"The Hell of Living" Ugh, it's so bright. Makoto blinked several times, peeking out from under the covers and groaning softly at the painful stream of light flooding in through the open French door leading out to the veranda. She pulled the comforter back up over her head, snuggling back into the large bed and reaching for the lilac and vanilla scented warm body. Her eyes shot open again when she realized she was alone, her hand patting the mattress next to her finding nothing. The tomboy shot up in the bed, throwing the covers half off her body, her heart pounding heavily and her eyes squinting as she scanned the room. There was nothing on the light blue carpet, though Makoto was sure she'd left her boxers and t-shirt on the ground; she blushed as she recalled how she and her love had been in too much a hurry to bother with the little things... A lazy grin crossed over her features as the chestnut haired woman began to relive the previous night. "Makoto, you'd better hurry if you're going to make it to class on time. Go jump in the shower and I'll make you some oatmeal and toast." Standing in the doorway, an angel glowing luminously in the vast sunshine wearing a knee length white skirt and a light orange polo shirt was her Ami, her beautiful and wonderful Ami. Emerald eyes narrowed with desire and Makoto pulled back the comforter, patting the empty spot next to her. "I woke up and was all alone..." She pouted her lip, trying to look pathetic and cute. It didn't seem to matter though, because the genius' cheeks were tinged with a light pink as she stared at the tomboy. Furrowing her eyebrows, the taller woman wondered why her love was blushing. A breeze pushed through from the veranda causing Makoto to shiver and to also realize another important fact: she was still naked. A sly grin crossed the chestnut haired girl's face and she pushed the pastel green comforter farther down, revealing more and more. To top it all off, Makoto decided a good stretch was in due order and lifted her arms above her head, arching her back so that her chest was pushed up into the air. Her breasts lolled around lazily as the tall woman moved, their plumpness smacking together softly when she fell back onto her side, the sly grin still plastered in place. As she finished, she looked back up to her love, finding baby blue eyes glazed over and the girl panting slightly, the pink tinge embedded deeply on her normally porcelain-like skin. Ami merely shook her head, returning a grin and coyly made her way to the bed, sliding in next to Makoto who wasted no time in pulling the blue haired woman close and nibbling happily at her lips. Her hands began to explore the soft curves of her genius, sliding unabashedly up under the genius' shirt and rubbing soft circles on the smooth skin underneath. The blue haired woman moaned softly, resting her cool hands on Makoto's flushed, warm face, deepening the kiss and slipping her tongue past the tomboy's teeth. Makoto met that tongue and the two began to wrestle for domination inside the chestnut haired woman's mouth, each woman emitting soft moans and fueling the other on. After several minutes, Ami finally pulled away, gasping for air, "Makoto... you really... need to get... ready." Her body betrayed her words as the small woman snuggled deeper against her roguish lover. The tall woman merely sighed in response, though made no effort to move away and merely tightened her grip on the genius. It was contentment, the perfect antidote to a hard day or a rough sleep, getting a glimpse of heaven by just being in the blue haired woman's embrace. Makoto rested her chin on her love's head, smiling as her shoulder length chestnut strands intermingled with the soft blue strands below. Just as she was getting comfortable, the taller woman felt some warm fluid on her stomach. Quickly, she pulled back from her blue haired love and her green eyes widened with fear; Ami was bleeding excessively out of her chest all over the bed and onto Makoto's stomach. "AMI!..." Her voice was cut short as she stared into lifeless baby blue eyes. Her love was dead. The rogue grabbed the smaller woman's head into her chest, feeling a strong bout of nausea overpower her senses causing her to turn away and hang her head over the opposite side of the bed, throwing up the contents of her stomach. When she was finished, she raised her head, tears stinging at the corners of her eyes. Makoto couldn't feel, couldn't think, couldn't do anything; she felt dead herself, inside and out. "You let your guard down. Hard lesson to learn, but at least from now on you'll be more cautious." Makoto swallowed, tasting the nasty bile that lingered in her mouth. She knew that voice. Slowly, she turned her head, not surprised at all when she saw him. Rage began to rise from within, deep, earth shattering rage that she knew she wasn't going to be able to control-not that it mattered, because her only reason for control was gone now and she could truly let go, demolishing everything in her path. The tomboy climbed up from the bed, her emerald eyes darkened and narrowed at the man before