In My Heart and In My Mind (part 11 of 28)

a Original Fiction fanfiction by Kathryn K Williams

Back to Part 10
Star sat upon a bench outside of the hospital, drawing in deeply the 
cool autumns air as she tried to force her mind into clarity. With each 
breath she felt herself needing to struggle with the emotions that 
threatened to pull her to the ground. She clenched at the sides of the 
bench as she swallowed back the string of emotions that bombarded her at 
that moment. She knew it was crazy and that she had only just met 
Samantha, but she never felt so deeply for someone in her life. She 
could feel the girl's emotions rollarcoastering in her mind, making it 
extra difficult to control her own thoughts and worries. She could sense 
that Sam was under a lot of stress and could feel the weight of her 
worries pulling the girl down. Then, as if someone hit some sort of 
switch, she felt Sam begin to fade as she drifted off to sleep. Star 
figured that the past events finally got to be too much for the girl and 
she passed out for the time. She felt guilty to be relieved by this 
fact, but it did mean she would have some time to sort out her thoughts 
and figure out what she was going to do from here. 

Her hand fell upon her handbag and she recalled Sam's words about the 
toy inside. She took out the toy and turned it over in her hands. Could 
this thing really tell her the future? She wanted to know. Carefully she 
pulled the device from its chest and flipped the switch on its back. 

"Good afternoon Star, so glad to meet you. Is there something I can do 
for you?" It said with a few happy charms and beeps. 

Star nearly dropped the object with fright. She had not yet turned the 
device on before that moment so there was no way it could know her name. 
She would have to reset the device and erase the old users information 
before it could know anything about her, and what was the likelihood of 
another girl having the same name as herself? It was not like the name 
Jennifer or anything like that. Star was a very uncommon name so there 
was no way that the last owner could have had the same name. Trembling 
she stared down at the device as a small heart blinked away and pondered 
if this device really was magical and if it could help her with her 
current troubles. 

Uneasily she began to type a question for the toy to answer, "Is there a 
chance for Samantha and me to meet in person?" She punched into the 
small leaf shaped keys and stared at the blinking curser at the end as 
her thumb hovered over the enter key and she hesitated. Did she really 
want to know the answer to this question? She would be putting her fate 
into some strange toy and she did not like the idea of that. She 
considered shutting off the machine and then reconsidered. No matter 
what answer the machine gave she could always ignore it. If it told her 
that they would never meet that did not necessarily mean it was correct 
for it could just mean that at that moment there was no chance. 
Convincing herself to just give the toy a try she pushed the finally 
button and felt a lump well up inside of her throat as a row of hearts 
flickered across the screen and she wished she could take her question 
back. She wanted to turn away, anything to not see what the device had 
to say about her situation, but could not take her eyes off the 
flickering hearts. Suddenly the screen blinked and was followed by a 
series of musical beeps and a message appeared on the screen. 

"Very much so indeed!" It replied and Star felt her heart begin to rise 
in joy and then she reminded herself to keep her feet on the ground for 
this was just a toy and could not tell the future, but still the 
prospect of seeing Sam made her heart pound uncontrollably and she 
started punching in a new question for the device. 

"How long will I have to wait?" She anxiously asked the device. 

"Soon and not so soon." It answered and Star stared at the message 
before her. 

"What does that mean? How soon?" She asked. 

"That depends on Sam." 

Star blinked at the machine in confusion. Why would that depend on Sam? 
She wanted to ask, but was afraid of the answer. Her mind raced as many 
questions ran through it and before she knew what she was doing she 
began typing out a new question. 

"Could Sam love me?" She let out a panicked sound as her thumb hit the 
enter button and almost dropped the toy to the ground. She did not know 
what made her ask such a stupid question and she wished she could take 
it back, but as she fumbled with the device she heard it beep and she 
let it fall into her lap, face down. Her heart was pounding wildly now 
and she swallowed hard as she stared down at the device in her lap. Did 
she really want to know the answer this machine had for her? If she 
wanted to she could simply switch the device off and leave it at that, 
but she had to know, had to see what it said. Shakily she picked up the 
toy, keeping its face down, and licked at her lips. Quickly her thumb 
moved to the off switch and she shut the machine off, telling herself 
that she would allow fate to decide her destiny with Sam instead of this 
device. 

Glancing at her watch she suddenly realized that it was nearly eleven 
and she would need to get home soon. Deciding that a walk might do her 
good she started on her way, picking up the package she had bought for 
Samantha in the gift shop and staring at it. What was she going to do 
with this? How was she going to give the girl her birthday gift if she 
can't even see her in person? She thought this over as she turned the 
package over in her hands. The sales person at the gift shop was very 
kind and helped her pick out just the right gift and had even wrapped it 
for her. She looked over the perfectly folded colourful paper and the 
red silk ribbon that wrapped around the sides and was tied in a bow at 
the top. There was a year between the two of them, but a year wasn't a 
very long time and the device did say they would meet soon. Things could 
have been much worse and they could have been centuries apart. The idea 
of being hundreds of years apart made her shutter and she was suddenly 
thankful for the short period of time that they were apart. 

