I took the seat next to her, because I couldn’t stand the thought of both being as far as across the table from her, and yet feeling her stare at me every time there was a silence.
I was a bundle of nerves.
But also of joy.
It felt as good to hug her now as it had the last time I had hugged her so long ago.
No, it felt better.
Better than Kasumi?
I winced at the thought, waving it away. I have to prioritize.
Bowing my head, I intoned, “Izumi-san, I’m really sorry for bothering you today!”
Silence.
And then a small laugh. When I looked up, she was watching me from lidded eyes, one elbow propped on the table. “You know, an hour ago, I would have pummeled whoever kept calling me and hanging up… but now that I know it was you, and you’re here… I think I’ve lost the heart to.” Her words were soft, melodious, even bemused and dream-like. “Strange…”
A few moments later, I snapped out of my daze and looked down at my lap. “Ah… I didn’t really mean to keep hanging up… My fingers just… I mean… sorry…”
“It’s okay. Really. So what have you been up to? You haven’t really kept in contact… and what’s that number you’ve been calling me from? It doesn’t show up on my phone.”
“Ah!” I bobbed my head in apology again. “I forgot! After moving to Holland, I’ve been using a prepaid card for long distance calls- it’s cheaper but I guess the card doesn’t register on Japanese phones very well…”
“Holland?” She seemed genuinely surprised. In turn, I was equally surprised if not more so that Anna hadn’t once gotten mad at me since I’d sat down. Perhaps the years had mellowed her out… “By any chance… are you getting married, Anna-chan?”
This is it. The moment of truth. Weakly, I held up my hand so that she could see the ring.
I squeaked in surprise when she grabbed my hand, probably faster than she had intended, and examined the ring. “Amazing! Look at that… such a nice quality… so who’s the lucky lady?”
I stared, half in a daze, looking between her beaming smile and her hand in mine.
“I don’t care who Anna-chan ends up with, as long as it’s not YOU.”
I smiled and looked away, slowly taking away my hands. Idiot. What had you been hoping for? Anyone would react like that. Especially Izumi-san. You have no right to expect any more than that. “Her name is Kasumi. Sawatari Kasumi.”
I sensed more than saw Izumi blink. “The same as me…?” She laughed. “What a coincidence. Though I don’t think I know anyone in my family by that name.”
But that was what had drawn me to her in the very beginning. But the similarities stopped with the name.
“Hey… Anna-chan?”
I looked up at her.
“Am I invited to your wedding?”
I wanted to blurt out that of course she was, that there was no one else I would rather attend my wedding…
As my partner…
I shook my head, ridding myself of the thought.
But she had taken it as an answer to her question. The happiness faded from her voice. Again, only to be expected from an old friend. “Oh. …Okay. Well yeah, I guess it would be kind of awkward, for the both of us… Watching you kiss someone else after you stole my first…”
I blinked and looked at her, not sure what to think. Is she… jealous? No, that can’t be it, not Izumi-san. Does she still resent me for doing that? It was meant to be playful, but I suppose I did go a bit far…
“But Anna-chan…” She smiled at me, and I thought it was a bit forced. “Congratulations. I’m sure you’ll be happy together.”
“How are you sure?” I frowned, finding myself being sucked into her wavelengths. “All I said was her name.”
She smiled and answered easily. “She has to be good if she agreed to marry you, right?” She laughed and winked. “Even better than me.”
A part of me wanted to scream at her, No! No one could ever be better than you! Izumi-san, don’t you see? I still-
I cut my own thoughts off. “Are you still with Yoshitaka-san?”
“Hm? Well… yes… AH! Don’t get the wrong idea! I’ll never marry that perverted ba- ah… I mean I’m staying at the mansion and making sure he doesn’t seriously harass the new girls but…”
As she trailed off, I couldn’t help but feel confused. Even after all this time… she doesn’t want to give me ‘the wrong idea’? Is it because she wants to be remembered as a decent person or…? “That happened several years ago though, didn’t it? Surely they’re used to him by now?”
She sighed tiredly and leaned her head back. “Since you left, he’s gone through a set of girls and recently brought in some new ones. It’s a neverending cycle…”
“Are you still in debt?”
The question was simple enough. Though I hated the part of me that hoped that she was only staying because of her duty to justice in the world (helping new maids in distress) and debt beyond her control. Not because she actually loved Yoshitaka-san, like everyone else believed.
Wrinkling her nose, but putting on a sheepish smile, she answered, “Only a little bit. I’ve been more careful recently, and my job brings in enough money to make up for most of my slip-ups.”
“Your job…” I could feel my cheeks begin to heat up at the reminder. Keeping in contact with Mitsuki-chan had meant access to her collection of pictures… which meant…
I put my hand to my nose, sure that blood would flow out before long.
At least I wasn’t the only one at the table blushing. She mumbled under her breath, “It was Mitsuki’s idea…”
“I know,” she would never admit to it if it was her idea either, “you look as beautiful as ever, Izumi-san.”
She blushed more at that, and I tried my absolute best to keep my hands on my lap. I couldn’t let our old relationship, obsessive and unsatisfying, return. I couldn’t indulge myself.
That way, at least.
“Izumi-san… are you free today?”
At that, she looked across the street at the shop, which was innocent enough in the front. “Mitsuki said a frequent-shopper wanted to meet me… but that can’t have been you, could it? I mean, if you’ve been in Holland all this time…”
Indignation spurted out before I could stop it. I’m her number one fan. I won’t let just anyone meet with her alone. “It wasn’t me… but are you sure it’s safe? To meet them?”
Izumi smiled a little. “You want to come with me? It’s the only thing I was supposed to do today. If you’re not busy… we could hang out afterwards. Catch up on things a little more.”
If she had said this to me seven years ago, I would have gone to Heaven right there and then.
Cue Pochi’s Godfather’s hamster mistress fishing. Catching a younger, dazed, Anna.
But now… now that I was engaged…
I couldn’t just…
“Do whatever you like. Just promise me you’ll come back in the end. When you’re satisfied.”
I smiled nervously. “It wouldn’t be a bother to you?”
She leaned forward, putting her hand up as if preparing to whisper something. I indulged and leaned forward to lend her my ear. It sent chills, pleasant chills that I had almost forgotten, to feel her cool breath on my ear.
“Actually, it would be a great help. If it turns out the person I’m meeting wants more than I feel like giving him, you’ll bail me out, right?”
A part of me crumbled at that. Of course. I’ll always be just an excuse to you, won’t I? Nothing for my own merit. Wouldn’t I just feel worse if I let her drag me along like this? “Of course I will, Izumi-san.”
She smiled at me, and there was a moment when she was pulling back that our noses were mere centimeters from each other. What she confided in me at that moment… almost killed me. In a good way or bad way, I can’t be sure.
“To tell you the truth, Anna-chan… I haven’t actually thought about you at all in the past several years…” She paused, and then her smile brightened into something of an endearment. “But today, walking here, meeting you again, talking to you again… I realized… I’ve actually missed you a lot. Life just isn’t the same without you. Even if everyone else is still hanging around the neighborhood.”
“No matter what anyone else says… I always want to be beside you…”
It occurred to me then, perhaps for the first time, something I should have considered before.
When she had said that, so long ago, where did she get it from? It couldn’t have been a cheap soap opera, like Yoshitaka had, or even a half-hearted rambling of things that sounded good like I had done…
So what if it had…
What if…
At the time…
“A-anna-chan?”
… She’d been saying what was in her heart… even if her mind wanted to deny it?
It wasn’t until I felt her hand on my cheek, brushing away my tears, that I realized I had started crying.
Why do I feel so sad… to be filled with hope?
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