Thinking of You...Always
It's my first fanfic ever so please go easy on me.
I watched as she slept beside me, I didn't need to be a genius to
know how lucky I was. I couldn't believe that it took me so long to
realize how much I loved her. I cuddled closer to her and her clothes
were heavy with the scent of vanilla, 'her favorite fruit...' I thought.
It matched her... vanilla had a sweet, saccharine scent. It was just
like her. Soft, gentle, kind and warm... all these traits that I didn't
see. How could I've been so blind?
I felt her chest rise up and down as she continued to sleep.
Watching her angelic face, my mind drifted back to the day I first
realized my love for her as I idly played with her long wavy brunette
hair.
******
That morning, Cameron came by to my house just to drop of the books
she had borrowed from me. It didn't even take a second for her to notice
the change in me. She saw my depression straight away, just like she
always did. I didn't need to tell her anything, she knew just from
looking at me. Without even realizing it I fell towards her, her strong
arms held me to her tall, lean body, protecting me, keeping me safe from
danger. She made me feel safe the way Aaron never could. And now, he's
left... with a sinister smile, like I was a toy he's been playing all
this time. I suppose he was... I knew I brought this onto myself, but
the tears came none the less.
Cameron still held me, not a word passed between us... I knew that
I was putting her on the spot. I could see her face boiling with anger,
but she didn't need to get revenge on Aaron, her being here... that was
enough... I held on tighter. She had the smell of vanilla, something I
never noticed before. Cameron easily lifted me in her arms and brought
me to my room.
She dropped me gently on my bed, but I still haven't loosened my
grip on her. She knew that I needed someone beside me right now. She
didn't argue, but instead, kept silent the whole while and climbed on to
bed with me. As she brushed my dark blonde hair away from my soaked
face, she began to pat my back.
"I'll always be here Emmy, it's okay, go ahead, cry it all out,
I'll stay here to the end." I could hear the beating of her heart, and
its soothing rhythm sent me to sleep.
I woke up by noon, my body surrounded by a pair of arms while my
own hands were clutching on to someone's shirt. I was surprised when I
looked up and saw her gleaming face, and I felt my face grow hot. I was
sure I was blushing, I wasn't sure why but I did. I told her thanks and
I tried to get up, wiping my face and tidying my hair.
She began to chuckle and I stare at her, "what?"
She put her hand on mine, still smiling that thousand watt smile.
"You don't need to be so neat around me Emmy, I've seen every side of
you, you know..." She teased but I still couldn't smile.
"Thanks for being here..." I whispered, there was nothing else I
could say.
She scooted closer to me and wrapped an arm around me, and I
subconsciously leaned onto her shoulder. "Hey, you know I'm always there
for you..."
This time I couldn't hold my tears in, I felt my whole body tense
as I clutched her shirt. That shirt I gave her on her birthday. "I don't
know what I did wrong, I thought we were happy... why did he..." I
couldn't manage to speak, my tears were drowning out my words.
This time she lifted my head so that I was looking at her, staring
into those deep emerald eyes, I forgot about my heartache for a second.
"Now you listen to me Emmy, Aaron is a no good bastard who thought
that nothing was good enough for him... you're an amazing girl, you're
extraordinary... if he couldn't seen that that he's blind... none of
this is your fault."
I couldn't stare into those eyes anymore, I felt my face flush
again... it's because of the tears, I told myself. "Why? Aren't I
pretty? Was that the problem? I wasn't good looking enough?"
I'm not sure what I said wrong but that made Cameron react a little
more harshly.
"EMMY, CUT IT OUT!! YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK
THAT?!" When she noticed my shock, she heaved out a sigh and put her
hand on my face. "You are really, really beautiful Emmy, that's
unquestionable... don't ever think otherwise."
"Do you think I'm beautiful?" Why did I ask her that?
She paused for a moment, staring at me, her usually bright
emerald-gold eyes now heavy with sadness and loneliness. Why? What did
she have to be sad about? She didn't look at me anymore, she stared into
the bed and spoke, "I think you are the most beautiful person on this
planet..."
