She Who Cries in Darkness
She woke from her dreamless sleep with a satisfied smile, small
nevertheless but a smile all the same. It had been awhile since she had
smiled, all the emotions that had been waging a war within her mind
seemed to be taking their tole on the girl. She looked at her reflection
in her mirror. She was a lot paler than usual but other than that she
looked healthy.
She walked over to her dresser and picked up her brush and began to drag
it slowly and deliberately through her long red mane. She contemplated
her reflection for a few silent minutes, taken in each of her features.
Her pale blue eyes, with which she knew someone was captivated by but
was too afraid to say anything. She lightly stroked her cheek, watching
the way her skin dimpled when she applied enough pressure. With a
resigned sigh she tore her eyes from her reflection and walked to her
bedroom door.
She padded silently down the hall and into her living room, where her
brother laid sprawled on a mattress on the floor, a diminutive girl with
long black hair snuggled close to him. She rolled her eyes. Her brother
really didn’t deserve her and she knew it. Not wanting to wake them up
she walked back down the hall and into the bathroom.
She emerged minutes later dressed and ready for another eventless day at
school, she closed her eyes and prepared her self, then set a smile on
her face, bright and friendly.
"Morning Jed," she chirped as she picked up her school bag, he looked up
from the mattress and smiled vaguely before drifting back into a restful
slumber, she sighed. I guess that means he won’t be driving me to
school.
She stepped out the door and down the stairs, and walked down the main
street to her school atop the hill.
***
Jessie-Rae sat at the back of the well lit class room, an eternally
bored expression etched on her features and her feat up on the desk. Her
English teacher had long ago given up on trying to keep to irritable
Dark haired girls feet on the floor. Her best friend Julia sat beside
her with a serene smile which was directed at the grumpy teenager beside
her.
"Your always in a fowl mood when she’s not here aren’t you," the petite
blonde teased her friend. Jessie scowled.
"That’s not true," she said indignantly and folded her arms over her
chest. She closed her eyes, and listened half-heartedly to the teacher’s
inane prattle. She heard the sound of the door being opened and quickly
looked up. Frowning at who it was, it was Chris, back from his ‘toilet
break’ but everyone knew he slipped out of the classroom to have a quick
session with his best friend.
She grumbled something inaudibly and rummaged in her bag for her pencil
case and a fresh piece of paper, Julia rolled her eyes.
"You can’t go five minutes without drawing, can you?" she asked snidely,
Jessie just shrugged and began to sketch seemingly random lines. It took
a moment for a picture to form but after awhile it began to take shape.
Julia looked at her work and smiled sadly. She had hoped that one day
Jessie would see her feelings for her, but it obviously wasn’t this say.
The drawing was a detailed sketch of a young woman around her own age
with long flowing hair and haunting eyes, sitting with her knees against
her chest and her head resting on her knees. Julia sighed.
"It’s lovely Jess," se murmured.
"Only I know her true sadness," she whispered in reply, Julia nodded in
understanding and turned her attention back to the teacher.
***
Laura opened the classroom door and stepped inside confidently, the
whole class seemed to stop and stare at her as she made her entrance,
but she ignored them and her gaze drifted to the Raven haired girl in
the back row. She was beautiful in her own way, edging more towards
handsome more than anything, her short black hair fell messily into her
grey eyes, and always beside her was Julia, sweet Julia, who loved
Jessie dearly and who knew the feeling would never be returned.
"Why are you late Miss McIntyre?" the teacher asked impatiently, Laura
shrugged in reply an amused smile on her face and walked to the back to
sit beside her friends.
Jessie’s whole demeanour seems to brighten as the red head sat beside
her.
"Laura," she said happily her grey eyes gleaming affectionately, Laura
blushed slightly but to her credit kept it under control. She somehow
knew that the charming girl with black hair was in love with her. It was
common knowledge throughout the whole school that she was a ‘girl into
girls’ and she didn’t seemed bothered by it in the least. She was
respected by her peers both as an artist and as a musician. It was also
common knowledge that a lot of the younger students had crushes on her,
both girls and hopeful young boys. She was seventeen now, just had her
birthday and was pleasantly surprised with her main present; a motor
bike. She had taken Laura and Julia out for many a ride now.