her. She would break his legs first, then each of his fingers, maybe torture him with his own knife like he once did her; it would be nice to see him writhe and scream in his own pool of blood, so very nice. "Do you think you can overpower me? I highly doubt it. But please, do try." What is he playing at? Makoto stopped, her eyes watching him keener than a hawks. He was up to something and while she wanted to let loose on him like a violent lightning storm, she wanted to make sure he actually paid for his wrong doings with a violent and painful death. "You're dead already, Onii-chan." A sudden pain burst into the tall woman's chest, burning and piercing violently; the tall woman looked down to see blood gushing out of an open wound across her heart. She clutched at the wound, trying to stop the bleeding; Makoto still had to take her vengeance, she needed to murder this man. Wait... onii-chan? "It's no use Onii-chan, why don't you just give up already?" Makoto blinked, unsure of why he was calling her this name. It didn't make any sense as she racked her brain for some meaning behind it. The blood continued to pour from her chest and she felt dizzy, her eyesight becoming blurry and her legs giving out underneath her. It wouldn't be much longer before she joined her love. "Onii-chan, just wake up. You're having a bad dream." Falling to her knees, the tomboy croaked out one last word before falling into the darkness, "W-what?" -------------------------------------------- "Onii-chan!" The small boy shook Makoto's shoulder roughly with his two small hands as he knelt in the seat next to her on the train. After a few seconds, the tall girl cracked open her eyes, blinking them several times before inhaling sharply and turning to find the savior who had saved her from her nightmare. He was probably no more than seven or eight years old, blue eyes, a healthy peach tinted skin, and his hair such a light shade of blonde, it looked near white. At the moment, he was looking at Makoto with concern and after a few seconds when she didn't say anything, he took the opportunity to fill the silence with his own, surprisingly deep for his age, voice, "You had a bad dream, onii-chan, but you're awake now, so it's good." Makoto merely smiled at the young kid, reaching a hand out to ruffle the medium length hair on his head and chuckling when he lifted his shoulders slightly, closing one eye looking the epitome of cuteness. When she pulled her hand back, he grinned largely, "My name is Artemis! What's yours onii-chan?" "Makoto," she replied as she pushed her arms out in front of her and began to stretch. Sleeping in a seat on a train wasn't exactly the most comfortable thing in the world and she was still feeling the remnants of the nightmare picking away at her mind. It was all so realistic that it made her shiver, goose bumps crawling along the skin on her arms and neck. Unconsciously, the tomboy clutched at her chest, staring down to make sure she really wasn't bleeding and to confirm she really was awake. Artemis had said something to her, but she hadn't heard it and decided she needed some time alone for a moment. Reaching into her pocket, the chestnut haired girl pulled out several bills and turned to the small boy, "Would you go get me a couple packages of onigiri and a bottle of chocolate milk?" The blonde boy nodded furiously and took off down the aisle in search of the snack cart. Makoto sighed and rubbed her forehead. Pulling her hand away, she took a moment to peer around the train. There weren't that many people riding it, considering it had left it's destination at two earlier that morning and was heading for the business port on the south western edge of Japan. The tomboy looked briefly at her watch, noting it was pushing half past eight and that it should only be another few hours before they reached their destination. More importantly, she began to wonder about her dream, or maybe, nightmare was a more appropriate word. She had endured many long nights reliving the anguish and torture that were inflicted onto her as a child, but this new twist, adding Ami into the mix, had never occurred before. And Makoto only ever dreamt of the past, a darkened past chained to her like a weighted lead boulder which she was forced to drag around no matter what she did to account for her sins. Never had she dreamed of the future. But she did. A future where she shared a life with the blue haired genius, something sweet and so perfect it made the tomboy wish she could be reborn so as to not even begin to taint the idea with her current blemished self. What was she thinking in even pursuing the girl to begin with? No, no, she knew why she was drawn to her. Ami was a forbidden fruit, she was innocent and sweet and no matter how much the rogue tried couldn't seem to stop herself from getting closer and closer. Just like last night, when Minako had asked her about that jerk-off with the bloody nose, Makoto couldn't keep her mouth shut and had to confess it was Hotaru's doing. That wasn't like the chestnut haired girl; she knew better than to have said what it was. She was