Cruel Samples of Happiness
"Huh...I think I'm gonna miss that."
But then, Sonia had a feeling she was going to miss more than just the
disappearing act that Batman so often confounded Commissioner Gordon and
all his officers with. No, she thought as she surveyed the quiet GPD
police office, she was going to miss almost everything here. The city
she'd always called home, the job to protect it that she had loved, the
good men and women she'd worked with in this job...heck, she'd even miss
her brief partner, Bullock. Probably.
She was going to miss this city's people. Miss that unique feeling that
Gotham had to it...so dark, so dangerous, and yet, with an undeniably
powerful current of hope and determination that ran under it all. She
was going to miss the privileged feeling of knowing that she was working
on the side of that struggling hope. And yes, she had to admit guiltily
to herself that she would miss working outside the law for her own
personal justice with Kathy and Rocky. And she'd miss Kathy and Rocky,
definitely.
Yeah. She was going to miss Rocky, alright. There was already a horrible
ache in her heart whenever she remembered that tonight was going to be
the last night Sonia would see her longtime, impossible love. It was a
pain that burned and froze her at once inside, that could almost push
bitter tears past her eyes in a desperate attempt to purge itself from
her.
She hated this feeling of heartbreak. Sonia didn't just regret it, she
didn't just dislike it, she didn't just wish it would leave her. She'd
known it far too long for that. No, she hated it for making her feel
like a naïve young woman longing for a lovely blonde so
self-contradictory, so gracefully clumsy, so cheerfully ditzy and grimly
determined, so brilliant and silly, that it was impossible not to fall
in love with her...for reminding her that she had been that hopeless
woman, for reminding her that she still was despite how hard she tried
to move on, ‘grow up'...and maybe most of all, she hated the feeling
within her for its hypocrisy, for having tormented her sporadically so
long for staying close to Rocky, yet now hurting her even more for her
decision to leave her behind with everything else, and start her life
anew.
Sonia sighed, not for the first time that night, and looked at the
envelope she still held. At least she had something for Rocky before she
left, a parting gift to make her happy, even if it wasn't really from
Sonia.
Or was she supposed to say it was? What HAD Batman meant when he said it
should come from her? Surely Batman couldn't know how Sonia felt about
her inventive friend. Then again, how could anyone say for sure what
Batman couldn't figure out? Sonia could personally vouch for his living
up to his reputation as a legendary detective.
Well. Trying to figure out the Batman's motives would probably baffle
the entire staff of Arkham, and Sonia had places to be. She lifted the
box storing her desk's contents, took one last look around the dark,
quiet office that had been one of her life's dreams, and left for home.
=====
It was really too bad that all three former Batwomen couldn't have
gotten together one last time. But their lives had been too hectic as of
late to all get together at once, with the aftermath of their costumed
adventure. The days for Rocky and Sonia had become a blur of police
investigation, press statements, and trips to the hospital to check up
on Kathy (who was scheduled to be released next week). It was impossible
to schedule any decent length of time before Sonia would be leaving for
another city, another state, another life, for the three of them to be
together for long enough for a goodbye...what? Celebration? Party? This
wasn't something to celebrate. There hadn't been a happy ending, and
what they'd been doing had been, in the end, selfish, a good deed done
for all the wrong reasons.
Maybe they would have celebrated what they had been before, if they'd
had the chance. Three friends, all with harsh pasts, all hopeful and
enthusiastic for a coming future where all their dreams were
reality...but even then, it was probably best that circumstance had
prevented such a get-together. It wouldn't have been honest to the
present. Better for closure that their days of being united be ended
with that last night adventure.
Nonetheless, it was still a quick comfort to Sonia that Rocky was going
to come by this night to help her pack the last of her things, to say
goodbye, and to wish her luck with her new life as an officer in a city
that was not yet her home...that might never truly be able to make
itself her home. When all was said and done, she didn't want to say
goodbye to Gotham, and all she knew in it, all by herself.
