"Evening Alone" The world outside saw December 30th, 2004 as just another day and treated it as such, or at best, observed it as the day before New Year's Eve, but for Vairocana Knox, it was her birthday. She was nineteen years old, and on that morning, she felt every one of the 6,939 days (and to think, in just two months, she would reach 7,000!). She was sure that her mothers would be up to something, but having a birthday so close to Christmas, she never expected much. Last year was a hoot, being the year she officially became an adult (which of course meant nothing to her mentally or physically); the next two years would be equally fun, both for registering her second decade of life and the year she could finally purchase and consume alcohol legally. But nineteen? Who cared about that year? For that matter, who cared for her? Vai had to give her few friends a bit more credit than that. Last year, the statement was true: she had nobody, except for mom and mother, and when did they ever count? But this year, thank God, there was at least Avelina and Ethan, who had both accepted her into their lives. She wondered if they would mind spending the day with her, keeping her company, maybe even have a little party together, sans parents. That was her real birthday wish; all the material items in the world couldn't bring her that happiness. She began the day masturbating numbly, and drew a very hot bath to clean up the sweat. She allowed her muscles to go numb as she sank in the tub, and even filled it with bubbles, like she did when she was a child. Vai had brought a small radio in the bathroom and set it on the sink, where it could plug in and play beautiful music. She turned it to a classical station, the only one she liked, and smiled to herself as a string quartet of Mozart glided across the moist air. Vai wanted to look good for Number Nineteen, no matter how inconsequential it was. After all, birthdays came but once a year, so she figured it was best to at least acknowledge them! She brushed and flossed, she put a little touch of makeup on, she dressed for success and made sure a dab of perfume was on each side of her neck. While mom and mother went out to their jobs, Vai took a walk in the chilly December air, bundling up and taking some cash with her. A McDonald's was just a mile away from her house. She was freezing when she walked in, but warmed up quickly. Bearing an impressive twenty, Vai carefully scanned the breakfast menu, the only foodservice of McDonald's she considered good. Ah, sausage and gravy sounded nice, but the Big Breakfast gave her pancakes, which she had a terrible craving for. Vai didn't drink coffee unless she was forced to, and so eyed the orange juice with extra hunger—or thirst. Everything looked so good, but she knew she couldn't spend that twenty on breakfast. Her "father" (mom's cousin, the sperm donor, to be exact) had given it to her for her birthday; the least she could do was use it on something practical. So she ended up getting the Big Breakfast and decided to just buy some orange juice from the store, where it was cheaper. She ate in the restaurant and scouted for a newspaper. It being a Thursday, she wondered vaguely if she could go to a movie on New Year's with her two friends. Well, something to consider. "Hey!" Vai turned her head and was moderately surprised to see her one-time lab partner, Zane Klein, smiling and approaching her. "Didn't expect to see ya here. You come here often?" "Uh, no, just for breakfast." "Yeah, their other stuff is crap. So how's your winter vacation been?" "Average." "Yeah? Glad to be out of school?" "Sure." "Can't wait to get back in?" "Not really." Zane grinned. "Yeah, tell me about it. I'm failing more subjects than I'd like. Soon, Leena will kick my ass out of the team, and I can't let that happen. You know I'm the captain, right?" "Of the soccer team, yeah. How's that going?" "Well, it's not. It's winter. We can't play outside." "Well of course, but you could play indoors." "Oh we do, but it's not the same. Not as much mud to wade through." Vai nodded absently. She hated small-talk, but she was lonely and any company was good. "You want some?" she said, offering her untouched hash brown. "No thanks, I'm full. I'm just drinkin' coffee and reading the paper, looking for jobs. You working anywhere?" "No. I'm waiting for the holiday nonsense to slow down before I get back out, but my parents keep bugging me. I wish they'd get off my case for once." "Mine are exactly the same. Oh, you're