Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a kingdom ruled by a beautiful and wise Queen. It was a great and prosperous nation, peaceful and full of plenty, and the people that lived there were very happy. One day, news of a grand challenge issued by Braithwaite, a neighboring kingdom, spread to this land and aroused the Queen's intrigue. The kingdom had a fine military despite its tranquil nature, and the Queen believed that engaging in a friendly competition with another country would be a good test for her troops, as well as a chance to open up good relations with her neighbors. And so, a date was agreed upon- but now the challenge of organizing and readying her forces loomed ahead. For this, she turned to the Captain of the Knights, a well-liked, compassionate, strong leader who had come from afar to provide her services... "A Chapter Regarding the Recruitment of Worthy Gentlewomen for a Tournament Between Two Kingdoms, and Their Adventures Hereafter" "Presenting her most august and venerable ladyship, Captain of the guard and the knighthood, bearer of the Queen's emblem and joint master of Houses Parkin and Katajisto, Dame Leena!" "Good lady and mistress, think you have enough titles?" Her most august and venerable ladyship, et cetera, glanced at her accomplice, the apprentice midwife Kathlyn, with a degree of amusement. "Truly the words that come from those who announce my presence bear down heavily upon the ear. But tarry no longer, gentle maiden, upon the endowment our Queen sees fit to bestow upon me. Her Majesty regards her Captain and trusted protector in the utmost; I have earned every one of these laborious descriptions, or so Her Grace has stated. In regards to thee, my unburdened sweet, I shall make inquiries regarding a remedy." "Your thoughts are sufficient, milady; I give you thanks," Kathlyn replied crisply. "I need no further weight. Ah, observe that which conspires to part us." She indicated a fork in the hallway, two different portals which led to alternate destinations. "One of these leads to your fate, ennobled mistress, and I can hear its twin beckoning me. We each have our Masters to appease." She looked up at Leena with a sense of loving resignation, smiling bittersweet as she reached to touch the elder's cheek. Leena gazed back, forlorn. "O maiden, worthier than any title bestowed, t'will not be long before we are met again, or so the earth and the heavens account, yet for this indentured soul, all shall turn to rot and rust as time's cruel hand clasps my heart. May it have mercy on us both!" They kissed and forcibly resumed their individual tasks. Kathlyn pitter-pattered down a flight of spiraling stairs and came to the castle apothecary, where she apprenticed under the court physician, the Marquise Lacroix. The Marquise was a shrewd and crafty woman who, some claimed, had lost or bartered her heart through devilish experiments; some even said she practiced perversions that none wished to utter, though her skill was certainly respectable. "Marquise, your servant has come," Kathlyn announced with a smile. The Marquise was bathed in flickering torchlight, sitting close to a table where her hands danced over herbs and steaming potions. She was separating leaves with a long, pointed stick, and gestured for her student to approach with her free hand. "Take care, gentlewoman, for this is delicate work I have amassed today, and I require no gust of wind to disturb it. No, do not even breathe if you can manage it. There is a supply of firewood close at hand, and dying embers in this oven. This water must be hot, if you don't mind." "As you will it, Marquise." Kathlyn didn't believe most of the rumors about Lady Lacroix- not most of them, but certainly not all of them. Learning under her and studying her habits had given Kathlyn that rare opportunity to see the woman for who, and what, she truly was, and gave her the ability to discern what was, and what was not. Lady Lacroix's tongue was sweet as mint but her words carried bitter meaning behind them, and her eyes were sharp, deadly as quicksilver. She practiced an excellent art and seemed generally interested in the well-being of the population- no mad experiments or poisons lined along her walls- but there was a certain detachment to her that was absent in many others. The Marquise was not precisely a pervert, but she did have a rather indiscriminate sexual appetite, though not one, to Kathlyn's maiden relief, without boundaries. "Well done," she said as the flames rose higher. "This confection needs to be boiling in order for the physic to take effect. Now bring me that jar over there in the corner. It has a fish bloated with spines. Yes, that is the one. Remove it and cut it according to these drawings, then skin it and dry it, please. Take care that it does not sting you." Kathlyn did as she was instructed- carefully, as she knew the Marquise took her profession seriously. "Pardon, milady, but with the princess cut as she is, would leeching not be effective?" "No, I will not have those practices in my clinic. My study of the barbaric peoples beyond our borders has led me to a salve created from sap and juice of these dried leaves I am separating. Applying their humours and hot water to her young Majesty's wounds will be far more beneficial. I fear you have much to learn yet." "Yes, my Lady." Kathlyn finished cutting and skinning the fish, and set it over the fire as instructed. She was shown which plants to grind, how to extract the sap, and how to apply it. But for her successes, the Marquise might have been thrown in a sanitarium for her thoughts and deeds, which many still thought were heretical. Kathlyn believed in her, at least. "My Lady," she said a few dull minutes later, "might I inquire as to the nature of your thoughts, regarding the challenge sent by Braithwaite?" "As court physician, I find it foolish to spend time in frivolous matters such as sport-fighting, regardless of our neighbors' benevolence, when that energy might be invested for more benign purposes. Alas that I am also at a loss, when I must admit constant training is a man's, or a woman's, duty to whomever they serve. As it is with soldiers, it is with a doctor." "I see. Many pardons, milady, but might you venture a guess as to whom, man or woman, our illustrious Captain would assign such a duty towards?" Marquise Lacroix glanced away from her labors to carve her student apart with a smile. "Would not our Captain's personal handmaiden