Speaking of whom...the doorbell for Sonia's apartment gave a sudden ring
before fading into silence, and the former Gotham police detective
ceased packing a suitcase with changes of clothing and hurried over to
the door. Opening it revealed the expected blonde scientist, who smiled
and offered a quick, "Hi, Sonia," for greeting.
They didn't really talk beyond simple pleasantries. Rocky asked what she
could do to help Sonia pack, Sonia gave her a task, and the women set to
work. Not much was said beyond Rocky's occasional question about where
and how Sonia wanted a particular belonging packed. Still, it was not a
cold silence, but rather a warm atmosphere of friendly cooperation that
Sonia enjoyed.
Soon enough--perhaps even too soon--their task was finished. Everything
was packed into bags and suitcases, all of Sonia's possessions ready for
easy transport via moving truck the next morning, or to come with her to
the airport.
After having worked consistently for a few hours, both women were
thirsty, and soon sat together on Sonia's mattress, where they quietly
sipped at cups of water.
Their silence, now a little awkward as each wondered what should be
said, couldn't last forever. Rocky was the one to break it. "I wish
you'd stay, Sonia."
It wasn't a question, aimed at changing her friend's mind. It was too
late now, sitting on an uncovered mattress surrounded by boxes and bags
in an otherwise empty room, to fail once more to convince Sonia not to
go. Nor was it a simple statement, though...there was still a small
degree of uncertainty to it, if not the hope that Sonia could be
persuaded, then just a small regret that nothing could be done.
"I know," Sonia answered. "But this is something that I really
just...have to do for myself, Rocky. I'm sorry."
"It won't be the same without you," Rocky said, more resigned acceptance
in her voice now. "Not at all."
Sonia didn't really have an answer for that. It wouldn't be the same for
any of them, yes. That was the point.
A few minutes of quiet, uncomfortable sitting and sipping went by until
Rocky again broke it.
"Sonia, were we wrong?"
And so it was finally voiced. The question that had been on Sonia,
Rocky, and Kathy's minds ever since that night.
"I don't know, Rocky. I just don't," Sonia told her friend honestly. "We
stopped a huge weapons-smuggling operation. We destroyed public property
and endangered countless lives, both innocent and involved. We had both
good motives and bad. We brought about both justice and cold revenge. We
gave our best effort for something we wanted, and in the process defied
and even attacked the city's real hero. We're better for the experience,
even though we've all cost ourselves things we care about. There are
dozens of rights and wrongs in everything we did, and I think it's going
to take us a very long time to really understand it all."
Rocky nodded, accepting the answer as the truth it was. She had one
simple, fervent thought to add to Sonia's reply. "I hope in the end,
they won't see us as the bad guys."
It was a strange statement in many ways, but Sonia did understand the
meaning. Even if they couldn't be morally sure of themselves for this
recent adventure, they at least didn't want to be seen by the people of
Gotham, the people who, in the end, the girls HAD partly been motivated
by a wish to help and protect, as simply more of the dangerous,
villainous gimmick-using delinquents that the Batman kept in check.
Although Batman was, even after so long, still a man who inspired wide
and diverse reactions of both respectful admiration and scornful anger
from the people he protected, nearly all still felt a unanimous fearful
dislike for those who stood against him. Rocky did not want the Batwomen
to be seen as the latter, and neither did Sonia.
More silence followed as each woman contemplated further this, until
Sonia's eyes happened upon the open box holding her belongings from the
GPD office. The envelope she'd been given was sticking out of it
prominently, and she mentally chided herself for nearly forgetting such
an important thing. She rose and leant forward a few inches with an
outstretched arm to grab it.
Sitting back, she handed it to Rocky carefully, explaining, "While I was
cleaning my desk out, Batman came to say goodbye, and give me this."
Rocky had opened it and was looking over the documents it contained with
growing excitement as Sonia finished by telling her what she undoubtedly
was already realizing on her own. "He said that it's evidence that can
prove Kevin's innocence."
