The Musical: "Love and Laughter on the High Seas" By Gabrielle Kareen O'Shannon Cast of characters Jinx O'Mallory: May Tramble Beth "Bullseye" Johnson: Janine Bautista Shaun: Aintzane Klein Davis: Vairocana Knox Hart: Avelina Rohani Mouse: Alexis Walker Renee: Ana Lu Oliver: Corona Marcos Chuck: Hero Love Jerry: Farrah Kwong (Prologue: Jinx O'Mallory, the unluckiest pirate of all time, and Shaun, his only friend in the world, are sailing away from a wrecked ship in their lifeboat. They are depressed over their fate and try coming to terms with what's happened) Jinx/May: Just think about it, Shaun! We survived that explosion by the skin of our teeth! I be truly believing ye be a lady of luck, ole chum, if to this day my life has yet been spared. Shaun/Zane: Aye Jinx, surely by some sea-god's fortune have we lived, for you're the most foolish man I've ever met! Jinx/May: But surely you've met worse! Shaun/Zane: No I haven't—just listen to this verse! (Song: "You're a Bad-Luck Man". Shaun and Jinx sing to each other) Shaun: My dear old friend, I've been with you through that fall But it seems to me, yer destined to appall! For Jinx is your name, see, you're as unlucky as can be! And it's only by good fortune we're here at all! O You're a bad-luck man, Jinx! I wish for once you'd just stop to thinks You've caught us in a pickle Lady fortune sure ain't fickle You're a bad-luck man, Jinx! Jinx: I'm a proud pirate-man, Shaun But you my lady do so carry on Yer tellin' me the truth, and I think it doth behoove For us both to accept what's goin' on O I'm a bad-luck man, aye! Any day I expect me soul now to die! There's nothin' I can do, I am doomed and so are you Since I'm a bad-luck man, true! Shaun: Don't be so hard on yourself, my lad It ain't your fault your luck's bad! It's just that you get drunk And stink up like a skunk And make your friends with they hadn't thunk! Since you're a bad-luck man, Jinx! You're still hammering the kinks! It's difficult to break, this curse whene'er you wake Since you're a bad-luck man, Jinx! Jinx: Oh what in the world do I do? I can't help it when my head's all blue! When I sit down and drink, I could burn the kitchen sink Leastways stuff with gunpowdery hue! Oh I'm a bad-luck man, yes! The exploding ship behind us can attest! I've made quite a mess, but how can I address? The fact I'm a back-luck man, yes! Aw...poo! (End song) Shaun/Zane: For now we row, Jinx, and hope the seas favor us still. Tomorrow's certain to bring us better luck yet. Jinx/May: Aye, I hope yer right, lass. And if not...it's the grave for us! Shaun/Zane: I'm too pretty to be tossed in a grave! (they cling onto each other fearfully and sail off. End prologue) (Act One: Jinx and Shaun are wandering around town when they hear about a risky mission involving Beth "Bullseye" Johnson. Thinking they have nothing to lose, they sign up) Jinx/May: Ah, we made it! Land, sweet land! (they kiss the ground) Shaun/Zane: I thought I would die in the sea, like everyone I knew. Oh, wait...I'm a pirate. Of course everyone I knew died at sea! It's common sense. Jinx/May: Well, now that we're alive and all, perhaps we should do something about... (they both look at their grumbling stomachs, then at each other) Both: LUNCH. (Song: "I'd do anything for a meal". Jinx and Shaun sing together) Jinx: I'd do anything for a meal I'd beat up a baby or eat an electric eel It's obvious ya see, look at my small tummy I'd do anything for a meal! Shaun: We'd do anything for a meal We'd beg and kill and hit and rob and steal I'm sure it's plain to see, we're as hungry as can be Since we'd do anything for a meal! Jinx: I'd sail around the world for a warm turkey club Shaun: I'd stuff my face and eat until I turned into a tub! Jinx: I'd even sell my body to a mad scientist! Shaun and Jinx: If but for a taste, a mouth's embrace, of the food we've sorely missed! Oh we'd do anything for a meal! We'd stomp around the world in our heels! We're emaciated blokes, we're starving hungry folks We'd get down on our knees, why we'd even ask you Please Oh we'll do anything, yes we'll do anything, why We'll do anything for a meal! Jinx: But not prostitution—no way! (End song) Shaun/Zane: But we haven't got any money, and I don't have any more songs in