English passed and recess came, the three girls sat at the spot where
they sat every lunch and recess, a quiet spot at the end of the oval
under the trees. Julia sat with her back against Jessie’s shoulder,
whilst Jessie herself leaned comfortably on a tree; Laura sat in front
of them with a bright smile.
"So how was your weekend Laura?" Julia asked absently, obviously
enjoying the closeness to her friend a little more than she should have
been. Jessie didn’t seem to mind though. Laura’s smile took on an oddly
wicked gleam as she eyed the dark haired girl menacingly. Jessie caught
the gaze and visibly paled.
"You promised you wouldn’t," she whispered desperately, Laura chuckled
evilly.
"You should have come to the party, it was fun," she said with feigned
innocence.
"What did she do this time?" Julia asked giggling slightly; Jessie
huffed and looked away blushing.
"She met this girl and they seemed to hit it off, I mean it’s not like
many girls can resist her," Laura mocked Jess scowled at her jokingly
and looked off into the distance. It was a nice day today she pondered.
"Anyway, Jess got really, really smashed and ended up making out with
one of the year nine girls, Sarah I think," Laura said trying her
hardest not to laugh, Julia looked mortified.
"How could you do something like that? You can hold your drink can’t
you?" she asked and punched Jess lightly on the arm.
"I was having a bad night," she mumbled darkly and contemplated whether
or not too quickly sketch the red head in front of her. She looked
exceptionally beautiful today. She decided against it, it would probably
upset Julia. She wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about the petite
girl, with long blonde hair and innocent green eyes. She had once
thought it was love, but now she felt as though it was sisterly
affection.
"What about you Jules, what did you get up to?" Laura asked taking a
bite out of the sandwich she’d fished out of her bag. Julia blushed a
deep shade of crimson and lowered her gaze, this piqued Jessie’s
curiosity somewhat.
"Sasha . . . she came home, and I err. Spent the weekend with her," she
mumbled.
"OH HO! Julia scored big time!" Laura teased nudging the blushing teen
suggestively.
"It’s not like that . . . we didn’t," she started but stopped at the
knowing glances she received from her friends, her blush deepened, "Ok
we did," she admitted Jessie chuckled.
"I dunno, kids these days," she teased affectionately and ruffled Julia
hair slightly. Julia batted her hand away and continued to sulk. Laura
laughed.
"If you didn’t want us to tease you shouldn’t have bought the subject
up," she said sagely, Julia shrugged.
"I guess,"
Jessie went quiet again, remembering the intense girl that Julia had
been dating for about a year; she had red brown hair and bright blue
eyes that seemed to look right through you. She was beautiful but
unnerving at the same time. Jessie wasn’t sure whether or not she liked
her much, but she made Julia happy and that was good enough for her. The
only problem was that she had left recently and all three of them were
sure she wasn’t coming back; to hear Julia say that she had was a shock.
"Did you ask her why she left?" Jessie asked in her quiet voice that
calmed the blonde considerably.
"She said that she had things to sort out with her parents," Julia
whispered sadly, Jessie frowned darkly.
"But she doesn’t even like her parents," Jessie argued Julia winced.
"Well maybe she wanted to patch things up," she replied heatedly.
"So she felt the need to leave you one night without so much as a note?"
she blurted angrily, Julia eyed her suspiciously and then sighed
mockingly.
"Oh Jessie, you really do care," she said batting her eyelashes at the
sullen teen.
"I just don’t want to see you get hurt again," Jess said seriously,
gazing into Julia’s cool green pools, Julia smirked.
"You sound like my mum," she said Jessie shrugged, "Jess, please don’t
worry, I know what I’m doing . . . and besides, who cares if she leaves
again, at least for now the sex is good," she said slyly Laura burst
into fresh spurts of laughter, even Jessie chuckled slightly.
