Somewhere inside the dark forest, a cosy little cottage was diligently tended by a green blur. The green blur in question had wavy aquamarine hair and deep blue eyes. She wore a simple but spotless dress, an orange bandana on her head and a white apron protected her from the dust, and cobwebs, and ash, and... Whatever the brown little thingy that had begun to eat away the woody beams was. Once the cottage was shining like a bald head, she carefully hanged delicate curtains to the windows, then she set off to take care of the garden. The day was coming to an end when she finally decided to stop to have a bath. She headed to the pond nearby. Once there, she lit up some perfumed candles, took off her clothes, folded them carefully and gratefully slid in the water. She grabbed the soap and leisurely began to scrub herself while staring at the stars. Mmmh, nothing could beat the feeling of being clean! The thought brought up mixed feelings. She had always been rather unique. Firstly, she was petite and slender, well, for an ogress that is, which gave her an almost human figure. Almost. She was still an ogress after all. Furthermore, she was naturally – the other ogres spat the word – graceful. In human equivalent, it was as if she was behaving as a monkey. Then, she was a maniacal neat freak. Seriously, she was the bane of dirt! It was a psychological disorder that had been unheard of in the ogrean specie until she was born. And finally, she had artistic aspirations. An ogress! Who would come and see her perform! She was the best violonist miles around though! She knew every folk song and had even written some new ones. She sighed. No wonder the other ogres didn’t socialize with her... Except uncle Shreck. He had always been kind to her. He had heard of some of the difficulties she was going through and offered her to take over the cottage, since it wasn’t suitable for a couple. She smiled fondly, thinking of him. He and Princess Fiona made such a cute couple. She wished she’d had the time to talk with them longer before they left for their honeymoon. Why couldn’t she find someone? Why couldn’t she have it? Where was the prince charming when you needed one? Where they on strike? She let out a faint growl and decided she’d better go to sleep. She gathered the fishes she had unconsciously captured, out of habit, and headed back to her new home. She started to cook, first killing and cleaning her preys with practisized efficiency. She was still in deep thoughts, though. Yes, she felt lonely. She wanted someone to share her meals with. She wanted someone she could cuddle up to and that would warm her feet in bed. She wanted someone who would be a better audience than bugs and other soon-to-be-cooked animals. Was that too much to ask? She ate and did the washing up on automatic mode, not really tasting the food. She was about to blow the candles when loud knocks made her door shake. She immediately perked up. Had her wish come true? She strolled to the door, hastily rearranging herself and flung it open, her best smile in place. Only to have her hopes crushed like a juicy cockroach under the merciless thumb of Disappointment. There stood a mere henchman. Everyone knew henchmen weren’t really people. They were just there to be beaten up or doing a nice background. The henchman opened a roll of paper. His brows furrowed like two caterpillars crashing on each other, sweat began to pour from his forehead as his eyes tried to burn a hole in the roll. “I.... P-P-Pri... Prin-ce En- Endy... Endymo, no, Endymion...” His face brightened up at having managed to identify the name of his own lord. “... o-o-oo-order? Yeah, order! T... t-th-that... Hey!” Michiru, who was getting seriously impatient, forcibly grabbed the piece of paper. “I, Prince Endymion, order that the ogre currently living at: 001 Ogre’s Cottage L 64° N, l. 46°E and 56 mn Middle of Deep Dark Forest (near the pond) Semi-Autonomous Greenland New Tokyo Kingdom Be brought to His Lordship (that would be Me) at once! His Great, Magnificent, Almighty, Supreme Majesty Endymion the First P.S.: Feel free to use any mean to insure the capture of the monster...” Raising an eyebrow, the young ogress looked up at the henchman, who was fascinated to discover that some people could read without following the words with their finger. She looked back at the piece of paper. A prince. A real prince requested her presence. HER presence! The presence of a lady! And... She delicately brought it to her nose... Yes! it was perfumed with the scent of roses... It could mean only one thing! She was invited to a royal ball!!! It was finally her turn! She would dance with the prince and undoubtly seduce him and live happily ever after! She didn’t know what the line about a monster was about, but it didn’t matter. She threw a fist in the air in victory. Thank god, the cockroaches are hard to get rid of! “Yeah!!! That’s going to rock, baby!” She then addressed the henchman. “Give me one minute, I’ll change and I’ll be all yours...” With that she rushed back in her house... Three hours later, she had to shake the henchman awake. What greeted him was the mesmerizing vision of a gorgeous young ogress tightly hugged by a strapless blue and white delicate gown made of satin that set off her olivean skin. Her hair flowed freely on her shoulders and tantalizing bare back. A daphodyl was tucked behind her left ear. A pearl necklace, silver bracelets and white stilettos completed the outfit. She handed two rather heavy travel-bags and a violin case to the henchman, who after having covered in atavic fear, took them as if he was manipulating trinitroglycerine. “I am ready, now. Bring me to his Majesty.” A now familiar (to us) hooded figure suddenly appeared seemingly out of nowhere beside the young ogress, causing the henchman to almost die under the additional weight of a healthy ogress. She produced two handfuls of heavy-looking chains. “Would you mind, miss...?” She asked quietly. Having recovered from her surprise, the young ogress looked at the chains. “Kaioh Michiru.” She helpfully supplied. A faint blush coloured her cheeks as she began to giggle girlishly behind a finely manicured hand. “Oh! This is so kinky... I shall reward him for being so considerate as soon as possible!” The other two sweat dropped. -------------------------------------------- It was dawn when they finally reached the castle. It was your traditional fairy tale castle, with high white towers, flags with a rose pattern flapping in the wind, deceptively solid walls and rural flowers at each window, even those of the dungeon. The inhabitants greeted Michiru and