Rocky didn't, maybe couldn't answer. She simply gripped the pages and
photographs with a manic delicacy, trembling with excitement while
attempting not to mar them in any way as she flipped through it all.
When she was finally done, the blonde woman simply put it all back into
the envelope, set it down next to her, and leaned back, an expression
that could only be awestruck adorning her features. "It's...it's all
there. The records, pictures, a CD with audio testimony. I...can't even
imagine how he did it so thoroughly. This ...wow. This'll do it."
Sonia smiled, genuinely happy for her friend. At least one of them, in
the end, had gotten what she needed AND wanted. Suddenly, however, there
were tears falling from Rocky's closed eyes--not those of happiness, but
rather emphasizing the regretful expression she now wore.
"Rocky? What is it?" Sonia asked, frowning in concern.
Her answer was hindered with choked emotion. "Sonia...you're leaving
tomorrow. You've been a wonderful friend, always with me,
always...always just wonderful. And now you've just given me the
greatest gift I've ever received, and...and I just...I have nothing to
give back to you for it! Everything you've done for us, for me, and I
just...there's nothing I can give you like this, to remember me by, and
you're going...you're really leaving..."
Sonia didn't know what to say. "Rocky, I...I'm just glad that you're
happy. It's not from me, anyways, Batman's the one who...there's nothing
I need from you..."
Still shedding slow tears, Rocky leaned over toward Sonia, who
hesitantly put her hands around the girl and gave her a shoulder to rest
on. Despite her cheerfully airy personality, Rocky was generally pretty
tough and independent by nature, and Sonia had never seen her in such a
state. She wasn't entirely sure what she was supposed to do, but holding
her and letting her cry out all of her frustration, confusion, fear,
sadness, and joy seemed to be enough. And finally, when the tears
stopped, Sonia held her still for a few minutes. Seeing Rocky's
catharsis almost made her want to cry as well, let herself expel all the
pent-up emotions she'd been burdened with recently the same way. But it
wasn't her way, and she couldn't force it to be.
"Sonia?" came Rocky's voice suddenly.
"Hm?"
The blonde lifted her head to stare, expressionlessly questioning, into
Sonia's eyes. "Do you still like me?"
The way she said "like" left little doubt of what she meant by it. Even
though her feelings for Rocky had been in her thoughts quite a lot
lately, Sonia was still taken aback by this question. The first and last
time that she and Rocky had ever discussed Sonia's feelings for her
friend had been years back, and the talk had ended as could be
expected--a gentle and caring rejection from Rocky, and a mutual promise
that their friendship would continue unaltered by this. As far as Sonia
had known, Rocky had assumed she'd moved on since then. Apparently,
though, the detective had been mistaken on that.
It felt very surreal to actually be answering Rocky's question after
years of silence. So surreal, that Sonia could not think of any words to
suffice, and so could only slowly nod her head and look into Rocky's
eyes, wondering why she asked, where this was going.
And then Rocky took a deep, calming breath and asked her, "Do
you...would you like to be with me tonight, Sonia?"
"What?" Sonia asked, not even really comprehending what Rocky had just
said.
"I...I don't know, Sonia, I just...I want to give you something,
something big, something important that you want, to remember me by, to
see you off with, with something good...something so that I'm not the
only one who gets a happy ending. It just...doesn't seem right that
everything should end so quietly, like this..."
Thoughts raced through Sonia's head, one after another, with the
incredible speed that only thoughts can possess, all taking but a moment
to occur.
Ending quietly was probably best.
Was this gratitude for the evidence? Didn't Rocky understand that had
been Batman's doing? No, it wasn't just that, Rocky had said it was
more.
Part of her wanted so badly to say yes. But was this what she wanted? It
wasn't love, at least, not the kind Sonia held for Rocky.
Happy ending? Maybe the reason that Rocky was the only one with a clear
happy ending in sight was because she had been the only one with pure
motivation; Kathy and Sonia had both allowed vengeance to inspire them
as much as a wish to do good, but Rocky's goal had ever been to free the
one she loved.
