worse.
God, I pray that it's for better.
I close my eyes, and then I open them, I feel someone standing beside
me. I turn my head slightly, and my eyes widen as I take in the sight
of Natsume, her hair long and undone and falling past her waste,
dressed in a knee length dress of deep crimson. It makes her seem on
fire…
My breath catches, words seem so silly. She's breathless, she's
beautiful…
And she's staring right at me.
I force myself to speak, and yet I feel something like the brush of a
gentle touch against my mind, and she speaks instead. "You've been
waiting for me. I… hope I haven't kept you too long."
I shake my head. "No… no, not at all. I'm… glad that you're here,
though. So glad…"
Deep blue eyes regard me sadly. I feel a pang in my chest, even as my
heart pounds like a locomotive. "Natsume…" I whisper.
She holds up a hand, covered in short red gloves to match the dress
and the heels upon her feet. "You don't have to say a thing, Erika,"
Natsume says to me so calmly. "I understand."
Something feels so wrong about this… I want to run away.
It's not fair... not fair that she can read me so easily. Not fair
that she understands it all with the simplest look from my eyes. She
understands, and yet I know that she does not feel the same. And it
should be killing me. It should be killing me...
I want to scream and cry and run away, and never look back.
But her gaze holds me entrapped, and I nod my head gently. "Yes… not a
thing."
"Would you… like to take a walk in the garden?" Natsume asks me. I nod
my head gently.
It's like a ride that's suddenly out of control. We leave the clamor
of the hall, and soon stand together in the cool softness of the
night. Goosebumps prick my flesh, and I feel a shiver of fear chase
down my spine as we walk together through the quiet greenery of the
widespread gardens.
She sits down upon a long marble bench, and gestures for me to sit as
well. I feel like a child, afraid of what's to happen next, and then I
feel the brush of fingertips against my cheek and her words pierce the
quiet of the night.
"There's… something you want to tell me." Natsume says.
I nod, lightheaded.
"Then tell me."
"Natsume, I…"
I turn my head, and fall into her azure eyes again. Everything I want
to say seems to fall away from me, my throat feels dry, and I want to
cry. I attempt to wet my lips, yet no sound will come.
I love you, I need you, I want to be with you forever…
And the sadness in her eyes, as she reaches up and slides the cool
glove against my cheek, rips my heart to shreds. I hold in a sob, as
she inches in towards me. She keeps her hand against my cheek, and my
eyes fall closed as the first pressure of her lips fall against mine.
I could die…
Instead, I lean against Natsume, her hand slipping up to lace through
my hair. I moan gently, my mouth on fire from the intensity of this
forbidden fruit.
She tastes as sweet as I ever imagined…
A hand inches up and slides across her thigh, coming to rest against
the soft material of her dress, and the hardness that lies beneath.
Our tongues mingle and mix, and as she breaks the kiss, I lean back
and find myself reeling from the intensity.
"Oh God…" I moan.
Natsume bows her head slightly, and a flicker of blue looks up at me
as she pulls my mouth back to her own, as she kisses me again.
It's real… it's not a dream.
I know it's not…
The urge to cry rises and I break the kiss, gasping for breath as my
heart races out of control. "Natsume," I whisper hoarsely.
"Erika, Erika…" she relies gently, leaning her forehead against my
own. "I'm sor…"
"No, please don't," I whisper to her, tears brimming in my eyes. "I
love you. Don't…"
"I… I know, Erika. I know…"
I feel as if it's killing me, just to wrap my arms around her, to feel
the warmth of her body against my own. "I love you," I kiss her lips,
her cheek, raining them anywhere I can. "I love you…"
And she holds me as well, and I feel myself dying inside as she seers
me again with the heat of her kiss. We begin a long ride that will end
one way and no other…
I love her, she knows, and I know she doesn't love me.
Somehow, it doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would.
Fighting back the urge to ask all the questions I could of her, I
instead lose myself in the feel of her kiss, and the texture of her
skin beneath my questing hands.
She never says no, she urges me on, and in the end I know I'll stand
alone.
But for the moment, I was brave enough to stand on my own. To taste
her lips, and experience this moment of love.
Nothing more… nothing else at all.
"Thank you," I whisper, as she slides her hands down my back. I open
my eyes, and gaze into her own.
Her dark lips crease in a faint frown, and I lift a hand and smile as
I brush that look away. "Don't drown. I… I understand."
I slide my hand gently across her soft skin, and try and delude myself
into thinking that this is something else. "I… I never want to forget
this night, Natsume. No matter what… I… I never want to forget this
night."
You needn't have to…
"Kiss me, Erika."
I oblige her, and it all leads into something else, it tears me apart
and rebuilds me new again.
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