Anything for You
Seeing you sick like this brings back memories of another betrayal of mine, too, though you probably don’t think of it that way. It was when you’d caught a cold after your adorable hitchhiking escapade. At one point, your fever took a sharp turn for the worse, and Midori-chan proposed to use a folk cure involving a negi and Natsuki’s adorable rear end. I knew there was no chance of it working, and if I were a true friend to you I could have stopped it and saved you the pain.
But I wasn’t your friend then. I was the girl who was desperately in love with you but had no chance of you loving her in return. And so I took advantage of you. It wasn’t the first time, and it wasn’t the last. I not only supported the idea, I inserted the negi by my own hand, just for the chance to touch you where I’d otherwise never be able to. I did enjoy myself at first, but as soon as I saw your face contort in pain I felt my heart throb in my chest. It hurt me dearly to know I’d caused you pain like that, all for my selfish pleasure.
I know you’ve forgiven me for loving you, but I don’t know if you’ve forgiven me for everything I’ve done because of that love. I’m going to do everything I can to make up for it, so hopefully one day you will.
Ara ara, Natsuki, nightmares again? Well, I know how to help with that. There we go, all better and sleeping peacefully now. You have no idea how nice it makes me feel to know that my hugs can ease your suffering like that, Natsuki. I can almost believe that you love me and feel safe in my arms. Maybe someday you actually will, but until then I can comfort you in both your dreams and mine.
Your devoted protector,
Shizuru
For a moment, Shizuru was surprised with herself for so casually dropping her mask in front of Natsuki. Granted, the other girl was sleeping, but her instincts would usually kick in to keep it up just in case. After some consideration, Shizuru decided that it was most likely due to the fact that she’d been imagining a scenario in which she wouldn’t have to worry about her mask, so she’d inadvertently let it drop in the present. Maybe that wasn’t so bad, though. Even if Natsuki accepted her feelings, it would take Shizuru some work to be able to comfortably open up with her. Maybe a little practice ahead of time would do her good.
With an effort to suppress her instincts and keep her mask off, Shizuru pushed back her chair and got up from the desk. After stretching out her muscles, Shizuru let her gaze drift to the form of Natsuki. Even pale-faced and with an icepack on her head to cool her fever, Natsuki was still the most beautiful sight Shizuru could imagine. As her face relaxed into an expression of adoration, Shizuru felt a strange sensation of freedom. It felt good to let her emotions show through. Maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to get used to this after all.
Replacing the chair under the desk, Shizuru walked over to Natsuki’s bed and sat down on the edge of it. The position gave her a perfect view of Natsuki and left her in the perfect position to pat or hug her should nightmares suddenly strike the girl. Ara, who needs an excuse? Shizuru thought as she reached out her hand to Natsuki’s shoulder. She proceeded to slowly drag her fingers downwards along the back of Natsuki’s arm.
The gesture seemed to provoke a response in Natsuki, as she rolled over towards Shizuru, burying the arm that Shizuru had stroked under her body. Smiling mischievously, Shizuru moved her hand over to Natsuki’s other arm, which was now on top of her body and in the perfect place for another gentle stroke. As Shizuru started stroking this one, Natsuki rolled away from her and onto her back, a blush starting to form in her face.
Shizuru giggled at Natsuki’s reaction; even in her sleep she was able to bring a blush to the girl’s face. Maybe Natsuki even heard Shizuru’s giggle, as she seemed to react to it by mumbling, “Shizuru…” in her sleep. The sound of her voice drew Shizuru’s eyes up to Natsuki’s face, and she noticed that the girl was actually smiling. Shizuru felt a pleasant warmth fill her chest as she realized the implications of this smile. I knew you secretly enjoyed my teasing, Natsuki, and with that smile, you’ve just earned yourself a lifetime of it.
Shizuru smiled to herself at the realization. She gave Natsuki’s shoulder one more pat and decided to give the girl a little break. It wasn’t quite fair to tease her too much in her sleep; she deserved a chance to defend herself at the least. As Shizuru’s gaze lifted from Natsuki, it fell onto the small table beside her bed and the only piece of ornamentation present in all of Natsuki’s dorm: A picture of her and Shizuru, taken only last night at the karaoke party and already framed.
