The Rose That Blooms Alone
I haven't watched Marimite in a while, and even if I had I don't think
there was much mentioned about Youko's past or family situation,
although I could be wrong. Either way, I have never read the manga or
the novels, and even my recall of the anime isn't 100% at the moment, so
I'm just making things up to be the way I want them right now. There,
I've warned you. :D
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Mizuno Youko was a meddler by nature. It was not, as some individuals
that did not know her well might have suspected, a thing born from a
need to manipulate others, oh no. Youko merely... cared. Too much and
too compulsively at times, and because she was the kind of sophisticated
and dignified young woman that she was, her concern for others most
often found an outlet in her subtle – or sometimes not so subtle, for
those that were very close to Youko's heart – machinations to pull other
people towards what she perceived as their happiness.
Watching other people achieve some measure of happiness was a source of
wistful satisfaction for Youko, who knew well that her own chances of
any real happiness were slim at best... one might even say nonexistent.
Oh yes, Youko knew this, certainly.
Born the sole successor of a family of some wealth and note her parents
had raised her to meet all the expectations of her name, yet remained as
distant to her as the many teachers and tutors that had moved through
her life in her younger years. They had raised an heir, not a daughter,
although Youko did not resent them for it.
The compulsion to do well and rise to the expectations was deeply rooted
within Youko by the time she entered school, and for each passing year
the expectations became greater. She fulfilled them all, and in the
process became well liked among her peers... yet had no real friends to
speak of. Youko was simply too grown-up, too poised, and most of all,
too revered, for her classmates to approach her casually.
When the Rosa Chinensis en bouton had approached Youko at the beginning
of her stint as a first year Youko had been flattered and somewhat
grateful for the attention. When she had been offered the rosary of the
Chinensis family, Youko had not been surprised... it had been easy to
see the similarities between the two Chinensis members and herself, and
she had known she would perform well in Yamayurikai. Youko had been the
first to join the Yamayurikai that year, her age-mates Eriko and Sei not
joining them until some time later.
While Youko respected and liked her oneesama, and of course the Rosa
Chinensis at the time, there had never been any stronger emotional bond
between them. It had not mattered; Youko had been grateful and made sure
to honour her oneesama as was proper, and to fulfil all her Yamayurikai
duties to the fullest. If it were not for one particular person Youko
would perhaps not even have realised that she had been missing something
emotionally, much less lived to experience these things for herself.
The Rosa Gigantea en bouton at the time had spoken for a while of
getting a petite soeur of her own, while Youko and Eriko were both
already members of Yamayurikai, and had decided on a particular, by her
own description, unruly child for the position. One day the impossibly
tall woman had just waltzed in, an insolent smirk on her comely
features, with a tall, scowling and pouting blue-eyed blonde in a firm
grip. She had introduced the girl as Satou Sei, to which Sei had merely
grunted in the direction of the rest of the room, then sat down to stare
at her crossed feet for the rest of the meeting. The newly minted
oneesama had merely watched her new petite soeur and grinned, leaving
the rest of them slightly bewildered what to make of the newcomer.
Well, the rest of the Yamayurikai perhaps, but not Youko. Youko had
taken one look at the pouting vision of Satou Sei and felt her stomach
do strange and dizzying flips. It was a reaction that bewildered her at
the time, and that would accompany every encounter with the lanky Sei
for quite a while.
Sei had, when she had been made a petite soeur, been surly and
distrusting of others, prickly about many things, especially her
appearance and anything that could even remotely be considered a
reference to her being half-Japanese. But with the camaraderie of the
Yamayurikai, the easygoingness of her oneesama, and the acceptance and
even friendship offered by Eriko and Youko, Sei relaxed her attitude
over time. Soon enough it was easy to see an almost true familial
resemblance between Sei and her oneesama, with similar roguish easygoing
smiles and flirtatious nature.
The first time Youko had been the recipient of that wide roughish smile
and a flirtatious wink, it had left her breathless and with a fluttering
heart. Years later, Youko had still not recovered from the effects of
Sei's charming smile.