by no means a liar, having lived her entire life by only telling the truth, but she didn't go around spilling all information stored in her brain either. And she knew, just knew that if Ami hadn't been in the room, she would have just ignored the blonde's incessant questioning and left the entire incident a mystery. If the blue haired girl only knew how much power she held over the tall teen, things would definitely be more interesting but also more hazardous. Hazardous. A flash of the genius' dead body, blood soaked and lifeless jumped through Makoto's mind letting loose another string of shivers. The tomboy had thought about the Abyss' reaction to this new found information, as it would especially be apparent now that she openly kissed the girl out where they could be seen. Even if they did try anything, they wouldn't kill the short teen, especially since she was leverage against the rogue. And Makoto's only objective was revenge so having them believe that Ami was of vital importance would work for her in being able to get a chance to exact her revenge sooner. She had waited long enough. The chestnut haired girl sighed, because even as she thought that, she knew she couldn't use Ami for something like that. For some reason or another, all she wanted, all she desired at the moment, was to just protect and keep the porcelain skinned genius away from any harm. Makoto frowned; I did give her that after all. If I can trust her enough with that then she must mean more to me than I originally thought. With all that the tomboy was and all that she tried to be, she could never seem to keep her actions, feelings, and thoughts in check when it came to Ami. Luckily, though, only one person seemed to be picking up on that and with that individual, Makoto didn't seem to think it would matter if they were aware of it or not. Why didn't she just keep her distance? She couldn't though, as it was the blue haired genius who approached her, not the other way around. But then, the tall teen reproached and increased her advances after that. Ami had uncorked her bottle of stored emotions without Makoto even realizing it until just now. "Onii-chan, I got your onigiri and chocolate milk." The rogue blinked several times, reaching up and tucking several strands of chestnut hair behind her ear. She smiled down at Artemis, who had returned to the empty seat next to her, his two small arms full of the two packages and bottle of milk. Makoto reached down and took everything out of his arms, receiving a relieved smile for her efforts. "Thanks," she replied. "And it's onee-chan, Arte-chan." She added as an afterthought. The blonde boy's crystal blue eyes widened, "You're a girl?" Makoto laughed as she set the packages of onigiri in her lap and opened her chocolate milk, downing half of it before offering the rest to Artemis. "Yes, I'm a girl." He took the milk, mumbling thanks and taking a drink. The small child stared at the dark blue seat in front of him before fumbling around in his jean pocket, pulling out a handful of coins and some wadded bills, "I have your change... onee-chan." The chestnut haired teen waved him off, "Keep it. That's your earnings for getting me the food." Artemis smiled largely in response to this and pushed it back into his pocket, picking up the bottle that he had put between his legs and drinking more of the chocolate milk. He pulled the bottle away, smacking his lips and then wiping them off with the back of his hands. "So why do you look like a boy if you're actually a girl, onee-chan?" Makoto smiled at the question as she ripped open one of the balls of onigiri, pausing to answer before taking a bite, "It's a simple choice in taste, I suppose." Artemis gave the tomboy a quizzical look, turning in his seat so that he was sitting Indian style, leaning against the arm of the chair and facing the teen, "Your choice is to look like a boy?" As she chewed, she let out a small laugh, covering her mouth so that she didn't spit anything out. Makoto quickly swallowed and shifted in her seat, so she was partially leaning against the window behind her and facing the small blonde boy, "My choice is to wear these clothes and to keep my hair like this, if that makes me look like a boy, that's just an effect of the cause." "I have an uncle who looks like a girl; he has long hair and long eyelashes and always talks like a girl. Mom says I have to start calling him by female pronouns because he's gonna become a girl. Are you gonna become a boy?" The tomboy laughed again, a bit louder this time. "No, no. I'm still going to be a girl. Your uncle, is he a transsexual?" Artemis nodded, "Yeah! That's what I heard dad refer to him as once." Makoto nodded, taking another bite of the onigiri and leaning her head back. "So where are you and your parents traveling to?" A frown crossed over the boy's face and he looked down at his chocolate milk, running a finger along the rim of it, "My parents aren't here with me. I'm going to stay with my dad, he lives in Okinawa. He used to be up here with mom and me in Tokyo, but they aren't together anymore." "And you're traveling