I sighed for perhaps the fifteenth time that day, a complete bundle of nerves.
Tonight is my last chance to make amends.
It’s now or never.
I can’t let there be anymore misunderstandings between us.
I looked at the clock. 5:46.
Dammit, I got here too early. Way too early.
We agreed to meet at 6:30.
I fidgeted, knowing what I was wearing underneath my casually nice pants, shirt, blazer combo. I started to pace when I remembered who the only one I would let myself wear it, and only it, in front of…
Flowers. Dammit, I forgot to get some flowers.
Maybe that’ll kill time.
But what if I take too long? What if she ends up waiting for me?
Just for some stupid flowers?
But she might really like them…
How much money can I spare? I quickly checked. I’d already paid for the restaurant tab… and I worked out a fixed fee for the moonlit boat ride (thank God for June’s smaller business ventures)… I would get everything out in the open there… and then we can go to a l-lo-loooov-
Hold on. If I gave her flowers, wouldn’t she have to carry it everywhere? Wouldn’t that get entirely bothersome? Especially if the flowers are expecting water…
Never mind then. I’m better off without.
Besides, I have a better gift than stupid flowers anyway.
I checked the clock again. 5:55. Dammit.
I started walking in a wide circle around the fountain, deciding to count how many times I could slowly walk around before the appointed time came.
One…
Two…
Three…
BAM!
Ow…
I growled at whoever I had run into, “Hey! Watch where you’re going!”
“Why don’t you watch where you’re- eh?”
“Well, well, what do we have here?”
Oh no.
The rough guys from the movie theater… it’s surprising I still recognize their mugs… though it’s hard to forget someone quite that ugly…
Especially compared to Anna…
I slapped away his hand when he moved to touch my chin. I didn’t have time for this.
Well, okay, maybe I did, but I shouldn’t.
I don’t want my clothes to get messed up after all.
But looking at them makes me want to beat them up so badly…
“All alone today? What happened to that chick of yours? Dump you for a guy like me?”
I rolled my eyes, but I wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of knowing that I was standing around waiting for her right now. “Buzz off.”
The other guys started to surround me. They could always take ‘one measly girl’ couldn’t they? As a team anyway.
They’ll never get girlfriends at this rate.
Not that I can think of any girl that would want to date any of these jerks…
“Girls like you shouldn’t be hanging out so late alone, you know.”
“Guys like you shouldn’t be hanging out so long with me, if they want to live another day.”
They didn’t back off this time. He seemed appeared to call my bluff. Even though it wasn’t really a bluff.
I took my stance. “All right, you want a fight? Come and get it.”
“We don’t want a fight,” he continued to leer at me as they all drew closer. “We just want to have some fun with you. In replacement for the other day.”
I spun and kicked him in the jaw. He went down.
But not for the count.
Stupid stubborn idiot.
They all charged, and I started fighting back. After all the years of enduring Yoshitaka and fending him off, I had learned to expend maximum damage on minimal energy spent.
Well, as much as could be expected, considering I never really bothered with taking classes.
Still, I was breathing hard and my clothes had gotten messed up by the time they finally turned tail and ran. Why?
Because a policeman had finally come around to check up on things.
He asked if I was the victim or the assailant.
I told him, as politely as I could, that I was whichever one wouldn’t have me taken away to the police station, because I was waiting for somebody.
He asked me if I always did things like this while waiting.
I told him point blank, of course not.
He nodded, bowed a little, told me to be careful, and walked away.
Stupid almost-incompetent baka.
“Izumi…?”
I slowly spun around, and my eyes found Anna. I smiled and waved her over.
She looked worried.
I looked down at my semi-beaten up, sweaty state, and suddenly she was right next to me, a handkerchief to my brow, wiping away like a doting mother… or girlfriend. I smiled and touched her elbow, leading us over to the edge of the fountain. I felt like sitting.
“What happened?” She frowned, looking at me.
I tried to smile. “It’s nothing. I just got into a little scuffle with some neighborhood wannabe yakuzas.”
“Are you really all right? Did they hurt you?”
“Not too badly,” I remarked, trying to be as honest as possible. “And yes, I’ll be all right. Don’t worry. Just… Is my hair all messed up?”
“Yes.” She smiled and reached into her purse, pulling out a thin comb. Wetting said comb in the fountain water, she proceeded to neaten my hair back out. As she finished, she whispered, “I’ve always envied you for your hair.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Why? I like you with your own natural hair.”
She bit her lip, as if she wanted to comment, but eventually shook her head. Standing back up, she smiled. “Shall we go?”
I nodded, placing one hand in my pocket to check that it still had its contents, and offering her the other. Anna smiled as she took it. “Let’s go then.”
Fifteen minutes later, we’d found the restaurant, been seated, and received our menus.
“You know, I’ve been thinking this since before but…” Anna looked up at me worriedly, “This place is really expensive.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I smiled across the table to her. “Eat as much as you want. I’ve been saving up a bit too much; I can afford to spend some more. Besides, it’s just the two of us, right?”
She seemed hesitant, so I offered her another incentive.
“Unless you’d like to order for one and share?”
She seemed to really like that idea.
