"And now," a young woman's voice announced over opening theme music, "It's time once again for the Mireille Bouquet Show. Tonight's guests will be the goddess Belldandy, the famous rock star and lead singer of The Replicants, Priss Asagiri, and from Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, Jar Jar Binks. And now, ladies and gentleman, here's the star of our show, Mireille Bouquet." As the crowd in the studio cheered wildly, the blonde Corsican came out and bowed, "Thank you," she said pleasantly, "And now, let's hear a big round of applause for my co-host, the Robin to my Batman, Kirika Yumura!" The audience once again applauded as the somber-looking young Japanese woman came onstage next to her partner. The two went over to the set, Mireille taking her seat behind the large desk as Kirika sat next to her. The blonde turned to her co-host as they began their usual opening-show banter. "Wow, tonight's show sounds exciting, doesn't it?" "Mmm." "We have a goddess, a rock star, and a... Well, whatever the hell a Jar Jar Binks is. Jar Jar... that sounds a bit Middle Eastern, doesn't it?" "Mmm." Kirika answered, adding "I checked. He's not an anime character?" "Neither was that kid Webster we had on last week," Mireille gently reminded her, "I don't believe in discrimination, remember?" "Mmm." "By the way, how is Webster?" "The doctors at the hospital say he should be able to be released in on his own cognizance in a week, but he'll still never be able to walk properly again." "Oh. Remind me to send him some belladonna flowers to cheer him up." "Mmm." "Anyways folks, we'll be bringing out our guests momentarily, but first it's time once again for viewer mail!" Mireille announced as the audience cheered wildly for the popular segment, "And the first one's for me. ‘Dear Mireille, you and Kirika have killed so many people during your time as assassins, was there any hit that really stuck out?' Well actually yes, there was. It was a harrowing tale of a pair of desperate roommates who were constantly being harassed and abused both physically and mentally by a third party. After taking the pain and humiliation for years, the two finally decided it was time to end the cycle of abuse, and contacted Kirika and myself to take care of the vicious perpetrator. I can remember it like it was yesterday..." -Flashback- "Hey puddin' head," the man in the bowl haircut ordered, "Get over here and help me hang this picture. I'll hold the nail while you hit it with the hammer." "Sure thing Moe, nyuk nyuk nyuk," the other man said. He took the hammer and accidentally hit the first man's fingers instead of the nail. "Ow!" "Niah! Moe, are you okay?" The first man looked angrily at the other as he held up his hand, "Pick out two," he ordered. "One, two... OW!" he shouted as the first man poked him in the eyes with his index and middle finger. "Hey," a third man said as he came into the room, "Leave him alone!" "Quiet porcupine!" Smack! "Now you two numbskulls shape up or I'll murder ya'. I..." he was cut off as the doorbell rang. The third man went to answer it as the first continued to threaten the second. "Hey Moe," the third man called out from the door, "There's two dames out here who want to see you." "Really?" Moe asked as he ran to the door to see a tall statuesque blonde and a smaller Japanese girl standing next to her. "Are you Moe Howard?" the blonde asked. "Yeah, I'm Moe," he answered, "How can I help you toots?" With that, the two women pulled out their guns and blasted him away. -End Flashback- "You know, it really felt good to be able to help put an end to an abusive situation like that," Mireille said, "Well Kirika, the next letter's yours." "Mmm. 'Dear Kirika, my friends and I have sleepovers all the time, and we love to stay up late to watch your show. We also love playing board games like Monopoly and Sorry into the early morning hours. Do you and Mireille have any games you like playing?' Mmm... Yes, we play a game called 'The Curious Corsican,' where Mireille will says things like 'I wonder how Kirika will like this?" Then she'll touch me someplace intimate like my mmmph..." the young Japanese woman was cut off as the now blushing Mireille quickly covered her mouth with her hand. She smiled nervously out at the audience as she sweatdropped. "Uh... He he... Look folks, it's another letter for me," the blonde said as she quickly grabbed a nearby letter to read, ‘Dear Mireille, you have a very nice chest. How much did it cost?' What? Signed by ‘I.P. Freely' huh? You listen here Freely, I..." "Mireille, look," Kirika said as she pointed to the letter, "the handwriting's the same as the other two you got last time. Remember, from Seymour Butts and that Rosy Palm lady." "Wha..." Mireille said in shock as she studied the handwriting, "But... But last time one of those letters was from the US, wasn't it?" "Could've been a trick," the younger woman pointed out. "Hmm... So, a serial prank letter writer, eh?" the blonde said as she narrowed her eyes, "Looks like we've got a mystery on our hands, huh?" "Mireille, the show," Kirika reminded. "Oh, right," the host said, "We'll find the jerk and deal with him later," she hissed dangerously, "But now folks, let's bring out our first guest. She's a goddess, and if you're lucky enough to contact the Goddess Help Line, she just might appear to grant your wildest wish. Ladies and gentlemen, let's give a warm round of applause to Belldandy." The audience applauded as the beautiful goddess came out carrying something. Kirika moved down a seat as Belldandy sat next to her. "Hello Miss Bouquet," the cheerful goddess said. "Hello Belldandy," Mireille answered back, "I see you brought something with you." The brunette nodded, "I baked a cake for both you and Kirika," she said. The goddess was surprised when the host and co-host suddenly became somber, "Miss Bouquet, is something wrong?" "It... It's okay," Mireille answered, "My co-host Kirika just had a bad experience with cake once." "I had to kill my other half with a cake fork," the young woman explained. "I see..." the goddess said, "I'm sorry to hear that." "Mmm. Thanks for the thought, though." "So," Mireille said in an attempt to