The warmth in Shizuru’s chest intensified and she felt her heart flutter as she thought about what the picture meant. Natsuki had only moved into this dorm room a few days ago, deciding that if she wasn’t going to be spending much more time searching for information in lowbrow neighborhoods there wasn’t much point in keeping an apartment there, and this picture was the first ornament she’d set up.
Beyond that, the position they were in in the picture was quite sweet. Early in the party, Shizuru had surprised Natsuki with a hug from behind and had snuggled up to her with her head on Natsuki’s shoulder. She’d been surprised and embarrassed at first, of course, but after a moment she’d relaxed into it. Chie had snapped a picture of them at that point. Near the end of the party, after Chie had stepped out to print the pictures she’d taken, she gave that one back to Natsuki. Natsuki had then quickly looked at it and then shoved it into her pocket, not allowing Shizuru a glimpse of it despite her begging.
As Shizuru looked at the picture now, she could see why Natsuki was so embarrassed about it. Natsuki had reached her hand up to grasp Shizuru’s, and there was a beautiful smile on her face. It was about as happy as Shizuru had ever seen Natsuki. At the time, she’d thought Natsuki had been trying to pry her hands apart to weasel out of the hug, but apparently she was just holding onto Shizuru’s hands.
The picture had caught a moment where Natsuki had accepted Shizuru’s feelings for her and was even returning as much as she could. Tears welled up in Shizuru’s eyes at the thought of it, touched that Natsuki was obviously trying so hard for her. I promise to give you as many of those moments as I possibly can, Natsuki, whatever you end up deciding. I just hope you decide that you can love me, so we can make them all the more special.
Shizuru closed her eyelids and wiped away the tears that were threatening to leak out. Perhaps she was getting a bit carried away with letting her emotions out. What would Natsuki have thought if she’d woken up to find Shizuru crying over her? It might have been interesting to find out, but it probably wouldn’t be a good idea. Shizuru reopened her eyes and let them fall on an image that she knew would scare away any tears: Natsuki’s gorgeous face.
Looking at her face, Shizuru realized that something seemed to be different from before. As she spotted the red patch on Natsuki’s forehead, she realized that the icepack which had been on her head had fallen off when she’d rolled over. Shizuru lightly placed her hand on Natsuki’s forehead to gauge its temperature. It was still pretty hot, even despite the cooling effect the icepack should have caused.
After some brief searching, Shizuru found the icepack on the floor near the bed. She picked it up and noticed that it was barely cool at all anymore, explaining why Natsuki’s forehead was so hot – or perhaps Natsuki’s warm forehead was more to blame for the warmed icepack. Shizuru took the icepack over to the kitchen and switched it for a cold one which Mai had left in the freezer before she’d let Shizuru take over watching Natsuki.
Shizuru returned to Natsuki and placed the new icepack on her forehead before sitting back down on the edge of her bed. Shizuru let her gaze rest upon Natsuki’s face once more, and she felt her expression shift back into adoration. A touch of worry formed in her face as Natsuki started to fidget in her sleep, her face approaching a grimace. It was probably from the new icepack, which would seem quite cold to her in comparison.
Shizuru reached out a hand to pat Natsuki’s shoulder to try to calm her down. It should only take a minute or so for her skin to cool down enough that it wouldn’t be unpleasant, she’d just have to bear through it. Fortunately, it didn’t take even that long for Natsuki’s expression to settle down, and Shizuru breathed a sigh of relief, allowing her expression to revert back to a loving gaze.
As Natsuki’s eyes sleepily peeled open under her gaze, Shizuru suffered a brief moment of panic that Natsuki would see her without her mask, though at least her expression froze rather than showing her panic. But it was too late now, and hastily covering up her expression would only draw attention to her shame over it. Shame? Am I really ashamed of loving her? …No, I’m not. So, I guess I shouldn’t be ashamed of letting her see it. Alright, Natsuki, take a good look at how much I care about you. Consider this a sneak peak.