know the answer better than the court physician? Or is she keeping secrets?" "I was merely..." She stammered and turned red, then blindly went about her work. Marquise Lacroix yanked her by the wrist and slapped her arm sharply for such conduct, then ordered her to repair the damages done. Kathlyn had knocked over a vial in her blundering. "It is not so consequential as to become upset," the Marquise told her emptily. "I was merely having a small farce. I did not imply you were not first in her heart and her trust. I simply meant that if she would tell anyone... Well, perhaps even she does not know." "My lady is not so scattered in her head as that," Kathlyn warbled, smiling frailly. - Dame Kasumi of Durante, sable hair with argent streaks, eyes royal purpure; cavalry unit- "Presenting her most august and venerable ladyship, Captain of the guard and the knighthood, bearer- " "Thank you, guard, that will be all," said the Queen. "To hear is to obey!" he saluted, and shirked away silently as Captain Leena of Parkin and Katajisto approached her liege, bowing gracefully before crossing her right arm over her chest in a salute. "Your servant approaches, my Queen, and may I wish you excellent health, wisdom, love, and beauty for many years to come. I am completely at your disposal." "How can I assume worthiness of such an honorable person?" the Queen stated. She rubbed her forehead and began pacing around the throne room, as she was wont to do when it came time to exercise body and mind together. "Come, enjoy the room and all its splendor with me, Captain. I may be your Queen but you are my guest. And I believe we trust one another enough to conclude any formalities, so long as the Chancellor is not listening." "If that is your desire, Stacie, I will happily submit." Leena joined her, a few paces behind, wondering whether she should simply be patient and wait for the Queen to speak, open the conversation herself, or simply do her duty and partake in the audience chamber's beauty. It was a room lit by fire at night and sun by day, clear and warm and even personal. It was sparsely decorated, perhaps to give the idea of freedom, but it seemed to suit her Highness. "My Queen," Leena began impatiently, but she was cut off. "Braithwaite is sending two groups of representatives to measure our skill. The first will be a fellowship of men, young and strong and very experienced, from what their heralds say. I will take them at their word. The second group will be assembled by ladies, who have demonstrated great physical skill beyond normal customs. I have heard that many of them were recruited from tribes in the forests, and sailors, and people who can hunt and travel great distances, and those whose backs are accustomed to being bent, hands familiar with tools and faces familiar with the sweat of labor. They are not to be seen as sighing maidens secluded in towers with their sewing and lutes." "From what you are saying, Stacie, it seems as if our adversaries either think very highly of our own skills, and believe it would be sporting to deliver equals, or else their mission is...a somewhat peaceful conquest." "I agree with what you say, Leena, as I have considered the same. Tell me, what is the condition of our men-at-arms, and do we have any ladies able to meet the challenge as well?" "O my Queen, your servant has not been idle since she ceased being an auslander. I have been training stout and hardy women ever since you welcomed me, and my experience has led me to discover a number of gentlewomen worthy of Braithwaite's finest. Some have even penetrated into the sacred brotherhood of knights, under my personal supervision, and are the men's equal if not their superior." "How startling!" Stacie exclaimed as she clutched her heart. "And yet why should I find this surprising, with my Captain repaying my trust?! Your performance is exemplary! Tell me, Leena, what numbers of ladies are now under your wing?" "Forgive me, Stacie," she announced with a bow, "but not all is as you hope. Though I may startle you with my discovery and actions, they are much humbler than you may believe, for I have only been training five gentlewomen, and one is a churlish peasant, while another is your Majesty's fool." Leena did not expect Stacie to smile so warmly, nor with such approval. "Leena, no matter how you may decry yourself, you are still commendable. No ordinary Captain could train those whom you describe. To say that a churl and a fool could be listed among Carnegie's finest is a testament to your superior skill! Yet I must concur that they are too few in number to be of any significant resistance, elite though they may be. You are hereby tasked to scour our lands in search of similar great talent- unless by some chance, you have another surprise in store? Perhaps tucked away in your breast, alongside the news of your courtship with that midwife?" Leena blushed and glanced away. The Queen knew of their union, but she did not expose it, nor did she forbid it. That had been one of the main reasons Leena still resided in the kingdom; she had been expelled before due to her adamancy regarding this precedent. "Queen Rosewood, beautiful as the flower and as strong as the oak, you have bested my defenses. I was reluctant to inform thee, lest we both surrender our hopes before they have hatched, but word has reached my ears regarding ambassadors come from the Far East. It is said they possess a method of sophisticated fighting that allows them to defeat their opponent without the use of weaponry. I did not speak because I thought my Queen would dismiss a pagan..." "My Captain does not hold as much intimate knowledge of her Queen's mind as she believes," Rosewood smirked. "It would be a joy to welcome them into my domain, as much a joy as your own arrival brought." Leena visibly relaxed her shoulders and let out a sigh of contentment. "Then I am glad. I ask of thee to send a representative of the court to meet them. Might I inform you that there is also tell of a select number of noblewomen- a Countess, a Marquise, and a Baroness- who have confided in me their wishes to participate, and I have, your Majesty, withheld my approval until I received your thoughts." "Braithwaite is a strong country, Leena," Rosewood stated firmly. "I shall approve any decision you make just so long as you can acquire equally strong contestants. We shall not suffer humiliation." "Thou imitates the Chancellor, milady!" Leena chuckled. Stacie turned red as she