my head. Jinx/May: Not that it'd do us any good now. We need a crazy scheme. Shaun/Zane: Does it have to be crazy? Jinx/May: No, but normal ones are so boring. Shaun/Zane: Aye, you've got a point. So what's your angle, Jinx? (Jinx wanders around the town until he sees a "Scallywags Wanted" sign) Jinx/May: (reading the sign) Let's see... "Scallywags Wanted. Must be tough, sea-worthy, strong, scurvy-free, experienced, and most importantly, crazy or desperate. We do not discriminate gender or lack of limbs and teeth. Come see Bullseye if you're interested". Golly! Looks like the perfect caper for us! Shaun/Zane: Here we go again... Well, no use going against it. Like we always say... Both: IF YOU GOTTA DIE, DO IT IN STYLE! (they go inside the building where Bullseye is. They are moderately surprised that she is a woman) Bullseye/Janine: What do we have here? Two lanky, scurvy, land-lovin' mother's sons, wandering in from their fancy homes! You've made a wrong turn, lads! Shaun/Zane: No we haven't, miss! We came here for Bullseye! Bullseye/Janine: That's me. Jinx/May: Oh, really? Well, as you can see, I'm already qualified: healthy, strong, used to working with pretty women... Shaun/Zane: You mean me?!!? Jinx/May: And I'm unusually desperate. Bullseye/Janine: Ah, good. What about battle experience, though? Jinx/May: I can safely say, Madame, I single-handedly destroyed a galleon by fire not too long ago. We're the only ones to have survived! Shaun/Zane: But boss... (Jinx nudges Shaun in the gut and she quiets) Bullseye/Janine: Ha! You're qualified, all right! You'll be boarding my ship, the Bullseye, first thing tomorrow. Me name's Bethany, but call me Captain or I'll chop your toes off and use them as a necklace! Jinx/May: (clearly infatuated with her) Your command is my wish, Captain. By the way, what exactly are we going after? Bullseye/Janine: A treasure that is most magnificent. The greatest treasure of them all, left behind in this world by the greatest pirate of em' all. Jinx/May: I guess it's safe to assume that somebody stole this treasure from you, since obviously... Bullseye/Janine: (trying not to look too flattered) Uh...I appreciate your kind words, but nay, sir, tis' not mine. I aim to change that, so get a good rest! We'll be leaving tomorrow, come Hell or high water! (she leaves) Shaun/Zane: With our luck, it will be both! Jinx/May: I know. Ah well, at least we're gonna die around a gorgeous woman. Shaun/Zane: You certainly do not mean me then...do you, Jinx?!?!?! Jinx/May: (stammering. They leave for their rooms. End Act One.) (Act Two: Jinx and Beth on the high seas. Shaun and Davis, Beth's first mate, get "close", while Hart, the steersman, keeps watch despite the calls of the other pirates) Davis/Vai: Ho there! You must be the new help! The name's Davis, first mate on the mighty sea vessel Bullseye! The Captain told me to keep my eyes on you! Jinx/May: But good sir, we're not untrustworthy. Shaun/Zane: That's right, and your boss, a fine lady, she personally likes us. Jinx/May: She likes our like, that she does. Davis/Vai: Huh? Wait—now I'm confused. Jinx/May: Oh, do go help the poor lad, Shaun. He looks like the type who'd appreciate your company. (Shaun goes off and speaks with Davis; Beth joins Jinx) Beth/Janine: Well, if nothing else, you're polite and you've got a good sensible tongue. Jinx/May: Milady, aim your flattery towards one who deserves it. Beth/Janine: But I was, good sir. (they smile at each other) Tell me, know you anything about a man called "the Mouse"? Jinx/May: I would know little more than what the wind and birds tell, but I assume he's naught to be but a shrewd man. Beth/Janine: The greatest pirate, he. The Mouse lived on several years before the both of us were born, and I've heard tell that the treasure he left behind in this world is worth half an armada, if not a complete one. Jinx/May: Blimey! If that don't make a land-lovin' coward set out for dark waters! I must warn you, m'lady Captain, I'm not the luckiest person to have around, least not for such a venture. Beth/Janine: Then t'was this curse of not havin' any luck which enabled you to so fairly blow that galleon apart? Jinx/May: Um, partially. To speak the truth, I'm...not a friend of Bacchus. Beth/Janine: Oh. Well, no worries, I've got a cure for those who take to the drink. Jinx/May: And that is? Beth/Janine: Dousing their head in cold water. (Jinx stammers; Beth laughs) Come, relax sir. I've always borne a love for those without luck. Me whole family got hit with bad fortune; I've been forced into piracy just to keep them afloat! Jinx/May: Never has a nobler cause been chased by such a noble person. (Beth smiles shyly. Meanwhile, Beth's gang is watching the two flirt. Oliver, Chuck, Jerry, Hart, and Davis talk amongst themselves) Davis/Vai: It looks like the boss is getting friendly with that new guy. I don't like this. Oliver/Corona: Bah, she knows what she's doing. Chuck/Hero: I heard he's supposed to be a guy who was born under an unlucky star. Jerry/Farrah: Bullseye must be taking a shine to him if that's the case. Davis/Vai: He worries me... (Jinx and Beth laugh at a joke) Well, they look like they're having fun, and that's what counts. (Shaun enters) Shaun/Zane: What's going on? Hart/Avelina: Your friend and the boss are fraternizing. (Shaun watches. Suddenly, Bethany slaps Jinx) Shaun/Zane: Hmph. He's not even lucky with the women. Davis/Vai: Oh, that's how she usually tells people she likes them. It's something we've all gotten used to. Oliver/Corona: Some more than others! (they laugh) Hart/Avelina: If nobody will need me, I should get back to my post. I think a storm's coming. Chuck/Hero: C'mon, Hart! You stick yourself up there on that perch all day and night! Jerry/Farrah: Just once come and have a drink with us! (the others agree) Hart/Avelina: No thanks. (they express disappointment) Chuck/Hero: We should do something about this. Jerry/Farrah: Yeah. Soon he'll turn into a boring old stooge! Oliver/Corona: Wait—I got it! Follow me, lads! (Song: "Pirate's Chorus". Oliver, Chuck, and Jerry singing to Hart) Chuck, Jerry, and Oliver: Steersman, leave your watch! Steersman, join us! Ho, hey, heh, ha! Hoist the sails! Anchor fast! Steersman, here! We fear no wind nor treacherous coast. Today we'll be right merry! Each has his girl ashore, Grand tobacco and good brandy! Hussassahey! Rocks and storms outside— Yollohohey! We laugh at them! Hussassahey! Furl sails! Anchor fast! Rocks and storms we laugh at them! Steersman, leave your watch! Steersman, join us! Ho, hey, heh, ha! Steersman, drink with us! Ho, hey, heh, ha! Rocks and storms, hey! Are over, hey! Hussahey! Hallohey! Hussahey! Steersman, ho! Here, come and drink with us! (they go into a dancing and drinking routine. Hart appears unfazed. End song) Hart/Avelina: If you all have the time to dance and sing around like that, then you have time to... Oh my goodness! Sweet Neptune! Captain, land ho! Beth/Janine: What's that? Hart/Avelina: Land ho, Captain! If it isn't the isle of the Mouse himself! Beth/Janine: Excellent, we've arrived! Come Davis, Jinx, Shaun! We'll row ashore and see what trouble awaits! The rest stay on board! Oliver, Chuck, and Jerry: Aye, Captain! Jinx/May: Thank God we're there. Any more time on this unruly boat and my stomach would've been turned to pudding...(he nearly vomits. End Act Two) (Act Three: Jinx and Beth, along with Shaun and Davis, explore the cave where Mouse's treasure is.) Beth/Janine: Careful, now. Some say that the Mouse has laid traps to protect his prize. Jinx/May: Oh, with my luck, we'll get to meet them all! Beth/Janine: But you have Captain Bethany "Bullseye" Johnson here with you, Jinx! The patron seafarer of the unfortunate! Jinx/May: So am I to call you Beth instead, milady Captain? Beth/Janine: Aye. I think we can trust each other enough to forget formalities. Davis/Vai: Oh, boy. The Captain really likes him. I guess I can't blame her. Shaun/Zane: I'm worried, too. Davis, perhaps we should stick together and watch over our friends. Davis/Vai: Aye, a sound call. You're as stout as my own Captain, and just as lovely. (she grins bashfully) Beth/Janine: Settle down back there, you two. This cave is darker than the heart of the devil himself. We don't want to fall into any... (suddenly, Jinx slips out of sight, falling into a hole) ...Traps. Shaun/Zane: Jinx! Are you all right? Jinx/May: (weakly) ...No! (everyone exchanges worried looks) Davis/Vai: Can you tell us where you are? Jinx/May: ...In pain. Beth/Janine: Poor brave man! I'll throw down a torch! Jinx/May: No, don't! (she does anyway; he screams as he tries to catch it) Oww, that's hot! Beth/Janine: Sorry! Can you see now? Jinx/May: ...Holy heavens, sweet Sadie and merciful mother of marauders! My bad luck's turned good for once! Get a rope down here, all—I think I've found the treasure! Beth/Janine: You heard the man, Davis! (he uncoils a rope and lowers it. Everyone goes down where they join a limping, smiling Jinx) Shaun/Zane: Jinx! Are you all right? Jinx/May: What are you, a parrot? I told you I was! Shaun/Zane: But— Davis/Vai: Never mind, look! (the crew gathers around a large chest. Bethany and Jinx take a crowbar, exchange a glance, and pry it open together. Out comes the Ghost of Mouse) Davis/Vai: A spirit! Tis' of the great pirate himself! Listen! Mouse/Alexis: Those of you looking to find the greatest treasure in the world have no doubt been wondering what it is. To you I present this, my life's love! (they rummage through the box) Beth/Janine: Mostly old mementoes. Shaun/Zane: A strange portrait of a lovely lady. Jinx/May: And a diary, chronicling the life of Mouse and a woman he loved. Do you think she and this lady in the portrait are the same? Mouse/Alexis: They are indeed. Listen, for the memories of the past still whisper from those pages. (Mouse's lover, the ghost of Renee, appears) Renee/Ana: The treasure you seek is love, eternal and unbreakable. The love that we shared is more valuable than anything in this world. It is greater than every fleet in history, and will live on as we live on, though our bodies are lost. Mouse/Alexis: Take care, those of you who have come here, and heed our words. (they vanish) Davis/Vai: A strange phenomenon. Likely due to such a dark room and a fog. Look, Captain! Another mystery! A stone marker with the name of that man's love on it, "Renee". Tis' her gravesite! They truly did love each other! Beth/Janine: That is...so beautiful. But what a waste to go through all that only to find specters and a box full of trinkets! Jinx/May: Bah! No treasure at all! No coins, no jewels, not even shares of the stock market! Nothing but...love! (as he throws his hands down in aggravation, they rest on Beth's fingers. Together they raise their hands and look at each other) Beth/Janine: Nothing but...love... (Davis and Shaun give each other wary glances) Jinx/May: But perhaps...love is truly...everything. Greater than any treasure... Beth/Janine: Yes... (they kiss deeply. Davis and Shaun shrug, smile, and hug each other) Davis/Vai: If love truly is the best treasure, its effects have run all through this dark cave! Shaun/Zane: Aye, inoculating everyone with its blissful disease! Davis/Vai: A sickness none of us, I think, shall want to get over. (the four stand up and head out, Jinx and Beth holding hands. Darkness falls as a single light illuminates Hart, who waits for their return) (Finale song: "Love is a Treasure". Hart sings to the audience) Hart: If I could live a thousand lives, slinking away in cold darkness And if I could cry a thousand tears, until my body dries up into nothing I will not have lived in vain, for what is but to gain If in this life, you have not love? Love is a treasure Its strength will last forever Love is the greatest treasure It sees me through the night, it holds me in my fright Love is a treasure Its power will go on and ever Just when you think life's been horrible to you You've run out of luck and your friends have all left your side The smallest glimmer of a candle, flames of love, can Make the very world grow bright! Love is a treasure The greatest now and forever It stems from the very soul Hold it close don't let it go It will go on, eternal, when all other things are lost Love... (end song) Hart/Avelina: Welcome back, Captain! Oliver, Chuck, and Jerry: Glad you're safe, miss! Beth/Janine: Set sail, all! This adventure is over, but our group surely has more in store for them! Jinx/May: Aye, and it seems as if fortune has truly favored us all this time around! (he and Beth smile as they hold hands, but they both trip and fall on each other as they walk across the deck) Shaun and Davis: Well...almost! Exeunt
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