"Spring Break—The Cruise" When Spring Break finally came around, the teachers were just as eager for a vacation as the students were. In fact, most of them decided to pool their money together for something extravagant, and bought passes for a week-long getaway onboard an Olivia Cruise Ship—designed, not unintentionally, for women. Except for Bernadette Marbel, who was spending the week quietly with her significant other, and Leena, who was flying to Finland to see her family, nearly all the teachers went on the cruise, thinking that, at the least, it would be a good way to shuck off all their stress. DAY ONE To start their vacation out on the right foot, each of the women were greeted by a beautiful Hawaiian girl wearing a semi-traditional island dress—certainly no lei or grass skirt, but radiant all the same (the leis went to the guests, and ended up being traded, used as projectiles, or other "interesting" purposes). Then, when they all actually flocked together in a single group, they needed a moment just to take in the sights. A robust blend of calypso, hip-hop, and reggae music shivered every foot and ear, women of all shapes, sizes, ages, and types crowded the vessel, paper lanterns hung here and there with every conceivable color, and beyond all that was the gray sparkle of waves, the song of gulls, and the salty smell of air—mixed, of course, with every other scent. "Wow!" exclaimed Janna Raulson. "This is really..." "Loud?" offered Elspeth. "Crowded?" muttered Abi as an older woman shuffled past her. "Hot?" said Jean with a grin. Raulson grinned. "Actually, I was about to say that this was really nice—but all those are good answers too." For awhile they all stood there, letting the sights and sounds and smells affect their every sense—then restlessness took in, and they all parted ways, each of them out to discover some mischief or another. Before long a throng of women were advancing on Janet Keys. Not wanting to be the target of flirtation, she looked around and found Elspeth Post staring into the distance, and headed toward her. "Elly," she breathed, "stick with me for awhile, won't you? I don't wanna get picked up." "Huh?" Elspeth saw the women heading towards them, grinned, and gave her friend and one-time love interest a catty grin. "Oh, I see. Well, I can't blame them—but all right, I'll be your bodyguard." "Thanks, I owe you." The women stared and smiled at the "couple", but passed them by harmlessly. Janet breathed out in relief. "I think I'll need to stay here with you for the rest of the trip. Say, you hungry? I could go for a snack." "I'm game. Let's see what they have to eat." Keys and Post linked arms and searched the cruise ship, but Elspeth wasn't into the pursuit. She still felt giddy while attached to Janet, and tried so hard to force her feelings away that she actually missed several obvious outdoor restaurants. Janet found a nice one (by smell), but even food didn't distract poor Miss Post. Besides, she wasn't even that hungry. Jean-Jacques Andrews, known by many names and even more stories, was now confident she had died and gone to heaven. Here she was on a boat full of hot young (or not so young) women, many of them without a lover, most of them totally indifferent to long term relationships! She couldn't have asked for any better. She spent a few good hours wandering around flirting—the sideshows, games, and events that were held daily didn't interest her—and by late afternoon had already broken at least two hearts. Her exploration led her to an isolated part of the ship, where the sun was just falling down into the sky and the scenery, though pretty, was almost void of human life. She did find somebody, and arched an eyebrow as she recognized them. It was Sonia. "Hello," she sang. Sonia jumped in surprise, turned, and let out a smile of relief. Andrews just grinned. "Sorry. Did I scare you? I didn't mean to break your concentration. You look bored." "Not bored," she replied, taking a deep breath and letting it out as a sigh. "Just in deep thought, contemplative. I needed some time to...reevaluate some things." "Oh? Does this have anything to do with that person who broke your heart?" "The what?" Jean chuckled politely and took Sonia's hand into her own. It was cold and a little rough, but smelled like a scented lavender candle. "Don't look so surprised. Anyone can see that something's been stressing you out lately. Take it from me: I know heartbreak when I see it. Elation one day, depression the next." Sonia turned a dark, embarrassed color. "Was it really that obvious?" "It's nothing to be that ashamed of. We all go through it. Even I, the great Dr. Andrews, have seen my fair share. Of course I did get over it, and I know a lady like you can as well." "I dunno," said Verela, smothering her face with her hands. "I really...loved this person, with all my heart. She told me she had been married all this time! Married!! I just...ran