A/N: Alright, you may be wondering why I have another fic in the works
while I still have yet to finish Goddess'. Thing is, this one's older
than Goddess'. I wrote the bulk of this over a year ago. I'm reviving
and revising it. I took the original first chapter and scrapped it, then
wrote this. I have 8 chapters finished, but only the first two have been
revised so far. I'll have the rest finished and write a completed nine
before New Years (I hope). Ja ne, and enjoy!
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Living through the pain
I'm crying, again. 'I can't stop crying. It's just too painful.' I
sob into my pillow yet again. 'I've soaked at least half of the pillows
I own.' I turn away from the tear-stained pillow, and I see the pictures
on the nightstand. My heart shatters further as I see your smiling face.
'My angel, my angel's gone. Gone, forever.' I pass out again from the
grief.
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Sunlight pours through the cracks in the curtains. 'Damn you sun.
Curse you and your cheery rays.' I turn from the window as I slowly wake
from my grief-induced slumber. I purposely slam the pictures down on the
nightstand. 'I can't cry anymore right now.' I turn onto my back and
stare at the ceiling. "Why?" I murmur sadly.
My thoughts are broken by the sudden, incessant knocking on my
room's door. "Go away!" I shout tiredly. "I don't want to see anyone!"
The knocking grows louder and more demanding. I sigh deeply and look at
my bedside clock. It glares back at me, red and annoying. '5:30 p.m.' it
reads. "Damn," I curse. "Go away!"
"Aimee!" Kylie shouted, almost pleading. "Let us in! Damnit,
we're your best friends! Let us talk to you! You can't shut yourself in
there forever. You're going to die of starvation or dehydration. Please,
I can't lose another friend. AIMEE!"
"C'mon Aimee, snap out of it!" Eric commanded softly. "We miss
her too. You're not alone in your pain. Let us help; we can't get
through this without each other. Keiko ... Keiko needs us to stand
together. In honor of her memory, I want you to let us in. Can you at
least talk to us?"
"Shut up!" I yell hoarsely. "Just ... shut ... up..." I break
into tears again. "I can't ..." I sob. "I just ... can't."
"Aimee ..." Kylie's close to crying too. "Please, let me in. I
can't lose you too. We lost Keiko already. I can't ... I don't want to
lose you too. Aimee, please, let us in." She places her hand on the
door. "Please ..."
I lay there silently. I could hear Kylie start crying as she slid
down my bedroom door and onto the hallway floor. I closed my eyes and
tried to shut the out, but their pleading voices wouldn't give me the
silence I wanted. "There's a key ..." I whispered, "under the carpet
near the left hand door frame. You can unlock the door with it."
"Aimee," Eric sighs, "thank you."
"You wouldn't let me alone if I didn't tell you," I reply sourly.
"Just say your piece and let me grieve in solitude."
"Aimee," Kylie whispers sadly. Her normally rosy cheeks are puffy
and pale. She's been crying almost as much as I have. Her honey-brown
eyes are dull and blood-shot. Her clothes are in disarray and her
normally stylish, golden hair is unkempt and wild. I look at her and see
the deep fear and grief in her eyes.
"We didn't come here to give you a lecture," Eric sighed softly.
His chestnut-hued hair isn't combed, and it's barely clean. His normally
deep grey eyes are cold and surrounded by dark circles. They're both
probably suffering from insomnia. He looks at me and pulls a box of
tissues from his bag. "Look at you. You're crying yourself to death. We
want to grieve with you, not tell you to get over her. She's our best
friend, and she's already missed."
"I'm ... sorry," I whisper hoarsely. I wipe the moisture off my
face. My eyes are sore and puffy. The shimmer that used to fill their
hazel hues is gone. Just like Keiko. My pajamas are soaked, and my
red-gold hair's grimy and lifeless. There are at least twelve boxes
worth of Kleenex scattered around me. I cough loudly and sigh again.
"Thank you for being honest. I feel alone without her."