The bell rang suddenly and Laura sighed sadly. She enjoyed time like
this with her friends.
"Well I have dance now, I’ll see you guys at lunch?"
"Cya Ra!" Jess said as the red head walked slowly from their spot under
the tree. Julia smiled and stood up.
"We’ve got music," she stated Jess rolled her eyes, how stupid did Jules
think she was.
Jessie swung the guitar over her shoulder and counted herself in
silently.
She who smiles so brightly
Only I know how she feels,
She who follows blindly
Sees more than she reveals
And her tortured screams they haunt me
When I’m lying wide awake
I can see right through her faithlessness,
I can tell her smile is fake.
And I hear her crying . . .
Someone, someone, someone
Someone . . . save me
Bring me out of this darkness
Someone . . .
She stopped singing when Julia entered the room. Julia looked at her
sadly.
"Don’t stop singing just because I’m here," she said and placed her
violin case down on a table. Jess just shrugged.
"What if the song is about you?" she asked dully, Julia blushed
obviously flattered by the comment.
"Is it?" she asked timidly, Jess regarded her sternly for a few moments,
then.
"No," she said flatly, Julia sighed, should’ve known she thought glumly.
"Hey Jules I’ve been meaning to ask you. Tuesday wanted to know if you’d
like to be in our band . . ." Jess said smiling that lilting smile that
made Julia’s heart flutter.
"Umm, sure . . . is there any reason why?" she asked trying her hardest
not to say anything that would embarrass herself.
"We’re working on a new piece that needs a violin, and you’re the best I
know so . . ." Jessie trailed off.
"Yes, I’ll do it," she said absently and fiddled with the catches on her
case. After a moment she pulled out the instrument and went to find some
where quiet to practice.
Jessie sighed and shook her head, and returned to her practice.
***
Laura sat quietly by her friends in the large drama room, contemplating
her current situation. It wasn’t as if she didn’t have a chance with the
dark haired girl named Jess. It was quite the opposite, truth be told
though, the only thing stopping a relationship was herself.
"Are you even listening?" a voice cut through her thoughts. Her head
snapped up and she smiled sheepishly, gazing quietly at her friend.
"Sorry, keep going," she mumbled embarrassedly and continued with her
train of thought.
It was plainly obvious that Jess had some sort of feelings for her, but
Laura was almost afraid to take it anywhere, she didn’t want to ruin the
strong friendship she had gained with the artist. And knowing her, she
probably would mess it up somehow. Jess took everything a little too
seriously, so if they dated and then broke up it would probably break
her more than she would let on. Laura sighed in frustration, when was
this lesson going to end?
***
Jess sat at one of the many tables in music room, sketching away like
most people saw her doing. One of the ninth grade girls with pretty eyes
and long brown hair shyly but determinately up to her.
"Umm, excuse me?" she interrupted politely; Jess looked up and instantly
wished she hadn’t.
"Hello Jennifer," Jess said blandly, the girl called Jennifer smiled
brightly.
"Hey, you remembered my name," she commented Jess shrugged, it wasn’t
that hard t remember a name. Jennifer gulped; she had no way out of this
now.
"Err, that an, interesting picture," she said lamely Jess almost laughed
but held it in, instead she looked up at the girl with one of her rare
warm smiles, a soft blush graced Jennifer’s cheeks and she looked away
slightly.
"Thanks . . . umm, I know why you’re here and well . . ."
"Will you at least hear me out?" she asked smiling wryly. Jessie sighed;
she knew what the girl wanted they always wanted the same thing, a
casual relationship with a competent lover or something along those
lines. The least she could do was humour the poor girl for a few
minutes, after all; it was her fault in the first place.
"Go on then," she said exasperatedly.
"I umm, well I I’ve been thinking about the other night, it was . . .
nice, and I think I’d like to get to know you a little better . . . you
know, just, better," Jennifer said softly and sat down next to the dark
haired girl, Jess smiled, to put it bluntly the girl had hypothetical
balls, she admired that, in fact it kind of reminded Jess of herself at
that age, only a little more edgy and a lot less blunt. Jess opened her
mouth, this was it.