out on her after she told me." "God," winced Jean, "what a bitch. Some people can be so insensitive." "Yeah, tell me about it. How did you get over it, if I may ask?" "Well, it's like the song goes," she said, stepping closer and kneading Sonia's hand gently. "‘Nothing mends a broken heart like time, love, and tenderness'. Of course, if you'd like, I can easily provide for the other two..." ...... One of the most popular attractions in the cruise ship was the bar and ballroom, which not only proved that patrons could get drunk, but they could dance too, and even combine both pleasures if they so chose. Plenty of teachers from Stanton gathered there, especially that first night, their quest similar. Elspeth and Janet took a lovelorn Sarah Johansson with them, volunteering to help the Swedish beauty find a lover or bust; Abby and Hitomi (after more private conversations) decided to go on a double-date with their own respective girlfriends, hoping to suck some civil fun out of the evening. "I appreciate your help," Sarah said to her coworkers, "but I'm just not made out for this sort of thing. I mean...I'm not that good at socializing with strangers." "That's why we're here," Janet told her. "If I'm to be the motherly figure everyone is making me out to be, I may as well pass on some ‘parental advice'. Just keep looking around until you see somebody you like, then go for her!" "I can't do it," Sarah replied. Elspeth gave her a shove. "Then what, will you wait here and let them come to you?" "I can't do that either, not with you two here. You know that nobody approaches a table full of women. Who knows which of them have dates and which don't! Of course, a lady sitting by herself is even more pathetic." "Oh, knock it off. We'll just leave you for awhile and say our excuse is we needed to use the loo." "Hopefully we can avoid being picked up in the meantime," Janet added. "I don't know what it is about straight women that lesbians find so alluring." "It's the forbidden fruit," Elspeth grinned. "They like the challenge." Janet rolled her eyes and went off with Elspeth, leaving poor Sarah all by herself. Everyone else was having so much fun, while she was left reeling from the loss of all her past dates. What's worse was that most of them had rejected her, like she wasn't good enough or she wasn't their "type". But I'm guilty of that as well, she considered. Letting her vision stray lamely, Sarah noticed a rather lonesome and attractive dark-skinned woman hovering around the bar. Reasoning she had nothing to lose—and taking a swig of wine for good measure—she walked over to the woman and did her best to play the damsel in romantic distress. Meanwhile, Janna Raulson sighed. From the way Abigail and Hitomi were acting, one would think they were still in love. Sure they had broken up just to see other people, but was that going very well? Hitomi and Samantha seemed more like an eccentric aunt and her niece, and Abby, whilst a refreshing and wonderful girl, seemed distant and wistful even during the most exciting moments. She still yearned for Hitomi, that much was certain. Perhaps the entire purpose of that break-up was to remind her of this fact—to remind her that she loved Hitomi, fully and completely, and nobody could ever take her place in her heart. It sounded nice, but not to Janna. She had been through the emotional wringer enough times; lord forbid she ever come out of it in one piece. Samantha O'Brien was taking things well. She clearly had had no delusions of a relationship with beautiful Miss Madsen. At best she was a reassuring figure, a person who could care and love, but never love, not in the way Sammy needed. And she was young, far too young. Samantha craved older women for their sensual appeal, their wisdom, their strength and grace. She might've gone after the Headmistress if everybody and their dog hadn't known that the woman was happily married. "Enjoying yourself?" said Hitomi. Janna blinked and smiled. "Sort of." "You looked spaced out." "I was just thinking." "Hmm. We've not been attentive lovers, have we Abigail?" "No, my dear Hitomi," she said coyly. Oh, the double meanings! Janna wouldn't be surprised if she discovered the two "reuniting" in their room later on that night. But what chance did she ever have? Being with Abby (or for that matter, Hitomi herself) guaranteed her a short relationship, just as it had been with Emma and Abi before them. Sure the flings were nice, but what Raulson really wanted was to have somebody there, somebody she could wake up next to every day for years on end, knowing they still loved her, still wanted to be around, still cared. "Whew!" Samantha whistled, breaking her thoughts. "I never thought I'd hear you two say that! Well! If you'll excuse me, girls, I'll be in the bathroom. It's a lot safer than out here!" She stood and waddled off, merrily greeting everyone with a hello. Abby and Hitomi grinned as they