laughed along. "Thank the Almighty he is not present, else our conspiracy should not take wing! Perhaps we should adjourn, good Captain, while our fortunes are still with us. I am sure you will not fail me, because you never have before. If any of the Chancellor's agents should discover you, simply tell them you are conducting a survey of our citizenry, and would beg privacy." "It shall be done, gracious one. Before I part from your presence, Queen, and return to sunless lands..." "Do not humor me, Leena," Stacie smirked. "My fool, whom you so swiftly removed from my court, will be the expert on that matter. I know which sunlight you favor the most. ...Forgive me; do continue." "Uh, yes." The redness cleared from her face as she coughed. "Before you dismiss me, great Queen, I have but one final inquiry. Your wish is for me to recruit promising gentlewomen of considerable skill so that we may meet Braithwaite on equal terms, yet will there be one recruiting and directing the men? We must not perform our best only halfway." "I have Lord Bracton for that matter, of course," she said dismissively. "And of course, there is also the matter of Arthur Warren." Leena gave her Queen a smile of silent understanding, bowed one more time, and strolled out of the audience chamber. She could be forgiven for going a little faster when the two hallways became one again. - Amy Nguyen, hair darkest obsidian and eyes deep russet; left tower guard- According to the information Captain Leena had gleaned, the ambassadors from the Far East would be arriving that very day, and would, all conditions willing, be met by a most felicitous lady from a small but renowned household, the Velur Estate, that which had been capable of keeping laws and governing citizenry this past generation; indeed, their host would be a young governess, named so for the trait her mother believed she would one day embody above all others. Alone she set out, the patient maiden idly peering over horizons, eager in her anticipation to meet those who hailed from borders well beyond her imagination. She was repaid before long, as two riders approached, heralded by the clatter of hooves and the clang of spokes on a wheel and strange music which no hand had yet encouraged in those parts. The felicitous lady welcomed them both with a smile; they chose to bow instead of clasping hands. Neither of them bore any resemblance to her western contemporaries, she observed from the first moment. Their garbs were made of silk and covered nearly the whole body, wrappings dyed brilliant red, white, gold, lavender, green, and empyreal blue. Their hair was darker than a moonless night and their eyes were like almonds, thin and brown and beautiful in their mystery. They both had much tanner skin and, lest her eyes were deceived by this pageantry, bodies more accustomed to labor than many of her fellow ladies. Although the smaller one was by far more forward and spoke first, introducing themselves as Thuy and Amy in the service of a "Veetnum" liege, it was the taller, who dressed somewhat humbler and seemed hardier and quieter, that drew the attention of the governess. "My ladies, it is my distinct pleasure to welcome thee both to Carnegie Kingdom, ruled fairly and justly with love by her eminent highness, Queen Rosewood. I am but one of her servants, a governess of Velur Estate, named Felicity at birth though only recently have I felt worthy of this title. The services of my house and my kingdom are entirely at your disposal for as long as you choose to remain." "Thank you for your generous offer," said Amy, her accent thick and melodic as she blushed. Felicity could tell just by looking at her that she had been stricken as well, and perhaps it was no mean coincidence that she was here to greet them: other powers must surely be at work. "Ahem." The two ladies, who had been so enamored with each other that all other thought passed them and escaped into the everlasting sky, finally noticed the emissary that had accompanied Amy thus far- especially the redness of her face and the impatience in her eyes. "I'm sure this is very flowery and romantic for you two, but really, now! What am I, chopped liver?" "Thuy, your actions are not in accord with your demeanor!" Amy hissed. "I don't care! This is all a bunch of bullcrap! I can't talk in this...pseudo-medieval language, and neither can you!" "Thou art tearing down the entirety of the wall which encircles my livelihood, good ambassador," Felicity replied. "And that wall, the fourth and most sacred to my heart, is a barrier which must never be brought into ruin." "You are being inconsiderate, Thuy," Amy said. "And you're not stuttering," she retorted. "Tell me, you guys: are we really going to go through this entire segment talking like Renaissance fair rejects? It's retarded, okay? There, I've said it!" "The alteration is but temporary, beloved accomplice," Amy said as gently as she could. "Couldst thou not loan thy cooperation?" "Verily I say it could not be loaned, saucy wench! ...Aw, damn it, now I really am talking like you guys! It's contagious!! I gotta get outta here!" And so, nearly crushed by aggravation and the unknown madness which had ensnared her, the other ambassador fled in search of rectitude, leaving her companion to stand in awe and bemusement at this peculiar behavior. The feelings that had spread between her and the most felicitous lady were diminished, so they set off for lodgings at Velur Estate in brittle silence. At that very same moment, when Thuy was seeking respite and Amy and Felicity were becoming better acquainted, two events were transpiring that would empower the kingdom and give it greater chance for victory against its friendly rivals. The first was the decision of a noble and her equerries in the von Hohenheim estate, which belonged to one of the largest and most influential families in the country. As a matter of fact, the von Hohenheims not only held sway over Carnegie, but even in lands far separated from her borders. Since the heir apparent was both too young to claim her title or to attend the festivities, the next in line came in her stead, bringing handmaidens which she had been attached to all her life. The first had been named in honor of the Madonna; the second came from the Far East, though she shared no familiarity with the aforementioned ambassadors. "Milady Freya," sighed the Eastern woman, Araya Shiki, as she combed and dressed her lady's hair, "it gives my heart so much joy