Although Shizuru had been somewhat afraid that Natsuki might have been displeased to see her – she was supposed to be keeping away from her, after – her fears were allayed when she spotted a smile tugging at the corners of Natsuki’s mouth. Shizuru felt a pang in her heart from knowing that Natsuki couldn’t help but smile upon seeing her. The smile was soon covered up, though, as Natsuki brought a hand up to rub her eyes. “Shizuru?” the sleepy girl mumbled, as if she didn’t quite believe her eyes. Given that Shizuru had just managed to invade her dreams, she was probably right to be a bit doubtful.
“Ara, how is Natsuki feeling?” Shizuru asked. With her mask still off, Shizuru belatedly realized that she’d let her love for Natsuki seep into every word of her question, and it was little wonder that the girl blushed from the tone alone.
“Must be Shizuru, to somehow be able to tease me by asking me how I’m feeling,” Natsuki said, her words still a bit slurred but becoming more coherent as she brought herself to wakefulness. Her hand that had been rubbing at her eyes rose to her forehead and found the icepack there. She pulled it off, then brought it in front of her face and tried to focus on it. “What… what’s going on here, Shizuru?”
“Ara? Doesn’t Natsuki remember the wonderful night we spent together? Meanie!” Shizuru shifted into her best feigned-hurt expression just long enough for Natsuki’s face to turn purple, and then she broke out in giggles.
“Shizuru!” Natsuki exclaimed, throwing the icepack at her.
“Forgive me, Natsuki,” Shizuru said as she tried to calm her giggling and put her mask back on before she really embarrassed herself. “It was just too perfect an opening, and I had to make up for lost teasing time.”
The color started to fade from Natsuki’s face as she rolled her eyes. “Couldn’t you bear to stay away from me a single day?”
Oh, Natsuki, you just keep walking into it. You’re lucky I’m in a merciful mood due to your illness. “There’s no way I’m leaving Natsuki alone when she’s this sick,” Shizuru said, managing to cover up her mirth and slip back into an expression of concern.
“Sick?” Natsuki said. “I don’t know what Mai told you, but I’m just a little sleep-deprived, that’s all.” She tried to sit up to prove her point as she said this, but she only made it halfway before giving up. “And a little dizzy.”
“And quite feverish,” Shizuru said. “38.7 degrees when I checked earlier. I’m sorry to say it, Natsuki, but I think you’ve got a flu.”
“A flu?” Natsuki groaned. “Some week off of school this is going to be.”
“Ara, it’s not so bad, Natsuki,” Shizuru said, patting her shoulder. “Your flu comes with your very own personal nurse to attend to your every need. I know I’m not exactly dressed for the role, but I didn’t want to waste a moment in getting here to look after you when Tokiha-san called.”
Natsuki seemed to go into a state of indecision over whether or not to be embarrassed by Shizuru’s attention. Eventually she let out a sigh and turned her head away from Shizuru. “Thanks for coming, Shizuru,” she said.
A smile broke out on Shizuru’s face, though she quickly covered it up before Natsuki could turn back to spot it. “I know Natsuki wanted some time alone, but I just had to make sure you were alright. Tokiha-san said she’d look after you tomorrow, so you can have some time to think then, if you want.” Natsuki didn’t offer any reply to this, so Shizuru decided to shift the subject. “So how are you feeling, Natsuki?”
“Like shit,” Natsuki said.
Shizuru picked up the fallen icepack and gently placed it on Natsuki’s forehead, trying to get it as centered as possible without falling off. It wasn’t perfect, but it would do until Natsuki felt like rolling onto her back again. “That should help with the fever a bit,” she said. “Let me go pour you a glass of water and get you some painkillers. How’s your throat doing, you need a lozenge?”
“It’s just a little dry,” Natsuki said as Shizuru got up to get her the water. Behind her, Shizuru heard what sounded like Natsuki rolling over and adjusting the icepack. “I could maybe do with some food, though.”
“Tokiha-san said she’d be cooking some ramen for dinner, and she’d be sure to make some extra for you,” Shizuru yelled over the running water as she filled up a glass for Natsuki. She popped the lid on a container of painkillers that Mai had left for her and took out a couple pills for Natsuki. As she brought them to Natsuki, she found that the other girl had managed to rise to a sitting position. “How are your throat and stomach doing? I can ask her to just make some plain ramen if you don’t think you’re up to much more.”