And Kevin, what about Kevin? What was Rocky thinking?
That seemed like the best thought of the bunch to put into words.
"Rocky, what about Kevin?"
"He doesn't have to know...I don't even think he'd mind anyways...it
wouldn't be like that anyways, right?"
Wouldn't be like that. Sonia looked at her friend at hearing those
words, and saw the strange earnestness in her face, and realized...Rocky
really had no idea. She didn't understand how Sonia loved her; she
probably had NEVER understood the depth of Sonia's feelings.
Sonia knew that the only right thing to do was to say no. Rocky wasn't
offering her, couldn't offer her, what she really wanted. All she was
offering was a mistaken assumption and a physical pleasure that,
regardless of Rocky's optimistic outlook on it, was pretty close to, if
not honestly just cheating on her boyfriend behind his back. And after
the Batwoman fiasco, neither of them really needed to add another
morally questionable act to the rest.
But she didn't say no. She accepted Rocky's gift. Maybe she wanted to be
able to leave Gotham having had something, anything, really pleasant in
the end. Maybe it was more for Rocky, to let the woman feel that she'd
given her friend something of importance back that last time they met.
Maybe she thought that this could be her catharsis, her way of expelling
all her pent-up emotions and frustrations as Rocky did by crying. Maybe
it was just an act of desperation, taking what she could get if what she
really wished for could not be hers. Maybe it was something entirely
different.
Whatever it was that made Sonia put aside her best instincts, though,
she was done thinking about it. Right now, it would be alright to just
feel, and concentrate on the fact that she was kissing the woman she
cared for the first, the only time.
She had imagined it before, of course. Sonia had imagined the kiss many
different ways. Heated and unrestrained, leaking long-restrained
feelings and new release through intensity, when she was that naïve
college girl of sacredly foolish hopes. Slow, yet not prolonged, an
acceptance and return of cooler, deeper-rooted feelings that had
weathered the tides of impossibility to linger on still, when she had
come to accept her place in Rocky's life. Hard, and demanding, late in
the night when she was a girl, and after graduating to a woman.
The way it turned out, of course, was not exactly like any of her
expectations, though, once Rocky had been given a few moments to gather
herself and respond to it, the kiss was fairly like her most recent
expectations. Rocky did not kiss in a powerful way; energetically,
perhaps, but with no real force to speak of. There was feeling,
definitely, but it did not overwhelm.
In fact, had Sonia really been thinking about it, she would probably
been quite surprised at the fact that this wasn't overwhelming her at
all thus far. She was not at all disappointed, but she wasn't
over-excited, either. She apparently kept enough unconscious sense to
realize that, though she was not all that experienced in doing this
herself, she'd have to be the one to take the initiative with Rocky and
give her a general idea of how it was done. The one to draw Rocky in
closer with a hug, and, while she ran her hands along the blonde's
fabric-covered back, bring the kiss to a more physical plane with a
little tongue-play.
Rocky responded to this slowly, returning the caressing hug after a
moment of hesitation, meeting Sonia's tongue with her own cautiously.
That was okay, though, for Sonia had enough enthusiasm to share as she
deepened the kiss ever so slightly, and ran her hand up into Rocky's
blond locks. Rocky had to pull away then to get her breath back, and as
she did, Sonia looked into the blonde's eyes, less than inches from her
own, still holding Rocky's hair with one hand, and a barely-formed query
managed to break through both her instinctual desire and her resolve not
to let herself over think this. She wondered if it could be possible, in
some way, for her eyes, connected so totally and freely to Rocky's own,
to transmit to her some revelation, some better understanding of how
deeply Sonia's feelings for her ran.
But no such instant understanding made itself known, and Sonia simply
continued on now that Rocky had recovered her breath, bringing both
hands down to the bottom of Rocky's shirt, and, after giving the blond
woman a quick kiss, lifted it up and her. Sonia tossed the article of
clothing aside to adorn one of the moving boxes in the room, then leaned
in for another kiss. It was swift like the last, but this time was
followed up with several more like it, trailing from Rocky's mouth down
to her neck.