By the time Youko had realised the cause for her strange reactions to
Sei, and self-examination had made her reach the inevitable conclusion
regarding her feelings for the tall blonde, Youko, Sei and Eriko were
all already second years. By then it was already too late.
Encouraged by Eriko, whom had realised the nature of Youko's feelings
towards Sei perhaps even before Youko did, Youko prepared how to best
approach Sei with the matter of her heart. A final pep-talk from Eriko
had given Youko courage, and she had set out to catch up to Sei in an
out-of-sight spot beyond the church were she felt sure Sei would be,
alone.
Youko had almost reached Sei, already raised her hand in greeting, Sei's
name already forming on her lips when... she saw her.
Long dark hair swaying with some private breeze as she strode gracefully
directly towards Sei, dark eyes never leaving the blonde. And Sei,
Sei... saw nothing else, knew nothing else, as Kubo Shiori smiling
walked right up to her and into her arms with an ease that told Youko it
was far from the first time.
Then the two kissed. And Youko's heart... shattered.
She made her way back unseen, somehow, not shedding a single tear until
she fell into the arms of the badly startled Eriko where she sobbed with
a near-hysterical desperation that would never be repeated. Eriko's
first reaction as she awkwardly tried to comfort Youko was to locate her
other friend and give her a good and unladylike thumping. In the face of
Eriko's indignation on her behalf Youko found the words to express the
attitude towards Sei that she would then follow for the duration of her
remaining school years at Lillian: Youko would hope for Sei's happiness,
and not interfere.
It took a few days, but eventually Youko regained enough poise not to be
reduced to tears at the thought of Sei, and fortunately Sei's presence
was scarce around the Yamayurikai at this time. Eriko abandoned her stab
at anger, as well, and during this time chose her petite soeur, Hasekura
Rei. Encouraged by Eriko once more, Youko focused her attention on
finding the one first-year student that would fit the Chinensis name one
day.
She found her quickly, a simple glance into a classroom was really all
Youko needed to know that she had found her petite soeur, although she
did do all the proper research before actually approaching the girl.
Ogasawara Sachiko was a young swan among the ducklings, and one glance
at the girl, her regal bearing, her aloof concentration, and the almost
tangible distance between her and the other girls that even then were
staring at Sachiko in admiration, and Youko knew this girl would one day
be a Rosa Chinensis.
When Sachiko accepted Youko's rosary she would also bring a treasured
source of joy to the latter's life. In Sachiko Youko found a soul
surprisingly similar to her own in some ways, and someone who needed
her, someone who not only brought out but also accepted the mothering
tendencies in Youko, and Youko loved her deeply and dearly. Sachiko
responded to Youko's love with her own, and a deep sense of admiration
and respect that was humbling at first, before Youko learned to just
accept it. It was not a romantic love between them, in any sense,
instead it felt as if Youko truly had been gifted with a blood sister
after all this time.
Doting on Sachiko in the various ways Youko did to help the girl grow
more comfortable in her own skin was a source of peace, even if Youko
was not above challenging Sachiko's hidden temper for her own good upon
occasion, something to hold on to in a time when Youko badly needed just
that.
Sei was never around, and not even the summons of her oneesama, the Rosa
Gigantea, would keep Sei's presence at the Yamayurikai meetings for
long. The two first-year additions to the group had barely seen Sei in
her capacity as Rosa Gigantea en bouton, and Sachiko developed a kind of
instinctive dislike for the tall girl whom appeared to shirk her
responsibilities completely and, more offensive still, made Sachiko's
oneesama have the fleeting sad expression at times.
The Rosa's finally made a joint decision to step in once rumours and
Sei's negligence had just gone too far. They tried the logic approach,
they tried arguing. They even tried the impassionate plea from Sei's
oneesama, but it was to no avail.
Sei for some reason simply would not make Shiori her petite soeur, and
while Shiori was not present at the Yamayurikai meetings, neither would
Sei.
