Black Wings When I woke up that morning, the face of Alicia Moore greeted me, not Pale. At first she was startled and shirked back, no surprise. I had been a little harsh with her before, but how else was I going to react? You see a strange girl in your bed, what else is there to do? Of course, Alicia wasn't so strange to me anymore: I knew her as Pale's alter ego, the body she used to walk around in this world. I could see traces of Pale's unnaturally beautiful face in Alicia's as I lay there, glaring at her quietly, wondering how long the charade would last. I made no act to strike her, but neither did she ease up. I got up first and showered. I didn't want anything to do with that thing, but apparently if I wanted to keep Pale safe, I needed to keep Alicia safe as well. If I cared for Pale—and I did, honestly I did—I would have to extend the same courtesy to Miss Moore. It sickened me, but what else could I do? They were both monsters, all locked up inside the same cage, needing symbiosis to survive. I had to do it, though I would not enjoy it. I emerged from the shower, naked and dripping (much like birth from a mother's womb), and performed the standard post-cleansing rituals. Once I was dressed and ready, I drew Alicia's bath and left the room for her to take over. So what if her legs couldn't work? She was old enough to bathe on her own. I had to carry her into the room, though, despite wanting her to crawl. Alicia equaled Pale, and I would never, never let Pale crawl, though many times she has been on her knees before me (no, not in a sexual sense—begging). I let her feel the water, make sure it had the right temperature, and carefully placed her inside the tub. I dutifully provided towel and change of clothes, and made sure soap and shampoo was within reachable distance. When I stopped to catch my breath and take some time for myself, I realized I was really caring for her—maybe not in an emotional sense, but I was doing it nonetheless. It took us an hour combined to get ready. Pale didn't need to do anything, not even wake up. She had always been there, ready to set out, waiting patiently for me. I appreciated the implications of this role reversal, but that didn't make it fun to endure. I just liked Pale, all over, as only one damned can like another. We only had ourselves as comrades; everyone else was simply unworthy! I had not seen Pale since she revealed her identity, but in retrospect, I think she doesn't appear unless she's needed. Alicia is the true master, fragile and meek as she is; Pale simply emerges when there is a situation that Alicia simply cannot handle. Like me, for instance. It was my duty to wheel her around as we wandered, wandered, wandered forever, into the aimless wild. I have to admit, it was a lot easier hiding Pale when there was (in essence) no Pale to hide. Alicia made things very easy just by sitting there enjoying the day: no more peering around, no more raised awareness, no more suspicion or great care, no more short rests and long walks. We could parade around wherever we wanted and nobody would be the wiser! I actually laughed as I thought of this, and even told my accomplice why it was so funny. She laughed too. ...... I decided to visit my mother. Not my biological mom; the one that adopted me. The one who actually loved me. I told Alicia my story as I walked there, sparing no expense and hiding no secret. Maybe I was so open because she reminded me of Pale so much, or maybe I just needed somebody to listen to me. Maybe I wanted pity. Ugh, what nonsense. My bitterness was just dulled by that angel, that's all. I still hated Alicia, and in a sense Pale too, and even my own history. But I also found it very difficult to believe any of that. I was changing, this much was true—but into what? The hospital my mother was in was a pretty nice place, I had to admit. I knew precisely where the woman was being kept, having visited it many times since that horrible day where everything went wrong, again (the grave of my biological mother, however, I have forgotten). I needed no escort, except for Alicia, and she wanted to wait outside for me. "You should see her alone," she suggested. "I'll just be in the way. I can amuse myself on my own in the meantime." God, she sounded so much like Pale. Their looks and now even their voices were alike. I found myself staring at her a bit longer than necessary, maybe digging past that hideous surface to find the angel I knew was buried inside. I left her, as she wished, and came into mother's room alone, feeling one burden leave and another mount itself up on my back. "Hi, mom," I squeaked painfully. The most beautiful human woman in the world was in a wretched condition, gaunt and sickly, stricken with so many ailments that I wept just thinking about it. Her heart was the worst of them all, and for good reason. Such a fragile organ does not easily recover from the loss of a loved one. First distance separated them, then death itself. She only had one reason to continue living, and that was I myself, come to see her and hold her