to learn of your sponsorship. I am thrilled to silent awe to hear that we shall become the financial and political support of Carnegie's teams in this exhibition." "Tis' but a shrewd excuse for Maria to adorn me to her content, lover," Freya said dismissively. "Certainly thou art aware of her capricious nature in regards to this matter. Why, thou also have known what mischief she brings forth when given opportunity to create! But can you- could you- honestly rebuke her, or bar her from one of her proudest crafts, particularly when it brings such happiness? Thou must surely enjoy it more than I!" "I know not what you mean, most darling mistress," Shiki said, her cheeks aglow. "Furthermore, I must question Lady Maethers's actions in regards to her choice of your outfit for the morrow." "You always say that," Maria pointed. She was fastening the last button, and once again "accidentally" brushed her hand against Freya's breasts. At least this time she had something covering them. "Look, Araya-chan, just because we have intense three-way sex sometimes doesn't give you the right to criticize me. And both of you should seriously drop the Shakespeare. It's not cool." "I merely question the judgment of putting her into these garments- which are admittedly splendid, beloved Maria- when we are all aware that it shan't take you but a minute to remove them, considering your appetites." "But that's the best part!" she grinned, whining only a little. Freya giggled and slapped both their wrists. "Hush, both of you. Shiki, it gives me great pleasure to have Maria dress and undress me. I enjoy both exercises. Maria, sometimes a woman needs to speak and hear poetry, to enliven the soul. Now make amends in private while I attend to the guest list. I have to make sure that those in attendance are situated properly." To hear their mistress was to obey (at least when it came to matters of the bed), and so Lady Freya's handmaidens occupied themselves for an hour or two. On the other side of town, Captain Leena was making an inquiry regarding the status of her burgeoning team, visiting the only person she trusted with developments such as these: a soothsayer. Arina Essylt was no mere prophet, locked in a tower and poring over archaic scripts, however. She held consultations with the stars and claimed the power to peer into the human mind, to understand it and measure its possibilities. She was very standoffish and quite vain, somewhat moody and even pretentious at times, but she was liked by some circles and trusted by many more. She took her readings in a tower but spent most of her time in a parlor, poring over her appearance like a Nubian Queen. "Presenting her most august and venerable ladyship, Capt- " "Leena may enter without your announcement, if you don't mind." Arina waved the annoying guard away and gave the tall, beautiful blonde a fairly decent smile. "No, do not speak. It doesn't take an oracle to understand you would return to my lair, Captain. Reason alone is capable enough. Tell me, what qualities are you searching for in your candidates?" "Forgive the suddenness of my arrival, and the state of my appearance." She smiled sheepishly and approached the soothsayer; Arina was presently thumbing through a census that had been taken recently. This is what she used to keep track of the population, not a telescope or runes or fragrances. She and Fleur were quite alike in their pagan practices. "I would first like to know if the Marquise Lacroix would show any interest in attendance. We shall be in need of a skilled physician. I have also made inquiries regarding Baroness Durante and Countess Nazario, and their respective pages and equerries. As you'll recall, Dame Beckett is in the service of the Baroness." "I have spoken with the Countess upon many occasions, Leena," Arina replied in her willowy, mysterious voice. "She shows a willingness that may equal yours. The Dame Kasumi may be unable to prevent herself from attending, and because she loves her, the Baroness will not be far behind. It is said that Valencia shows a strange aptitude for the mathematical teachings of the Greeks. I have glanced the theorems of Pythagoras and Euclid, and understand that a mastery of them could enable us an advantage." "I shall trust your word, then. What news of entertainers? Though I have a nimble fool, I would greatly desire a musician who can bring our adversaries to their knees with weeping and cheer." Arina knew just who to recommend. "Through many friends that travel our markets and much correspondence with a knight whom you are well-acquainted with, I have learned of a skilled minstrel whose talent is only overshadowed by her strange insecurity. It is as if the Muses are with her and yet they are not. She is a beauty, too, so the eyes and the ears may enjoy her presence. Ask for the Minstrel Elisa at the Fleur de Femme." "Though I have never been there myself," Leena admitted, "many of the knights whom I trained frequent that place. I believe one in particular, Dame Lauren, is an especial afficionada. This then may be sufficient, good mystic, but alas that no words could convey my thanks to thee." "None are necessary," she replied, smiling wryly. "Know that I may only call upon thee one day to perform services for me. And I shall be joining your fellowship in this tournament, if only to give my advice where I may and encourage our respective interests." "For that also," Leena said with a bow, "you have my utmost thanks." - Marquise Freya von Hohenheim, hair of or and eyes of vert; team regent- Just as Arina had predicted, Dame Lauren was in attendance at the Fleur de Femme, a tavern seemingly built exclusively for ladies. Though gentlemen came in at times, they were scarce, more content to mock the establishment rather than attend. Prince Jerry was there, as he frequented once his royal duties were finished, and his fair twin was included as well, along with an androgynous bandit they had befriended. More importantly, the Minstrel was on the stage the very moment Leena entered, applauded by the crowd and encouraged, most strongly, by Lauren, who had taken the front row. Scarcely three minutes had passed into the song before Leena realized why Arina held this lad in such regard. Elisa had beauty and talents that many would fight for. "Gather ye strangers for a tale of wonders Of a cherry-haired heroine and her ensorcelled love From time and distance, away to resurrection Everlasting love, bound to sacrosanct earth She