There was an awkward silence for a while. Cameron as usual decided
to break the ice. She turned towards me once more with a smile.
"Don't be too depressed Emmy, anyone would be lucky to have you...
you'll find that one person for you sooner or later..."
I kept my eyes down, "really?"
"Really," she repeated assuringly.
I smiled as I looked up at her, "thanks... for staying beside me."
"Hey, what're best friends for?"
******
Apparently I didn't realize the true depth of our friendship at the
time, it took so much pain and tears to realize just how much I needed
her. It began at our annual high school prom.
******
"Hey, are you having fun?" I said happily as I tread over to her,
apparently, she looking like she was having anything but fun. With a cup
of alcohol in her hand, she leaned against the wall and tried to look
happy. I felt my eyes roll over her, she looked absolutely radiant in
that dress, and when her hair was pulled up that way, she looked so much
like a woman, not just some teenage girl trying to dressup.
"Yeah... yeah I am..."
I crossed my arms. "You certainly don't look it."
She smiled. "Sorry."
I began to pout since it usually worked, "how am I supposed to be
happy if my best friend isn't happy?"
She put the cup down on an empty chair. "Sorry, crowds don't do
much for me."
"EMMY!!" Someone called out. I turned around and saw Roden, with
that same tussle of blonde hair pass through the crowd and came towards
us. "Hey, where've you been? I've been looking for you!"
I smiled at my date, "sorry, I was talking to Cameron." I turned
around to see her, but she looked bored again. I wanted to stay beside
her, try to cheer her up but Roden pulled me towards the dance floor.
Before I knew it, I was caught in the middle of a bunch of drunken
teenagers. From the corner of my eye, I kept an eye on Cameron.
Suddenly I stopped dancing, Roden barely even noticed since his
eyes were on another girl.
Someone was approaching Cameron. I knew who it was, James Owens,
the local playboy. Cameron wouldn't be caught dead with the likes of
him... so why were they there talking like they were old friends? I
watched as he leaned into her, what the...? His straightened arms were
surrounding Cameron as he stared at her, hunger evident in his eyes. And
not just the hunger for food.
What annoyed her even more was that Cameron didn't look the least
bit bothered. In fact, she seemed rather amused. I couldn't take it
anymore, I pushed through the crowd and strode over to her.
"What are you doing?" I demanded.
The two of them turned towards me, as if trying to decide if I was
real or not.
"Hey Emmy," Cameron greeted, still under the arms of James. I
growled.
"Come on," I suddenly pulled her and went through to the dance
floor. I ignored the confused look plastered on her face.
"Emmy what..."
Suddenly the music died down, into a soft music. I knew this
song... it was called 'Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough' but some artist
I'm not sure who. I stared at her, but she casually glanced through the
crowd, as if searching for someone... James probably.
"So what's going on? Where's your date?" I notice that she added a
little more bite on the last word.
"I don't know..." The two of us stood awkwardly in the middle of
the floor, all around us, couples danced slowly to the music. I looked
at her and nearly felt my breath caught. For the first time in my entire
life, I saw her. I mean really saw her. Under the disco lights, she
wasn't just radiant, she was downright gorgeous. She reminded me of
those sort of untouched beauties that you could only find in paintings
and movies... did she just transform overnight?
"So you wanna dance?"
"W-what?" I wasn't sure who was asking that.
Cameron stared at me. "Well I don't wanna just stand around doing
nothing, do you wanna dance with me?" She extended her hand out at me
and I stared at it, hesitant of what I should do. But soon I felt my
body entangle with hers as we moved through the floor. I tried to ignore
the looks we were receiving, and soon that scent of vanilla washed over
me. All of a sudden I didn't care what people thought.
"What do you think you're doing?" A voice came. I turned around and
saw Roden giving death glares to the two of us, but more directed
towards Cameron.