Natsuki opened her mouth to respond, but she burst into a fit of coughs before any words could come out. A concerned Shizuru rushed over to her, barely managing to avoid spilling any water, and laid a hand on her shoulder. “Ara, Natsuki, I guess it had better be plain, then.” As Natsuki’s coughs subsided, she nodded her head. She then grabbed the water from Shizuru’s hand and started guzzling it down. “Save some for the pills, Natsuki.”
“Mm-hmm,” Natsuki intoned through the glass, before eventually relenting long enough to throw the pills into her mouth and finish up the glass. Breathing deeply, she panted, “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was so thirsty.”
“It’s quite alright, Natsuki,” Shizuru said, patting the girl’s shoulder. “You’re supposed to drink plenty of fluids anyway.”
Natsuki gave a weak nod and let her head fall back down to her pillow. “So where’s that food?” she asked.
Shizuru chuckled. “I’ll go check on Tokiha-san to see how it’s doing, and maybe help out a little to speed things up. You think you’ll be alright on your own for a few minutes?”
“I’ll be fine,” Natsuki said.
“That’s good,” Shizuru said. “Let me just go and pour you another glass of water before I go, so you won’t have to walk to the kitchen yourself.” Shizuru took the empty glass from Natsuki and went off to the kitchen to refill it. As she brought it back, she placed it on the table near Natsuki’s bed, right next to the picture of them. Natsuki watched the glass on its way down, and then her gaze seemed to get stuck on the picture. Shizuru smiled as she saw this, but decided not to comment.
Natsuki groaned as she rolled her legs out of the bed and sat up. “I’d better not. Wouldn’t want to spill.” She pushed herself to her feet with a grunt, and took a moment to catch her balance. Shizuru rushed over to Natsuki to make sure the girl wasn’t going to fall, but Natsuki brushed her off as she approached. “I’m fine, Shizuru. I can walk on my own.”
“Alright, if Natsuki says so,” Shizuru said, backing off from Natsuki and letting her start walking to the table. Shizuru’s new vantage point resulted in her gaze landing on the table by Natsuki’s bed, and she let a hurt expression form on her face as she realized what was missing. “Ara? Where did that lovely picture go?”
Natsuki froze in her step and a light blush started to rise to her cheeks as she stiffly turned to face Shizuru. “Er… that is…”
“The adorable picture of us from yesterday which you had on this table,” Shizuru said, giving Natsuki her best pout and allowing her eyes to tremble as if tears were forming. “What happened to it?”
Natsuki closed her eyes and bowed her head in resignation. “In the drawer under the table,” she said.
Shizuru switched her pout into a smile as she went over to the table and found the picture in the drawer. She replaced it on the table, then turned around to Natsuki and said, “There, now you can look at me every night before you go to bed.” Natsuki’s blush deepened, and she started to turn away, but she stopped when Shizuru continued, “Ara, but why was Natsuki hiding the picture from me?”
Natsuki growled at the question and marched off towards the kitchen table. Shizuru followed her in and sat down opposite her. Natsuki started eating her ramen, slurping loudly as if attempting to fill the silence. Shizuru wasn’t prepared to let her off the hook that easily, though. “So, are you going to tell me why you hid the picture or am I going to have to guess?”
Natsuki paused between spoonfuls of ramen to contemplate her options. Eventually she seemed to come to the decision that letting Shizuru guess would be a fair bit more embarrassing than just coming out with it. “I was embarrassed about it and I was hoping you hadn’t noticed it yet. Are you happy now?” she said in a quick spurt while keeping her eyes firmly glued to her ramen.
The words had sped out of Natsuki’s mouth so quickly that it took Shizuru an extra moment to piece them all together. “Ara, there’s nothing you need to be embarrassed about, Natsuki,” she said. “Except maybe about not letting me see it last night. If I’d known it was so cute, I would have asked Harada-san to make a copy for me.”
“She probably still can,” Natsuki said, before giving a sigh and digging back into her ramen. Despite Shizuru’s assurances not to be embarrassed, her face grew redder by the second, though it might have just been the heat from the ramen.
