Reality in Past, Memory in Present
Author's Notes: This fic is a crossover with Kyoshiro to Towa no Sora,
so it mainly centres around Kaon/Himiko who I see as reincarnations as
Chikane and Himeko from Kannazuki. However, during the story the two
tales morph together as one, so I don't think it's incorrect to post it
here.
"I was hoping that you'd say I wasn't heavy."
"Oh my, I should have."
Basking in the suppressed amusement hidden in Kaon-chan's reply, Himiko
feels a giggle escape her own lips, a crisp breeze carrying it upwards
into the skies above until the sound has been swallowed by the silence
of the sunset. One could be fooled to believe that tonight they are
alone, that tonight there is only Himiko and Kaon-chan left behind in an
empty world. Himiko would like that, she thinks, something inside her
stirring at the idea of the chains of this world being taken off their
wrists and ankles, even if it's only for one short moment.
But empty the world is not. They are anything but alone. Instead they
are surrounded by the remains of Higashigetsu F?ma Academy. However, if
Himiko were to look over her shoulder, she wouldn't pay much attention
to the actual ruins, because by remains she is not thinking about
collapsed buildings – in fact the buildings themselves are mainly
intact, and the room Kaon-chan and she share has not changed one bit
from when it was still their prison – but rather she thinks of the
spirit within the walls, within the heart of a home. The spirit which is
now dead and gone, leaving only bricks behind.
After all, it is not her surroundings that have been altered. No, what
has changed is Himiko herself, and along with her, her perception of
those walls. A part of her own self is gone, having vanished along with
the ghost of Mika-sama. Now when Mika-sama's eyes – the eyes that still
haunt Himiko in her nightmares – can no longer follow Kaon-chan's every
movement; now when Mika-sama's hand will never again strike out – as it
has done time and time over in the past, scars invisible, but still
hurtful – colouring her skin blooming red; now – without any of this –
the Academy is only a building. A construction of walls and memories.
Without its mistress, the school is only their earthly frame, nothing
else, and realising it is both a relief and a stinging pain in Himiko's
chest. A wound that has yet to heal, promising a new and stronger
beginning... much like her broken leg.
After Megingjord's – no, Kuu's, Himiko corrects herself, remembering the
girl that Kaon-chan kidnapped and brought here what seems such a long
time ago; that girl was so much more than her tenshi form, just like
Kaon-chan is so much more than Murakumo....
Breathing in Kaon-chan's sudden burst of laughter at her earlier
comment, letting her gaze move slowly over the blinking surface of the
water stretching out in front of them, Himiko leads herself back down
her original trail of thoughts. She tends to get lost in her own world.
Kaon-chan has teased her about it often enough when Himiko draws her
little sketches of her.
Well, after Kuu's disappearance things have not become dramatically
different, and yet everything around them has changed radically. It's
the paradox of life, Himiko can't help but think. But no matter the
changes that have been brought abound, life goes on. She has finally had
the chance to finish her painting of Kaon-chan, and even though it does
not compare to the actual beauty of her, Himiko is satisfied. When she
looks at it she doesn't think of Kaon of the Moon Spiral – she doesn't
think of a warrior – but of a girl; a girl just like herself, though she
is not sure who it is that she recognises in Kaon-chan's pose. Perhaps
she is no one. Perhaps she is a dream.
Perhaps she is a distant memory.
The two last words have barely faded away in Himiko's mind, before
Kaon-chan decides to ask her question – the question, the one that
Himiko has seen burning in her gaze from the very first time they lay
eyes on each other as Mika-sama pushed her forward to let Murakumo
obtain energy from her lips; the first time Mika-sama had let her
trusted sword feed on her; the first time Kaon-chan and she had kissed.
Secretly, Himiko tells herself it was her first kiss ever, even though
it was no real kiss at all.
"Himiko," Mika-sama had said with that curved, sadistic smile of hers
that had once both frightened her and awakened a feeling of pity in the
pit of her stomach. "Himiko, please serve my sword."
"Himiko," Kaon-chan says now, the wind whipping stains of dark hair into
her face as the cheer of her laughter dies out. Once more her smile
bears the shadow of melancholy, her eyes filled with the guarded
solemnity that Himiko has come to associate with everything that defines
Kaon – in all her forms. Himiko turns to look at her without hesitation.
She has feared many things during her life, but never Kaon-chan.