watched her leave, then stared at each other. "She's in a good mood." "Yeah, and she didn't even have any alcohol yet. Wonder what's up." "Probably this atmosphere. It's so festive!" "Mm, and we haven't allowed ourselves the chance to cut loose in ages." "Too true." Hitomi turned to Janet and asked, "I'm sorry to bug you like this, Janna, but you wouldn't happen to have a cigarette on hand, would you?" "...Get your own," she pronounced, very bitter. The Indian woman stood up and huffed, marching out of the room without any obstacles. Hitomi immediately felt a guilty weight tie her down, but was calmed by Abby. "Just let her go. I think she believes we're going to get back together soon." "Are we?" Keeping smiled. "We'll leave that for another day." ...... Night came quickly for many, too quickly for some, and not nearly quick enough for others. For Abianne Cerio, the day was short and uneventful—she had "only" made a pass at fifteen women! She didn't have any dates for that night, but found distraction enough at a light show, which nearly everyone attended. It wasn't quite fireworks—more like performers manipulating beams of colored lights around in the sky—but the day ended with fireworks, though not an impressive amount. The true sparks were not flying in the sky but in many rooms—such as the room now occupied by Jean-Jacques Andrews and Sonia Verela. Emma McGowen was having a good time, but she wanted to sort something out before the day was finished. She was looking for Andeira Torvald, who had surprised everyone by agreeing to tag along. Torvald didn't seem the type to board an Olivia cruise ship, but here she was, currently on the dance floor. Emma found her, pulled her aside to a quiet place, and greeted her. "So how's everything going for you, Andy?" "Not too bad, not too bad. You?" "Oh, the usual. It might take me awhile to get into the whole cruise-y atmosphere. Say, uh...listen. The reason I wanted to talk with you was so that we could hopefully straighten some things out between us—mainly, our, erm, relationship and the, uh, rumors going round that you're leaving Stanton come this summer." "There's really nothing to say," she replied. "I'm just leaving, that's all. I have too many bad memories of this place." Emma winced. She was perhaps the worst of those memories. "Urkk... Jeez, you must hate my guts." Sigh. "No...I don't hate you. I was just confused and overwhelmed back then. Me leaving has nothing to do with you. I just don't want to be here anymore. I really have no reason." "But Miss Marbel says you're the best linguist teacher we've ever had. You've got all the foreign languages covered except Latin, and they say that Sammy's gonna help you out with that. Where's she gonna go when you split?" "Bernadette will just have to find herself another instructor," Andeira replied bitterly. "I've spoken to her about this, and I'm not changing my mind. ...Sorry if I sound angry," she added under her breath; "I'm just stressed. The main reason I came here was so I could relax and get away from Stanton." "Yeah, it's all our reason. Listen, if it's really your decision, then...as a friend, I'll support you. Just remember that a lot of girls there like you and need you, and it won't be the same without you." "Yes, yes." Andeira's gloomy face lit up a few seconds later. She grinned and waved at somebody—Emma turned around and noticed Sarah Johansson walking past them, holding hands with a gorgeous dark-skinned girl. Emma laughed as they passed, presumably to a more private place. "Well I'll be!" she said. DAY TWO "Good morning!" exclaimed Hitomi Madsen as she reunited with her friends. The sun was just peeking out of the horizon, splashing the world with new colors. Meanwhile, Samantha O'Brien was splashing something else with colors, making a rather loud noise of it as well. She was frankly hung over and about as pleasant as a porcupine. "So," said Abi, grimacing from the sight of the sickly older woman, "do you...sleep with her?" "We've slept together once, why?" Cerio just frowned, choosing not to discuss it. Too early, she reasoned. Hitomi took offense to it. "For your information, Samantha O'Brien is a wonderful person, and she's excellent in bed too." "If you say so," she sighed. Noticing the look in Hitomi's face, Abi smiled lazily and remedied, "Oh, I don't mean to insult you; it's just too early for this sort of talk. Let's wait until lunch to spread the gossip. Speaking of which, why don't we have breakfast together? The whole lot of us rarely do anything as a group." "Not hungry," said Elspeth. "I'm guessing those that are hungry are...preoccupied. Please note, Abby and Raulson aren't here. Their absence does befuddle the mind, does it not?" "You won't make me jealous, Ellie," said Madsen, coming up to tickle the other woman. Post laughed and swatted Hitomi away; meanwhile, a few other teachers came out of their caverns, some hardly looking the