by yourself?" Artemis nodded, "Yep! Well, one of the train attendants is gonna help me to the boat. I get to meet the captain of the boat too! I've never been on a boat before, so I'm a little scared, but mom says it's just like being on a train, except we're floating." The tall girl smiled and took the other package of onigiri, offering it to the little kid. He shook his head, saying he already ate breakfast and Makoto pulled it back, putting it in the pocket of her coat for later. She looked back up, staring at the boy's vibrant blue eyes that reminded her so much of Ami's. Ami's parents were separated too and the tomboy wondered if she had to travel back and forth between the two like this as well. "Who's Ami?" Makoto's eyes widened a bit at the question and she brought an arm up behind her head, resting on that instead of the window, "Where did you hear that name, Arte-chan?" He shifted a bit, looking down at the ground, "You mumbled it while you were sleeping. You kept saying that one name over and over... is she someone you know?" The chestnut haired teen smiled, "Yes. She is." Her expression was soft, humoring the boy almost, but inwardly Makoto felt the same wave of nausea climb up in her throat as it did in the dream. Since when did she start mumbling things in her sleep? "A friend?" Makoto shook her head, "Something more, I think." Weakness number two of the rogue's: Children. "Something more? Like a sister? I have a younger sister and younger brother, they're twins, but they're only just two, so they're staying with mom while I go." Artemis appeared very excited about his siblings and continued on, "Their names are Diana and Dioshi. They've both got black hair though, unlike me. I take after my mom's side; at least, that's what dad says." The rogue continued to smile, nodding her head every so often to the boy's babbling, welcoming this distraction from her thoughts quite happily. He stopped a moment, to take a breath, but then suddenly remembered what he had asked in the first place, "So Ami is your sister then? That's what you meant?" Closing her eyes, Makoto thought about the best way to answer this, "No, she's not a sister..." What was Ami? Was Ami a girlfriend, a close friend, a lover? Or even something else, maybe to the genius, being around the chestnut haired girl was a way to escape from her 'good girl' life which the green eyed teen would certainly have no objection to, though the thought seemed to sting a little at her heart. "What is she then? Is she like to you what mommies are to daddies?" Makoto opened her eyes a bit, "What do you mean, Arte-chan?" He took a breath, "Well, I mean, mom has explained to me that men and women are not always just friends that they can be together intimately like she was with daddy. She said that the same can apply to women liking women and men liking men. So is Ami someone you want to marry and have kids with?" The innocence of children, Makoto had to steady herself to keep from laughing outright. What would be her answer to this though? Ami and her, have kids... She didn't really think it was possible. But the tomboy only ever thought about the future with the blue haired girl; it was like nothing beyond this second existed until she'd seen that innocent beauty standing in the hallway, her glasses sliding half down her nose as she balanced a stack of books from her locker. At that moment, a whole world of opportunities opened up for the rogue, feelings and thoughts she'd never had before flooded her system through and through. She was restrained by nature though and never allowed those feelings to encompass her completely. As long as she could stay away from the small genius, she would be okay and not slip. But, as luck would have it, Ami approached her, both surprising and throwing her off. Who would have thought the shy girl had it in her? "She's... something like that," the chestnut haired teen found the words exiting before she could stop herself. Artemis tilted his head to the side, his white-blonde locks falling across his eyes, "Do you love her?" Makoto's heart thumped rapidly in her chest and her throat tightened a bit. For the first time in such a long time, maybe in her life, she was caught completely off guard, not able to voice any response because her brain had become blank. ---------------------------------- She ran as far as she could, not very far considering she wasn't very athletic, and was forced to walk every forty feet to catch her breath, only to start running again repeating the process over and over. The tears streamed out of the corners of her eyes and would not stop for anything. It was futile to even try, really and the only thing she desired was to get away from everyone, everything, into a place where no one knew her at all. She wanted to know why Rei had done such a thing, she wanted to know why she responded like she did, but most importantly, she wanted to just be in Makoto's arms at the moment, feeling the rogue's strong embrace and comfort. She wanted to bury her face against the tomboy's bound chest and inhale the natural scented aroma the girl always