-Guest-Starring Caesar Romero as the Joker- ---- -(Spinning Batsignal zooms in and out of the screen)- -Gotham. And at the palatial Kane Estate, attractive young debutant and closeted lesbian Kate Kane makes her way into her bedroom.- "After gathering all the clues together and sifting through them," Kate said to herself as she headed for her closet, "It looks like the Joker and his henchmen are headquartered in the abandoned Whizzo Toy and Novelty warehouse on the outskirts of Gotham." Reaching into her closet, she pulls out a black costume with a large red bat displayed prominently on the front of it. "It looks like it's time for my debut. And if Batman and the others are already there, then there's not a minute to lose!" -(Spinning Batsignal)- -Meanwhile, when last we left the Dynamic Duo and Batgirl, all three were in the clutches of that Sinister Clown Prince of Crime, the Joker!- "Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha!" the Joker laughed gleefully. Behind him stood four thugs, each wearing a black shirt with the word "Crook" and a number written on it in white lettering. "Crook number one, are those three annoying do-gooders tied up securely?" The henchman wearing the "Crook #1" shirt went over to check on Batman, Robin and Batgirl. All three were bound to a giant catapult, with a huge magnifying lens hanging over them. "They're secure, boss," the thug said. "You filthy criminals," Batman called over, "What are you going to do to us?" "I'm glad you asked, Bat-dope!" the Joker laughed. "When the sun reaches just the right spot in the sky, it will shoot a beam of light through that magnifying glass, burning that rope there," he said as he pointed to a thin rope keeping the catapult's triggering mechanism from going off, "Which will then cause this catapult to launch you three ninnies head first into that brick wall in front of you. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!" "Oh no!" Batgirl cried out. "Oh, but it's not just any brick wall," the Joker continued. "Oh no; it's an exploding brick wall! Wah, ha, ha, ha! That's right, the minute your bodies collide face first into the wall, it'll unnecessarily detonate and bow your already dead carcasses up to Hades! Ah, ha, ha, ha!" "Holy Rube Goldberg!" Robin exclaimed. "You fiend!" Batman snarled. "If I can only reach my utility belt..." "You mean this?" Joker asked as he held the belt up to show the three heroes. "Muwah, ha, ha, ha! I took the liberty of removing it from your person after my nerve gas rendered you boobs unconscious." "You'll never get away with this!" Batgirl called out as she struggled against the ropes, "We'll get out, and when we do..." "Ha, ha, ha! Get out? No Batgirl, not this time. You see, after all these years it finally dawned on me that every time one of us super-criminals get you three in a trap like this, we leave the room and you Bat-dopes escape. No more! This time, my henchmen and I are staying right here until the bitter end, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha..." -(Spinning Batsignal)- -Twenty-three Minutes Later...- "Heh... Heh... Ho boy." "Duh... Say boss," Crook Number Three said with a yawn, "Just how much longer are we going to be waitin' here? Me and th' boys is gettin' bored." Behind him, Crooks Number Two and Four were playing a game of cards over an over-turned crate as crook number one slept soundly leaning against a side wall. Meanwhile, Batman, Robin and Batgirl continued to struggle against the ropes. "Doh... Shut up!" the Joker pouted. "I told you, we're not leaving until Batman, Boy-Blunder and the girl are done for. Besides, the sun should be in just the right spot for the giant magnifying lens any minute now. We..." "Stop right there!" a woman's voice yelled out angrily. Everyone turned to see a woman swinging from a rope land on the roof. She wore a skin-tight black costume with a red bat insignia on her chest. Her gloves and high-heeled boots were red, as was the inside lining of her black cape. Red hair flowed down from behind her black mask. "Holy plot contrivance, Batman!" Robin blurted out. "Who are you?" the Joker demanded. "I'm Batwoman," the newcomer announced, "And you're finished, Joker!" "We'll see about that, missy. Get her!" the Joker ordered. All four henchmen rushed the attractive hero as the 60s Batman fight music began to play in the background. Crook number two was the first to