beauties they usually were. "If only we saw ourselves for what we really were more often," noted Abi after seeing Sarah's disheveled hair. She looked terrible. Of course, Emma dressed like a professional no matter where she went, and had her curly black hair tied up precisely even now. Janna and Abby were the last to join them (Jean and Sonia didn't even show up until before lunchtime, and when they did, miss Verela had a grin on her face the size of Saturn's rings), and while it did seem that they had slept together, they certainly didn't act like lovers. "Morning, all," said Keeping, joining her colleagues to watch the sun rise. "Lovely day, isn't it? I hardly ever get to see the sun rise now. Remember when we watched the sunrise for the first time, Tomi?" "I do indeed," she replied coyly, hiding her grin. The look exchanged between the two was borderline nauseating; Janna's ochre skin became gray. Going... "Remember when we watched it...from the bed?" "Abby! Hush!" Going... "And that special sunrise we saw on January first? I think the first sunrise of the New Year is so romantic..." "I know..." Gone. Yep, that was it. She lost her. Janna dismissed herself without incident, knowing that she was no longer welcome. Unfortunately, nobody saw her leave—in fact, to add insult to injury, Abby and Hitomi drew close and started to hold hands, completely oblivious to the world outside their own. ...... Breakfast was quick, healthy, and energizing, but there was little room for socializing. A small variety show played for the guests, featuring skits and stand-up suitable for early morning viewers. When the applause ended, the teachers parted ways again: Elspeth and Janet went back to the bar and ballroom for some dancing; Andeira went with them and asked Abi to go along, not wanting to be the object of her shipmates' affections (they had all been flirted with enough times during the trip). Em McGowen, wanting to try something new, opted for the indoor golf course. "I feel so gay doing this," she muttered to herself. Needless to say, her performance was not up to par. Once they finally emerged from their room, Sonia and Jean wandered around trying to find something to eat. They bumped into Janna Raulson—"Excuse me," she huffed as she passed them—and wondered briefly why she wasn't clinging to her girlfriend. "The way she's running," Jean observed, "you'd think her sari was on fire." "Or she forgot something." They shrugged and went about their day—mainly spending time with each other, Jean shamelessly showering her new love interest with attention and flirtatious actions and comments (a touch of her hand here, a wink there, a lick of the lips here or a brush against her hip there). The more time Sonia spent with the tall woman, the more she forgot about the debacle with the Headmistress. Dr. Andrews had that kind of skill—she could make any woman forget about their previous lovers, and believe they were the most important and wonderful girl in the world. And Sonia had a naïve heart. "Enjoying yourself, sexy?" she asked. Sonia shivered as butterflies banged up against her stomach and a red glow found itself on her cheeks. "Y-yes, quite a bit. I've never been on a cruise ship before, least of all one populated by women." "Welcome to the planet of the lesbians," Andrews joked. Sonia laughed, pure and mirthful; Andrews went in for the kill, touching the tall woman's face and her hair, drawing her into her stare. Sonia blushed but did not look away, oh no. "I am glad you're feeling happy," purred Andrews. "It's sad when a person breaks up with you, especially if they do it to a lovely woman like yourself. The very nerve." "Y...yes..." Andrews licked her lips. "If there's anything I can do to...take your mind off that other person, just...let me know." "I...I shall." And then she laughed. "Come with me. I'll show you something nice." She took Sonia's hand and guided her gently. They could've been going to a garbage dump; Sonia didn't care, as long as Jean Andrews would be there too. Dr. Jean-Jacques Andrews, the tall and intimidating woman who was cold and businesslike—Sonia never imagined she'd fall for her! Yet here she was, safe in the woman's hands, her heart light and cleansed, ready for more, for anything Andrews could throw her way. They ducked inside a small bar, found a cozy spot beneath an archway, and then, as the crude would say, snogged each other stupid. Sarah Johansson was having a passionate adventure of her own. The insecurities she had been cloaked with earlier were gone—and to prove it, she strolled around the ship proudly, wearing only a white A-shirt and shorts, nothing else. The music was hot and the March air was warming up to compliment it well; she soon shed her flimsy outfit, first removing her shirt to proudly expose her attractive chest to the whole world. Nearing her objective, a hot tub containing the woman she had picked up earlier, she wiggled