"Himiko, please tell me your real name... would you?"
Uttering a sound somewhere in between a sigh and a yes, Himiko recalls
that she once went by another name, but it is such a long time ago that
it could as well have been in another life. Taking off her glasses, eyes
drawn to the moon, so alike Kaon-chan in its strong fragility, in its
soft and somewhat cool beauty, Himiko wonders who she was before she met
Mika-sama. Was she anybody? Has she ever been anybody... anybody
special?
Perhaps she is a distant memory.
"My...." Her lips form the word before she is ready to answer.
Kaon-chan's eyes have come to a halt on her face; Himiko can feel it in
the heat just underneath her skin, the blush that hasn't merged yet but
will soon enough. She blushes as easily as her heart flutters, but only
Kaon-chan's gaze with the depth of dark, moonlit water makes her feel
both uneasy and relaxed at the same time. Dark forces are hidden within
Kaon-chan's being, this is true, but Himiko has never doubted that she,
as an Absolute Angel, can control her tenshi powers. To Himiko, trusting
Kaon-chan is as natural as breathing, simply because something about her
makes Himiko believe in her with all of her heart. Yes, when it comes to
Kaon-chan, doubting is out of the question.
She steals a peek at Kaon-chan out the corner of her eye. If the moon
had a daughter, a representative on earth, a priestess to honour her,
Kaon would be it. Himiko knows it as surely as she knows that the girl
in her painting both is and isn't Kaon-chan.
With this thought, quick as a scared bird in flight, comes a flash of
recognition, a picture that edged itself into her heart that first time
she raised her head to kiss Kaon-chan. Before her inner eye Himiko sees
two girls, clad in miko robes, caught in the middle of nowhere, a sphere
where the surroundings can change from one instant to the next, but
underneath the transformation everything remains the same. One of them,
the one with hair the same colour as the midnight sky and eyes blue like
water bathed in moonlight, her white robe decorated with bands of red,
is bleeding.
Perhaps she is a distant memory.
"My name is...."
Kaon-chan is waiting. Himiko should answer her, quite simply tell her
what her name was before Mika-sama took her in (was it Ai, Keiko or
Yuri; she doesn't remember anymore... does it even matter?), but the
image holds her captive. The memory – for it must be a memory, because
the other girl has long blonde hair and purple eyes, reminding Himiko of
her own reflection – has taken her prisoner. Those eyes.... Those purple
eyes are... Himiko's eyes, but they are not hers because this takes
place in a different reality, in a different time.
The dark-haired priestess opens her mouth to speak, but the blonde
priestess stops her, leaning in with a look of determination on her
face, cutting her words off with a kiss. A courageous willpower is
carved into every of her features – Himiko's features, but different
somehow – and it is a strength that Himiko has only ever experienced in
herself when she thought Kazuya-san was going to take her Kaon-chan away
from her.
In her mind, in her memory, the two girls kiss, clinging to each other.
It has nothing to do with obtaining food – no, it's a real kiss. There
is no struggle from the nameless girl who resembles Kaon-chan in
Himiko's picture so strongly. And even though Himiko feels her life
energy draining away as clearly as were it her own hands digging into
the soft material of the miko ceremonial outfit instead of the girl in
the purple-banded robe, she knows it is not out of inability to resist,
but rather because this kiss is the final consequence of fate.
The moon murmurs the name in her ear, the name that she can see her own
lips on the blonde stranger form as she draws back, but which she cannot
make out over the roar of silence; the name of this girl who is the one
portrayed on the canvas in her bedroom, the one who both is and isn't
Kaon-chan.
Chikane. Chikane... -chan.
In the blink of an eye the memory is gone, disappearing along with her
dead-ended sentence. There is a full stop trembling in the air around
them, invisible fingers of a distant memory playing the silence like
strings on a cello, accompanying the music with a lullaby sung in a
gentle voice, repeating the name again and again. The mute notes reach
her ear, and the voice is one Himiko knows so well that she turns her
head, fully expecting Kaon-chan's lips to smile around the name, but
Kaon-chan is not speaking, only watching her without a word, awaiting
her answer.
The answer she is waiting for, the answer that Himiko is going to give
her floats in the air, brushing over her ear as were it uttered by
smiling lips sharing secrets, given to her by the distant memory of the
Lunar Priestess, Himemiya Chikane,from a distant country in a distant
time. Yet the word, each single syllable, is crystal clear.