hand. "Mielle," she whispered hoarsely, too weak to even pronounce my full name. The woman no longer had the power to smile, and her grip, when I clasped her hand, was feeble. "How are you today?" I asked. She looked frightening, even to my eyes. "...No...good. Don't think...last longer." "Don't say that. I've been working to pay your bills. Soon you can leave here and we can be a family again." She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. "No point, Mielle. No point going on. No point, no point." "What do you mean? Mother, you still have me! I'm still here! I need you, mom, more than ever! Please, don't give up." "Erika," she rasped, referring to her lover and the woman I used to call "dad". She raised her weak arm to the ceiling, as if she were a revelator given a vision. "She's waiting. Says you...will do fine." "I can't!" I exclaimed, squeezing her hand tight. "Mother, please! I beg of you! I just came here to visit, not to...to...see you go!" I wept real tears, too scared to remove them. I grabbed my mother and embraced her, the only living person I still loved, the only one who loved me. "Must... My time... Let me see Erika...in peace." "But what about me!!!" She moved her head over and gave me a bittersweet smile. "An...angel...is watching over you. She...said so." Mother gestured towards the ceiling again, indicating her lost love. I screamed. "Mother, don't go! Not now! I almost have your bills paid off! You'll get better soon, I promise!" "I'm glad...you worked so hard, Mielle," she rasped, "and for that...thanks. But now...my time. Let me die...so I can...happy." "No," I wailed, blubbering uncontrollably, "no..." "Amielle," she whispered, gathering more strength, "she is...there. She will...take over for me. Love her...as I have...loved you. I...I am...I am go..." Mother closed her eyes and sighed. I felt her last breath leave her. My whole entire world was taken from me and destroyed. I cannot describe that level of misery, not by words. Not by words, no—but by actions!! "Oh...I wonder how long ago this happened." That was the voice of a nurse who came in to check on my mother. I found my anger rising and overwhelming my system as she approached. "Well, I guess that's the fate of all of us," she said carelessly. How dare she! This was my mother! My joy and pleasure in this world, my only form of love at all! How dare she!!! The fury surged through my body and came out as a black blade in spite of the lights. Shadows overwhelmed the room and the sword pierced through the uncaring monster, impaling her cleanly. I grinned happily as I felt her organs rip open, her blood flow, her voice throttle, her... My shift ends early today. What say we go out for a nice dinner when I get back? Sounds good, mom. I won't be here forever, you know. Sometime this month I'm leaving, to pursue my real dream career. I still don't understand why you'd want to quit being a nurse. It's a great job, it pays you well, and you have a good schedule. I just...want to go after this other pursuit. Tell you what—if things don't work out, I'll come back. You'd do that? For me? Well...maybe. Mommy, I love you! Well I love you too sweetheart! What a wonderful little girl you are! Mommy...mommy...mom... ...What was that? I jerked back from the nurse all of a sudden, shaken to my very core. Had I seen into this woman's life? Had the shadows, or some other power, given me clairvoyance? What was going on? The woman fell to the floor as I released her, bleeding and nearly dead. If what I had seen was her past and present, then what came next... No! NO!! You're lying! This isn't true! I'm sorry, sir, but your wife— Don't give me that nonsense! She was fine when she left for work this morning! Sir, please calm down. YOU calm down! Your wife wasn't taken from you today! How can you understand? Mommy's gone? ...Yes, honey, she is. But she'll be back, right? ...No, sweetheart, she won't be back. Not ever? No, I'm sorry. ...W...waaahh!!! I want my mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Aaaahhh-haaa... Whoever did this will pay! I'm going to find them! Son, don't! Aren't you mad too, dad? Don't you want the person that killed mom to pay? I...I... I will kill you... Amielle Celestino!!! "No!" I dove for the nurse and hoisted her up, desperate to save her, revive her, anything. Oh, God, what have I done!? What have I been doing?! All those times! All those lives! I've only been...oh, God in heaven! I've become what I hated most! "Don't die!" I beseeched the woman, again and again: "Don't die! Don't die!" I pressed my hand over the bloody hole I had cut into her, weeping and wailing desperately. "O shadows, if you can hear me, I beg of you to restore life to this woman! Please, save her! Don't let her die! Don't let those kids end up like me! Please! Please!" The shadows were unresponsive. I was powerless. All my abilities were useless. I had wrought this damage; I deserved judgment, punishment for what I did. I was...no better than the things I hated! "Amielle!" I was too stricken with grief to notice that Pale had clamored into