her escort with great respect, making sure to give a clear path to the young ogress. Not long after, she was introduced in the royal court. The guards of the room suddenly fell to their knees and the most decorated of them yelled “His Majesty, the Great Prince Endymion the First and his Holy Lordship the Cardinal!!!” An impressive door opened beside him while trumpets played - or tried to play - the national anthem. A funny little man walked in. He was about 150 cm. He was wearing a red and black jacket over a white shirt, black stockings and shoes, a chocolate muffin-like hat, with a feather stuck in, a black and red cape and was carrying a cane. A much taller man followed him. He probably had some ogrish or goblinoid blood in him since his skin was rather green. Or was it trollish? He certainly reminded her of some plant. Pink bangs framed his delicate face and he wore some kind of red dress. He could probably be easily mistaken for a cactus in flower. Finally came two henchmen carrying a mirror. Michiru kept staring expectantly at the door five good minutes before realizing than no one else would pass it. She looked at the wall in front of her, where she had previously spotted the throne, and found that the funny little man was sitting on it, the cactus man was at his right and the mirror a few steps below on his left. Disappointment made a mocking come-back as realisation struck her, bringing Disbelief, Despair, Frustration and Anger as reinforcement forces. THIS was the prince? No way! She couldn’t believe it, but her eyes weren’t lying to her. He was maybe a prince, but she couldn’t find anything charming in him! It wasn’t that he was particularly ugly, actually, if she was honest, he was quite handsome, in a vertically-challenged way... But... But, well, to put it simply, where was the shopping centre music? Where were the proverbial fireworks supposed to hit them at the mere sight of each other? And why was the cactus man holding the prince’s hand? That was not the way it was supposed to be! Why the hell was everything going wrong in her fucking life goddammit!?!?! Speaking of the prince, he was beginning to squirm under her intense stare. He coughed nervously in his free hand. He turned towards his companion, whispering “Fiore, I thought she was supposed to be male?” The greenish man caught the hint of disappointment in his prince’s voice, interpreting it perfectly. But before he could snap at him, he was interrupted by Setsuna’s voice. “It doesn’t matter if she’s male or female, baby... Look at her, she’s an ogress. She can probably take on everything. She’s exactly what we’re looking for.” The new voice brought Michiru back to reality. She knew it! This unmistakable rich tone, the exotic accent. She knew only one person who had this particular voice, her childhood teacher. She looked at the mirror, finally recognising it. “Miss Setsuna? Is that you?” The swirling smoke into the mirror cleared to leave place to the magic entity. Setsuna stared at Michiru with great surprise. “Michiru? Little Michiru? Oh my god! You have grown so much! Look at you! You’ve become such a beautiful lady! I can’t call you little Michiru anymore. Just call me Setsuna, by the way. How have you been doing? Oh, it’s been so long! Did you keep practisizing what I taught you?” Both women squealed with joy and began chatting a hundred miles a minute while the two men were witnessing the event rather dumbly. Finally, irritated at being completely ignored, the prince sharply banged the tip of his cane on the floor. “Ogress, as touching as it may be, you haven’t been summoned here by His Mighty Lordship, this is Me, in case you hadn’t understood, for a nostalgic reunion. You have been granted the honour to lead a sacred quest in the name of God, and Mine of course, which is the same!” “Why does he keep talking about himself in big letters?” Michiru whispered to Setsuna from the corner of her mouth. “Have to compensate somehow...” Answered the entity in an as indiscreet whisper. A vein began to throb on the prince’s forehead. “I AM NOT SMALL!!!” “And anyway, size doesn’t matter, does it?” Fiore added smugly. Still upset, he didn’t even bother to hide the slight hint of doubt in his statement. It was with perverse satisfaction that he found himself on the receiving end of an icy glare. Endymion turned his attention back to the young ogress. “Anyway, you are to defeat the dragon that has captured princess Minako and bring her to me.” “And what if I refuse?” Unfazed, Endymion snapped his fingers. Immediately, the executioner materialised behind the mirror, a hammer in hand. “Then Setsuna, our mutual friend, might have a fatal accident...” He drawled. Michiru’s eyes narrowed. She couldn’t let that happen. Setsuna was one of her too few friends. Besides, she wanted to stay in the show... She adopted the ‘Lady-like Pose No 4, Ideal To Look Bastards Down’. Not that it was very difficult in that case... “You don’t leave me much of a choice I fear, prince. You better not hurt Setsuna, though.” A self-satisfied smile tugged at the prince’s lips. “Of course, we always take great care of our friends in this kingdom.” Setsuna offered her a grateful smile. “Thank you, Michiru.” Then she added in a mysterious tone. “You might also find your heart desire in this quest...” At this, Fiore handed her a sealed envelope. “This will grant you free passage through the kingdom.” Then, he clapped his hands. Two guards entered, dragging a miserable figure between them, which they threw sprawling at Michiru’s feet like a piece of garbage. Thin arms hinted that the figure was female, but the rest was covered beneath an oversized, worn out, stinking and dirty pelt of donkey. Michiru had to take a step back. Every cell in her cried out for antibacterial detergent and a steel brush, or possibly a flame-thrower. “What is that?” She asked in horrified fascination. She could practically see all sorts of acarians having a hell of an orgiac party in the pelt. “She’s a maid in the castle, she usually takes care of the cat’s littering box.” Fiore disgustedly answered. “Everybody calls her Donkey Pelt. She knows the way. She will accompany you in your quest and help you in everything.” “No!” Michiru was hastily backing down to the gates, snatching back her violin case from the henchman’s hands. “I don’t need any help!” And she literally flew past them. In no time, she was running to the hills. A last, longing glance at Endymion and Donkey Pelt scrambled to her feet, purchasing the young ogress. “Wait for me Miss Michiru! I want to be in the show too!!!”
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