Mireille and Kirika are in the car onto the beach for vacation. Mireille, the brassy one, is of course, behind the driver's seat. Kirika: "Do we have to go to the beach again for vacation? I miss golfing." Mireille: "That's because you beat me with minus par every time! And, last time we were at the beach, I had a horrible time! I got tan lines! This time, with the show's over and no more preying eyes of lecherous audience, I'll be nude so I'll get a perfect tan!" Kirika: "I have a bad feeling, Me-eh-ru. I fear there will be no time for us to exchange words next time we have a vacation, so I must tell you this now ---" Mireille: "Would you stop creeping me out?! It's a nice sunny day! You're gonna turn it into rain." The sky suddenly turns dark. Rain starts. A massive transport truck almost sideswiped them. The side of the truck read "Nitrogen" or some sort of chemical, like the one in Terminator 2. Mireille's car spiraled into the ditch, but they jumped out JUST IN TIME. In fact, Kirika's somersault would put any Olympic gymnast to shame --- but Kirika wouldn't get a 10, coz she wouldn't have smiled at the judges. The automobiles nearby inevitably exploded and EVERYONE DIED except our maidens who govern death with their BLACK hands --- from the surrounding smoke. Kirika, with her Sadllo Kitty eyes, asked, "Me-eh-ru, do you think we govern death, or death is trying us? Who are we?" Mireille stroke Kirika's hair gently, and comforted her common law partner: "Remember what I told you first day we met?" Unnecessary flash back follows. ***************************************************************************** [First episode, at Kirika's house. Kirika is taking the gun apart, as she tries to convince Mireille to start the pilgrimage to the past.] Mireille: "Ok, first off, you have to understand, blonde assassins like me look dumb, but we are not. Are you listening?" Kirika: "I'm sorry, Me-eh-ru. I can't take my eyes off the gun. When I woke up, I was like, blank. The only thing looks warm and fuzzy is this black thing...and" Kirika's eyes were now fixated at Mireille's natural (we assume) physique. Mireille noticed her gaze and said: "That brings us to the second and third point. I've got boobs, but that doesn't make me a slut. And, third point, my boobs are bigger than yours, so I'm the boss." Kirika: "But what does breast size have anything to do with leadership?" Mireille: "Don't you read manga? Big breasted tall blondes are always outgoing and trashy talking and flat chested brunettes are always side kicks and shy!" Kirika: "But I've got the important lines: 'No-wa-ru, it is the name of an ancient fate (...)' and 'who am I' and 'the roles have reversed. We are the hunted now." Mireille: "I've got major lines too! 'Let's make some tea.' 'Water the plant.' Ok, the point is, who's asking who for a favour? You asked me to take you in as a partner!" Kirika hanged her head as a sign of defeat. She's been used all her life. Now her new partner abuses her. This is too sad. Mireille couldn't resist from padding her head: "OH~ Sadllo Kitty, you're just too cute. We'll work together ok? You got the moves and I got the looks. We'll be invincible. But, you're hiding something. Let me see the watch." Kirika handed out the watch: "I got this from some dead guy, but I don't remember his name or face." Mireille opened the watch, and the song "Lose Yourself" by Eminem came on. Mireille: "Wow! That's really saying something! 'coz opportunity goes once in a lifetime' and 'success is my only m**f** option and failure is not'. Kirika, your fake parents love you but this trailer-house's got to go, so you're moving to my place and we'll share the bed ok?" Flashback is done. Half the episode is gone. Audience can't see any plot advance. ****************************************************************************** [Back at the highway] Mireille: "So, Kirika, we've been through creepy childhood together, sleazy enemies like that Mafian Sylvia and middle aged pervert Breffort who said I could sleep my way into Soldats; one little highway explosion can't hold us back from the beach!" Kirika: "Look! There's a car coming. Let's hitchhike." The driver, who has striking resemblance to David Beckham, slowed down to take a quick look at the hitchhikers, but then speed up to leave, but WAIT! Kirika just made an impossible jump into the car, and halt the car at gunpoint. Mireille walked up to Mr. Driver and kicked him out: "Fagot! No man ever refuses me!" Mr. Driver, who's now in the ditch, pleaded, "But you must understand, I have enough trouble with women these days. I can't afford to be seen with a blonde slut and an under-age." Now Kirika is upset. She whacked Mr. Driver, and claimed her age of majority: "I'm a grown up! I just happen to be short and flat chested!" Our protagonists gained their new vehicle and Mireille is driving, AGAIN. Kirika reflected on their acquisition of the convertible: "Me-eh-ru. We just robbed an innocent man. I cannot atone for my sins. I can rob. And it makes me sad." Tears started to soak the leather seat. To distract Mireille further from driving, Kirika unwittingly opens the pocket watch, which