The Rosas shook their heads and sighed, Sei's oneesama voicing their
fear: this would not end well. It took some while still before Youko
found out what worried them all so about Kubo Shiori.
No words could accurately describe the way Youko's own heart bled to
walk out on the platform at that train station to see that proud, free
spirit so utterly and cruelly broken by her faithless lover. To have
Sei's love and throw it away... Youko could not understand Shiori's
reasoning. Youko herself would have given anything, sacrificed anything
she had, for Sei's heart.
But Sei would never see her.
Time passed and Sei bounced back, though never entirely the same as
before, and somewhere during her worry for Sei, her unspoken love, her
guidance of Sachiko and her efforts to keep Sei and Sachiko civil with
one another – as Sachiko never quite got over that smidgen of dislike
she felt towards her senior, and Sei, perhaps sensing Sachiko's
aversion, never missed an opportunity to try and tease Sachiko until her
temper flared – Youko found herself a third year and the Rosa Chinensis.
The first of the new additions to the Yamayurikai was added already on
the first day of the school year, although they would not get to
actually be introduced to Shimazu Yoshino until a few days later, but
since the subject of her cousin was the one thing Rei would inevitably
veer off into regardless of the conversation, the rest of the
Yamayurikai already felt as if they knew the girl somewhat. Rei even
carried a picture in her wallet, and another in her weekly planner, of
young Yoshino, it had been the subject of many disbelieving silences as
it seemed everyone was aware of Rei's feelings for her cousin besides
Rei herself.
Then came the day that Toudou Shimako entered Sei's life, and from the
other girl's attempts to hide her shell-shocked daze from Youko's
watching eyes, Youko knew it was a significant encounter. Youko would
not let history repeat itself for Sei, even if she had to bend a few
rules to do it.
Shimako was brought to the Yamayurikai, and in time, when it became
apparent that despite all the work Youko put into making Shimako present
and available, yes in fact Sei's petite soeur in all but name already,
Sei would still not act, Youko's plotting took care even of that attempt
at resistance. The slight but lingering rivalry between Sachiko and Sei
served the purpose well, and Sei rose to the bait. There would be no
repeat of the Shiori disaster on Youko's watch.
Sei seemed to settle down once Shimako was her petite soeur, to Youko's
relief. The free-spirited blonde was not as happy as Youko would have
wished for, but she was at least healing – Youko knew the healing
properties having a petite soeur could have quite well – and that was
enough for now. The three Foetidas were happy and Sei was healing...
that only left Youko's own precious little Sachiko to worry about.
And worry Youko did. Sachiko was buckling under the increasing strain of
her familial situation, without a petite soeur to ease her burden. Youko
tried to help but could only do so much, and then things were brought to
a head with the unfortunate joint school play.
Youko tried, again, to convince Sachiko that she needed to take a petite
soeur. Sei, with a bit of backing from Eriko, just did her worst to get
on Sachiko's nerves that day, and things evolved into a shouting match
before Sachiko stormed out of the room.
Stormed right into the arms of Fukuzawa Yumi, and by rights there should
have been some kind of cosmic sign, a clap of thunder or at the very
least the ringing of the church bell, to signify the importance of that
event. Despite the rocky start, Yumi entered their lives and their
hearts, whether she meant to or not.
Sei especially took a liking to the girl, so much so that Youko for a
while worried that she had done Sei a disservice by pushing her towards
Shimako. As she watched, astonished, as a deep and sincere – and most of
all, romantic – love grew between her precious petite soeur and little
Yumi, though, Youko could not help but feel that things were as they
should be. Although it was clear that Sei and Yumi had bonded and cared
greatly for one another, it was not a romantic thing, and no-one could
possibly doubt how deeply Yumi was in love with Youko's petite soeur.
Youko was happy knowing that even when she would leave the school there
would be someone there for Sachiko, always and whatever happened.
The only one that would never have any measure of real happiness of that
kind to cling to was Youko herself. She knew this, and while it hurt to
watch Sei, to remain by her side for all the tumultuous events of their
last year at Lillian, yet never have Sei look her way even once, she had
no objections. On Mizuno Youko's list of importance she herself had
never held any prominent placing, ever. Life moved along regardless.
