-The Egg, the Feline and the Batwoman! Part II- -Guest-Starring Vincent Price as Egghead- -And- -Guest Starring Julie Newmar as Catwoman- ------ -(Spinning Batsignal zooms in and out of the screen)- -Last time, that felonious feline Catwoman and egg-obsessed super criminal Egghead teamed up to steal a dozen Faberge' eggs and nine jewel encrusted gold cat statues, as well as several other gems belonging to the late Rodney Johnson III. The jewel collection was being auctioned off for charity to raise money for Gotham's orphans. During the robbery, young Barbara Gordon (who's secretly the dashing crime fighter Batgirl) was kidnapped by Catwoman and her mob.- -Splitting up, Batwoman chased down a lead on Catwoman while Batman found himself stranded along 1st and Elm thanks to Robin's incompetence. Upon finding Catwoman's lair, Batwoman was captured, and she now finds herself and Barbara Gordon tied down to a conveyer belt slowly carrying them to their doom inside a catnip grinder!- Batwoman grimaced as she tugged on the cords restraining her to the conveyer belt. She'd tried to flex her arm muscles while she was being tied so that, when she later relaxed them, the ropes would become lax. Unfortunately the trick didn't work; the thug who tied her and Barbara up made sure the ropes were extra tight. On her end, Barbara Gordon was likewise becoming frustrated. "These ropes are too tight," she cried out in despair, "What are we going to do?" "If I can... just... reach... my Batwoman utility belt..." Batwoman groaned as she continued to tug against the restraints, "Nnngh! No good; the ropes are too tight. Miss Gordon," she said anxiously at she looked down at her fellow captive, "Is there any way you can possibly try to pull against the ropes enough to get yourself up closer to me?" "I'll try," Barbara said as she tugged with all her might against her bonds. Meanwhile the grinding gears of the catnip shredder continued to grow louder as the two inched closer and closer to their demise. Finally, after a few seconds, she looked back up at the hero, "This is as far as I can get," she said after managing to get herself almost half a foot up the ramp, "Is this any good?" "It's perfect!" Batwoman said triumphantly, "Now listen carefully; to the right of my buckle is a compartment where I keep my Batarangs. You're going to have to try to open it and pull one out with your teeth." Barbara raised her eyebrow at that one. "What?" she asked incredulously. "No time to argue Miss Gordon," Batwoman said in an almost pleading tone, "Hurry, we only have a few seconds left." Barbara turned to see the utility belt next to her head. Unfortunately the action of the head turn, combined with the motion of the conveyer belt, caused several locks of her hair to fall over her eyes. "Darn it, I can barely see..." she grumbled under her breath just before going towards Batwoman teeth first. "Niyaaa!" "Batwoman!" Barbara cried out as she looked up to see the crime fighter's eyes nearly bulging out of her mask and her jaw hanging slack, "Batwoman, what happened? Did I get the wrong spot?" "N... No," Batwoman managed to gasp out in a higher than normal voice, "Actually, you hit the perfect spot! But unfortunately you totally missed my utility belt." Barbara made a face, "Oh... my... God..." she whispered as she blushed a deep crimson. "No time to be embarrassed," Batwoman implored, "Try again, quickly!" "Stupid hair," Barbara mumbled as she quickly blew some strands out of her eyes. Once again trying for the utility belt, she succeeded and managed to open the compartment with the Batarangs in it. Clutching onto one of them with her teeth, she passed it over to Batwoman's right hand. "Good job!" Batwoman said with a smile as she quickly used the sharpened edge to cut her wrist free. Her arm now free, she cut away at the rest of the ropes. She then swiftly untied Barbara Gordon, picking the young woman up in her arms just as the young woman was about to be fed into the machine. "That was a close one," the crime fighter said grimly as she held Barbara in her arms, "I..." she was cut off as her companion wrapped her arms around her neck and hugged her tightly. "You saved me again." Barbara whispered as she buried her head in Batwoman's shoulder. The corners of the caped crusader's lips curled up into a smile as she held the other woman. Then something occurred to her, "Again?" she asked. "Hmm?" Barbara muttered, feeling safe and secure in Batwoman's arms. "You said I saved you again. What did you mean?" Barbara's eyes shot open. "Er... I just meant you saved me," she said, trying to cover up for the fact that she was saved once before as Batgirl. "I... I guess after all that's happened I was just confused." "Oh, of course," Batwoman said as she finally lowered Miss Gordon, "Come on, let's get you back to your father Commissioner Gordon," she said as she and Barbara headed out of the hideout. -Spinning Batsignal- -A short time later, in Commissioner Gordon's office...