came from the graveyard, and dueled a proud stranger Betrothed to a fate as everlasting as death Charged by the laws, she reached for her lover A demure, dark damsel, the rose bride was she Through friends and rivals, she raised her cursed sword Damned forever to fight for her bride, but Blinded by valiant ambition, she was sacrificed Pon' the alter of Almighty Deus, Lord of the Land Did fate truly win, did love really conquer The answer, ye strangers, awaits in the dark" "I love that song," Dame Lauren sighed. Before Leena could approach either of them, she paused for a moment to greet the owner, a saucy young bespectacled wench unashamed of her actions or her body, as she was rather flagrant with both. She made a very sensual pass at a meandering scholar, and pulled her in for an intimate kiss, to which Leena couldn't help but stare. "You flatter me so, flower of the Fleur, even with eyes upon us. Prithee, answer: what universal forces are at work to keep thy bodice from dropping completely?" "You crack me up, Robin!" the wench guffawed, slapping the scholar's backside. She noticed Leena, and graciously cast her former object of interest aside. "Well hello there! I don't see you in here very often, Captain, though I could say different about your crew. Where's the ball and chain?" Leena clutched the hilt of her sword and lurched forward, but stayed her hand. "Milady Kathlyn is concentrating her labors on the upcoming tournament against Braithwaite, knavish harlot, and I would ask that you refrain from insulting her, lest we see how strong these universal forces really are!" The wench grinned sheepishly and backed away. "Jeez, Leena, it was just a joke! Come on, you're taking this whole chivalry thing way too far! Lighten up!" She slapped the scholar's backside again, then turned around and started chasing her around the tavern. Sighing, Leena relaxed and approached Lauren, who was right in the middle of her own flirtations. "Many pardons, young friend, but there's business afoot. I would ask for thine assistance along with the maiden with whom you speak." "Huh? Oh yeah, um, thou shalt prithee and whatnot. Elisa, we're going to that thingy with Braithwaite. Please come, okay? Fausta's gonna be there and we all know she'll have her panties in a wad." "Aye, the Countess surely has the peacock's vanity and the spirit of wild boards. But is she not the lovelier for it all? Can her passions not be seen for what they are, and admired as something beautiful, evidence of a God-given strength?" "Um...yea verily? Look, I have no idea what you just said, and...while it was hella pretty, I think we should be going. If we're gonna kick ass, I kinda want to get it outta the way, ya know?" "Do not harm the poor beast!" she gasped as she climbed down from the stage. "My eminent father raised him since he was but a foal! Let us not abuse such gentle creatures!" "Braithwaite! I mean 'let's kick Braithwaite', not your donkey! We'll kick them in the...uh, stomach or something. Look, let's just win, all right? Come here. God, how did people do this back then?" "Perseverance, most likely," said Gardenia, as she lifted her skirt and slipped into hiding, a blustered scholar close at hand. And so, Leena's fellowship of gentlewomen were finally gathered, a force of talent, strength, and skill every bit as wondrous and able as their rivals. Upon the eve of the anticipated spectacle, the Marquise Lacroix announced her involvement, as the oracle had predicted, and brought an assortment of potions and remedies with her to soothe and salve those who would fall upon the morrow. Baroness Valencia poured out her heart's fears, desires, concerns, and amusements to her champion, the Dame Kasumi, and they laid together in anticipation, lulled by the thrumming of two hearts gradually drawing to an accord. The Countess Fausta, one of the most avid participants, had been forced to abandon her own love in order to achieve her goals; the loss struck her hardest that night, and she had grown melancholy for a warm embrace. "So the Countess ain't got a gal-friend anymore?" Shannon whispered to Elisa. "It seems that is the fate now enfolding her." "How's that make ya feel?" Elisa smiled lovingly. "For all her bravado, Fausta is, in the end, one of the few I have been able to call a friend, exempting the humble lady whose eyes shine before my own. Her pain is, to some extent, my own." "Listen," Shannon stated, "I'm supposed to be playin' a farm girl here, and I don't know why, all right? I mean, I could've gotten stuck with somethin' like 'witch' or 'evil stepsistah', so I guess I should be thankful, but please don't make this any harder than it needs to be." "Forgive me. I do not wish thee any offense, cherished friend." "And don't say things like that, eithah," she blushed. "Makes it sound like yah flirtin' with me." "That would be a lark," she giggled. "No it wouldn't," said Nadia, quickly draping her jester's arm over the minstrel possessively, before returning to sleep. Shannon let out a sigh of relief. Saved by a clown... - Hawthorn Alice, auburn hair and quicksilver eyes; witch of hawthorn fields- Many morns come in peace and tranquility, but upon the dawn of the tournament between Carnegie and Braithwaite, pomp and festivities greeted the golden sun as it crept reliably from its horizon bed and glowed cheer on the world. The minstrel Elisa had barely been handed a sheet of music before she was asked to strike up the band and announce the beginning of the festivities. The gathered warriors and performers streamed out: first the cavalry, each knight and dame bearing a different standard, shield, coat, and signet; then the infantry, performing their drills with swift and decisive precision. The performers came last, running out to conclude the parade: juggling, throwing, swallowing, leaping, singing, tumbling, and acting. Few people noticed the Chancellor assuming his place, and he preferred things to stay that way. Lord Fitzgerald did not require any attention on his behalf. From his perch, he could see the knight Captain bringing her own forces out to join the parade, as well as the men gathered and trained by Lord Bracton. He noticed the Prince and Princess arriving, to great tumult, and gave them a respectable (if not impersonal) nod in greetings. Lastly came their Queen, elegant and full of beauty, her wave only serving as an acknowledgment as she assumed her place and raised a glass to the visiting team. Braithwaite's King sat on