out of her shorts, earning a wolf whistle from some distant admirer, threw her clothes in a pile, stepped inside the bubbling water, and made out passionately with the dark-skinned woman she had met not twenty hours earlier. ...... Around nightfall, Janna Raulson finally stirred up the courage to confront Abigail Keeping about their relationship. She looked all around the cruise ship, including her room and Hitomi's, and finally found the two holding hands along the bow, mesmerized with each other and the view. Right then Janna knew she had lost Abby, but what could she expect? Despite the fight they had been through, Hitomi and Abby were clearly meant for each other; their bond couldn't be snapped by anyone else, regardless of how much they tested its strength. It might have been a masochistic move, going up there and engaging her, but love had dug a deep hole in Raulson's heart and this seemed the only way to fill it. "May I speak with you two?" she said meekly. The two women turned round and greeted Janna with a smile. She wrung her hands and lowered her face. "It's over between us, isn't it?" "Um...gosh," whispered Abby, "I, uh...I don't know what to say." "Just say yes," she replied glumly. "It's the truth, isn't it? You two are going to get back together soon, I know it—if you haven't already. Well, go on. I don't mind. It was a fun fantasy while it lasted, silly though it was." "Wait, Janna!" Hitomi took her arm and brought her back. "Listen, neither of us meant to get you involved in all this. Okay, so we're both terrible people who used you to soothe our own wounds and then broke your heart. We don't deserve anything but the worst—but we do want to apologize, both of us." "There's no need," she sighed. "I didn't expect either of you to stay with me. I was just...deluding myself." "Wait," murmured Abby, staring at Hitomi in disbelief. "You mean...you and Janna?" "Yes, why?" Abby gawked and put her hands on her hips. "Hitomi Madsen! Honestly!" "Don't look surprised, dear; I thought I told you." "...Oh. ...My mistake. Heh-heh." She giggled and blushed; Janna merely sighed. "Look, I just wanted to clear things up between the three of us. All this drama is giving me a headache, so if you don't mind..." "Uh, actually, Janna," said Hitomi saucily. She gave Abigail a wry look (she knew it meant trouble), then gazed at Raulson. "Janna, would you be interested in...a three-way?" There was an understandably awkward silence. "...What?" DAY THREE The third day passed quickly, as days sometimes do when lots of people are having (perhaps) too much fun for their own good. What transpired between Hitomi, Abby, and Janna the night before was their business alone, but needless to say that it was a time enjoyed by all, no matter how weird it was. Raulson woke up sandwiched between the two naked lovelies, and when she parted ways with them there was no depression in her eyes nor a slouch in her step, just a smile and two clear almond eyes. And at least Janna showed up—Hitomi and Abby didn't come out of their room until much, much, much later. "I'm okay," she told the others during breakfast. "I guess there's a certain peace that falls upon us all after something like this happens. I'll be fine, and they really do look beautiful together. I guess I'm free to spend the rest of the cruise without a leash around my neck, or my eyes!" "There you go, that's the spirit!" sang Jean. "Being single can be one of the most blessed times in a woman's life—and on this ship, you've got your pick of the litter! I bet you money there are at least...what? Fifteen, twenty women who'd love to swing with you! That's counting me too, gorgeous." Janna blushed and shied away; Sonia also turned red, but for a completely different reason. "Well," sighed Sarah, "I'm not one, but for good reason. I guess I should introduce everyone to my new girlfriend. Ladies, this is Rita. Rita, these are my coworkers." The women smiled and greeted Sarah's girlfriend, a sultry ebony goddess some had a hard time averting their gaze from. "We're missing two," Sarah told her new lover, taking her fingers into her hand. "The lovebirds, I guess. Are Abby and Hitomi still in their rooms?" "Last I saw they were," said Janna. Elspeth groaned. "They always did act like newlyweds. Why don't they just give up the bloody charade and get married? I'm surprised they haven't yet!" "Give them some time, dear," said Emma quietly, drinking her coffee. "If what dear Miss Raulson said is correct, they just reunited after a long time apart from each other. They are no doubt relishing in each other's company." A few women blushed and opted not to say anything—a few, that is, except for Jean Andrews. "That's a polite way of saying they're fucking each other's minds out." "Honestly, Jean," muttered Sonia, pronouncing it the American way. Andrews just giggled and kissed her, which she was not exactly enthusiastic about. Generally the