the one who's got two moms, right? How's that like?" "It's no country picnic," she murmured. Seeing that Zane was interested in more than just that, she elaborated: "My parents mean well, but sometimes they can really aggravate me. They always find new ways to embarrass me, and you know the rumors. Half the school thinks that any kid from a same-sex couple is gonna be gay too." "So you're not?" "No," she said easily. "Have you ever thought about it?" This one was a little more difficult to answer. "Well, let's just say that I've thought about a lot of stuff." "Well, being a lesbian specifically." Vai looked around as the crowd started to thicken, and noticed some people who stared her way at the mention of "lesbian". Her face darkened as she sunk in her seat. "I'm not really comfortable talking about that here." "Well, okay. Uh...hey, you got any plans for today?" "Well, I was going to call some friends and see if we can do something later. It's my birthday." "It is?" Zane gave a huge smile and exclaimed, "Happy birthday! I didn't know that!" "Nobody does," she shrugged, a smile of defeat on her lips. "But why did you ask?" "Well, I was wondering, you know, if you and I could hang out. I mean, not just because of that question, or even because it's your birthday... Look, if you've got plans—" "No, I don't mind," she said hastily. "We've still got plenty of hours in the day." "All right, cool. You drive?" "No, I walked." "In this weather?" "I live just a mile away, in...that direction," she pointed. Zane looked over. "Oh. Wow, we live pretty close together. What street?" "Brookhaven." "No kidding, I'm down by Witty. We could be neighbors." "Yeah." Vai grinned and resumed eating, but answered Zane's questions as they came. She was never a very talkative person, unless the situation called for it or somebody sparked her interest—usually she just spoke when spoken to. So, it was a birthday with Zane, eh, and then Avi and Ethan? The day was looking to be better, but then again, it was her birthday. And with 2004 on its last legs, perhaps some gaiety was in order. ...... Aintzane drove her, though Vai had no idea where she wanted to go. Shopping? But she only had fifteen dollars and some change. What could she buy with that? Of course, since she didn't really want anything anyway, why go out in the first place? Zane's reply was refreshing and classical; it made Vai smile brightly. "Because it's there." Zane knew where a good Barnes-and-Noble was, and stopped there first. The day was so early, they actually had to wait outside before the store opened; they talked about a few things until then. And Vai answered Zane's question slightly. "To tell the truth, it's crossed my mind," she admitted, referring to whether or not she had ever entertained homosexual thoughts. "This one story I'm writing has this character, this fairy, falling in love with a girl from Earth. The girl crosses over to this fantasy world and meets lots of cool people, especially this fairy. I...kinda added their romance later, initially as a challenge to myself, to see if I could write a femme-slash. Usually I write straight couples." "So you're a writer?" Vai smiled proudly. "Yeah, amateur. I'd like to grow up to become one, but it's probably gonna be hard. I still don't know what I want as a ‘real' profession," she added, wiggling her fingers to mimic the quotation marks, "but I've been thinking of going into computers." "Hmm, we need more women in computers," Zane agreed. "So, uh, you ever acted on your impulses?" "You mean like ask another girl on a date? No. I've only been on one date, with a guy friend, and that was it. I had a boyfriend in my sophomore year, but that didn't last long. That's the extent of my romantic experience." "Some would call you lucky," replied the younger woman. "Me? I've had all kinds of nonsense since I was fourteen. Calling my love-life mixed up would be saying it politely. That's probably where you hear the bulk of all the rumors about me, and some, unfortunately, are true." "What rumors?" said Vai honestly. Zane grinned. "Uh, forget about it. It's best that you didn't know." "Maybe you're right." "Sooooooo let me get this straight. Have you ever, like, kissed a girl?" "Not even my mothers. I've never even kissed a guy. I'm a frickin' greenhorn." "Hmm, nothing wrong with that," Zane shrugged. "It's getting rare these days to hear of somebody like you. Personally, if I still had my virginity, I'd be one happy woman. You should consider yourself lucky." Vai smiled