the room. Only one thing surfaced to mind, more than my relief at her appearance: Help me save her! Pale quickly got to work, standing over the woman and soon, glowing with a faint ethereal light. Her hand touched the wound and soon became soaked in blood, but with a slow gesture, she sewed the hole open. She embraced the woman, closing the hole in her back, and squeezed her tightly, restoring life to her with a loving hug. All I could do was stand and watch, tears falling down my face, horrified by my own actions. "Pale," I whispered at last, "I didn't...mean to..." "Ssh, I know." She smiled at me and went back to work. She kissed the nurse gently, breathing back life into her lungs, and stepped back as the woman came coughing and sputtering back into existence. I couldn't have been more relieved. "Thank God!" I gushed. Pale turned around and mirrored my smile, though it was much sadder. "We should leave here, Amielle. No doubt people will be wondering what happened to her. Hopefully she will think that all of this was a dream." "What about my mother?" I demanded. Pale sighed, casting her face down. "Even if I could help her, I sense that she does not want it. Trust me, Amielle: she is happier now. In life she suffered, but now she is free, free to live with her love forever and ever, patiently waiting for you to join them. Hopefully," she added with a cute smile, "not for many years." "...Yeah." I nodded numbly, and took her hand, too shocked to do anything but observe as we left the hospital and went back on the road. I can say nothing else of the day, because I fainted from the suffocating burden that had now been put on me. So many things were happening now that my body couldn't take it, and so shut down. When I woke, Alicia told me that she had taken care of me, once Pale's time was up. I thanked her. ...... I didn't think I'd ever be able to recover from the loss of my mother and the very last link to my past. No matter how much time passed or how good Alicia was to me, I would never be the same. I soon realized that I never would've been the same regardless; I had committed too many sins to ever regain that long-lost little girl called Amielle, the one who had never known love except for a few short years, the one who had been alive and well before the darkness, before the sorrow and anger, before the emptiness. I could never regain that person—but that didn't mean that I had to go back and bury myself in the Shadow Warrior's bosom. Seeing that vision of the nurse's family changed me. I had become so absorbed inside myself that I never considered the people I was really hurting, or how much pain my actions would cause in the long run. I was obsessed with my own torment, and to Hell with everyone else. After all, a person that only cares for themselves is well-cared for, right? But that life produced only misery for me, and I did not want to go back. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I was reborn or anything, but I did change. Slowly I changed, for the better, starting with Alicia. She accepted my apology. We became very close friends soon. Every night I shared a bed with her I wept for happiness, and clung onto her like a child, scared that she would be gone in the morning. She wasn't, of course, which made me happier still. I even began to see her as beautiful—not in the "Pale-resembling" sense but really the "simply Alicia Moore" sense, if that isn't too confusing. She was beautiful because she was Alicia Moore, because she cared and loved, even for me, one who was unworthy of such attention. About a week after my mother passed away, I realized I was in love with her, but whether my affections were for Pale or Alicia, I didn't know. Well, I guess it didn't matter much. Later, we came across a new adventure. The two of us were wandering alone, as usual, and had just passed a quaint little town. It was only after we left it that I realized I had walked in the light; that the sun was still out, albeit not for long, and that I no longer feared or became crippled by the light. It was just something of interest, something neither of us bothered dwelling on for long. I only even say it because the light helped us find something I think the shadows wouldn't have. It was a dead body, stabbed through the chest by a knife, and beside it was a pile of ashes with some clothes mixed in. I didn't recognize the dead woman, nor did I know why there were ashes next to her. My shadow powers gave me nothing to go on, and so for the first time ever (I think), Alicia willed herself to become Pale so we could solve this mystery (for the briefest time, I actually began to miss that silly little handicapped girl). "This is unfortunate," Pale said as she knelt down to examine the body and the ashes. She touched them with careful fingers, sifting through the ash to pluck out foreign objects. She picked out shreds of cloth from the pile and handed them to me. I took them and studied them but came up with nothing. "You think these are hers?" I asked, referring to the dead person. "No, they belonged to somebody