Deciding that she’d teased Natsuki enough about the picture, Shizuru started at her own ramen. She’d asked Mai to make her a bowl of plain ramen as well, so she wouldn’t make Natsuki jealous, but she was pleased to find that it was nevertheless quite good. Shizuru had been used to ramen with plenty of seasonings on it, and it had never crossed her mind that it could work fine without them. Then again, Mai was an incredible cook, so it was no wonder that she’d be able to make the broth just flavorful enough to make up for the lack of seasonings without being overwhelming.
“How’s the ramen, Natsuki?” Shizuru asked.
“A bit hot, but it tastes good,” Natsuki said. She still hadn’t raised her eyes from the bowl, and she was already almost finished.
“Ara ara, I didn’t think about how you might not like heat with your fever. Forgive me, Natsuki,” Shizuru said. She put on her best apologetic look, though she wasn’t sure if Natsuki would notice.
“It’s alright, Shizuru,” Natsuki said. “My fever’s not that bad, really.” A bead of sweat chose that moment to drip down Natsuki’s forehead, much to the girl’s consternation as she wiped it away. “That’s just the steam.”
“Ara… Well, finish up soon so we can get the icepack back on you,” Shizuru said. “I wouldn’t want Natsuki to overheat.” Natsuki swallowed down a last mouthful of ramen and then pushed the bowl away. As she looked up, Shizuru noticed that her face had turned blood red and many sweat drops had formed on it. “There’s a cold icepack in the freezer, Natsuki,” Shizuru said. “I hope that’ll be enough.”
Natsuki’s eyes widened at this, and Shizuru detected a hint of fear in them before Natsuki regained her composure. “It’ll be fine,” she said sharply.
“Ara, what is Natsuki so afraid of?” Shizuru asked, allowing a mischievous look to form on her face. “Did Natsuki think that I got a nice, thick negi from Mai just in case your fever got too bad?”
The fear returned to Natsuki’s eyes and another bead of sweat formed on her forehead. “You wouldn’t…”
Shizuru let out a soft chuckle. “Of course I wouldn’t put Natsuki through that again,” she said, and Natsuki breathed a sigh of relief, “…unless it’s absolutely necessary.”
“Shizuru!”
“Now, you’d better get that icepack and lie back down, Natsuki, if you don’t want it to become necessary,” Shizuru said. “I’ll be right out to tend to you as soon as I finish my ramen.”
Natsuki sighed and got up from the table. She grabbed the fresh icepack from the freezer and left the kitchen. Shizuru then finished up her ramen and washed their bowls. Before she returned to Natsuki’s bedroom, she opened up the drawer in which she’d secreted the negi that Mai had given her. She’d asked specifically for the thickest one; it would be more painful, but it needed to be that way. Forgive me, Natsuki, but this is something I have to do.
Shizuru kept the negi behind her back as she joined Natsuki in her bedroom, making sure not to scare the girl – before the perfect moment, at least. Unfortunately for her plans, Natsuki was a bit too paranoid and immediately caught on that Shizuru was hiding something as she entered. “What do you have there, Shizuru?” she demanded in as harsh a tone as she could get across while lying down with an icepack on her forehead and a cough interrupting her in the middle of her sentence.
“Ara, I didn’t want to scare you,” Shizuru said as she slowly brought the negi around to her front.
Natsuki’s eyes widened in a mixture of fear and rage as the negi entered her sight. “Then what the hell is that thing doing in my room!?”
“Don’t worry, Natsuki,” Shizuru said. “I have no intention of bringing you any more pain from silly old folk remedies.”
Natsuki was noticeably reluctant to believe her. “So, what then? Are you just trying to scare me with it?”
“Ara, no. I have something I need to talk to Natsuki about,” Shizuru said. She approached Natsuki’s bed and stopped at the foot of it. “Would you mind if I sit down here?”
Natsuki glared at her. “You can sit here, but that stays on the other side of the room.”
Shizuru rolled her eyes, though she kept a smile on her face. She backed off and placed the negi on the dresser, then returned and sat down at the foot of Natsuki’s bed. She let her hand fall on Natsuki’s knee and gave it a friendly squeeze. “First of all, Natsuki, I need to apologize to you.”
Natsuki’s brow furrowed in confusion. “If you knew you’d have to apologize for it, why’d you bring the negi in the first place?” she asked suspiciously.