day was spent partaking in every possible activity there was. With the cruise and the week about halfway over, everyone wanted to get their money's worth, and some almost blew their minds running here and there, doing everything they could. The most popular sports were parasailing and water-skiing, but nobody was brave enough to go first. Samantha finally stepped up, shoving the others aside so she could demonstrate "how a real woman does these things". Parasailing for her was more comical; she looked like a hot air balloon up there. The others gave it a try and equated the rush to sex—good sex, the kind they spoke about whenever a wave of nostalgia hit them. Others did not have such a view, and preferred the ground or even the waves to the air. Samantha was once again the first to try water-skiing, and once again made everyone laugh at her pale attempt (but then again, nobody looked cool out there, not even Dr. Andrews). Abby and Hitomi finally showed up around late afternoon, looking every bit like a couple of newlyweds. Despite their extended absence in regards to their "reunion", they both looked the professional, although they hardly acted like it. Soon they had convinced everyone to go dancing again, if only for the very last time. Nearly everyone had somebody to go with—Sonia did not bask in the comfortable arms of her Jean nearly as much as she wanted to, however—and even those unaccustomed to dancing with other women in front of a group of total strangers (most of whom, surprise-surprise, were gay) found themselves having fun. Elspeth Post was in heaven. "This is heaven," she murmured to her partner, Janet Keys. The older woman smiled. "You having a good time?" "I've been...dreaming of this moment for years." "I'll take that as a yes." Elspeth sighed, nestling her head upon the older woman's shoulders. Okay, so she hadn't exactly gotten over her infatuation with the woman, but times had been tough for Elspeth and she was yearning for the presence of a lover. She was getting to the age where loneliness crept in the most; some would've called it her biological clock going off. Looking up into Janet's kindly, pretty, motherly face, she could almost fool herself into believing it was meant to be. "Janet?" she whispered, her English accent quiet. "Hmm, yeah?" "I...have a confession. I'm still in love with you." "Oh." A pause. "That takes some guts to say. But you know I can't return the feelings." "Yes, I know." She squeezed the younger woman's hand. Poor Elsie! "You know that I'm dating Mr. Blair, Alex's father." "Yes..." "You know that...I care for him, and for Alex, and I can't abandon them for anybody." "Hmm." "I think...you should look for a woman your own age," she murmured. "Somebody you can love without restraint, without negotiation." "I'm never going to find somebody like that, Janet." "Oh, I think you will. She'll come along when you least expect it, and you'll know it's her right off the bat." Elspeth sighed in defeat, knowing Keys was right. She couldn't do this. It just wasn't right. "I'm...sorry." "Don't be," she said supportively. "I'll let you dance with me tonight. I can do that at least. Tomorrow you'll find the woman of your dreams, I know it." "Here?" she scoffed, "On this cruise ship?" "Who knows. Perhaps. Just don't give up, El, please. I'm...supporting you." Elspeth merely grunted, not wanting to say or do anything, save cherish that moment, quite possibly the last happy moment she would ever have. DAY FOUR The events of the fourth day, as seen by those whose hearts have been broken. I, Sonia, standing alone in my room, feel sun and sky and sweet salty breeze, but I do not feel Her. I, Sonia, wander alone, searching for her amidst a sea of skin. I must pass through the labyrinthine bodies, plowing my way through their midst for her touch—why does my stomach churn so? Is it love, is it anticipation? Is it dread? I have heard the stories, and the rumors, but my heart believes that I could be the one to change them. I could be the change in her life; I could give her that chance to start over. What a fool I was. What a fucking fool I was. Now, tears in my eyes, I confront her, as I confronted my last lover, the one that decided to destroy me. I approached her—"JEAN!", I cried, yelling and weeping violently. "You whore!" I struck her hard, and spat at the woman she was with. I hated her so much. She told me she loved me! She gave me sexual pleasure! What was it all for?! Was it so she could have a good time, or play with another fancy plastic doll? Was Woman, to her, like a sock—to be worn and discarded? I can't remember how long I cried or how long I stayed in my room, but I knew I hungered for many hours, deprived of a simple meal. How ironic—the chef, starving! I starved, all right, but it was not for food. I was just a stupid love-starved girl, that's all I've ever been. Nobody could love me. They just use me for their twisted desires