else. I'm afraid this corresponds to the powerful shockwaves I was able to feel a few days back. While you were asleep, I snuck out and listened to the sounds. Cries of torment and suffering were laced in the waves, and death, so much death. I have reason to believe these two fought a bitter battle and lost." "Two?" "The ashes belong to a person who gave everything they had, even their own body, in the fight." "And they still lost?" "Just barely. If they had known how close to victory they were..." "How do you know all this?" Pale closed her eyes, clutching the cloth to her breast. I had briefly forgotten she was an angel, and said, "Oh right, the whole angel deal. So do you know who they are?" "Yes," she whispered, "and you know one of them as well. They are Sanaa," she gestured to the body, "and Marissa Wainright," gesturing to the ashes. I was stricken and lost my balance, tumbling to the ground from surprise. That was Marissa? The same girl I knew from the so-called Lost? This was her? Now that I thought about it, I did recognize the pieces of cloth in my hand as the clothes she sometimes wore. "But how?" Pale responded with silence. "I will tell you in time. I wonder if I could..." She said no more and reverted back to Alicia, which was a surprise. Naturally, Alicia had no idea what was going on, but I filled her in. I didn't know what happened to Pale, but I had the feeling I soon would. When she came back, she told me everything. ...... Pale ascended high and traversed the boundaries between life and death. She knew she was forbidden to enter the gates of Paradise, but she didn't care—she wanted to reach these two, to speak with them, to see if she could bring them back. The world of the dead, or "the true life" as some knew it, had naturally not changed at all since her exile, except in population. She felt like a burglar come to return stolen goods as she penetrated the celestial boundary and looked about for the two souls. Just as she thought, they were indeed here, wrapped together in golden light. They had not ceased their embrace that had started so many incalculable eons ago—as a matter of fact, it had intensified to degrees far stronger and more powerful than the greatest intercourse the living could know—and for awhile Pale hesitated as she drew near them. She did not have the heart to break their perfect union, but she knew she had to. "Excuse me," she said politely. The two souls, once known as Marissa and Sanaa, slowly turned round and smiled back at her. She bowed and continued: "My name is Pale, and I would like to speak with you. I am addressing ladies Marissa and Sanaa, correct?" The two nodded, too absorbed in each other to speak. "I am glad. I came from the surface, recently discovering your...bodily remains. I know why you were forced out of the world, and my heart aches for your pain, and also sings for your new happiness. But there is still evil in the world, some of it greater than the force that sent you here. There are those who will fight this evil, and they will need your help. "I am offering you the chance to come back, to live again, long and happy and complete, and to take back the things you lost. I realize you are perfectly happy here and would have no desire to return to a world of pain and sorrow, so I hope you can forgive my selfishness. I just...wanted to say that, and to make my offering. No matter what your answer, I am sure the people in that other place will make do." She smiled sadly and bowed, but made no movement to leave, not until she had their answer. At last they spoke, Sanaa first and then Marissa: "You're right when you say we're happy here. We lack for nothing and have so much more than our previous life could give us. To go back would be preposterous. I for one shall never return to that life." "Nor will I, but for different reasons. Sanaa could possibly return, provided resurrection is possible, but there is no way back for me. My body was destroyed beyond saving, and unless you have a great miracle to turn ash into flesh again, I will remain here." "And if Marissa remains, so will I." Pale pretty much expected those answers, though not exactly in those words, and offered a smile of condolence. "I understand. Pray tell me, though, if I could find a suitable and perhaps similar body for you to inhabit, would you come back?" Marissa hesitated, looking to Sanaa first before answering. "I would. I would go through it all for another chance. There is still more I need to know, and to experience. But what you say is impossible. Could you simply create more bodies for me, as if I were an engine without a chassis? I do not think you can clone me simply by using my dusty remains." "I will see what I can do regardless," said Pale, her smile now out in full. "I know more than you, and have seen more things in my time than either of you. I shall return when I have news, though for you, it will be an instant away. I do hope to see you both again, even if it is only confined to this realm." She vanished like smoke, leaving the two souls, still moderately wrapped