She glanced around as she suddenly realized that if Samantha was staying 
at this hospital that meant that she lived somewhere in the area and 
this made her smile. She was one year in the future so there was still a 
chance that the two of them could meet up. She just had to figure out 
where Sam would be in one year. The thought of actually seeing the girl 
excited her and she decided to take her time to get to know Sam a little 
better and at the same time try to figure out where the future Samantha 
was hiding, meanwhile still being at Sam's side during her time of need. 
Happily she stuffed the toy back in her handbag and rushed off towards 
her home, package tucked under her arm with the intent of giving the 
gift to Sam when they finally met.

******

Sam slowly stirred in her bed, her head hurt and she felt dizzy. The 
last thing she remembered was Trish's mother telling her that she could 
stay with them and then the world became a whirl of greyness. She 
glanced around the room to find herself completely alone and she figured 
she must have passed out and felt ashamed of herself. Her friends came 
all the way out to visit her and she passes out on them. What a 
wonderful friend she was turning out to be. The thought of friends made 
her mind turn to Star and worry began to fill her. 

((STAR!!)) She called out in distress, ((Star are you there?!?))

((I'm right here.)) Came a much happier sounding voice then the last she 
heard.

Sam let out a sigh of relief, ((I thought I lost you again.)) She 
admitted sheepishly. 

Star shook her head, ((Nope, Did you get some good sleep?)) She inquired 
concernedly.

Sam slowly nodded, her head felt woozy and heavy, ((Yeah, but my head 
hurts.)) She stated miserably as she held her head and recoiled as her 
hand fell upon her wounds and she hissed. 

((You alright?))

Sam placed two fingers above her eyebrows, being careful not to touch 
her bandages, and rubbed at her forehead, ((Yeah... I just forgot about 
my head...)) She muttered in distain of her own stupidity. 

((Maybe you should ask the nurse for some painkillers or something.)) 
Star insisted. 

Sam searched for the button that would call the nurse, ((You are 
sounding better. Anything happen while I was out?)) She found the call 
button under the blankets and pressed it. 

Star shrugged, ((Nothing much really.)) 

Sam squinted suspiciously, ((Is that so? You sound rather happy for just 
nothing.)) 

Sam could feel the smile that spread across the girl's face, ((I just 
realize that I should be grateful for what we have.)) She stated simply. 

((And what is that?)) Sam pushed the button again as another wave of 
pain spread through her head. 

((We have each other.)) Star explained, ((We may not be together now, 
but one day that may change and until then I'm willing to wait for 
you.)) 

This startled Samantha, ((Wait for me?)) 

Star nodded, ((As long as it takes.)) 

Nurse Janis suddenly came into the room, "Can I do something for you 
Samantha?" She inquired curiously as she moved towards the girl's bed 
and helped straighten out the blankets that the girl has become tangled 
in during her sleep. 

Sam considered probing her new friend, but decided to leave it for 
later, "My head hurts. Can I have something for it?" 

Janis reached into her pocket and pulled out a small yellow bottle, 
"Sure thing." She said, "The doctor left you something in case the pain 
was too much for you." She popped open the cap off of the bottles and 
poured out two pills into her hand, then turned to a pitcher of water 
and filled a glass on the nightstand next to Sam's bed. "Here you go." 
She handed the girl the pills and the glass. 

Sam took the pills gratefully and popped them both in her mouth before 
downing the water, then leaned back heavily upon the pillows of her bed, 
"Thanks." She handed the glass out to the woman and gave her a weak 
smile. 

Janis took the glass from the girl and placed it back upon the night 
table, "Your friend is still here, would you like me to tell her she can 
come in?" 

Sam struggled with the dizziness that tried to overcome her, "Someone is 
still here? Who?" 

"I think her name is Trisha." The nurse said with a nod, "She has been 
living off hospital food the past few hours. She must be a really good 
friend to stay by your side like this." 

Sam smiled weakly, "I guess..." 

"Do you want to see her, or should I tell her you are still sleeping?" 

"I guess she can come in."

"Alright then." The nurse fluffed up the pillows behind Sam's head 
before turning to leave the room, "If you need anything feel free to 
buzz me again." She said as she lowered the lights in the room so they 
would not bother Sam as much.  

Sam slowly nodded as she placed a hand over her eyes, "God, I feel 
sick..." She muttered. 

"Sam?" Trisha's voice cautiously called out from the door in a soft 
whisper, "You awake?" 

Sam lazily waved an arm towards the door to invite the girl in. 

Trish slowly closed the door behind her and crept into the room, "You 
alright?" She inquired curiously. 

Sam sat up slightly and gave the girl a half smile, "My head feels like 
it is going to explode, but I'm alright I guess." 

Trish sat down on a chair next to the bed and watched her friend with 
misery spread across her face, "When you passed out like that I thought 
we had lost you forever." She admitted sheepishly. 

Sam's smile broadened, "I'm tougher then that, you should know that." 
She stated proudly, "Just too much happening at once and I guess I 
fainted. Did Lisa and Beth leave already?"

Trish slowly nodded, "Beth said she had someone she had to meet up with 
and Lisa could only stay for a short while because her mother is afraid 
of her catching a disease being here." 