So, suddenly, came graduation. It almost hit Youko from a blind corner,
even though the Yamayurikai had prepared for it for so long. After
graduating Youko would move on to another prestigious school to finish
the kind of education her parents wanted for her, and the daily lives of
the Yamayurikai members would be lost to her. Even though Youko would
keep in touch with Eriko and Sei, and of course her precious Sachiko,
the distance would become greater and greater... and Youko would no
longer be able to be there to personally make sure each of the people
she cared about were happy and safe.
No longer would Youko look up from whatever she was doing to see Sei
standing in the light by a familiar window, then turn towards Youko with
that cheeky grin.
She had not allowed herself to falter, walked out the school gates with
her back straight and her head held high, not looking back. She
considered it her final act as Rosa Chinensis. She, Sei and Eriko had
said brief goodbyes, as if they were to meet again the next morning,
then each had gone on in their own direction, Youko home to follow her
already packaged and transported belongings to the town where she would
go to school next.
That night Youko had laid down on her bed and cried like a child,
exhausted both physically and emotionally, feeling lonelier than ever.
Her saving grace had been a phone call right before she was about to
call it a night, from Sachiko whom worried and wanted to know if Youko
had arrived alright. There had been tears in Sachiko's voice, but just
hearing the girl she had feared would no longer be her petite soeur had
soothed some of the pain in Youko. Although they never said it out loud
then, Youko knew that she would always be Sachiko's respected older
sister, even when the memories of Lillian itself had faded.
It had made the loneliness a little easier to bear.
Youko of course excelled at her new school, and she was quickly a name
to respect and reckon with. It was not the same, however, meddling with
the lives of strangers instead of meddling with the lives of those that
been something between friends and family. Youko of course kept close
contact with Sachiko and her family – and also the rare, spaced-out,
letter from Eriko - and that meant that when things went so bad, Youko
packed her belongings and took time off from her school to come back
home where she could better support Sachiko.
At the time for Youko's return, things were not yet so dire and Sachiko
and her mother still clung to some hope. They spent most of their time
at the hospital where Youko only rarely joined them, so for the most
part Youko spent her time at her own home or in town, just feeling
better when she could be there on a moments notice if she was needed.
She had hesitated at first to contact Sei, feeling uneasy with the sheer
need she harboured to see the other woman again, but soon realised that
she was being silly about it. The only thing that would seem strange to
Sei was if Youko were in town and did not contact her old friend even
briefly, so Youko did just that. Having failed to reach Sei on the
phone, Youko merely appeared at the school gates at about the time when
Sei would be making her way home for the day.
The reunion would prove to be surprisingly fulfilling for Youko... and
just plain surprising.
Ignoring the many admiring looks sent her way Youko stood by the gate,
somewhat anxiously scanning the crowds for a tall blonde form as
familiar to her as anything. She was shocked to realise that her eyes
swept past Sei's form twice before it registered somewhere within that
the tall, short-haired blonde in a white shirt and dark pants that was
walking along chatting animatedly with a brunette with glasses was not a
boy but indeed the woman Youko was looking for. Something of her shock
must have shown on her face for a moment, because as they got closer the
brunette noticed Youko's stare and gave Sei a nudge in Youko's
direction.
As Sei's eyes turned to her Youko briefly amused herself with wondering
if little Rei knew that Sei had stolen her haircut, then all thoughts
promptly left her mind all at once as Sei's face broke out into a wide
grin and the blonde called out her name. Sei immediately ran up to Youko
and lifted her into her arms, spinning her around several times before
engulfing the rather stunned Youko in a bear hug.
Instinctively Youko had thrown her arms around Sei's neck when the other
had started spinning her around, and as Sei did not release her tight
grip around Youko's waist even after their hug, Youko decided to let her
arms remain where they were for the time being. It was a treat she had
never imagined she would receive, after all.