in each other, to wonder just what she had planned. Meanwhile, Pale came back to the living world and inhabited once again the body of Alicia Moore. She explained everything to Amielle, and told them where their next destination was. Amielle bristled; she had been there before and had not liked the experience. ......... "I guess you didn't expect to see me again," she muttered once Rancor let go of her. Merry had been so happy to see her old friend, she had ran out and grabbed her in a hug, despite knowing how venomously she hated physical contact. Amielle bore it with a mild will, and brushed herself off. Rancor then opened her mouth—she had a gazillion questions—but first the Stalker needed to take care of some business. "Could you direct me to Dr. Kamaguchi, please? It's very urgent business." "Oh. She's kind of...away." "Then call her. Contact her somehow, just get her over here. Please." "Wow," mused Weathers, "Kagemusha said please. Has the lake of fire finally frozen over?" "Shut up," she groaned. Merry laughed. "Whoops, spoke too soon." Amielle explained everything to Yohko while Alicia—not Pale—wandered around meeting everybody. At first Yohko didn't believe her old acquaintance, but after eavesdropping on Rin and Kailin as they shared their tale, she began to see things in a new light. The mere mention of Marissa and Sanaa brought a spark back to her heart. "I think we can work something out," she said after some contemplation. "Where did you say those two were?" "On the outskirts of some town, but we brought them with us. We stowed them away before coming here. Lord knows I didn't wanna carry a dead woman or some filthy ashes in this building." "Sensible," Yohko agreed. "So all you're saying is that we need to worry about Miss Wainright, and that your friend, Pale-something, can take care of lady Sanaa. Well, that may not be very difficult, but you have to promise to leave yourself out of it. If you want me to help them, I have to be guaranteed total privacy from start to finish." "Why? Are you hiding something?" "Everybody hides something these days," said Kamaguchi airily. "My secrets are just more interesting, more...secretive. I know you understand, ye of ambiguous history." Amielle growled but had to admit the older woman was right. "Fine. I won't get involved. Just promise you'll be able to do this." "Oh, of course. Um, I may need Pale's help, however. If she can communicate with these, uh, souls...then wouldn't she be instrumental—" "I'll go see," Celestino hissed, gritting her teeth together. Yohko smiled and chuckled to herself once she was alone. Pale—or rather, Alicia speaking for her—agreed to the doctor's conditions, stating that she was indeed required to bring the souls back into their bodies. Things were getting too complex for Amielle to bear, so she was happy to leave herself out of trouble anyway. Besides, she had some catching up to do and several questions to answer. She would have more than enough to occupy herself. ......... Marissa knew she was alive because she felt pain again: immense, unbearable pain, all around her, as if she were swimming in needles—no, worse, it was as if her whole body was aflame, dipped in a searing furnace and kept there for hours. She felt sick and diseased, writhing in mortal agony, and every bodily function and disaster seemed to activate at once, nearly overwhelming her. She instantly regretted agreeing with Pale's terms, and wanted to die again, just to get rid of the pain, to get rid of the responsibility. But no, she could barely move—could barely even squeal—and spent her energy opening her eyes to the searing light, where the imminent dryness and cruelty of Life attacked her viciously. She whined and wept real tears. Her only comfort was Sanaa beside her, laying still but clearly breathing. Her hand, infuriated with pricks of torture, reached out to touch the woman she loved. A hypodermic syringe pricked her, and slowly the pain faded to a more bearable degree. Once her senses returned, she could see where she was—a doctor's operating table, it seemed—and more importantly, who she was and who was there. Just by looking at her arm, she got the impression that somehow, Pale had come through and found her a new body, though she couldn't imagine where. The thing that upset her the most, though, was the presence of an older woman whose very presence gave Marissa the idea that they knew each other. She smiled warmly and nodded. "Painkillers," she explained, indicating the needle. Dr. Yohko Kamaguchi then said, "Welcome home, Number 1138. It's good to see you again." ---------- Next time: Amielle, Marissa, Pale, and Sanaa rejoin their friends, and their timing couldn't be better. Members of the Dead Zodiac return for a second round, but this time, they may truly have what it takes to annihilate the heroes! Will everyone be able to defeat them and squeeze some time in for a reunion and some serious Q&A? Will there be darkness or light? Next chapter, "Engine of Massacre"! Don't you dare miss out!
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