"Jennifer, you’re a lovely girl but . . ."
"You’re rejecting me," she said blankly and stood to leave, Jess grabbed
her hand quicker than she could walk away and pulled her back down.
"Humour me for a while," she said sternly, Jennifer gulped but complied,
Jess continued.
"But I don’t think that your ready for a relationship that you will most
likely be judged for, think about it for awhile," she said softly.
"But . . ." Jennifer began to argue.
"Would you like me to kiss you again?" Jess asked Jennifer’s eyebrows
rose at that.
"Umm, I don’t know . . ." she started to say but was cut off.
"No, no. if you’re ready for a relationship, then get yourself a
girlfriend . . . but find one your own age," Jess finished, satisfied
with her rejection. Jen sighed.
"I suppose," she said and turned and walked away with her shoulders
sagged and her ego a lot more deflated than it had been when she first
walked up to the older girl. Julia laughed and walked over to her from
the couch where she had been sitting.
"You’re just too good at that," she teased Jess had gone back to
drawing.
"I guess," she replied almost sourly Julia looked at her strangely for a
moment and then sat down beside her.
"You don’t like having to do that, do you?" she asked softly placing a
tentative hand on Jessie’s shoulder; she froze and looked up at Julia
for a moment then shrugged.
"Would you?" was her reply, Julia was startled by that. "Your first
crush can be the hardest you know . . . your feeling confused and
isolated, every one around you is dating boys, but you, you have this
feeling every time you look at this one girl and you can’t explain it,"
". . ." was Julia’s reply Jess smiled.
"But you didn’t go through that did you? You were swept of your feet by
someone who was in love with you," she said softly, brushing a strand of
hair from Julia’s face, her fingers lingering a bit longer than they
should have, Julia pressed her face into the palm of Jess’ hand and
sighed blissfully.
"You have no idea," she whispered. Jessie was tempted to lean forward
and kiss her at that moment, she looked so innocent and beautiful, her
big green eyes closed and a blissful expression on her face, but she was
confused; she was in love with Laura and Julia had Sasha. She stoked her
cheek one more time and moved it away slowly Julia sighed at the loss of
contact and opened her eyes.
"Jessie, I lo,"
"Don’t say it . . . please don’t say anything," Jess whispered
desperately, her eyes reflecting confusion and fear.
"I," Julia started to say but was cut off as the bell for Lunch sounded,
Jessie sighed inwardly.
"Guess that means we’ll finish this conversation later," she said Julia
nodded sadly and followed her out of the music room.
***
Lunch that day was odd; Julia wasn’t all over Jessie like she usually
was. Instead she sat back with her weight on her hands and a faraway
look in her eyes. Laura shrugged it off, she must be tired or something,
she thought and looked at Jessie. Jessie looked up at her as if she knew
Laura had been looking and smiled beautifully. Laura smiled back and
nodded discreetly towards Julia, who had moved her arms and was now
lying flat on her back staring at the clouds. Jessie shrugged; she
wasn’t prepared to tell Laura about everything that had happened between
them in the music room.
"She must be jealous because have turn so many hopefuls down everyday,"
she said smirking, hoping to get a reaction out of the blonde. Julia
didn’t move but Jessie noticed a small tear slide down her cheek. Jess
closed her eyes and mentally hit herself; this was the last thing she
wanted. She shuffled over to the blonde.
"Hey Jules?" she said softly stroking more errant strands from he girls
face, Julia smiled half-heartedly.
"Yeah," Julia whispered, never taking her eyes from the clouds above.
"I have a free period for the next two lessons, and I think you do too,"
Jess said, Laura watched this odd exchange with growing interest. What
was going on here?
"Yeah," Julia whispered again.
"Well how bout I take you somewhere . . . get something to eat, would
you like that?" she asked there was a long pause.
"Hey girls!" came a voice, Laura and Jessie turned towards the source,
it was Rosana, a friends from Laura’s dance class, she was in Jessie and
Julia’s science class too.