The brunette came up to them and said a few greetings before walking off
with an amused smile on her face, and then Sei and Youko began talking,
staring at one another completely oblivious to the many stares and
giggles sent their way by the other students as they walked slowly past
them on their way to their respective homes.
"I've missed you." The smile that never failed to leave Youko breathless
made an appearance. "Have you missed me?" Though spoken in jest, the
question had a touch of neediness that surprised them both.
"Yes, yes I have... yes I do." Youko answered honestly, charmed to see a
pleased expression on those loved features.
The hug this time was gentle, and sent a thrill down Youko's spine when
she both felt and heard the taller woman briefly put her nose in Youko's
black hair and take a deep breath. Youko's heart was pounding madly in
her chest, this greeting was almost unreal... Sei holding her, breathing
her, looking at her like a lover would... it was something Youko only
occasionally dared to let herself imagine in the dark of night. It was
not something that could actually happen.
And yet it had.
"Youko?" Sei drew back just enough so she could look into Youko's eyes
again. "What has happened? I doubt you're here just because I've been
missing you."
So Youko told Sei all about Sachiko's family and her decision to return
home for the time being so that she could offer whatever support Sachiko
might need of her. In return Sei, concerned now that she found out that
there had been more going on than she suspected, told Youko about the
recent problems between Yumi and Sachiko. Youko's heart bled even more
to hear it, and Sei tried to comfort Youko with the promise that if
Sachiko and Yumi did not work things out on their own pretty soon, they
would find a way to offer them a little help along the way.
By the time the two former members of Lillian's famed Yamayurikai
reluctantly disentangled, all other students had long since left the
area. Somewhat abashed Youko tried to act casual about their long
embrace as if it was a commonplace occurrence for them, when both women
were well aware that it was anything but. Sei saved her from the
embarrassment when she impulsively grabbed Youko's hand, fetched her
abandoned things, and set of at a brisk pace towards her home, dragging
the not unwilling Youko along with her.
Youko was entranced by the sensation of the large, strong hand engulfing
her own in its warmth... it felt right, her hand in Sei's, like it
belonged there.
Feeling a tiny bit daring for a moment Youko carefully twisted her hand
in Sei's grip until she could entwine their fingers. Sei gave a small
start and looked at their joined hands, but just as Youko was about to
let go in fear that she had gone too far, Sei flashed her a huge,
happily bright smile and firmed her grasp, pulling Youko a little closer
as she resumed their speedy trek towards Sei's home.
They would spend so much time talking that night snuck up on them, and
Sei convinced Youko to spend the night. The following morning was
hectic, but as they made their way outside they managed to make plans to
meet later in the day for dinner, and then something happened as they
were just about to part.
In a move too quick for Youko to quite follow, Sei leaned in and pressed
her lips in a brief but firm kiss to Youko's cheek. The taller woman
spun around immediately after to make a mad dash in the direction of her
school, not looking back, but Youko caught sight of the adorable blush
on Sei's cheeks as she moved away.
Youko was left standing there in a daze, hand to her tingling cheek, for
a long, long time before she finally mustered up the will to move away
from Sei's door.
Amidst Youko's visits with Sachiko and the more and more grave situation
for her precious petite soeur, Youko and Sei began dating. It was a
subject discreetly approached between them, neither of them saying a
word to suggest that was what they were doing, but the dinners, the
movies, the picnics and long walks in the park... finally it seemed
silly to pretend to be 'just friends' when Sei showed up at Youko's
doorstep dressed to kill, and took Youko out dancing.
That night they shared their first real kiss, as Youko grasped her
courage with both hands and pulled the woman who had just managed to
steal her heart away all over again in for a sweet goodnight kiss.
Or that was what it was supposed to be. But Sei and Youko were grown
women whose emotions and desires had been steadily intensified during
their period of undefined dating, and in Youko's case she had loved and
longed for Sei for so very long. It was not as if they were strangers
returning from their first date, or so Youko tried to justify events
afterwards while Sei merely snickered and waggled her eyebrows.