So when the waiter returned, we ordered one large main dish and a couple of assorted small dishes we wanted to try. We’d considered getting the spaghetti and meatballs, but it was a little impractical since real life wasn’t like Lady and the Tramp. Not really anyway.
Still, we scooted a fair bit closer before our food arrived.
There were quite a few “say ‘ah’” moments.
Not that I minded. Either giving or receiving.
Much better than unleashing an embarrassing food fight.
Or gagging over each other’s cooking.
We talked and laughed and enjoyed each other’s company, reliving our last two weeks together.
It’s been a schweet two weeks…
I really have to buy Kasumi a thank-you birthday gift.
Anna murmured appreciatively about the surrounding nature as we walked through the park to the boat rides.
By the light of the full moon, I saw her blush a little as I stepped onto the boat and then helped her in. As I started rowing, my mouth clammed up, as if it knew what was about to happen. Or what I would try to make happen.
“Anna-“
“Izumi-“
I bit my tongue as we both looked away. I quietly told her she could go first. She didn’t object.
“Izumi… I… I want to thank you for these… these last two weeks. They’ve meant the world to me…”
I frowned, something wasn’t right. Surely she wasn’t suggesting…? I stopped rowing, as we were drifting in the middle of the lake now.
“I know you’re just doing it out of guilt… because of our past together… but it’s okay. I don’t care-“
“Stop.” I crawled over to her side of the boat, careful to not make it tip over, even though it rocked a bit. “Stop it.”
“Izumi…?”
I reached up and wrapped my arms around her. She quickly put her hands behind herself so we wouldn’t fall over completely. I whispered into her ear. “It’s not guilt. It’s not… guilt.”
“Izumi you don’t have to-“
“No!” I took a deep calming breath, slipping a bit backwards as she lay beneath me on the floor of the boat. I smiled softly. These misunderstandings had to be cleared up. “Anna… Listen to me. It’s true that I have wanted to make up the past with you… but I always want you to know… I never disliked you, Anna. Not even since the day we first met.”
She didn’t speak now, letting my clammed up mouth loosen freely.
“I’m sorry for hitting you in those days… it wasn’t your fault. Yoshitaka just… sensitized me to being molested. Him and Pochi. I wish we had met under better circumstances, without him in the picture…” I laughed softly to myself. “Then again, it’s because of him that we met and ended up living together, isn’t it?”
She smiled encouragingly at me.
“I’m sorry… for leading you on in those days… it’s not that I wanted to use your feelings for me… so much as… something inside me wanted to see you happy, wanted to please you, wanted to be the only one in your eyes. That side of me… convinced me to do the things I did… and then the other side cut off the initial intentions and… I just made of mess of things. I’m sorry.”
I took a deep breath and continued, “I’ve never known how to act around you, Anna. I didn’t want to give you the wrong impression, when I wasn’t even completely sure of how I felt. Was it wrong to simply do nothing and accept your feelings?” I laughed a little. “Even my mom said she would approve of us if we ever got together… that made it definitely seem that something was off about it… so I didn’t want to touch it.”
Licking my lips, I caught my breath and started again. “I don’t know why you liked me. Or still like me. I’m a weak person, even if I can do manual labor like an ox if forced to. I’ve never known what I wanted out of life, and I’m not sure if I know even now. But… I do know this…”
I saw the moonlight reflected in her eyes as she looked up at me, and I smiled as I reached into my pocket.
“I love you, Anna. With all my heart. You aren’t just my bright morning star anymore, but my other half, my soulmate. I offer to you, not just my blood, sweat, and tears, but my heart, my love, my life. No matter what anyone else may say, I don’t want to just remain by your side forever anymore. Karauchi Anna…” I paused, smiling as I flipped open the box between us. “Will you marry me?”
She didn’t speak for several moments, her eyes glued to the ring within the box. I was a little worried when tears started to trickle out of her eyes, but her whisper saved me. “You’re not… you’re not just saying it to say it this time… right?”
“I mean it, Anna, all of it.”
“You aren’t going to suddenly turn around blushing and say it was all a cruel… cruel trick?”
“No, Anna.”
“You aren’t going to ask me to get back together with Kasumi or something?”
“N-“ I paused, and then smiled, shaking my head. “I wouldn’t be asking you if I wasn’t aware you still had a choice in the matter, Anna.”
Still she hesitated, as if it was so unbelievable, even after our two week together, that I could ever do something like this ‘for real’. But I waited patiently.
Her hands closed around the box. Her eyes were also closed as the tears started flowing faster. But she didn’t sob. “Even after all this time… I guess it’s still true. It can only be you, Izumi. If you’ll have me, I would love to marry you… again and again.”
“Well, let’s hope it goes well the first time, all right?” I smiled teasingly as I leaned down to kiss away her tears, my hand fumbling to help her to take out the ring and put in on her finger. It fit perfectly.
Just like the two of us.
The boat was crowded, our adult bodies not having a lot of room to move, but under the moonlight… on the secluded lake… we showed God alone that we had no need for society’s opinions, love hotels, or boys.
If God was watching us… the only thing I can think to tell him is… keep his eyes to himself, because Anna was mine now.
And I wouldn’t let her run away this time.
I won’t let myself run away either.
Because Anna finally showed me what I had been looking for, what I had always wanted.
Someone whose love for me was worth returning.
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