So there it is, the truth that has been plaguing me ever since. Everyone knows what happened next. Shizuru went ballistic, Shizuru got the crazies. But it was more than madness that controlled me, it was the divine madness, it was love. But with love had come the twins, desire and despair. It was desire that brought about my downfall, and it was despair that completed it. I killed Yukino's Child, I killed Haruka, I killed those First District crones, and everyone else that was there with them. I killed Nao's Child, I killed Nao's mother, and I would have gladly added myself to the list. Then later Natsuki and I died in each other's arms, and were brought back to life in the same way. Strangely enough, though love caused the madness it also rescued me. Because with new life came... redemption. Natsuki forgave me. Natsuki forgave me even if I knew I didn't deserve to be forgiven. That was the most wonderful miracle of all. After the Festival, Natsuki still didn't remember anything. I did my best to act normally and after a while I succeeded. Even years after, Natsuki still showed no sign that she remembered anything of that night. She treated me as she always had. I was... grateful back then, that I did not have to deal with her hatred. I knew I shouldn't have made her forget, I knew I shouldn't have tried to cover it up. But I was a coward. I didn't want to see Natsuki like that again, her face full of hatred. I didn't want her fury directed against me. I didn't want Natsuki to remember that she didn't love me. Natsuki, forgive me... I didn't want you to remember, especially not when you began opening up to me. Not when we began going out on dates, not when we became engaged, not when we became married. I put it out of my mind, pretended it never happened. But tonight, I can put it off no longer. Because this happy life we're living? It could all just be a lie. A great big lie. A lie I created, a lie I forced you into, a lie I've kept silent about until now. Are you still the same, Natsuki? Are you screaming inside because your body is moving of its own accord? Are you struggling to get out, to get out of the prison I've trapped you in? Fumi-san said the effects can't have lasted until now. I want to believe her. I want to believe you are here in my arms tonight not because I forced you, but because you want to. Or maybe you really do want to be here. But do you want to be here through your own free will or is it that I forced you to love me? I want to believe you, when you say you love me. The moonlight plays on your skin tonight, illuminating every inch of you. I've memorized every curve, every valley of your body. I know your ticklish spots. I know where exactly I should kiss and nibble to leave you breathless and calling out my name. I've kept that night a secret for years, my dark and dirty secret, just as I'd kept my love for you a secret when we were young. My hand hovers above your face then falls to rest on your shoulder. I shake you gently. But now, I keep wondering and wondering and it's driving me crazy. I carry an ache in my heart, unanswered questions that refuse to be forgotten. "Natsuki... wake up..." I whisper, summoning you from sleep. Please wake up. Please, my princess. Did I truly get my heart's desire? Or was I just used by the First District? Have the effects truly worn off? Or am I just living a lie? "Natsuki... wake up..." You open your eyes groggily. You blink up at me, sleep still heavily on your eyelids. "Shizuru? What is it..." I take a deep breath. I need to ask. Now. Or else I'll never get the courage to do so again. "Natsuki, I need to ask you something..." Natsuki, remember. Remember that night, remember what I did, remember what can never be forgiven. Do as you wish. Curse me, hate me, but please... please answer me first... Because I... I need to know. I need to know how it will end, Natsuki. I need to know. Natsuki, do you really love me?
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