carried with her, she wanted to hear the girl's soothing tenor voice, gruff in some spots but oddly gentle when it came to the genius. That night of the dinner party, when she was so overrun with the emotions of jealousy for her own mother, Makoto did these things for her, without question of why and without any hesitation. It had felt so right being in the tall girl's arms. The tomboy had set the two down on the carpet and leaned against the wall, holding Ami close to her, running her hand through the teen's cropped blue hair. After all the tears had been spent on the rogue's chest, she began to talk about it, talk about her feelings towards her mother and what she never received in turn. She confessed everything to the tall girl, her anger, her fury, jealousy, weakness, desire to please, everything she wanted from her mother, and how the woman always put work above everything else, including her own daughter and ex-husband. Makoto listened quietly, her arms wrapped around the blue haired teen as though she would never let go, and it comforted Ami. She felt that no matter how bad things got, in such an embrace, she knew the chestnut haired girl would always be there to catch her should she ever fall. There was no doubt in Ami's mind that she could never return Rei's feelings, but why had she returned the girl's kiss when she ought to have pulled away instead. Not only that, she had put her arms around the fiery girl, almost encouraging her actions. More tears pushed themselves out of the teen's baby blue eyes and she fell to the ground, on her hands and knee's, feeling so tired all the sudden. She proceeded to catch her breath, whimpering as she cried; her airway was closing up and her vision becoming blurry. Ami's eyes widened as she recognized these feelings: they were just like what she felt before her panic attack. NO NO NO! CALM DOWN AMI! She begged her body to listen and closed her eyes tightly, pushing off her hands and leaning up against the nearby brick wall. The blue haired girl pulled her knees up to her chest and proceeded to breathe in deeply, exhaling slowly. She continued to do this action, focusing on staying calm and easing the tension in her body. A pair of emerald eyes danced in her head, accompanied shortly by the rest of the rogue and Ami remembered the embrace of the tall girl and how comforting it was. Makoto was her strength-she needed that strength right now. Eventually the genius opened her eyes, her rapidly beating heart slowed to a normal rhythm and all the tension gone. She had beaten it. The blue haired girl smiled, wanting to cry again from the happiness she felt about not losing herself to the panic attack. Instead, she simply let out a soft laugh, wiping away the tears on her cheeks and looking around. Ami was shocked to notice she was sitting behind the hospital against the garage that held the ambulances. How had she run here without even noticing? ------------------------------------- The wind howled against her body, pushing against her as she climbed the lengthy steps of the shrine. Hotaru didn't know what had possessed her to try something like this, but she knew she had to do something since the Miko was in possible danger. No matter how much of a bitch Rei could be at times, the photographer felt that she didn't deserve to be in the crossfire of her and Makoto's fight and so she made up her mind to go to the shrine to get that envelope. Besides the wind, everything seemed so peaceful and serene compared to the previous night. The shrine always was this way, as Hotaru recalled, birds chattering playfully in the trees and the quiet whispering of the leaves as they brushed against one another. The dark haired girl loved the time here, no matter how brief it had been she wouldn't have traded it for anything in the world. As she neared the top, she noticed the familiar raven haired girl leaning against the temple wall, her head in her arms and one knee drawn up to her chest. The underclassman furrowed her dark brows in curiosity and walked quietly over to the girl, stopping when she heard the quiet sobs. Hotaru frowned deeply; it was nearing noon, though it was hard to tell because the sun was hidden behind the clouds and from the looks of the Miko in front of her, she had probably been out here for a while. Leaves were caught in the long raven locks, blown there no doubt by the winds, her arms were covered in patches of dirt and farther down, the purple eyed girl noted the girl's right ankle which was swollen past the size of a grapefruit. But Rei wouldn't cry over something a simple as a twisted ankle-scream angrily, yes-but cry, no. Hotaru would bet her photography equipment that whatever the teen was crying about, Ami definitely had something to do with it. Against her better judgment, the dark haired teen took a few more quiet steps forward and kneeled down by the fiery tempered teen. Being as careful as possible, she reached for Rei's shoulder, touching it gently as she spoke to the girl, "Rei, are you okay?" The Miko jerked backwards, her head shooting up revealing a pair of bloodshot lavender