- As Batman and Robin entered the Commissioner's office, they found Batwoman already in the room with Gordon and Chief O'Hara. "Dynamic duo," Commissioner Gordon said, "What the devil happened to the two of you?" "Yeah," Batwoman said, her eyebrow arched as she leaned back against Gordon's desk and crossed her arms, "I'd be interested to hear that myself." "Well," Batman began, "You see, after we split up..." "Holy screw-ups Batman," Robin said dejectedly, "You don't have to take the heat for this. It was my fault, I goofed up the Batmobile," he admitted. Batwoman smirked, "It's okay, Robin. Actually, I managed to escape from a deadly trap set by Catwoman and I saved Commissioner Gordon daughter Barbara." "Aye, that she did caped crusader," Chief O'Hara said, "But those dirty crooks still have the family jewels in their filthy hands." "Chief O'Hara's right," Commissioner Gordon put in, "And the thought of Catwoman and Egghead grabbing the family jewels makes my blood boil!" "Mine too!" a woman's voice declared. Everyone in the room turned to see Batgirl enter the office. As the newcomer's gaze fell upon Batwoman, she blushed cutely. A fact which was not lost upon Batwoman, who smirked ever so slightly. "Now that all four of you are here," Commissioner Gordon said, "We can focus on our next plan of attack. "Commissioner," Batman asked, "Have we done everything possible to keep those two scoundrels from escaping Gotham?" "Absolutely, Batman," the commissioner affirmed, "We've been busy sealing off our borders to keep them within the city. In fact, I'm just waiting to hear from some law enforcement agents from a rural area about twenty miles south of Gotham now. And once they check in, the dragnet should be complete, I..." Commissioner Gordon was cut off as his phone rang. "Hello? What? Yes, send them in." "Who was that?" Batwoman asked. "That was my secretary. Those law enforcement agents I told you about just arrived," he answered as a rural sheriff and his deputy entered the room. Turning to the two lawmen, he smiled as he walked over to shake their hands. "Sheriff Andy Taylor, it's good to see you again. I only wish it was under better circumstances." "Well, golly Commissioner," Sheriff Andy answered smiling back, "Me and ol' Barney here are happy to help you big city folk out, ain't that right Barn?" "You said it Andy," his skinny deputy answered, "We can't have cat people and egg persons running about on the loose! We got to nip this in the bud, Andy! Nip it, nip it, right in the bud!" "By all the saints," Chief O'Hara said as he came over to the Sheriff, "What do you have there?" he asked, pointing to something Sheriff Andy was holding. "Oh, well... When Aunt Bee heard Deputy Barney Fife and I were coming here to Gotham to see you and your costumed friends, she remembered how much Commissioner Gordon enjoyed her huckleberry pie last time he came to visit. So she made a fresh one for y'all to enjoy." With that, he brought the pie up to his nose and sniffed. "Mmmm... It's so gooood..." "Well," Commissioner Gordon said as he took the pie, "Tell your aunt Bee I said 'thank you.'" "Will do, Commissioner. Come on, Barn," Andy said as he and Barney left. "Holy pointlessly random cameos, Batman!" Robin exclaimed. "Batman," Batwoman said, "This time, I think it might be best if the four of us went out to bring in Egghead and Catwoman together." "Quite right," Batman agreed, "But where would they be now?" "I've got it!" Batgirl said, "The old Sulfery Good Pickled Eggs plant out in the West side." "Of course," Commissioner Gordon affirmed. "Holy family jewel yanking felons, what are we waiting for?" Robin asked. Batman, Robin, Batwoman and Batgirl proceeded to race out of the office after the crooks. Once the heroes were gone, Chief O'Hara turned to the Commissioner. "Say Gordon, did you hear about that little pornography ring me and the boys broke up this morning?" "Pornography ring?" Gordon asked, "Why no. What happened?" "By the luck o'the Irish, we confiscated a good half-dozen dirty movies." "Half a dozen, you say?" Gordon asked. The office got very quiet for a few seconds. Then, with an impish look in his eyes, the commissioner turned to Chief O'Hara. "O'Hara," he asked, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "Aye, that I am!" O'Hara said with a big dopey grin, "You grab the movie projector, I'll get the popcorn, and we'll both meet up in the evidence room in twenty minutes!" And with that both dirty old men... er... law enforcement officials ran off. -Spinning Batsignal- -Later that evening, at the Sulfery Good Pickled Eggs plant, Egghead and Catwoman, along with their henchmen, gazed with glee at their ill-gotten booty.