plays its B-side instrumental theme "Le Melodie." Creepy childhood flashbacks such as Sylvia dared Mireille to jump off the cliff and cut her hair overwhelmed Mireille. [Which makes audience wonder, how come no positive flash backs are played? Such as, when Mireille managed (barely) to kill Sylvia and won that cheesy photocopy of the book before she returned it for full refund like most college students do?] The car ended in the ditch again. They jumped out JUST IN TIME AGAIN. Car exploded, but Kirika had just enough time to retrieve her all important ID card. You could hear Mireille screamed: "LEAVE THE F*** CARD!!" if you were there. Again, they are lucky, another car pulled over. The young couple has some furniture to return to IKIA, but there's enough room for our heroines in the back. The young wife frowned at Mireille, and asked: "You anorexic? Your waist looks so thin." Mireille: "No, it's the way anime babes look. Ok, it's my turn to ask you, blondie. Why are you guys returning stuff to IKIA? Didn't you have enough time to decide before you finish that arrows filled windy demo areas and make your way to the check out? I mean, IKIA only has three colours in most models, black, white and wood. And their designer stand-alone pieces have strikingly funny colours like lime and orange. Wouldn't you have figured out you didn't want it from the beginning?" The husband and wife lovingly hugged each other, just like Nick and Jessica in the "newly weds", and said: "Coz we're newly wed. We impulse shopped. And our heads are still left in our honeymoon hotel." Mireille turns to Kirika: "Ok, let's beat that cheese cake couple." She French Kirika who blissfully complies. The husband's mouth drops, and hastily offers the back seat: "Get-get in." The wife now looks extremely irritated, like Harry Potter's aunt, "these are freaks. They're gonna get ourselves blown up!" [In the car] Kirika: "Me-eh-ru, how are we gonna get from IKIA to the beach?" Kirika has no sense of geography but it doesn't matter because she can walk her way from the city back to the manour/village on foot without a road map as the episode advances... Mireille: "Actually, since we'll be at IKIA, we can pick up some utensils --- sharp ones, coz we lost quite a few recently." Kirika starts to lament for the fork, not Chloe. That fork was her first Sanrio Melody fork. With the fork gone, the spoon is no longer a complete set. (and it'll be worthless to put on eBay) That was her first attempt to have a normal childhood, albeit it's 10 years later than normal people. Mireille tries to change the topic: "You may think it's funny, but my family actually used to take me to IKIA on weekends even though we could afford the classy furniture showrooms. I'll show you the reason when we get there." Surprisingly they arrived at IKIA safely, although the newly weds has changed to bitter couples from temptation island. ****************************************************************************** [IKIA] Mireille stops to watch the kids playing in the ball room. Some kid chuckles and yell, "My balls are bigger than yours!" Mireille smiles and turns to Kirika, "See? Kids don't know what they are saying. Just like when you were young, you didn't realize how bad the things you did. So stop your guilt trip alright?" Kirika snaps: "Don't compare me to those stupid kids! Something wrong with their eyes! All the balls are the same size in the play room!" Mireille: "Why don't people get my point when I'm trying to say something important?!" Mireille's eyes gleam with creepy pride: "Anyway, IKIA brings back fond memories of my childhood. You see, when I was about to get really bored of shooting toy gun at my friends and daring them to skip stair steps with me, IKIA came to our neighbourhood. There, I found new physical challenge as the ball room turned into Street Fighter death ring. I owned all the balls, you see? ALL OF THEM. I have them all piled up on my side, the Death Queen Bouquet side ---" Kirika: "But by the law of physics, some of the balls will fall back towards the empty side. Just like, hm, Osmosis, the redistribution of the particles from the more dense area to the low density area ---" Mireille: "STOP INTERRUPTING MY RARE HAPPY CHILDHOOD MEMORIES OK? I know what an ODDmosis is!!" Mireille, back to her dreamy smile, reminiscent of her good old Chucky's bride days: "My family comes back from their shopping and see this and my father was proud. But my mother, frowned at me and said, 'Love sometimes kill but hatred can never save.' Nobody got what she's saying. My dad just laughed at it as a punch line." Kirika is totally shocked: "You mean, those words she always hang them around her mouth? They weren't specially saved for me at her holy dying on the cross moments?! It's just a punch line?! That line changed my life! And saved your sorry ass! And enlightened our lesbian path!" Mireille: "Ok, my mom is a philosopher wanna-be. Don't take her so seriously, kay? Let's go to the market department and pick up our sharp knives and forks." Kirika mumbled: "But they won't match my Melody spoon..." PART 1 ENDS
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