the opposite side of the fairgrounds, with his respective convoy; he too raised a glass, and the two sipped in unison. "First, I drink to our guests' health," the Queen said, "and to their safety and fortune in this tournament. Secondly, I drink to all our contestants, that they may perform well. And finally, I drink to the spectators, for without them, none of us could enjoy the pleasures we take for granted. In the name of God and our two kingdoms, let the sport commence!" "It is a fine day for a spectacle," Fitzgerald noted as Rosewood returned to her seat. The Queen smiled; Fitzgerald settled in as comfortably as he was able, studying the matches only so far as to gauge what skills his citizens had, and what powers might he put to his use. During the jousting, of which Dame Kasumi was later triumphant (by some small margin, admittedly), the Chancellor created a gesture that went unseen by all, save those who had been looking for it. In the midst of applause, flying confetti and sailing flowers, one small glimmer of light failed to escape any common eye. It settled atop the prince, who was watching quietly alongside his sister and mother, and in an instant, both the glimmer and the prince had vanished. "Oh, brother!" the lady princess exclaimed. "Hast thou seen? Our esteemed minstrel friend hath won a fair prize! You have foretold this to me and behold, it has come to pass!" She turned her head too late: her brother was gone, and before she could alert her mother, a tendril of dark smoke enveloped her as well. Queen Rosewood noticed this too late, and stood sharply with a cry as her daughter was lost. As surprised as she was, though, the Queen didn't dare interrupt the contest, for fear of starting a panic. "Tis' but a chill I felt midst the breeze!" she called out, shivering in the hopes that her lie would be bought. Settling back down, Rosewood quietly summoned Leena, and whispered to her the circumstances. "Hast thou noticed the absence of my son and daughter? Methinks witchcraft is behind it, for their disappearance was too sudden. There is no need to frighten everyone: assemble a small group and send them to the forbidden mountain. I know the composition of my lands well enough to understand where they have absconded to!" "I understand, my liege," Leena bowed. "Behold, the fool finishes her task, and three of my warriors along. They are worthy enough saviors for thy offspring, Lady." "Good- now make haste! Take care not to upset the contest! And let no word of this reach the King of Braithwaite!" Dames Kasumi, Lauren, and Rain had scarcely recovered from their injuries sustained in the tournament when their Captain approached them with the dread news- but even then, they mounted horses and rode off towards the tabooed mountain, with the Queen's personal fool as their esquire. Although the warriors expected little assistance from their comic friend, it was the jester who provided the best information: "So you all haven't heard? There have been rumors of a giant witch living in this mountain for years! The minstrel you three seem to slobber over sings about her all the time! And that's not all: there's also tell of a faerie as well! If you're wondering how the royal brats could've been spirited away so easily, look no further!" "So we are contested gainst' a witch and a mischievous faerie!" Kasumi exclaimed. "I know not if we can match such foes, for we are not sorcerers! Would the lady oracle not be better suited for this endeavor?" "Dude, Kaz, you are taking this medieval crap way too seriously!" Lauren exclaimed. "Thou jester," Kasumi saluted, undaunted, "though your actions are many times humorous and scarce might take thee at thy word, today you have proven your worth. Though we may meet with failure, let us confront these pagan abominations, and believe in the strength of our own God, that we may achieve victory over their witchcraft!" "God damn, girl!" Lauren chuckled. "You have been playing waaaay too much World of Warcraft! I think it's messed up your head. What about you, Rain? Are you in on this Renaissance shit, too?" "Uh...indeed thou dost speak a truth, friend Lauren, and we must, uh...wage battle gainst' the warlocks yonder...and such. No, wait, that's not right. Um...I suggest we divide our forces, beloved sisters, and, uh...leave the honor of witch-slaying to, uh...me. Because I honestly think there's more to this than we, uh, perceive...or something." "Crud," Lauren groaned as she rubbed her face. "You guys have lost it. Fine, I may as well play along, too. At least I get to rescue a hot princess. Okay, um, yea verily and such, I shall vanquish yon witch whilst Lady Kasumi fights the, uh...dread pixie. Damn, Jenny and Terra are a lot better at this dorky shit than me." "(You think you are having it bad?)" Nadia whispered. "(There is almost no showing of Russian person in these olden times for me to take reference upon. I am a Tartar without her sauce.)" She and Lauren both chuckled at the joke, which Kasumi and Rain pretended not to understand. And so, the four ladies continued to travel until they reached the foreboding mountain barred by social stigma and widespread fear. Dark were the clouds that loomed over her. "Dude," said Lauren in awe. "Oh, hell yes! I bet there's hella-scary dragons in here! Watch!! I'm-a gonna totally go medieval on these mofos! Huh, huh? Get it? Come on, that was a halfway decent joke at least. Nadia would've told it anyway, guys! I just said it first." "Yes, my occupation faces endangerment. Now close the cave that is your mouth so that no more bats fly out." "Spoil sport," she snorted, as she joined Rain. Daylight came to cessation more suddenly than a shower on a summer's afternoon as the four ladies penetrated the mountainous opening. When the very last shaft of glowing light faded from the entrance, torches were lit and passed around to better navigate the stone labyrinth. Clever Kasumi suggested they each hold onto a single long rope in order to prevent being separated, and while this bond held true for at least a mile, they were forced to divide it at last when their paths split in twain. Whether the division of their forces had been planned or no, it seemed fate had cast its lot and expected them to play by her fickle rules. The path that Dames Rain and Lauren approached began to rise into the heart of the mountain almost instantly. The slope they climbed was fairly carved like the teeth of a saw, put diagonally and coiled around many