“Ara, not about that negi,” Shizuru said. “I wanted to apologize for what I did with the other negi.” Natsuki’s expression softened into surprise. “I could easily have protected you from it, and as your best friend I should have. But I took advantage of your situation, and I used it to cop a feel. It was a very nice feel…”
“Shizuru!” Natsuki’s face turned beet red.
“…but I should never have taken it, and especially not when it resulted in you suffering. I betrayed you for my own selfish pleasure, Natsuki. I’m sorry, Natsuki, and I pray you can come to forgive me.” Shizuru realized that she’d let her mask slip off during her speech and her regret was clearly showing through her expression. She decided to let it be; this was no time for façades.
“Shizuru…” Natsuki’s blush had drained form her face, and she seemed to be contemplative for a moment. She then seemed to come to a decision and her expression resolved into determination. “Stop worrying so much. I forgive you, okay? For the negi, for the kiss, for the lingerie store, and for anything else I don’t know about. Don’t let the past haunt you so much. You wouldn’t do anything like that to me now, would you?”
Shizuru felt a warmth rush to her cheeks and tears fighting to escape from her eyes. She was completely taken aback by Natsuki’s harsh brand of forgiveness. “Ara… Natsuki is too sweet,” she said.
“It’s nice to make you blush for a change,” Natsuki said with a light chuckle, causing Shizuru’s blush to deepen.
After taking a few seconds to let the blush drain from her face and to regain her composure, Shizuru slapped Natsuki’s knee and stood up. “Alright, now that that’s resolved, there’s just one more thing.” Shizuru walked over to the dresser, took a deep breath, and picked up the negi. “I need to make it up to Natsuki for all I’ve done to her.”
“With that?” Natsuki asked incredulously. The fear had returned to her eyes. “Um, you really don’t need to, Shizuru. I’ve already forgiven you, so you can put that away now, okay?”
Shizuru let out a soft chuckle. “Natsuki is so silly. Of course I wouldn’t make things up to you by taking a negi to your bum again. You are going to do that to me.”
Natsuki’s eyes widened farther than Shizuru thought would have been physically possible. She scrambled to push herself away from Shizuru, resulting in her sitting up against the head of her bed. “No way! Not going to happen.”
Shizuru pouted and gave Natsuki an expression reserved just for when she was being particularly difficult. She’d nicknamed it the “sad puppy,” and Natsuki had never been able to resist it before. Her eyes opened wide and trembled ever so slightly. She thrust her bottom lip out and curled it in a pathetic frown. Then, to top it off, she gave a little sniff as if trying to hold back tears.
She could see Natsuki’s resistance start to crumble, but she was still holding firm. Shizuru decided to see how far she could push it and let out a soft moan. “Ara, I guess I’ll have to do it myself then.” She gave a deep sigh. “It’s just that, I’ll have a lot more trouble with the angle, and it will hurt a lot more this way.”
“N-not going to work, Shizuru,” Natsuki said. Her resistance had been stretched, but it didn’t look like she was in danger of crumbling.
I guess some things are just too much to be able to tease out of her, Shizuru decided. I guess it’s time to try brutal honesty. With a sigh, Shizuru dropped the sad puppy expression from her face, and let her mask fall off along with it. She looked at Natsuki and let the girl see clearly the pain in her eyes.
“Natsuki, please…” she said. “I’ve done horrible things to you, and I need to find some way to make it up to you so I can live with myself. I know it’s uncomfortable for you, but this was all I could think of. Forgive me.” Shizuru sniffed again, but this time it was real tears she was holding back.
As Shizuru watched, the determined expression on Natsuki’s face slowly softened into resignation and sympathy. She turned her head away from Shizuru, and Shizuru wondered if she’d gone to far in exposing her inner self to the girl. Natsuki sighed deeply, and she finally gave Shizuru an answer. “Fine. But this is the only time, and you have to promise me that you won’t get hung up on the past anymore.”
Shizuru took the chance while Natsuki was looking away to wipe away the tears that were forming in her eyes. “Alright, Natsuki. I promise.” She walked over to the bed and placed the negi in Natsuki’s hand. “You might want to scoot up a bit,” she said as she lied down on her belly, facing away from Natsuki. I’m at your mercy now, Natsuki. I’d say “be gentle,” but that would kind of defeat the purpose of this.