cheekily. "Oh, I do. In some aspects." Zane crossed her arms and nodded; she checked her watch and noted the store had been open for a few minutes, or should have been. They walked in, the first customers, and took some time to warm up and browse. Vai eventually bought a cheap Stravinsky CD and a thin C.S. Lewis book she had been eyeing; Zane, feeling generous, bought her "new friend" a Bluegrass CD she loved. Vai was flattered and thanked her generously; Zane responded with a mysterious smile. ...... Knox found herself being driven to a foreign place, somewhere she had never been before, only heard about. It was a lookout that oversaw most of the downtown area, and since it was still early and cold, nobody else was around. Zane parked and stepped out of the car, with Vai following. She eyed Zane carefully even though she didn't suspect anything unusual was going to happen. Klein explained her actions. "This is my special place," she said, indicating the lookout. "I come here sometimes when I need some personal space. I play my banjo here a lot. I used to come up here when I was a kid, with my parents, and play with my Sesame Street dolls. I still have some, though Bert and Ernie have seen better days." Vai grinned quietly, and took a deep breath. The sky was just beginning to glow with wintry heat, and the moon was slowly fading away as the sun outshone it. There were not even any cars to break the silence, just a few birds. "It's so quiet." "Serenity is good for my soul," said Zane quietly. She went to her car, opened the trunk, and pulled out a banjo case. She took the instrument out with delicate care and gave Vai a sweet smile. "I know I don't look it, but I'm really a dignified Bluegrass player. I'm actually a member of a band that plays gigs. I'm not paid well, but it's the most fun I ever have, plus it's good practice. Whenever I need to feel better about anything, I come here and pluck it up. I've discovered it's impossible to feel depressed while listening to the banjo." To prove it, she plucked a few strings, then went into a gentle, bittersweet Bluegrass ballad she had made up. Vai smiled and sat on Zane's car quietly, content to listen to this unexpected concert. Five hours ago, she was asleep, her expectations for this day as low as her toes, but they had all been surpassed—it was really feeling like her best birthday. I travel around the gray old rock In search of the one who tore my heart I seen troubles all over this godforsaken world And tread a hundred paths I always find to my surprise That something's around the bend I always find to my surprise I'm willing to take you back again. This summer, I saw her, down by the river And went to take her back This summer, I saw her, I found my heart bleeding She tore it up again Whoa I seen troubles all round this lone world And tread so many paths I always find to my surprise There's something around the bend I always find to my surprise I'm willing to let my heart heal again. Whoa, winter and spring can pass you by It seems like ages, and time don't lie Yet the love I have is eternal and strong Even though I sing a poor woman's song. The yard is full of wandering angels My heart is empty from you I want to feel it live again And I'm not scared of giving it up Whoa I always find to my surprise That something's around the bend And I always find to my surprise I'm willing to take you back again. "Thank you," she said with a bow. Vai sighed with wonder. "I've never heard its equal." "Thanks. You know, if you want, I can give you the band's CD. That song I played is actually on there; it's my song. I sent it into a recording studio, and of course I never got word back from it yet." "Sure," she said with a grin. Zane put the banjo away, closed the trunk, and turned to Vai. "So having a good birthday?" She giggled, Vai actually giggled. "I never thought I would, but here I am. Well, it's definitely better than number seventeen. I'm gonna have to get really snookered in two years to top this one!" "Don't you mean three?" said Zane with a laugh. "No, two. I'm nineteen." "Oh. How's that?" "I got held back a year." "Oh. Man, sucks to be you." "Please don't remind me." "Sorry. Anyway, uh..." Zane's cheeks turned rosy, and not from the winter chill. Vai could tell she was having a hard time saying something, so she waited patiently. "...You say you never kissed a girl, right? Would you be...interested?" "You mean would I like to kiss you?" Zane nodded humbly. Vai scratched her arm and gave it some thought. If