"Hey Sana!" Laura replied waving Jess nodded politely.
"A bunch of us are going into the city for lunch, wanna come?" she asked
Laura stood up.
"I will," she said casting a glance at Jess who nodded thankfully.
"No thanks," she declined politely.
"What about Julia?" she asked, Jess sook her head.
"She’s not well, I’m taking her home," she said softly. Rosana shrugged
as if it didn’t matter anyway, they probably didn’t have enough room in
the car. Jess waited until the two girls had walked off until she spoke
again.
"Jules . . . are you ok?" she asked worriedly, Julia sat up wiping her
eyes and smiling.
"I’m fine! Now where did you say you were taking me?" she asked Jessie
laughed and stood up.
Julia followed suite and stood in front of the other girl for some
moments. Jessie opened her arms and Julia walked into her embrace,
resting her head on her friends shoulder.
"Sorry," Jessie whispered sadly Julia shrugged but didn’t let go, she
felt safe in Jessie’s arms.
After dumping her bag into her locker, she grabbed her black denim
jacket and slipped it on, the grabbed her helmet and a spare on which
she handed to Julia and walked in the direction of the student car park.
Jess walked over to her bike, unlocked the chain she had threaded
through the wheels and gave it to Julia to put in her bag.
She mounted her bike and waited for Julia to get on before she revved
the engines and sped off.
They stopped outside Jessie’s apartment, Jess dismounted and pulled her
helmet off, her hair was wet with sweat and matted to her forehead, she
ruffled it slightly.
"I’m gonna have a quick shower, you can leave your bag here if you
want," she said and unlocked her door, she carefully tossed her helmet
onto her couch, Julia sat down heavily on one of the sofas and smiled,
she liked Jess’ apartment. Jess pulled her jacket off and then her
shirt, leaving her clad in her clack jeans and a sports bra, Julia stood
up and walked over to her tracing a finger delicately along the tattoo
she on her shoulder blade. It was a panther Jessie had designed herself,
instead of just drawing a panther she used curved lines and other
patterns to represent the elegant movement of the large cat, it was one
of the many things that Julia loved about the girl. Jess turned around
and smiled slightly. They stood gazing at each other for a silent
minute, Jessie with the strangest look on her face. Almost as if she was
trying to figure out what to do next, then almost as one they stepped
towards each other Julia wrapped her arms around her companion’s neck
and pressed her lips tightly almost aggressively against Jess’. Jess
draped her arms around Julia’s waist and held her closely almost
possessively. They both opened each others mouths as if they’d done this
hundreds of time and languidly rolled there tongue around in the others
mouth. Julia pulled back slowly, a small shy smile on her face.
"I’m sorry," she whispered and then sighed happily when Jess captured
her lips once more. Julia took a step back and they fell to the couch.
Julia sighed; this is exactly like it should have been she thought as
Jess moved to pull her top over her head, revealing a black lacy bra.
Jess pulled back and began to kiss her way down the blonde girl’s neck,
sucking hard enough to leave small but very visible marks. Julia moaned
and squirmed beneath the taller girl’s expert mouth. Jess’ hand made it
way down to the buckle of Julia’s belt and she fumbled to undo it. Once
she had she pulled the article out of place she set to work undoing the
buttons on the blondes shorts, she had to pull away from the girl’s neck
to see what she was doing. Julia gasped as she felt her shorts being
pulled down her long legs, and grinned mischievously as she kicked them
off. She grabbed Jess’s head and pulled it close to her ear.
"I love you, you know," she purred into Jess’s ear, Jess gulped and
looked Julia in the eye.
"I . . ." she started to say, Julia placed a finger on her lips.
"You don’t need to say anything . . . this is all I want," she
whispered, Jess hesitated for a moment then gently dragged Julia’s
panties down her hips, revealing a recently shaven sex. Jess’ smile
broadened as she slipped her fingers between the folds of her new lover.
This was always the best part.
To be continued . . .
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