reach her, missing with a fist as she ducked and landed a heavy blow to his jaw. "POW!" As crooks number one and four ran at her, she pulled a small rod from her utility belt. Pushing a button, it extended to a staff she used to clothesline both criminals. "BIFFO!" Crook number three managed to grab her from behind. Batwoman immediately brought the heel of her boot down on his foot. "CRUNCH!" As Crook number one let her go and began hoping around on one foot clutching onto the other in agony, Batwoman knocked him out with a roundhouse kick to the face. "A WHOMP BOP-A-LOO-BOP!" Seeing that he was losing, the Joker himself tried to attack. Batwoman blocked the punch easily as she quickly delivered a well-placed kick to an extremely sensitive area of the male anatomy. "AAAAARGH!" "Holy high notes, Batman," Robin cringed. -(Spinning Batsignal)- -A short time later, Gotham's finest, led by Chief O'Hara, showed up to lead the Joker and his gang away.- "Yes, chief," Batman said gratefully. "It was thanks to Batwoman here we were saved." "Saints preserve us," O'Hara said in his heavy Irish accent, "The City of Gotham certainly owes you a debt of gratitude, ma'am." Batwoman smiled warmly, "You're very welcome," she said humbly, "I..." "Chief O'Hara," Robin called over as he brought over a large chest filled with the Joker's stolen goods. "Aren't these yours?" he asked as he pulled two items out of the box. "Me lucky rabbit's foot and four-leaf clover!" he exclaimed. Turning to the Joker and his henchmen, Chief O'Hara angrily waved his baton at them, "Right, I'll teach you to steal me lucky charms! Off with them!" he ordered as the police dragged them away, leaving the Dynamic Duo, Batgirl and Batwoman alone on the roof of the Joker's lair. "Now that the danger's past," Batman said as he smiled warmly at the new hero, "Allow me to thank you personally," he said as he offered his hand. Batwoman took his hand and shook it firmly. She then shook Robin's hand, smiling as he blushed cutely under her gaze. When she got to Batgirl, however, instead of shaking it she held it firmly in her own as she leaned forward. "You're Batgirl, aren't you?" she asked, trying to make small talk. "Um..." Batgirl raised her eyebrow, trying to figure out why the taller woman was still holding her hand. "Batgirl," Batwoman said in a low, sultry voice, "Has anyone ever told you that you have beautiful eyes? You do, you know..." "Psst. Hey, Batman," Robin whispered out of the corner of his mouth. "What the heck's going on? Why's Batwoman acting weird all of a sudden around Batgirl?" "Isn't it obvious?" Batman whispered back. Robin looked inquisitively back at the two women, and at the way Batwoman was leering at the younger Batgirl. Finally, it dawned on him; "Holy Sappho, Batman!" "Precisely, old chum! It seems this new caped crusader against crime is into girls! Hmmm... I'm getting a funny feeling right around my utility belt, Robin..." "Holy too much information, Batman," Robin groaned, sticking out his tongue in disgust. "I think I could have gone the rest of my adolescent life without hearing that sentence from you." "...So, what do you say?" Batwoman asked as she rubbed the back of Batgirl's glove with her thumb, "You, me, a carriage ride through Gotham Park..." "Er, well, that is..." Batgirl fidgeted uncomfortably. "It... It's not that I'm ungrateful for your saving us and all, and I really am flattered, but..." "(sigh) It's alright," Batwoman said. "If you ever change your mind though, let me know, okay?" she said as she brought the back of Batgirl's hand up to her lips. She then turned once more to Batman and Robin. "I hope to be able to help you all again in the future." With that she turned to leave. As she brushed past Batgirl to leap from the rooftop, the younger girl gave a yelp and clutched her rear in shock. "She... She pinched my bottom," Batgirl cried out incredulously, "I've just been goosed by Batwoman!" "Holy sexual harassment, Batman!" -(Spinning Batsignal)- -Will Batman and Robin encounter this new denizen of justice again? Will Batgirl try to come after Batwoman for pinching her bum? Or will Batwoman get Batgirl to turn? And just what the hell kind of Batwoman fanfic has no mention of Renee Montoya whatsoever anyways? Tune in next week for the exciting answers to these questions. Same Bat time, same Bat channel.-
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