Shizuru felt Natsuki moving up beside her on the bed. She took a deep breath to steady herself, and then she reached her hands back to curl up her skirt. She thought she might have heard Natsuki gasp, and she decided to take it as a compliment. Alright Natsuki, here’s your second sneak peak of the day, she said silently as she gripped the waistband of her panties and pulled them down, exposing her bare rear end to her friend.
Natsuki was silent for a time, and Shizuru wished she could see the expression on her face. She didn’t turn around to look though; Natsuki definitely didn’t need the extra pressure. Eventually, she felt the negi at her cheeks, slowly splitting them apart until it reached the final barrier.
The negi stopped there, and Natsuki hesitantly asked, “Are you sure about this, Shizuru? This isn’t just some elaborate joke to embarrass me, is it?”
“I’m sure, Natsuki,” Shizuru said, hoping her unsteady breathing didn’t give away her nervousness. “I need you to do this. Get your revenge for every time I took advantage of you.”
Natsuki groaned. “How come you have to make me so uncomfortable when you’re atoning for all the times you made me this uncomfortable?”
Shizuru suppressed a giggle. “Ara, I think Natsuki’s just uncomfortable because she’s turned on from seeing m-ah!” Shizuru gasped in surprise as the pressure from the negi disappeared. This was followed by feeling Natsuki’s hands pull up her panties and straighten out her skirt. She turned her head around to look at Natsuki and saw that the girl was trembling and backing away to the headboard. “Natsuki? Are you alright?”
Natsuki shook her head. “I can’t do it, Shizuru,” she said. “I can’t hurt you, even if you ask me to.”
Disappointment fought with relief in Shizuru’s mind over the fact that she’d been spared that pain. The fight was forgotten, though, as she saw the guilty and pained expression on Natsuki’s face and realized that she was responsible for putting it there. She shifted around on the bed and crawled up to Natsuki, cautiously wrapping her arms around the girl. Natsuki was stiff at first, but she slowly relaxed into the hug.
“Forgive me, Natsuki,” Shizuru said. She’d had to keep her mask up before to stop herself from fleeing from the negi, but now she took it off to let her emotions pour out. The first thing to come out was a choked sob, following by tears leaking out of her eyes. Their current position prevented Natsuki from seeing the tears, though Shizuru wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. “I’m such an idiot with you, Natsuki,” she choked out between sobs. “I try to make things right and I just make you uncomfortable again.”
Natsuki tentatively wrapped her own arms around Shizuru, allowing her right hand to drift a bit to rub Shizuru’s back. “It’s okay,” she said. “I forgive you for this too.” Her tone was soft, and Shizuru could easily imagine that it was laced with love for her. “But, if you need to make it all up to me, wouldn’t it be better to do something nice for me rather than something mean to yourself?”
Shizuru let out another sob and tightened her hug. She nuzzled her cheek up next to Natsuki’s. It was warm, but whether that was from the fever or blush she didn’t know. She debated with herself for a moment about whether to tell Natsuki the truth, eventually deciding that she might as well get it all out now.
“I owe you too much, Natsuki,” she said. “Back in the Carnival, you saved me from being a monster. I’m already doing every good deed for you I can think of to make up for that. This was the only thing left I could use to atone for the times I hurt you.” She started to sigh, but it blended into a moan. “But I just ended up hurting you again. Forgive me.”
Natsuki was silent for a moment before she seemed to come to a decision. “No, you helped me out too, Shizuru. After my father left, you saved me from turning into an unfeeling monster myself. I never told you how much I appreciated that. Thank you, Shizuru.”
I did that for me, not for you, Natsuki. Shizuru couldn’t bring herself to say the words out loud. Even this open, there were some things that she could never say. “I know,” she said. “Even with that, I still owe you too much.”
It took a few moments before Natsuki replied. In this time, Shizuru felt her hand drift up to the back of her and idly finger her hair. “Alright, how about this then. You can keep doing everything you can think, and if I can think of anything, you can do that too. Is that enough?”