she said yes, it would have very little meaning. True, she and Zane had bonded quickly that day, but she couldn't just kiss a girl she was just starting to know, no matter how intimate their— "Oh, trying to use a siren's song on me, eh?" She smiled coyly; Zane shook her head. "No. I just...felt like..." "And dragging me all the way up here to your ‘special place', aka, make-out central?" "Uh, no, it's not like that." Vai smirked and crossed her arms, feeling haughty. Zane was either very predictable, very weird, or very generous, or perhaps a mixture of all three. In any case, she didn't feel like she had to think anymore. A part of her felt like she had been duped into this and wanted to refuse—but another part admitted that it did sound a little romantic. "If I say yes...that does not make me your girlfriend. Got it?" "Uh...oh, of course." "And if I say no, that does not mean I dislike you. I'm going to pretend you took me here because you liked me and wanted to be my friend." "That's...exactly why." Vai smiled. "Okay. Just so we're clear on things. Well, my answer's no." "No?" Zane looked disappointed. Of all the emotions she could've conveyed... Vai couldn't help but feel a little guilty, especially since that small part of her that was curious was now larger. But she had to stay true to herself. She wanted her first kiss to mean something, to be from the man—or, perhaps, the woman—she loved. Doing it just to do it was pointless. So that's what she said, and she stuck by it, for good or ill. "All right," sighed Zane, "but the offer's good anytime you want." "No thanks," she said with a coy smile. "I'd much rather have that CD you talked about." When the two came down from their plateau, Knox had yet another gift to remember her nineteenth by. She swore she would play Zane's CD when Avelina and Ethan came over to her house. ......... She didn't tell mom. She didn't tell mother. She wrote it in her journal, on the margins, and noted to herself that, in spite of everything that had happened to her since her last entry, there was still no Number Eleven. She had gone all the way up to Ten and stopped. Chewing her lip, she wondered if now was a good time to add something. Well, nothing really better to do, so why not? Eleven 12/30/04 Birthday (#19) Made two friends, Avelina Rohani and Ethan Nikholai (before). On this day, I came very close to receiving my very first kiss, from Aintzane Rikke Klein, of all people. I hope this isn't going to evolve into anything else. She's definitely not my type. More of a "just to say it happened" sort of thing. She stopped there and didn't consider writing more. So her life—her senior year in Stanton, her entire eighteenth year as a person, and everything that had happened in that time—it could be summed up in a few sentences? Apparently so, because she stopped writing and started typing. "World Fantastic" needed an update, and Dawn, the fairy of the morning, had some issues to resolve with her beloved Veronica. Veronica. A normal name. Vai wished she had been named that instead of what she got. Chalk it up to mom's weird sense of humor. But now she could truly live as she wanted, even if she needed to use her "alias" to do it. In her mind, Vairocana from Earth and Veronica living in Gaios were one and the same. Avelina and Ethan arrived around lunchtime, bringing one present each. The two Knox women—well, the elder ones—greeted them both warmly and thanked them for their kindness. By that time, Avelina had seen them enough to be comfortable with their love for each other; Ethan, however, still became flush whenever he saw them brush against each other...or exchange knowing smiles...or touch ever so seductively...or sneak off and— "BAH!" screamed Avelina, making poor Ethan jump. She laughed out loud and hugged him; he tried to catch his breath. "That never gets old!" she exclaimed; he sighed. "Only for you, dear." A few more kisses pacified him; Vai came by later, once she stepped out of the bathroom, and greeted her two closest friends—really her only friends—with a hug. "So how has your birthday been so far?" asked Ethan. "Um...it exceeded my expectations so far. They were really low...but now they're kinda high. Oh, I was just thinking, if you two don't have any plans, maybe we could go see a movie tomorrow." "Sure, sounds great." Avelina couldn't enjoy movies the way everyone else could, but neither could Vai, which somehow made it better. Just being with each other seemed enough. "And after that, would you like to stay over