times; indeed, they began to feel these were no natural formations at all, but rather stairs, and that they were ascending into the tower of the witch, who had presumably made this foreboding peak her home. The women paused, briefly, when coming across a curtain of sallow glowing up ahead, and rushed towards it, thirsty for light. Their eyes stung as they rushed into the brightness: several windows had been carved into the sheer rock, allowing for sunlight, and torches were strewn in order to cast imposing shadows. But more than that, an eerie luster was suspended into the ceiling, shapeless and pulsing with life, that gave off perfect radiance below, courtesy of a craft beyond their understanding. "Here we come to save the day!" Lauren exclaimed, drawing her sword. The princess, gagged and bound by cords on the farthest side of the tower, struggled and moaned to free herself. Quickly the valiant knight muttered, "I've always wanted to say that! But seriously, princess, time to bust this joint!" "Where has the foul witch, uh...fled?" Rain asked. The duo set about cutting the princess down and rubbing the life back into her limbs. SMACK!! "Lecherous fiend!" Ahem- I said limbs, Lauren!! "Sheesh, I'm sorry. They're just so soft and supple..." DOUBLE-SMACK!! "Wow, I like this princess! Hokay, third time's the charm!" "Cease and desist your, uh, foolish actions, fellow sister-in-arms," Rain said as she released the last cord. "Time is gainst' us and...aw, to hell with it! I can't keep it up either! Princess: you, me, Lauren, exit! Ya got that?" "Thy words are hasty and urgent; I presume we are yet in danger?" "Just shut up and get outta here before the mountain collapses or something! That kinda shit always happens when you accomplish your mission!" "(Now who's been playing too many video games?)" Rain grunted. The three ladies, momentarily forgetting that they still had allies wandering through this same "imperiled" mountain, bounded to the staircase they had taken, but were stopped dead as a voice called out to them. "Not so fast! You'll have to deal with me first, heroes of Carnegie, if you hope to make it back with your prize! Eeeheeheeheheheheheee!!" Startled, the ladies turned to face their adversary, but before they could raise their swords or even their voices, they were paralyzed by dark sorcery. Their enemy was none other than the hawthorn witch, the giantess who ruled over the great woods beyond the kingdom's borders and the mountain which served as a guardian to those woods. Her title and deeds were legend; she was a figure of infamy known even to the youngest babe in nursery. "Of course," the witch grinned, "with the three of you paralyzed like that, I don't think you'll be going anywhere soon! Heeheeheeheehee!" "Oh, I like where this is going!" Rain squealed. "You can do anything you want with me, sexy witch! Honest! I'm all yours!" "Holy shit, are we gonna have a four-way?" Lauren balked. "Do not even jest about such sacrilege!" the princess wailed. "Are thee not proud warriors from Carnegie Kingdom? Will you not break away from her evil spells and cast her down to darkness for my honor? Do you not have duties?" "Are you still going at it, Mary?" said Rain. She sighed and shrugged at the witch. "Look, these two don't sound very enthusiastic about becoming members of your harem, but you couldn't keep me away, sister! Why don't you cut your losses and sweep me away or something?" "Well," said the witch, "I did sort of use the princess as bait. All right, I guess you two can go- but you, my dear, are about to know the true powers of my witchcraft! Aaahahahahahahaaaa!!" "(Dude, do you really get off on this shit?)" Lauren whispered. Rain merely giggled; the redhead decided to take the princess while she still could, and soon, they were out in the refreshing daylight again, a mere horseback ride away from a happy ending. In the meantime, as Rain and Lauren's path had taken them upward and outward, Dame Kasumi and the Queen's fool were following an opposite path: one descending downward, further into the black pit of the mountain, where it was rumored strange plants grew, and where a peculiar river flowed that changed all who drank from her waters- but into what, none could tell. Faeriefolk were believed to hide in this deep crevasse, drawing those from the surface into their nest, seldom releasing them, never fearing or caring for the conflicts and changes of the world above. The duo were understandably quiet as they came into this subterranean world. They had no need for their torches, for as it had been in the witch's tower, a peculiar glow permeated all the cavern, and strange lights danced and flickered about, like little faerie-children. The infamous river also seemed to bubble and gush with an odd light; Kasumi and Nadia were cautious to avoid it, lest they too lose their minds. As they crossed this stream, entering into the kingdom of faeries, they were assaulted by small but powerful entities, ceaseless beings that stung them and forced them back. "You don't belong here!" they heard voices squeaking at them. "Go away! We don't like big people here!" "Wait! They have shiny clothes! Take them off and force them to run home naked!" "We should make them drink from the river so that they will become our pets!" "The Queen's appetites are strong and insatiable. Perhaps we could add these two to her harem. They seem nimble and strong!" "How about we just boil them alive and eat them before she knows they're here?" The faeries laughed wickedly amongst themselves; it didn't take the two ladies long to understand that the offending lights striking their faces were in fact citizens of this eerie grotto. "Troublesome creatures!" Kasumi cried out. "We are here on a mission from the Queen of Carnegie! Hand over her son our prince, else we shall see how many of you can still fly after my sword has found thee!" "Big people weapons won't hurt us!" they laughed, and sure enough, just as Kasumi had lifted her blade, the faeries whisked it from her hand, held it aloft, and turned it into a flowering tree branch. "This situation has gone from worse to even more incredibly worser," Nadia muttered. "Your swords and violence won't do any good against these sprites, I'm afraid. Perhaps I can speak with them as equals with my jokes." Nadia quickly did a hand-stand, which caused her shirt to tumble down, exposing her midriff and covering her face. She fell down in a blind stupor, which caused all the faeries to