“What else could Natsuki want from me?” Shizuru asked. As she said this, she allowed her own hand to drift up Natsuki’s back. She’d wanted to keep the hug chaste, but Natsuki’s own motions indicated that maybe she could accept a bit more.
Natsuki withdrew her hands and lightly pushed Shizuru out of the hug, and Shizuru felt an immediate surge of guilt that she might have crossed the line. “There’s something I need to try,” Natsuki said. Her gaze was buried in the bed, and her fingers had started to play with the sheets. “It might help me figure out a few things. I just need you to promise me you won’t think too much into this or hate me if it doesn’t work.”
Shizuru’s instincts had come to their own conclusion about what Natsuki wanted, but she was afraid to believe it. She didn’t know if she could take the disappointment in this state. Shizuru gave Natsuki a slight nod. She’d give her whatever she wanted, and could only pray they wanted the same thing. “I promise, Natsuki.”
At Shizuru’s agreement, Natsuki had started trembling nervously again. She reached a tentative hand up to Shizuru’s shoulder and managed to steady it. The other hand soon followed suit, and Natsuki adjusted her position to be directly in front of Shizuru. Shizuru’s heart starting pounding heavily as she realized that her instincts had been right, and she had to exert all her effort to keep from letting tears break out of her eyes from the overflowing emotion.
Shizuru felt Natsuki pulling on her shoulders as the other girl leaned in. She leaned forward to meet her, gazing directly into her eyes. She let all of her love for the girl show through, hoping Natsuki would recognize that emotion in her eyes. In Natsuki’s eyes, she saw mostly hesitance and nervousness, but behind all that was something soft which definitely cared for Shizuru, even if it didn’t know in what way it cared.
By the time their lips met, Shizuru’s heart was pounding in her ears, but the sound vanished from her mind as she focused on the feeling of Natsuki’s lips against her own. She obviously had no idea what to do with the kiss, so her lips moved hesitantly. Shizuru wasn’t any more experienced than her, but she made up for it with her confidence and took control of the kiss.
Natsuki seemed to follow her lead, as her lips moved in tandem with Shizuru’s. Shizuru concentrated on the soft, velvety feeling of them for a bit, but she needed more. She wanted to move her tongue up to meet the other girl’s lips, but she was afraid of scaring her off. Instead, she decided to drown herself in all the sensations and emotions the kiss brought out.
Shizuru inhaled deeply, sucking in the scent of Natsuki. Her smell wasn’t like anything Shizuru could describe, but she loved it and would gladly breathe nothing else for the rest of her life if she had the option. The scent allowed her to focus on the fact it was Natsuki that she was kissing. The girl she’d secretly loved for all these years was finally letting her in.
A wave of heat burned its way through Shizuru’s chest as she let herself imagine that all her dreams were coming true and that Natsuki had finally accepted her. I love you so much, Natsuki.
Her trance was broken when Natsuki sharply pushed her away and gasped. Shizuru’s heart plunged into despair that Natsuki hadn’t liked the kiss. “Natsuki…?” she said in a quivering voice.
Natsuki’s expression seemed to be more fear than repulsion, but it didn’t do much to ease Shizuru’s pain. “Shizuru,” she said sharply. “I’ve got a flu. I’m infectious right now. I don’t want you to get sick as well.”
Shizuru’s eyes widened in shock, overriding the brief relief she’d felt from knowing that Natsuki wasn’t upset about the kiss. Natsuki had seemed so good up until that moment that she’d completely forgotten that she was sick with a highly infectious disease. “Forgive me, Natsuki, but you were doing so well, it slipped my mind.”
A light blush tinged Natsuki’s cheeks. “You’re quite distracting,” she mumbled, looking away from Shizuru in embarrassment. “But you should get to a doctor now. If you get a vaccination and maybe some anti-virals, you might still be alright.”
“Ara, okay, Natsuki,” Shizuru said. She reluctantly backed off from Natsuki and got off the bed. “But I’ll be back later, alright? We can finish the kiss then if you’d like.” Natsuki’s face started to turn red, and she lied down and rolled away from Shizuru to hide her face. Shizuru smiled and patted Natsuki’s shoulder. “I hope that helped you figure some things out, Natsuki. Let me know if you need any other such favors.”
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