for New Year's?" "Definitely! But we'd have to notify some people." Ethan walked to the side and made the necessary calls right then and there, first addressing his girlfriend's parents, then his own adopted mother. The Rohanis, who had grown to love Ethan almost as much as their daughter, were pleased to hear that she was finally finding some real friends, and other girls at that. They gave her permission and wished them all a happy New Year; Ethan's adopted mother only needed to hear the news before she permitted him to do anything. After all, he was nineteen years old. "So what do we do first?" asked Avelina. "Well, I got a few CDs I want to listen to. Maybe we could play some games while that's going on. Oh, did you two have any lunch?" "No, not yet. We were kind of hoping to have it with you." Vai smiled warmly—they were so good to her. "Mom was thinking of taking me out, but I'd rather save that for dinner. What say we just order some take-out and have a social hour here? I've got a few movies I've been meaning to watch, and if my old Nintendo 64 isn't too dusty, we can crank that up and play Goldeneye." "Cool!" exclaimed Avelina. Ethan went along with her idea, which bugged Rohani to the point of having a little spat. Vai sighed and left the lovebirds to their quarrel as she hunted for the phone and phonebook. Her parents both asked for something as well, and even offered to pay. Whatever would happen later that evening, Vai knew she would not be spending the evening alone. ...... They say it's your birthday It's my birthday too, yeah They say it's your birthday We're gonna have a good time I'm glad it's your birthday Happy Birthday to you! Yes we're going to a party, party Yes we're going to a party, party Yes we're going to a party, party I would like you to dance (birthday!) Take a cha-cha-cha-chance (birthday!) I would like you to dance (birthday!) DANCE! I would like you to dance (birthday!) Take a cha-cha-cha-chance (birthday!) I would like you to dance (birthday!) DANCE! They say it's your birthday It's my birthday too, yeah They say it's your birthday We're gonna have a good time I'm glad it's your birthday Happy Birthday to you! "Cool!" Avelina grinned. "I always have to play that song on my special day. Chalk it up to a short-lived obsession with the Beatles." "Hey, they're a good band," noted Ethan. "Yeah. Didn't June Tramble say she liked George Harrison?" "Yeah. Well, open our presents!" She carefully tore into Ethan's first, since "Nikholai comes before Rohani" (she stated, giggling), and smiled broadly. It was a small, block-shaped book, fittingly titled "The Writer's Block", something Vai had specifically asked for. She hugged Ethan and thanked him for the gift, then went for Avi's. "...A Piggy bank?" It was a small swine-shaped safe, complete with rubber stopper and a cute engraving on the side: "To Vai, Happy Birthday! Your pal, Avi". Knox chuckled softly and shook it gently. She heard the faint rustling of paper inside, and undid the stopper to claw for it. It was a single sheet of paper, a gift certificate to be exact. It was for a spa! "Whoa," she whispered as she looked at it. "‘Good for one day of selfish bliss'? Uh, this is...unexpected..." "You don't like it?" Vai smiled merrily and hugged the paper close. "No, I love it! I think I'll save this for Valentine's day, since I'll obviously not be occupied anyway. Thanks, Avi." The two hugged, and once that was out of the way... "Well! Cake, ice cream, anyone?" "Sure, this party's just...getting...started!" Both Vai and Ethan were taken aback by Avelina's sudden burst of energy. She chuckled nervously. "Uh, hehe, sorry. Got carried away." "Well...it is the holiday season," said Ethan. "And my birthday," added Vai. They smiled at each other, and, in unison, tackled poor Avelina and wrestled her until she gave in. When Vai's friends had their fill, late in the evening, they left with fond wishes and farewells. They would be back the next day, with a couple more friends that Avelina had somehow made since she arrived in Stanton. Vai liked the idea and invited them all. She spent the evening alone, but that didn't really matter. For the first time in a very long while, she had had a happy birthday. Only one thing would complete such a day. Vairocana Knox grinned, stripped to her underwear, snuggled underneath the bed, and turned on the television. She had an hour-long date with the Three Stooges. Next chapter: Last Evening of 2004
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