Himeko. Hi-me-ko.
"My name is Himeko," she responds finally, after years of waiting, years
that are only minutes and seconds, disappearing like droplets in the
span of eternity.
Looking away from the moon, her eyes lock with Chikane's that are still,
after so many reincarnations, blue like the sky without stars, only kept
out of the cursed darkness by the gentle moonlight. The sparkle of
recognition inside Himeko is reflected in Chikane-chan's gaze – her
tender, never-fading blue eyes, eyes that Himiko does remember from
distant dreams, eyes that have observed her every step down this road.
Chikane-chan. Himeko's Chikane-chan. Himeko's moonlight.
The words sound like an ancient spell; the key to her understanding of
this world; a trance-like invocation of any of the eight thousand gods
as they are whispered over and over in her mind.
Chikane.
Chikane-chan doesn't even look surprised and Himeko knows it would be
uncharacteristic of her to show any sign of shock. Even though her
present self has never really known Chikane, she knows Kaon-chan well,
and Kaon-chan is not shaken by anything; she is always poised, she is
always perfect – in Himiko's eyes a true angel. Eternal. Absolute. It is
in her nature to be so, and apparently it is in Himeko's nature as well,
because....
"This is us?" Chikane-chan asks, the words being less of a question than
a conclusion, her ear-ring that reminds Himeko of the pendant her former
self bought as a silent symbol of her love that fateful evening when
everything changed tinkling like bells in the wind.
"Yes," Himeko answers, looking at the glasses in her hand. This is her.
Her eternal form, despite her humanity. She is no tenshi, no Absolute
Angel; nothing about her is perfect – in that aspect she is so very
unlike Chikane-chan. But this she has, this moment to look at herself
and recognise a fragment of her undying soul, acknowledge her reunion
with yet another facet of her nature.
This is them. They have both changed; they have both seen many lives
since that October when Õgami-kun rode Ame no Murakamo and helped them
seal Orochi; they have both....
The feelings are overwhelming her. Back then, at their parting, she had
promised Chikane-chan that she would look for her, remember her and
never forget... never forget... and here she is, barely able to recall
her own name, not to mention Chikane's.
The first tear stings, but Himeko cries with a smile on her face,
because she feels Chikane (Kaon-chan) grabbing hold of her arm with a
soothing, tsh-ing sound, hugging Himeko close to her body. The Academy,
the Angels and the future farewell that is sure to come are all
forgotten in that embrace as Himeko hides her face in the soft fabric of
Chikane-chan's dress, the scent of Chikane's body welcoming her as
warmly as her lips that press a fleeting kiss to Himeko's cheek.
Yes, they have both been through a lot, but at least they have been in
it together, despite the obstacles that they have been presented with
again and again. At least they have been together.
"You found me." Chikane-chan's voice is like a blanket of velvety night
that both wakens Himeko up and lulls her to sleep at the same time, a
murmur of dusk and sunrise. "Thus, we meet again... Himeko."
"Chikane-chan!" It's only one word, but it says everything Himeko is
able to express in this moment, containing the raw power of identity.
Once Chikane-chan was her shield, her fortress, her safeguard, now she
is her sword, her knight and – being what she is, who she is – also
Himeko's protégé. This time around Himeko can finally give something in
return. Remembering everything, she knows their scales have rarely been
balanced, Chikane-chan's and hers, but right now it feels close... close
enough... close enough to perfection.
They met again. They always do. They always will.
Letting the spectacles slip from between her fingers, not hearing the
clinking sound as they hit the ground, Himeko looks up at Chikane and
smiles, feeling the world slip away at last, even if it is only for a
split-second; a moment of existence that may only be existing between
the two of them; a sphere similar to the one in which two priestesses of
a time long ago were faced with their past, present and future in a
kiss.
Leaning up to seal their chapter of the never-ending story with the same
kind of kiss – a true kiss, a kiss of the kind that they have yet to
share – Himeko sees an image behind her closed eyelids; a picture of two
school-girls in a hidden garden, meeting for the first time or the
hundredth time, it doesn't matter – it's still a destined encounter,
because those two girls are Chikane-chan and she. Timeless, ceaseless,
perpetual. Kannazuki no miko. This is who they are. Who they will always
be.
Maybe she is going to paint that next.
... We fall in love all over again ...
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