As she turned her pecks to small, suckling smooches, Sonia reached
around her inventive friend's back once more, this time to unhook her
bra. A moment later, it was off, and Sonia sat back to gaze at Rocky's
bare chest. It was not a new sight to her; there had been enough
opportunities for undress in the time their friendship had spanned that
she had eventually seen all of the blonde's body naked at one point or
another. But to be able to watch the soft rise and fall of Rocky's
breast as she breathed in quietly escalating passion made the sight new
to her all the same. She leant forward once more, this time moving her
lips' gentle caress below their last target to lay a soft kiss upon the
top of Rocky's left breast, and saw, felt that the woman was trembling.
Sonia's right hand sought out Rocky's left, and, finding it, gave it a
comforting squeeze and lingered. The trembling lessened, and Sonia gave
another kiss to the flesh above Rocky's heart. Her other hand came up to
smoothly caress the unattended breast's underside as Sonia, finally
putting aside kisses, began to slowly trace a lazily tightening spiral
around Rocky's nipple with her tongue. When she finally completed her
journey, Sonia showed some aggression for the first time, licking and
swirling around the nipple with rapid and forceful effort. At the same
time, her hand also ceased its gentle activity to rise and take Rocky's
other nipple between its first finger and thumb, and then roll and tweak
it vigorously (though of course, inherently cautiously; Sonia certainly
didn't want to actually cause her loved friend any pain whatever). Rocky
gave a pleased murmur, and gave one more tremble as before.
Sonia did not hurry from there, but she didn't linger, either. In what
felt to her to be due time (instinct was the only timepiece she had to
go on, and it could have been anywhere from two to twenty minutes that
she played with Rocky's chest), Sonia's working hand removed itself, and
fell to join its currently idle one, still resting upon Rocky's own.
Sonia turned her oral attention on the breast it had left as she brought
her hands now to the sides of Rocky's pants, sliding along them up to
the top. She tugged down upon them once to make her wish known, and
after a few moments, Rocky moved back a bit and leaned on her arms to
let Sonia remove her pants. And while she was in the neighborhood, Sonia
decided it would be a good time to remove the blonde's socks, as well.
Once this was done, and Rocky sat wearing nothing more than her plain
white underwear, Sonia realized that she herself was still completely
dressed. This was, of course, quickly rectified as she stood up and
disrobed completely, letting her clothes fall to the ground and become
her only possessions in disorder in the room of packing boxes. She
lowered herself back to the mattress again, gently pushing Rocky down to
lie on her back. Sonia then lay upon her body's length with her own,
legs intertwined, stomachs tickling one another, one pair of breasts
pressed against another, Sonia's arms once more strongly around Rocky's
back. And she kissed her beloved Rocky once more with ever more passion
than ever.
This had always been the height of her fantasies and occasional dreams,
really. No matter the what and how of her mind's creations, it was this
that had always seemed the best, most fulfilling illusion, now reality,
to be embracing, kissing Rocky with all her passion as they lay with
joint flesh, with nothing between them...no regrets, no clothes, no
circumstance, no secrets, no Kevin, almost no misunderstandings.
Was it all she had imagined? Even more? Possibly, if perhaps unlikely,
given how yearning and grandiose a heart's illusions can be. Sonia could
ponder it later; all that mattered now was that it was wonderful.
And yet, as gleefully fulfilling of secret dreams and hopes years old as
it might have been, it was nonetheless Sonia who cut it off to continue
along. It was on instinct's whim that she broke the kiss, breathing as
heavily with need for air as with passion, and began to move down the
mattress, following Rocky's flesh slowly lower and occasionally marking
that pale skin with a quick kiss. She soon reached the only destination
she could have, and removed the only garment Rocky still wore, exposing
her womanhood to Sonia's sight.