get the show back on track, "It says here you have a habit of popping out of mirrors and complicating young college student's lives." "Well, I..." "Do you do that to all college students?" Kirika interrupted, "Because Mireille wants me to go back to school, and my life is already complicated enough." "Isn't that the truth," Mireille quipped. "Oh no," Belldandy explained, "I've only really done that to one college student, Keiichi Morisato. We've become bonded, you see. He wished a goddess like me could be with him always, and his wish was granted." "Oh?" the blonde host said, "You know, my co-host and I are bonded as well. In our case it's by an ancient fate." "Really?" the goddess asked cheerfully, "Keiichi and I are always getting into one whacky adventure after another, sometimes with his motor club, other times with my sisters Urd and Skuld. What do you two do? Outside of the show, I mean." "We engage in photography." Kirika answered. "Really?" Belldandy asked as Mireille's face suddenly blushed from embarrassment again. "Mmm. That's what Mireille likes to call it when we turn the out the lights and see what develops." Belldandy was now blushing as well. Mireille gave her partner a dirty look, then turned to address the audience. "And now folks," the Corsican said as she tried to compose herself, "Let's bring out our next guest. Here to perform one of her songs is the lead singer of the Replicants, Priss Asagiri." The audience began to cheer wildly as the famous rock star came out to the side of the stage with an acoustic guitar. She sat down on the small stool already set up for her and performed an unplugged version of Kon'ya Wa Hurricane. As she finished to thunderous applause she bowed, gave her guitar to one of the stage hands, and went over to take the guest seat nearest Mireille once Kirika and Belldandy moved down for her. "Wow." The blonde host said, "That was great!" "Thanks," the singer said. "Looking over some of your hit songs like Kon'ya Wa Hurricane, Mad Machine and Chase the Dream, not a lot of people realize you wrote all those songs. Where do get your musical inspiration?" "Mainly from riding my motorcycle." "Really?" "Absolutely," Priss explained, "There's just something about riding the streets at night at full throttle that opens up the floodgates to my creativity. I mean, it's just you, the bike, and the road. I get on it, hear the engine purr, feel the wind against my face when my visor on my helmet is up... Do you know what I'm trying to say? I mean, have you ever felt that unbridled sort of freedom?" "Well, I do own a moped..." Mireille said before being cut off by Priss' snickering. "I'll take that as a no," the singer said. The host frowned. "What's wrong with a moped?" she asked defensively. "Nothing if all you want to do is get from point A to point B, but it's just not the same. Look, I know this garage where they rent out bikes to people. It's owned by a guy I know named Raven, although I like to call him pops. Why don't you and Kirika get together with me sometime? We can get you two your own bikes for the day, and the three of us can tear it up through Neo Tokyo." "Wow, that sounds like fun," Mireille said, "What do you think Kirika?" "Mmm," the co-host nodded. "We'll have to set up something after the show," Mireille said with a smile, "Anyways, it's now time for our third guest. From the movie Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, here's Jar Jar Binks." A few claps could be heard here and there (as well as quite a few boos) as the alien stumbled onto the stage, his coordination even more off than normal as he tripped over the carpet in front of the host's desk and fell flat on his face. He picked himself off the floor and crawled into the seat left vacant after Priss and the others moved down. "My goodness," Belldandy said, a look of concern in her eyes, "Are you alright?" "Meesa okay," Jar Jar slurred out, "Meesa gots bored inna green room, so meesa found a refrigerator filled with beer. Meesa gotsa shidda-faced and..." "Binks-san!" Kirika interrupted, "Watch your language, we're on the air." "Oh shidda. Meesa sorry," Jar Jar offered. Mireille rolled her eyes as she thought of the FCC fines this was going to cost her. "Mr. Binks," she said as she tried to press on with the interview, "After your initial appearance in The Phantom Menace, you only had brief cameo appearances in the following two films. What would you attribute that to?" "Well, meesa blame the writers," he said angrily, "Theysa were sucha dick-headsa that they..." "Hey!" Priss yelled, "What the hell's your problem? The young girl over there just told you to watch the language," she said as she pointed at Kirika. "Shutta you up!" Jar Jar yelled at the singer, "Yousa fuggin up my interview!" Mireille's eye began to twitch as she glared angrily at her inebriated guest, "Mr. Binks, for the last time," she said in a low tone, "Please watch the..." "Whatsa your problem?" the alien asked her, "Yousa not gettin enougha at home?" "That's it!" the host shouted. She gave her co-host a look. "Mmm." Kirika said as she took the cake Belldandy had brought onto the show with her away from the goddess. She then proceeded to throw the cake at Jar Jar, hitting him in the face. As Belldandy and Priss watched, Mireille proceeded to stand up from behind her desk and picked up her chair. She then walked around to where the now blinded alien was trying to get frosting out of his eyes and proceeded to break the large wooden chair over his head. "Oh my..." Belldandy gasped. "Heh, cool!" Priss added as Kirika walked over to the blonde host of the show, stepping over Jar Jar's twitching body as it lay on the floor. "Ah, much better." Mireille said, a self-satisfied smile gracing her lips. "Mmm." "Well, that's it for tonight's show," the blonde said, "Tune in next time when our guests will be Steve Irkel, Ernest P. Worrel, and Sailor Chibi Moon," the blonde host added, "So till next time, bye." She said as she and her co-host both waved to the audience. ---To Be Continued--- End Notes: Belldandy is from the anime Ah! My Goddess, and Priss Asagiri is from Bubblegum Crisis.
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