and leave me in the cold. Now I stand alone again—but now, it is everywhere, like the air itself. Loneliness has become my air; I breathe it, in-out, in-out, and consume it. I am loneliness now, and depression. I think I'll go cry again. I, Sarah Johansson, wasn't asking for much, was I? All I wanted was stability—and a lover who would knock me off my socks! I was positive that I had found it when I met her—and then again when I met her—and then again, and so on, and so on, down a pathetic spiral. It's strange how self-destructive and masochistic we women can be. I don't care if you're gay or straight—the things we put ourselves through are unbelievable! My example is most tragic: every relationship I've been in, I seemed to lack the two things I most wanted. Usually, the woman was either steadfast and a bore, or exciting but hardly the type to stick around. They were just in it short-term. Rita was like that: amazing and thrilling, but much like anything explosive, she was gone once the flames died and the smoke settled. I remember it clearly; I doomed our relationship with just one question. "Hey, you want to be my girlfriend when we get off this thing?" We were just finished with our...bed-business, relishing in the feel of our sweaty bodies melding together. I inquired, she declined. Just like that (well, more elaborately), she ruined my world, adding yet another mark to the long tally of women I had loved and lost. A few of those souls were even on that ship, coworkers I addressed daily! She left me in the morning, that Rita, saying she didn't want to be in a long-term relationship, like it was some nuisance or a chain. I sighed and cursed myself. When I found out that Sonia had been equally inflicted, I empathized. Then I offered my love. No, too soon—and as sweet as she was, she lacked the edge I needed, the sharp bang, the "Wow" factor that so many of my past failures had brought and stolen away. Only one woman came closest to meeting my needs, somebody who remained a friend long after we parted. I thought our first "encounter" had been made from desperation, like so many other encounters of our age. We must've ended it because we were no longer desperate—but ah, I was desperate once again. What would she say if she saw me crawling back to her on my hands and knees? Only one way to find out. "Emma," I said, murmuring, "can we talk?" ...... Well, Janet had a point—and who was I to pine after a woman I couldn't have? It was just plain silly (or is that the beer talking back to me?). So I gave up (beer). So long, Janet (beer). Been nice knowing you. Can't wait to get back to school (definitely the beer). Honesty is telling the truth, so I'll say that the result of all this drinking (to force myself into accepting things and letting go) was a whole hell of a lot of vomiting. But I composed myself, stood back up, and went out there, vowing to forge a new path. I made way to my friends and said "Hello!" in my finest, most proud voice, giving them a smile that was clearly false. I noticed an absence among us. Hitomi said that Sonia was nowhere to be found. Oh dear. Sonia Verela was a good friend of mine. I have to say that we've been good to each other, giving one another little gifts and gestures of affection—such as a backrub, a smile, a polite word, some free food (heh-heh!), a costume for that silly party we went to (t'was my field), or merely our presence. Nobody else was so close to her, so I volunteered to find her, and if need be, bring her out of her withdrawal. She seemed happy yesterday—but then again, she had been moody our first day here. Cramps, perhaps? I knew her room because she showed it to me proudly on the first day we arrived. I knocked at the door. "Sonia?" I called. "It's Ellie. May I come in?" I had to wait awhile, maybe a minute, before I was allowed into her world. I don't think she would've let anyone else in. ...... Nothing else needed to be said of that day. Everyone else was simply sick of all the drama that had been going on, both on and off the ship, and so ventured to the nearest comedy club, hoping to alleviate all the nonsense that had gathered around them. But oh, if they only knew what went on behind those closed doors! Thousands of tales were being spun on that vessel that day, and that week; to say all of them would've taken a library. But love ought not to be ignored so completely either, so perhaps some devotion could be brought to these tales, if only those of great merit. In the case of Em McGowen and Sarah Johansson, their discourse happened during the trip to the comedy club, where all manner of stress could be alleviated with simple humor. They were both in good spirits despite the wrongs they had seen, committed, or had inflicted upon them. A kind of peace settled between the two—they flirted with each other openly, perhaps influenced by wine—but there was no alcohol needed for their midnight tryst, save the