"Yeah," Kylie agreed. "It's not the same without her. We also
wanted to talk to you two about how close you had gotten, but now ... I
guess we can't."
"We kinda ... kinda already knew, ya know?" Eric said, trying to
grin.
"Don't ..." I sniffed. "Please don't. I'm ... not ready. I'm just
not ready."
"Sorry," Kylie apologized. "We're not trying to pry, but we just
wanted to talk about it."
"I ... can't," I said, fighting back more tears.
"I understand Aimee," Eric comforted. "You want us to stay?"
"Yeah," I sighed. "I feel a little better with you two here. You
can sit down if you want."
"You want to ... um ..." Kylie got lost, as she sat on the edge of
the bed. "Well ... now that we're here, what do we do?"
'Typical Kylie,' I think quickly. I give a small chuckle and look
at her sternly. "I'm supposed to be mourning, not laughing," I say
jokingly.
"Laughing's good," Eric says in a doctor-like tone. "It helps the
mind and heals the heart."
I can't help but laugh as he puffs out his chest. I look at him
with sharp glare and still can't help but laugh at the face he makes in
return. 'I missed these two,' I sigh ruefully. "Thanks guys," I say
softly. "I guess I needed that."
"Well," Kylie starts in a motherly tone, "it won't do to have you
cooped up in here crying your eyes out, slowly wasting away in grief.
Besides, I thought you'd be hungry." She whips out a small basket
holding a small lunch for me.
"I knew you had that thing hidden somewhere," I moan. "Why do you
use your sub-space techniques to store stuff like that?"
"It's convenient," Eric answers for her. "I do the same thing."
"Figures," I say gruffly. "What'd you bring?"
"Your favorites," Kylie answers, opening the box she pulled from
the basket. "Eat up." She hands me the box and a set of plastic
silverware.
"Thanks," I mutter through a full mouth.
Eric and Kylie's jaws drop as they watch me wolf down the food
unceremoniously. They glance at each other, and then turn back to me,
completely speechless.
"Wha?" I say through a mouth full. "I WAS hungry, so sue me."
With that, Kylie and Eric burst into laughter. I look at them
incredulously. "What!?" I demand.
"Oh ... oh goddess," Kylie moans through her laughing fit. "Geez,
you should have seen how wolfish you were with that food, Aimee."
Eric can't catch his breathe enough to string two words together.
He moans and grabs his ribs. "Hurts ..." he laughs.
"You ..." I growl. "It wasn't THAT funny, you dope!" I proceed to
whack him over the head with my soaked pillow. There was a slight squish
and a disgusted groan from Eric.
"Wet ..." He murmured. "Ick ..."
"Oops!" I laughed.
"Oops indeed, Aimee," Eric said dryly. "May I have a towel now
that I was hit by a sopping, tear-filled pillow?"
Kylie gave him a bemused smirk as she went into my linen closet to
fetch a dry towel. "Guess it's good I didn't laugh that hard," She said,
her voiced laced with controlled mirth. As soon as she came into view,
she was hit by the same pillow that Eric had been struck by a minute
ago. "Spoke too soon. Good thing I grabbed a more than one towel. Here
take it." She offered a towel to Eric as she wiped her face dry. "At
least you feel a little better, right Aimee?"
"Yeah, I do," I answered. "But, I still hurt. I wish I could have
stopped her."
"Feh," Eric sighed. "Fat chance of ever doing that. She always was
stubborn as a damned mule. You know that better than both of us Aimee."
"Point," I conceded. "That, I always found, to be one of her most
charming qualities. Never backed down, and always did what she set out
to do. I guess, in a way, that's what I'll miss the most."
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Kaiton's Afterthoughts:
Well? I wanted to be as realistic as I could; writing from a
female's POV. I hope to hear what you all think. This happens to be my
favorite fictional work to date. You can always e-mail me, or you can
hit me up on MSN. Thanks for reading!
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