Cameron crossed her arms and stood protectively in front of me. It
was strange to see just how tall Cameron was. Even in her feminine
dress, she looked like a cobra ready to strike. With her arms crossed,
her eyes leveled with Roden's. "Dancing, you got a problem with that?"
Roden sneered, "what, are you two lesbians now? That would explain
a lot."
I wasn't exactly sure what he meant by that but I spoke none the
less. "What? We're not lesbians!! We're just friends!! Why the hell
would you say something like that?"
I turned towards Cameron, expecting her to defend me but she
didn't. For a second she looked shattered, but in an instant,
transformed back into her dangerous self.
"We're not lesbians Roden, just because we were dancing for a while
no need to jump into conclusions, is your ego that fragile that you had
to find the most sensible reason your pathetic brain could come up with
as to why Emmy would dance with me instead of you?"
He punched her. I couldn't believe it, I only watched helplessly as
he threw a strong blow right across her jaw.
"CAMERON!!" I fell to her side, and put my arms over her. She sat
up and brushed her hand across her bleeding jaw. Once she saw the blood
she snapped.
"YOU ASSHOLE!!" She jumped at him, and soon there was a fight. Even
though she was a girl, she could still throw a pretty mean blow. I
didn't think many people knew about her kickboxing classes after school.
"ENOUGH, WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON?!" The teachers came and
pulled them apart. Cameron, bruised and battered, still stood tall like
an Amazon woman. Her neat hair was now in a wild ragged look, that only
made her look more deadly. Her eyes scanned the room and everyone in
sight flinched.
Roden was still on the floor, clutching in between this thighs as
he moaned in agony. The teacher threw a mirror-shattering glare towards
Cameron. "You, in my office, now."
I didn't even bother to call her that night, I was just frightened
of the possibility that she might have felt something for me. Or worse,
I might have felt something towards her. I mean she did care about me a
lot, but isn't' that best friends do? Care about each other? Apparently
I was doing a lot to show that.
The next day in school I avoided her as she avoided me. When we
passed by each other in the hallways we didn't say hello like we used
to, we didn't pass smiles to each other like we used to. No, from the
corner of my eye I watched her, but her eyes were kept straight on her
road. I knew she was hurt, I shut her out when she needed me, something
she would never do if the situation was reversed. 'I'm so sorry
Cameron.'
By break time I had to go to my locker to get my Biology text book
when I notice two figures quite obviously flirting with each other. I
stared at them, that one scene made my blood raging through my veins.
"Cameron?"
James looked more pissed than ever. This was the second time I had
walked in on them. Cameron didn't look at me, instead her eyes were
wandering all over James. "What?" Her voice cold and harsh.
"I... uh... I..." I stuttered.
"Well, come on, say what you've got to say, I haven't got all day."
She looked at me and my heart nearly stopped. Her eyes, they were so
different... those eyes that made me melt every time I stared deeply
into them, no, now they were cold, hard and empty. What have I done...?
"Can... can I talk to you?"
James gritted his teeth but Cameron put a hand over his chest. HIS
CHEST!! "Don't worry, I won't take long."
Cameron looked at me expectantly and I lead her to the girl's
bathroom. The bell for the end of the break rung through the air but I
didn't care, and from the looks of it neither did Cameron.
"What?" She demanded, her arms folded as she leaned on the sink.
"Are... are you and James together now?"
She scoffed, "What? That useless playboy? No, not all of us have
bad taste in men you know..."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I glared at her but she just
shrugged.
"Well obviously you're no man expert. From what I've seen it's
brought you more trouble than happiness..."
I was about to make a comment when I noticed that evident purple
bruise on her left cheek. I felt the anger drain out of me, that mark
was there... because of me. I walked up to her and gently placed my hand
on her face. "Does it still hurt?"
I saw the barriers in her eyes crack, "n-no."
With my hand still on her face, I stared down at her grey shirt.
"I-I'm so sorry... I left you, you got hurt because of me and I didn't
even come by to see you..."