eyes that seemed reminiscent of a dwindling flame. Her cheeks were red and tear stained with streaks of black from her mascara. Before Hotaru had a chance to feel sorry for the girl, Rei slapped her hand away, growling angrily, "What the fuck do you what Vampire-chan?" Hotaru bit back the wince she felt rising up at the sound of the raven haired girl's voice: it was so raspy and weary sounding, reeking of such pain that was beyond words. Hotaru's purple eyes, which were soft and caring just a moment ago, were now cold and unfeeling as she regarded her 'upper' classman. "Looks like you got what you deserved." If her eyes spoke volumes, the superiority and frostiness of the photographer's voice was ten fold worse. Rei visibly flinched at this, her eyes filling to the brim with tears again. "FUCK YOU BITCH!" Her scream was broken, choked and screechy, making the smaller girl pull back, startled, but more or less, sympathizing with the teen's outburst. Still, Hotaru wasn't going to take this, not from her of all people. She leaned forward again, an acidic sneer forming on her facial features, "I guess you know how I feel now, huh?" If what she was thinking was true, then Ami had rejected the Miko; life was truly a series of bittersweet karma. As expected, Rei swung out at the dark haired girl, a futile attempt to slap the girl, but missed as Hotaru pulled away. The older girl growled again, "Just get the hell off my property you fucking cunt." Hotaru didn't need to be told twice, she really didn't need this shit at the moment and really, Rei got what she deserved. The underclassman was about to stand up and leave when she remembered why she was here in the first place. She mentally slapped herself: the envelope! It wouldn't do either of them any good to simply part ways and so the smaller girl swallowed her anger down temporarily, trying to put up the best convincing act as possible. With a heavy sigh, she grabbed the raven haired girl's arm, "I'd love nothing more than to get the hell off your property, except that you're injured and obviously neither Yuuichiro nor your grandfather are around at the moment and you need help." She proceeded to pull the arm around her shoulder but was stopped shortly when the Miko's other hand tried to take a swing at her. Hotaru easily blocked that shot and rolled her eyes at Rei, "I can either leave you here or I can leave you on your bed with an ice pack, which would you prefer?" If looks could kill, the dark haired girl would be dead a million times over at the look the lavender eyed teen was currently giving her. After several moments, during which Hotaru didn't dare move a muscle nor did she take away the stony facial expression she was wearing either, Rei conceded with a short nod. "Okay then, keep in mind I'm not carrying you, so you're going to have to hop on your good foot, but I'll be here to help you balance." She hoisted the fiery girl up, thanking Kami-sama that she was a few inches shorter than Rei as it made it easier to hold her up. They made it through the door with surprisingly little problem and were now on their way to the Miko's bedroom. "Seems you still remember your way Vampire-chan," the older girl sneered as she hopped down the hall, the smaller girl right next to her helping her stay up. Hotaru bit her tongue, almost so hard she thought she'd take the tip right off. She took a small breath, "Seems you haven't forgotten me amongst the growing exponential number of conquests either." So much for keeping her temper in check she thought with a sigh. Rei laughed dryly, "Oh, don't worry, you were always one of my favorites." The photographer felt a light blush crawl over her cheeks and she hoped that the other girl was still too caught up in her own problems to notice. They made it into Rei's bedroom where Hotaru practically dropped the raven haired girl onto her bed. "Ungh! Jeeze, thanks a lot." The Miko shot the younger girl another dirty look, and bent over, pulling off her slippers before lying down onto the bed. Hotaru took the moment to check the room out; it seemed nothing had changed since she'd been here last much to her relief. This little tidbit would make looking for the envelope much less difficult. Now she just had to figure out where a brash tempered Miko would put such a prized treasure. "Well?" Purple eyes met lavender, "Well what?" Rei closed her eyes, shaking her head a bit, "Ice?" The photographer clenched her fists. That's right; she promised the taller girl ice for her ankle. Gritting her teeth together, she responded in an indignant, but fake and cheery voice, "Let me get that for you, I'll be back in a moment." Hearing only a snort as her response, Hotaru left Rei's room and headed towards the kitchen. Once inside the kitchen, the dark haired girl put together a bag of ice quickly and headed out of the kitchen only to stop in the hallway, a thought popping into her mind. She reentered the kitchen and went to work. Operation 'Get the Envelope' would be put into full swing when she went back to Rei.
Back to Deep Down Index - Back to Non-Anime Fanfiction Shoujo-Ai Fanfiction