laugh uproariously. "Oh, spare that one, spare her! She's more faerie than big person! She'll make an excellent vizier for the Queen!" "Oh, but I'm already the most important woman where I come from," Nadia sputtered as she tried to sit up. "You see, the Queen keeps me around to distinguish falsehood from reality. Whatever I do, the Queen knows is not real. It's the only way anybody can tell." "Then we'll definitely take her with us! We can throw an entire kingdom into chaos! Oh, but we still don't know what to do with the other one." "I beg of you," Kasumi implored, "we merely came to retrieve our beloved prince! Great faeries, to whom no earthly power is equaled, grant us this sole wish, and ask what ye will as an exchange!" "I'm afraid we can't do that," said a voice much louder and much more serious than all the others. The swirling will-o-wisps withdrew like a starry night suddenly enveloped by clouds, making way for the only person they would ever listen to, their Queen. "People from the outside, listen to what I have to say," she stated. "I am Jennifer of the Faeries. My people thought it a comedy to give me this unusual name, and I have borne it well. As you have surely heard from them, my appetites are so monstrous that even with hundreds of nubile, willing servants at my beck and call, they still remain unsatisfied. Therefore, I bargained with a man who is called Chancellor in your kingdom, and he arranged a suitable husband for me. I present to you your prince, Jerry of Carnegie, and the father of my child!" A beautiful, naked, dark-haired man was led by several gushing, swooning faeries to the front of the procession, where he stood next to his winged wife and grinned. Seeing the human ladies, however, he suddenly remembered his shame and was given a fig leaf to cover himself. "Tis' as she spake," he blushed. "Though my removal from the kingdom was swift and startling, I could do little but fall into gracious love with this Queen and her realm. Thereupon I agreed to become her husband, or her lover at the least, and rule alongside her. It is my hope that our two kingdoms may find an accord and coexistence." "...Oh," said Nadia, the one least stunned by this series of revelations, though not one, by any means, unaffected. "Well. That's...enlightening. I suppose your mother will be, um...overjoyed that her son found a worthy, ah...wife to claim...or whatever. But tell me, sire, is it true our Chancellor arranged all this? Even the partaking of thy sister by that hawthorn witch?" "Aye, it is all as you say," he answered. "Chancellors are always looking to upset the kingdom and I am afraid this one is no different." "So the vile Lord Fitzgerald is our true foe!" Kasumi roared. "My instincts ought to have been sharper! For this blunder, I am ashamed. I beg of thee, highness, allow us safe passage from thy new realm, and if we cannot persuade thee to abdicate one throne for another, then prithee, accept our heartfelt blessings!" "Sounds cool to me," he said- then, remembering himself, the prince remedied by saying, "Uh, what I meant, kind damsel, was that my grace and love shall go with thee in my stead to my mother's side, and that she ought not worry herself so, for she is welcome to visit as often as- " "Wheeeeee, I'm naked! Get back here, you sexy little witch! Eeeee-heeheee!" Squealing pierced the cave as two young women, as sky-clad as the faeries and the prince, blundered into the cave and came to a halt as they pounced on each other. One of the two, unmistakably Dame Rain, stood up laughing, and smiled as she noticed the prince. "Oh, hey Jerry! So this is where the prince has been all this time!" The prince, in response to their gallivanting, violently secreted a crimson viscous fluid from his nose. - Shannon Threal, hair of or, eyes of chestnut; pastoral defense- Although the returning party lacked a prince and a lady of the knightly court, they nevertheless felt victorious upon returning to the tournament. The day's events had so excited the citizenry that the princess's absence had scarcely been noticed, save of course by her mother and conspirator. Captain Leena was not so enthusiastic to hear the news about the prince and her warrior, but was eventually solaced by the thought that perhaps in some future time, they would all return as citizens- and if they ever did, they would be welcomed and loved without hesitation. In fact, the possibility of recruiting a witch and a faerie to aid the kingdom surely crossed her mind, so in the end, her valiant warriors were commended. "I can't help but wonder what you'll do with the Chancellor, mother," said princess Mary to the Queen. "Surely after everything I have said, you must be inclined to some action. Will you go without punishing him?" "Chancellor Fitzgerald's actions were indeed criminal in nature, my beloved daughter, and he has caused us much strife and effort that could have otherwise went to better causes. But considering the larger picture, I shall pardon him, though now my attention shall be drawn to him all the stronger. I have lost neither son nor servant; indeed, I may have gained more today due to his involvement. What he meant for ill I have seen turned toward good." "Thou art as wise as thou art lovely, O mother," Mary replied warmly." And so, the Chancellor was left to boil in the sauces of his own accidental failure, which only served to bend him to more insidious plots and revenge. But for the time, peace thrived in Carnegie still, and while no clear victor could be determined between the two dueling kingdoms, it was decided they were each as worthy and exemplary as the other, and were both decorated and honored accordingly. Friendships were stuck, strengthened, and renewed, and it could very easily be said that from that moment on, they all lived quite happily ever after. Except for the Chancellor, I mean. Obviously he was quite cross! THE END CAST (in order of appearance) Leena: knight Captain Kathlyn: midwife apprentice Rosewood: Queen Fleur: Marquise, court physician Felicity: Governess, court representative Amy & Terra: Eastern ambassadors Freya: Marquise, von Hohenheim regent Maria and Shiki: handmaidens Arina: astrologer Gardenia: bar wench Robin: scholar Lauren: free knight Elisa: minstrel Valencia: Baroness Kasumi: knight of Durante Fausta: Countess Shannon: farm girl Nadia: Queen's fool Fitzgerald: Chancellor Rain: free knight Alice: witch Jennifer: fairy
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