When Sei responded to Youko's kiss, all reason and propriety flew out
the window. By the time they could somehow, with great effort, tear
themselves away from the other woman's lips the night air around them
had turned them both cold as ice and they just could not bear to part.
It was a Friday night and nothing else mattered for the moment than the
two of them. Youko invited Sei in, and Sei... stayed the weekend.
In Sei's arms Youko discovered to her shock a wanton, passionate side of
herself that the usually somewhat restrained woman had never imagined.
In Youko's arms Sei found a safe place to rest her heart at long last,
though it was not a process completed that quickly. In Youko Sei found a
place she felt she belonged, finally, and in Sei Youko found someone
that did not require Youko to be the strong caretaker all the time,
someone that would hold her as she wept and take care of her for a
change.
Then matters with Sachiko got worse, and Youko was finally forced to act
on her petite soeur's behalf, bringing Yumi to Sachiko's side in her
hour of need.
Roughly a week later Youko had to return to her school.
Parting with Sei now, after waiting for all those years to finally have
her love, was hard on Youko, as watching the only other woman she had
dared to love in her young life leave her behind was for Sei, but they
were old enough and intelligent enough to know that it was inevitable.
They were also quite determined to make things work despite the
distance.
When they had sat down to have the conversation, the first real one
they'd had regarding their relationship, Youko had come right out and
told Sei that if she wanted Youko to remain close by she would drop out
of school and return for good. Sei, humbled and happy about the offer
but well aware of how important the degree Youko was striving for might
prove to be, kissed and hugged her lover and suggested instead that they
try to put up with it, to go visit one another at any and all
opportunities they would get and call as often as possible. Unbeknownst
to each other both women began planning how to change their academic
load in ways that would grant them an extra day off every other weekend,
allowing for a weekend visit with each other.
The day Youko were to go, Sei did not follow her to the train station.
Instead they said their goodbyes at Sei's home, and Sachiko came by to
follow Youko to the station. It was something Youko understood well, and
she had not expected Sei to be able to see her off at that place, in
fact she would not have wanted Sei to have to see Youko leave her behind
at that particular spot, even if they both knew they would not be apart
for all that long.
Just as Youko was about to board the train a young man in an outfit that
boasted a floral delivery company came running shouting her name.
Sachiko, lingering on the platform until the train left the station,
intercepted him and managed to help him hand over some wrapped flowers
to Youko before the doors were closing.
Alone in her seat after waving to her little sister one more time Youko
carefully opened the slender package with some anxiety. The plain white
paper came off revealing two long-stemmed roses in a small but
thankfully sturdy flute, one deep red and one pure white, and a small
card attached to them with a tiny red ribbon.
Blinking against the tears that had sprung to her eyes, Youko reached
for the card... only to have something fall out into her hand with a
tiny jingling sound. Surprised she focused on the cold and unexpected
object first... and gasped.
It was a small silver necklace, the chain tiny and the locket a small,
stylized heart with a single sparkling little stone set into it. It was
not an expensive piece of jewellery, but it was tasteful and in a style
Youko liked, although right then Youko would have loved anything no
matter how gaudy a bauble had been given her.
Youko's hands shook as she opened the card at last, holding the necklace
reverently in one hand.
"Be mine"
It was all the card said and it was unsigned, but Youko would know Sei's
sloppy and slightly lopsided handwriting anywhere. Choking down a sob
Youko lifted first the card and then the necklace gently to her lips,
then she put the card and the flowers carefully aside, rewrapping them
in their protective paper, before finally putting the necklace around
her neck.
It was a perfect fit.
Youko smiled, blinking away a few tears that escaped. It was fortunate
that she never went anywhere without her cell phone, she thought, and
that she always made sure her phone was state of the art. The sleek
black shell Youko pushed open with a tiny snap was more like a
miniaturised computer than anything else... it would make finding a
local flower shop and a jewellery store so much easier, not to mention
finding a fitting gift.
Youko already knew what the card would say.
Forever yours.
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