- "Ah... egg-xquisite," Egghead said as he continued to examine his Faberge' eggs, "Simply egg-xtraordinary." "I agree," Catwoman said as she held one of the jewel-encrusted gold cats in her hands, "And once we get away from Gotham and outside its jurisdiction, not even Batman and Robin will be able to purrrsue us." "And what of Batwoman and young Barbara Gordon?" Egghead asked, "Did you egg-xterminate them?" "Yes," Catwoman said with glee, "The fool purrrsued Barbara Gordon and fell right into our clutches! By now both of them have been purrrged from ever troubling us again." "Egg-xcelent!" Egghead gushed with joy. "By the way Catwoman, just what did you mean a day or so ago when you said you thought Batwoman was 'purrfect?' You're not... You know?" "Humph!" Catwoman said with a frown as she crossed her arms, "Don't be so purrritanical. We..." she was cut off as the door was smashed open, and Batman and Robin rushed in, followed by Batwoman and Batgirl. "Batwoman!" Catwoman exclaimed in shock, "But... But you're..." "Dead?" Batwoman asked sarcastically. "Sorry to disappoint, but both Barbara Gordon and I are quite alive." "Yes," Batman said, "And it's the end of the line for all of you." "Doh, this is getting us nowhere!" Egghead sneered, "Get them!" he ordered his henchmen as he, Catwoman and two of Catwoman's gang ran through a side door and up the stairs leading to the second floor. As the 60s Batman fight music began, one of the crooks came at Batgirl. She side-stepped him and delivered a judo-chop to the back of his head. -CHOP!- Batman took on a large goon who tried to come at him with a punch to the face. Blocking the blow, the crime fighter then monkey-flipped the criminal through a nearby table. -CRASH!- Robin was cornered by two of Egghead's henchmen, until Batwoman came from behind and banged both criminal's heads together, knocking them both unconscious. -KA-BONG!- "Batgirl," Batwoman ordered, "Stay here and tie up these crooks. Batman, Robin and I are going after Egghead and Catwoman!" and with that they left, leaving Batgirl behind with the unconscious felons as they raced up the stairs. Emerging on the second floor, Batwoman headed for Catwoman as Batman and Robin began to fight Egghead and Catwoman's two hired hands. "Didn't expect to see me again, did you?" Batwoman asked with a smirk as she and Catwoman began circling one another. "Bah!" Catwoman spat out, "You may have escaped my trap, but you won't escape me!" she said as she came at Batwoman's face with her sharp nails. -SCRATCH!- Batwoman winced as she brought her hand up to the scratch mark left behind on her right cheek. "Why you dirty..." she growled out as she open-hand smacked Catwoman in the face. -BITCH SLAP!- "Ow! You hussie!" Catwoman cried out as she grabbed two handfuls of Batwoman's hair. -YANK!- Batwoman grabbed Catwoman's hair as well and, sweeping her foot behind Catwoman's left ankle, sent them both to the floor. -CATFIGHT!- Batman, Robin, Egghead and the others in the room stopped in mid-fight to stare at Batwoman and Catwoman rolling around on the ground, yanking each others hair and screaming at the top of their lungs as each fought for dominance over the other. Catwoman at one point was on top of Batwoman, holding the hero's wrists pinned down to the floor, but Batwoman managed to squirm out of it and turn the tables, pinning the villainess underneath her instead. Both were breathing heavily as their chests pressed together in their titanic struggle. Batgirl, having just finished tying up the other gang members, now emerged from the staircase to see all the men in the room standing around glassy-eyed as they watched the two women cat-fight on the floor. Incredulously, she approached Batman. "Batman? What are you doing? Aren't you going to help Batwoman?" "I'm afraid I can't," the crime fighter answered. "What? Why not?" "Because if I try to move right now, I'm liable to hurt myself," he admitted. "I say, Batgirl," Egghead chimed in as Batwoman got Catwoman in a scissor hold with her legs wrapped around her abdomen, "I realize this is probably egg-xemplary bad manners, but could you move out of the way?" "Holy underwear, Batman!" Robin blurted out, "Now I have a strange feeling around my belt!" "I know what you mean," Egghead said, "It's like watching a really good egg-sploitation film, egg-cept it's taking place right in front of you." Batgirl turned away from the leering group to look once more at the two women