Struggles Twofold
Conflict of Images
Kim didn't realize she had fallen asleep until she became aware of the
sound of soft voices. She slowly opened her eyes and rubbed at them to
see Jenn sitting, dazed, at the foot of her bed, two hotdogs in her lap.
"Jenn?" Kim asked wiping the last remnants of sleep from her eyes, "I'm
sorry I fell asleep."
Jenn shook her head, "That is alright." Jenn handed one of the dogs over
to Kim as the girl pushed herself up into a seated position. Kim
hungrily unwrapped the food when she noticed that Jenn was not looking
at her and followed the girl's gaze to see her reflection smiling back
at her.
"Hey there!" Kima said with a little wave.
Kim dropped her food and frantically scrambled backwards into the corner
of her bed, "Leave me alone!" She cried out.
"Kim is it alright!" Jenn reached out to touch her friend only to have
the girl cower closer into the corner.
"Go away!" Kim sobbed, "Leave me alone!"
Natalie stepped out from her spot near the door, "Kim, everything is
alright. She is not going to hurt you."
Kim’s eyes darted around wildly, "What?" She glanced from Natalie to
Jenn then back to Kima, "You can see her?!?" She asked, both in
astonishment and fear.
"Yes." Natalie replied softly, trying to sooth the girl's worries, "You
know who she is? Have you met before?"
"She's from the mirror. She taunts me all the time." Kim said trembling,
"She is evil." She stated coldly.
Kima cringed against her other halves words, "I'm sorry... I just..."
"You were always laughing at me." Kim cried, "Always toying with me."
"That is not what I was trying to do." Kima stood to her feet, "You kept
locking me deeper and deeper away. Of course I was angry. I was trying
to explain things to you and you would not listen."
"Why should I?!?" Kim voice began to rise, "You have done nothing but
cause me trouble all these years. I'm not like you!"
"You are and why do you keep denying it?" Kima replied, trying to keep
herself calm, "You're just afraid of accepting that I am right for once
in a while."
"You are never right." Kim screamed, "You are always messing things up.
Why can't you just leave me alone?!?" She exclaimed teary eyed
"Why can't you just admit for once that you like girls?" Kima countered.
"I do not!!!" Kim cried out, "I'm not disgusting like you."
"And you say I'm the one who keep hurting people." Kima stated, glancing
at the pained look in Natalie and Jenn's eyes. It was as if Kim didn't
even notice the way her words were affecting those around her, "You
should look at yourself sometime and stop blaming me." Kima turned and
left the room.
"I... I..." Kim stammered glancing at her friends who both looked away
from her.
"I know..." Natalie said solemnly, "Can Kima borrow some of your clothes
until she gets some of her own?" She asked.
"Clothes?" Kim was confused, "She is staying here?"
"Until we get the two of you back together that is." Natalie opened the
closet and looked upon the many dresses, "She will be staying with me
for a time."
"With you?!?" Kim sat forwards, "but she... I mean..."
"I've always known that side of you existed." Natalie stated, "I only
wished you would stop torturing yourself about it." She took two dresses
from their hangers, "I'll be borrowing these. I'll bring them back in a
bit." She left the room quietly, not waiting for a response.
Kim watched her friend leave then turned around to see Jenn staring at
her food, "Jenn?" She whispered softly.
"Do you..." Jenn took a deep breath as she tried to find her voice, "Do
you really feel that way?"
"What way?" Kim was finding it hard to think and wasn't entirely sure
what she'd said to hurt her friends’ feelings.
Jenn took another breath, "That lo… loving girls is... is..." Her voice
trailed off.
Kim suddenly felt ashamed of herself, "I..." She tried to find the words
to describe how she was feeling. How her inner self, now outer self,
made her feel.
Jenn rose to her feet and started out of the room, "I'm sorry..." She
ran from the room.
Tears of frustration rolled down Kim's face as she tried to sort out the
mixed up feelings she had lingering inside of her heart.
*****
"Don't you feel you were a little harsh with Kim?" Natalie asked Kima as
the girl pulled on a long red dress.
"I never liked these things." Kima flatly stated, smoothed the dress
against her body, "Dad always said it looked cute on me..." She shivered
at the thought then stripped off the dress and grabbed for a blue one.
Natalie turned her head for a moment, not able to get over how much more
open this girl was than the Kim. She knew that the only reason it
embarrassed her to look at the girl was that she knew Kim would have
been shyer about changing in front of someone, "We can find you some new
clothes at the mall." Natalie said, staring at the door to her room,
"Then we get your hair cut... if you still want to go about that."
"What do you think?" Kima asked straightening the dress, "Do you like
hair long or short? You like that Alyson girl's hair, don't you?" She
asked curiously.
"Alyson is cute, yes." Natalie agreed turning around again, "But that is
different. The boiish look suits her."
Kima walked over to Natalie and gazed into her eyes, "What does Alyson
mean to you anyway?" She asked bluntly.
Natalie rubbed the back of her head and let out a deep, sad sigh. "I
have no idea anymore."
"Do you love her?" Kima asked emotionlessly.
Natalie found it hard to look away from the intensity of Kima's eyes,
"I... ummm... I..." She managed to break away and look at the ground, "I
don't know."
"What about me?" Kima leaned in closer, pushing Natalie up against a
wall.
"Kima..." Natalie squirmed out from around Kima, "You are one dangerous
girl, did you know that?" Natalie nervously chuckled.
"I'm sorry." Kim sat upon her bed fiddling with her hands, "I don't mean
to... push... I just..."
"It's alright." Natalie sat down next to her.
"I really am... pathetic... aren't I?" Kima grabbed a pillow and hugged
it; "I can't help it at times. When I try to think about how to show how
I feel everything gets all muddled."
"You aren't pathetic." Natalie stated, thinking of how many time she
nearly kissed Alyson in the past couple of months alone.
"Kim is right." Kima stated, "I keep messing everything up. Just like I
did with Lauren..."
Natalie sat down on the bed next to Kima, "Who?" She was surprised to
hear this name.
"Lauren..." Kima flopped back on the bed, still gripping the pillow;
"She was a girl who saved me when I ran away." She let out a sigh.
"What happened to you two, anyway?" Natalie asked while scooting back
until she was up against the wall, "Kim is always shy and quiet about
everything and her friend seems rather hush-hush on the subject as well.
Where have you been all this time?" Natalie felt a flood of questions
wanting to rush out, but she forced them back away, not wanting to scare
the girl now that she is finally talking.
Kima clenched the pillow even tighter, "It is a long story..." She said
in a pained voice.
"I'm here if you need to talk." Natalie reassured, "I am curious who
this Lauren girl is."
"She was...." Kima slipped into a deep thought, "Very boiish, adorably
cute, brave, charming and sooo handsome." She said with a deep dreamy
sigh.
"What happened to her then?" Natalie coaxed Kima on, "Where is she now?"
Kima opened her mouth and closed it, "She..." Tears built up in the
girl's eyes, "She died..."
"Geez..." Natalie suddenly wished she had not pushed her friend, "I'm
sorry..."
Kima continued, "She tried to save me from a strange man and..." She
buried her face in the pillow and let out a soft sob.
Natalie felt lost, all this time she never knew what had happened to her
friend and now she understood a little more of the pain behind the
girl's eyes, "Come on." Natalie said with a smile, "Let's see if we can
find you some clothes to your liking," She pulled the girl out of the
bed, "You are right. Those clothes might have suited Kim, but you are
something else."
Kima allowed herself to be pulled to her feet and out of the room.
*****
To be Continued...
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