But Sonia's eyes didn't tarry for more than a moment before rising to
Rocky's. Words didn't really need to be spoken for this request for
permission. After several silent moments, a slow and slight nod was
given, and Sonia wasted little time in bringing her face down to allow
her to start the final and most intense part of pleasing her friend.
Outside and in, Sonia swirled and darted her tongue, keeping her pace as
inconstant as the areas she targeted, only occasionally actually giving
the needy clitoris a light tap that each time resulted in a new kind of
moan or shake from Rocky. Finally, when Sonia sensed the woman was
close, she sped and intensified her actions, and finally began to
concentrate solely on Rocky's pleasure bud, knowing full well that the
near complete inattention it had received before only served to sharpen
the effects of her present stimulations.
And finally, with a high-pitched sigh, Rocky hit her zenith, and after a
short period of happy spasms, it was over. Rocky's body seemed content
with one orgasm and no more, so Sonia contented herself with cleaning
her nether regions of the fluid that she could take pride at having
brought on.
Finishing with that, and with Rocky now having calmed down and recovered
whatever vitality had been lost from her climax, Sonia sat up and
considered what to do now. It had not been lost on her that, despite her
previous claims to this being okay with her, Rocky had been hesitant, a
little nervous, perhaps (though hopefully not) even a little
uncomfortable so far. Perhaps it would not be fair and right to ask
Rocky to reciprocate, if she simply was not as comfortable with this as
she wanted Sonia to think.
Even as the possibility occurred to her, though, Sonia saw that Rocky
was rising up to a sitting position, a ready look in her eye. Once more,
wordless communication passed between the women, and Sonia once more
pushed aside nagging doubts and worries to accept Rocky's determination.
They embraced once more, this time with Rocky initiating it, and using
the proximity to drop her hand to where Sonia's legs joined. Two fingers
entered her then, and Sonia, who had become more than ready for pleasure
herself after working Rocky for so long, gasped happily and allowed
herself to just go along for the ride.
She had been quite ready for it, the knowledge of who she was with and
the physical connection to that person intensified the feelings
incredibly, and Rocky was quite skilled at what she was doing (which was
really only to be expected, given how long Kevin had been incarcerated),
so Sonia's turn at having love made to was perhaps nearly as short as it
was intense. As the echoes of her cries of Rocky's name quieted, her
perceptions of the world came back into focus, and her body glowed in
tired bliss, Sonia continued to hold and be held by Rocky in the
following nothing.
Tomorrow, she'd surrender again to her mind. Sonia would remember and
contemplate the strange, timed after-glow of their uneven love-making,
and have one more morally questionable act to the ever-growing list that
she'd be leaving behind. Had it been right to accept Rocky, knowing what
she did of all the circumstances? Did accepting a charity offered make
her responsible for the repercussions that could come, because she might
have known better?
More than new questions, though, there would be one old feeling,
returned with a vengeance. She would wake in the morning to no one by
her side, Rocky having left in the night, and she would suddenly feel
heartbreak once more, worse than it had been for years. She'd been with
Rocky, for a brief moment of her life, and known what it was like to
live a dream...and now that moment was over.
She'd dreamed of being a police officer for Gotham City all her life, to
be able to protect her fellow citizens and make a positive difference in
others' lives. She'd dreamed for years of having sweet, black revenge on
Rupert Thorne for what he had done to her family. And she'd dreamed
since meeting Rocky of having the blonde as her own, the two of them
living a life of love.
And of those dreams? After a brief time in the GPD, she'd lost her job
over the incident where the closest to physical harm she'd gotten to
inflict on Thorne had been smacking his hand with a flying batarang,
alongside her beloved Rocky, with whom, instead of a lifetime's worth of
decades, a single night would be had to experience love.
And Sonia would lie on her mattress, surrounded by material reminders of
her transitioning life, and wonder if getting but a small taste of one's
fondest hopes and desires was not far more cruel a thing than having
none at all.
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