Sam let out a weak chuckle and the thought of Lisa's mother, and then 
glanced at her friend. The girl's face was drawn and worry had painted 
around her eyes in dark circles that told Sam that her friend had not 
slept well the night before. Guilt rose up in her mind as she realized 
that she was more then likely the cause for that lack of sleep and let 
out a tired sigh. She searched her mind for the words to say to her 
friend, yet nothing came forth and a silence began to build in the room. 

Silently Sam called for Star's support, but only received a gargled 
response in return. She could feel the girl was still there, but it was 
as if she was looking through water. That thought of murkiness made her 
eyes drop to the glass of water and recall the pills she just took. She 
rolled back in her bed as she realized that the pills were probably to 
blame for her lack of clarity in her communication with her psychic 
friend and that she was going to have to face her best friend on her own 
and this frightened her. 

When the silence was finally broken it was by both of them at the same 
time, saying each other's name in unison. Then by a series of apologizes 
that bounces off each other. This was not the first time the two of them 
had a battle of this sort. It happened quite often actually and it 
always made them laugh, as they did at that moment. Finally Trish 
gestured for her friend to begin. 

Sam settled back in her bed and stared at the ceiling. She could feel 
her hand trembling at the very thought of what she was about to talk 
about and she held them tight upon her stomach, "Trish... I..." She let 
out a deep breath and took another, "I... I'm sorry... I'm sorry I ran 
away last night." 

Trish shook her head, "You don't have to explain. I already know." 

Sam turned to look at the girl in shock, "You know? But how?" 

Trish pulled her Meephit from her pocket, "It told me." She stated 
simply, "After you left I asked it why you ran off and it told me why." 

Sam lightly closed her eyes and sighed, "What did it say I ran from?" 

"Love." 

Sam sunk deep into her pillows and pulled them around over her head. Her 
head hurt more then ever, but this was a different pain, it was the pain 
of emotions as they crashed about in her mind and a tidal wave of tears 
that wanted to burst from her eyes, but she fought to keep at bay. 

"I..." Sam croaked, "I... I can't... L..." 

Trish stood up and sat upon the edge of the bed, placing a hand upon her 
friend's arm, "I know... I understand..." Trish said with as much calm 
as she could muster, "I've been ready to deal with this for years, we 
are both girls after all so..." She forced herself to swallow as she 
felt her throat threaten to close up on her. 

Samantha unburied her head to look up at her friend. Waves of sadness 
and pain emitted from Trisha in such intensity that Sam could almost 
feel the girl inside of her mind. Sam slowly shook her head, never 
letting her eyes leave her friends, "That is not it... not at all..." 
She reached up and allowed herself to touch her friend's cheek, causing 
the girl to shiver, "I... I like you... I like you a lot... I just..." 
She licked at her lips nervously. 

"You just don't love me." Trish finished the girl's sentence miserably. 

Again Sam shook her head, "I don't even know what love is." She 
explained, suddenly coming to the conclusion inside of her head, "I've 
never even felt the love of my parents or any of my family. I don't know 
if what I feel for you is love or not, but I know I don't want to be 
without you." 

Tear streamed across the girl's round cheeks and her lips trembled, 
"R... really?" She asked weakly, almost not wanting to hear the answer. 

Sam nodded, "Really, you are the most important person to me and I never 
want to loss you. That was what I was afraid of. Losing you." 

Trish fell into Sam's arms and hugged her tightly, "You're never going 
to lose me, because I'm never going to leave you." Abruptly she sat up 
and smiled at her friend, "Oh, Mom and that social worker are heading 
over to your house right now to get some of your things. They are going 
to move you over to my place tomorrow. We'll never be apart again. Isn't 
that great." 

Sam had forgotten about the fact that she was moving in with her best 
friend and she was startled to hear that the girl's mother was visiting 
her home. She rubbed her face as worry began to creep through her mind. 
Her mother would not be happy with this arrangement and would come after 
her for sure. She would think that it was Sam that spoke up to the 
social workers and that thought made Sam feel as if her death warrant 
had been signed and sealed. She pulled the pillows over her head again 
in an attempt to hide from the world. 

"Sam? Did you forget about you moving in with us?" Trish inquired 
worriedly. 

Sam shook her head, "My mother is going to kill me." She stated 
miserably, "I'm not going to live to be seventeen." 

Trish chuckled lightly, "She's not going to kill you." She insisted, 
"From what the social worker was saying she can't even come near you 
until after the trial, and even then she might never be able to come 
near you again." 

"Gee... that makes me feel so much better." Sam stated dismally, "In the 
blink of an eye I've lost my entire family. They haven't even bothered 
to visit me in the hospital. I guess they really don't care." She 
wrapped her arms around her head. 

Trish set a hand upon Samantha's arm, "But you gained one as well." She 
reminded the girl, "You know my mom loves you and that I..." She sighed 
deeply, "I'll never let anyone ever hurt you again." She stated firmly. 

Sam stared up at the girl and smiled, "I know you will. Thanks." 

*****

To be Continued . . .

Onwards to Part 12


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