rolling around on the floor, pulling each other's hair and screaming obscenities at one another. She then turned back to the group as she rolled her eyes. "Men," she grumbled under her breath. Reaching into her utility belt, she pulled out three Batcuffs and, as Egghead and the two henchmen continued to watch the girl fight, she handcuffed all three of them. She then quickly went over to a phone sitting on a nearby desk and called the police. Finally, shaking her head, she went over to the two combatants writhing against one another on the linoleum-tiled floor. Catwoman was once more on top, straddling Batwoman's hips as she held the hero's arms down. "I told you before," she hissed with a maniacal look in her eyes, "No one turns me down!" She then began to lower herself towards the other woman, smiling viciously as her lips came ever closer to Batwoman's mouth. Before she could close the gap though, she suddenly felt a small tapping on her shoulder. Turning around irritably, she saw Batgirl standing over her with her hands on her hips. "I believe the lady already turned you down," she said, just before delivering a vicious punch to Catwoman's jaw. -Ka-Pow!- -Spinning Batsignal- -A short time later...- By the time Catwoman finally regained consciousnes, Chief O'Hara and several members of the Gotham City Police Force were already on the scene leading Egghead and the rest of the gang away. "Get me my lawyer!" Egghead yelled as a pair of young rookies pulled him towards the exit, "You're egg-xeeding your authority! This is a clear case of egg-xcessive force! I'll..." "Tell you what," one of the officers suggested just before they left the room, "Why don't you 'egg-xercise' your fifth amendment rights and shut the hell up!" "Chief O'Hara," Batman said as he handed over a heavy bag, "Here are the stolen jewels of the late Rodney Johnson III." "Yes," Batwoman added, "Now Bruce Wayne and Kate Kane can finally hold the charity auction to help out the orphans of Gotham." "Tura lura lura!" Chief O'Hara exclaimed, "The city of Gotham once more owes you all a great debt of gratitude." "Holy movie matinee," Robin said as he sniffed Chief O'Hara, "Chief, did you go to the movies after we left? You smell like buttered popcorn." "No Boy Wonder," a befuddled O'Hara quickly answered, "And Commissioner Gordon and I weren't watching dirty movies in the evidence room either, if that's what you're implying." "What?" Robin asked perplexedly, "Why in the world would I think that?" "Er... Chief O'Hara," Batman said, interrupting the conversation before it went any further, "Perhapse now would be a good time to lead Catwoman away." "Right," O'Hara said, thankful for the excuse to get out of the potentially damaging conversation. As he grabbed the Felonious Feline's arm to lead her away, Catwoman turned angrily towards Batwoman. "Just you wait!" she yelled, "I'll get you for this, Batwoman! You'll rue the day you ever tangled with me! You hear me?" she yelled as she was dragged off by Chief O'Hara, "Start ruing!" "Batman," Batgirl said, "Would you and Robin mind leaving Batwoman and me alone for a few minutes?" "Not at all," Batman answered as he turned to Robin. "Come, old chum," he said as he and the Boy Wonder left down the stairs, leaving Batgirl and Batwoman alone on the second floor. "Batgirl," Batwoman said hesitantly, "If this is about my goosing you last time, I'm sorry. It was just a little joke, and..." "No, no, it's not that," Batgirl said as she slowly came over. To Batwoman's surprise, she wrapped her arms around her in a tender embrace. "That's for saving me last time, and this," she said as she leaned in and gently kissed the older woman on the cheek, "Is for saving Barbara Gordon." She then turned around to leave, a smile teasing her lips at the look of astonishment on Batwoman's lovely face. Batwoman watched her fellow crime fighter walk out as she brought her hand up to her cheek where Batgirl had kissed her. She grinned from ear to ear at the warm feeling the feather-light peck on the cheek gave her. Finally, she left as well to disappear into the night. -Spinning Batsignal- -Was Batgirl only having a bit of fun at Batwoman's expense, or could this be the beginning of something more? And what new adventures await our favorite Sensational Sapphic Superhero in her ongoing war against crime? Tune in next time for an all-new Batwoman adventure- same Bat-time, same Bat-channel!- ------ End Notes: Thank you once again to everyone for the reviews. And you were right Mr. Toasty- I was forgetting the spinning Batsignal. I remembered this time though, and I went back and put it in the previous two chapters as well.
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