"It doesn't matter..." She muttered, she was about to leave when
she realized I was holding her wrist. "What now?!"
"Have you forgotten me?" I whispered.
Confusion washed over her face. "What?"
"Have you forgotten me now? I know after how I acted I don't even
deserve your friendship but... but it is over between us? Can't we even
be friends anymore?"
"We are still friends, at least I was..." She pulled her hand back.
"You just stood on the sidelines like you always do. You haven't got the
guts to prove anything, I put my reputation on the line for you. And
what did I get? Suspension, detention, countless lectures from my
parents, my friends leaving me... and to think that I once thought you
were worth it."
"Are you going back to James?"
Cameron glared at me. "I like being around him, but I'm not stupid
to get my heart in a mess..."
"Cameron..." I tried to touch her hand but she quickly pulled away.
"Don't touch me!"
"Cameron please..." I rushed to grab her hand again but I ended up
tripping on a puddle of water. I gasped for breath as I fell on top of
Cameron. I tried to pull myself up but when I saw the tears in her eyes,
I was astounded. I've never seen Cameron cry before.
"Get off me," she growled, despite how shaken her voice was. "I've
had enough of this."
"Cameron, please I beg you..." I knew words weren't going to
express how I felt, I had to show her. I wiped the tears away from her
face, sadness didn't suit her. Slowly, I leaned in to kiss her. When I
pulled away, she was still staring at me with her eyes wide open.
"NO!!" She screamed as she tried to move away but to no avail. "NO,
YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!! YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE AND COME BACK TO ME AS
YOU PLEASE!! YOU CAN'T!!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!" When she finally stopped
struggling, I watched as her body began to tremble. "It's not fair..."
She whimpered.
I pulled her up and embraced her. My chin resting on her head and
my arms holding her to me. "I am so sorry... I'm so sorry that it took
this long to realize who was the one for me."
"What?" She repeated. I chuckled softly, she says that a lot
doesn't she?
I sat down and stared at her, she looked so vulnerable and
innocent, this was the side of Cameron I have never seen before. "You
Cameron... you are the one for me... you and no one else..."
"What about being a lesbian?" She added scornfully. "As I recall
you're not too fond of that term."
I smiled, I had an answer this time. "They can call it whatever
they want, I know what it is. It's love, and if that's so strange to
them I can't understand how they're ever going to find true happiness in
life..." I leaned towards her again, and kissed her. This time she
kissed back.
It was a long, passionate kiss. One that should've been made a long
time ago. When we finally pulled apart, her face was gleaming with life
again. The one that I nearly destroyed.
I grinned mischievously at her. "You know... suddenly I'm not in
the mood for school anymore..."
She grinned back. "Me neither."
And when the two of us got up, we went home to make up for lost
time.
*****
I blushed at the memory, it was my first time with a woman... I
mean I had been with a guy before but I was too scared to feel anything.
It was different with Cameron. She was tender yet passionate, gentle yet
wild, she was everything I could've wanted. She was my first time, she
is my first and only love. And nothing could change that.
"What're you doing?" I heard a drowsy voice spoke. I looked up and
saw that Cameron had finally awoken. I moved up and kissed her lips.
"Waiting for sleepy beauty to wake up," I teased.
She grinned at me, "well maybe if my princess had kissed me earlier
you might have been saved the trouble." She threw her arms around me and
she pulled me closer to her.
"Don't you have work?"
"I'll take the day off," she replied casually.
"Hmmm, the boss might get angry..." I said teasingly as I ran my
arms over her lean body.
"Nah, I'm too good an editor... they won't give up someone like me
just because I came into work a few minutes late... and you my dear?
Don't you have designs to finish?"
I chuckled, "I'll take the day off."
I heard her laugh softly, "by the way, you looked like you were
thinking about something when I woke up... were I in your thoughts?"
I smiled and pulled her into a tighter embrace if that possible,
"always." And with that, the two of us drifted into sleep.
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