ambrosia of each other's tender kisses. They attempted to give their love a second chance, two sad souls reaching out for the nearest possible thing: seeking for a sliver, finding a treasure! And in the case of Sonia Verela and Elspeth Post...perhaps all that needed to be said was that broken hearts can be mended, if they are sewn together correctly and forged with the flames of unlikely love. When Sonia fell wailing into Elspeth's arms, seeking solace in her friend, the words of Janet Keys came to haunt Miss Post. She would know, she would know, she would know her next lover when the time was right. Sonia's grief was practically a flare for her—a sign indicating a new path, one that should have been tread a long time ago. All this time, she had been right in front of Elspeth's nose! And that, as they say, is that. DAY FIVE With only two days left to enjoy their vacation, the women knew that not only did they need to squeeze as much fun and excitement into their days, but they needed to straighten out several issues first. Emma left her new lover briefly to give her old acquaintance Jean Andrews a piece of her mind—and added the back of her hand for good measure. Janet, permanently deprived of her "flirt bodyguard" (and happy to hear of it), spent her time with Samantha O'Brien instead, who was not so fortunate with women. The two were rarely seen by anyone, and it was assumed they just wanted to isolate themselves from the crowd and enjoy the few hours left. Later, those without lovers gathered around to talk, complain, and think of their future. Andeira Torvald was still adamant about hers; leaving Stanton seemed to be her new passion, as if the place was diseased. Samantha, whenever she emerged, just listened and ate, muttering her opinions now and then. Abi and Janna were the most upbeat and enthusiastic, even though one had lost a lover earlier that week. "I'm not supposed to act like a kid," Janna reasoned, "unless I'm playing a game. So screw all that love-starved nonsense. I'll just relax and forget about all that." "Amen!" shouted Abi, raising a toast (of course, they both committed hypocrisy later, but the specifications of this deed went unknown and didn't need to be mentioned. Suffice to say, though, they both ended up discovering much about each other). "To Janna," she said, "and to all of you. May your state of social solidarity be fruitful and enjoyable. As for me, I shall continue having fun, hopefully not at the expense of others." "Fruitful and enjoyable?" They heard a familiar voice scoff—it was Jean, her face slightly tan from so many hours in the sun. She laughed and added, "You're all such losers." "Oh? How so?" "You're sitting around moping about your relationships. If they're that bad, just go out and do something about it." "Sorry," said Janna politely, "but some of us are content to stay out of that. I for one won't be busting my brain cells playing that game anymore." The others congratulated her for her ideals, but the doctor just snorted. "Your loss." DAY SIX By the final day, everyone was officially sick of each other—except for those who had found new love on the high seas. The cruise capped off its events pleasantly, albeit not with much of a bang: first by serving an elegant breakfast and then, around noon, offering the whole crew scuba-diving lessons. Elspeth and Sonia were the first to jump in the water; Hitomi met a few dolphins while she and Abby were wading around; Samantha even saw a whale and took pictures that would make her the envy of the teacher's lounge. At last, the ship docked and everyone was set ashore, more or less in better condition than they were when they set out. Abby and Hitomi had cemented their relationship, possibly for good, and two new pairs of lovebirds were born as well (most sweetly sickening were "Elly" and Sonia, but nobody wanted to begrudge the kind chef any happiness). Andeira, Samantha, and Janet had released many burdens from their backs, got a good tan, and plenty of "interesting" memories to share with Leena and Bernadette upon returning home. As for Abi and Janna, they became close friends, but to call them anything else was a waste of time—there was no solid proof of a deeper relationship (the key word, of course, being solid). As for Dr. Andrews, well...what could possibly be said? Except for a tan, the masculine lady hadn't changed a bit, which was really pathetic in terms of her character. As the women said farewell to the ship and the people they had met and known there, Emma couldn't help but pass off a snarky remark to Sonia, Sarah, and all those affected by the wily woman. "That one's trouble, she is," she boasted. "Hell of a doc, but danger right out the wazoo. Better spread the word, too. We wouldn't want any other innocent flowers pruned by her shears." The others said they would do their best—but eerily enough, so did Jean.
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