Both Ways, Chikane
The confrontation with Orochi was near. He had
trained and prepared all his life to meet the coming
threat and he knew. He felt it in his very bones that the
event was just around the corner. And as always, when he
thought of Orochi, he thought of his charges. Of how
heavy the burden was on their slender shoulders.
He could never quite forgive himself for being the
one to wrench them out of their lives. For being the one
that told them that they were to sacrifice all they were
for the good of the world. Give up your lives, he had
said. And both of them had willingly followed. Had he
left them alone, he knew they would have accomplished
great things, lead happy lives. They were special, his
girls. And that was what had doomed them to this fate.
Oogami turned the corner and paused. A shadowy
figure stood at the far end of the corridor. Another pang
of melancholy seized him. Fate found new ways to be cruel
all the time.
He turned and resumed his walk, breathing in the
clean, cold air of the night as a balm against the
regret.
*****
Katsura Dai breathed a sigh of relief. Oogami-sensei
had come upon her a few times now but he had never said
anything. She briefly wondered why he had never spoken to
her about her skulking about at night but shrugged. If he
let it pass, then she should be glad.
She leaned her face against the door, wishing she
had the courage to open it and walk in.
Tonight, for some reason, thought became action and
before Dai knew what she was doing, she had slid the
aside and stepped inside the room. And inside the room
lay her friend, asleep. Her blonde hair was in disarray
and her mouth was slightly open.
Dai had never seen a sweeter sight.
Heart beating wildly, she stole to her friend's
side. A blonde tendril lay astray across Michiko's eyes.
She stared at it awhile and unbidden, a smile came to her
lips. With infinite gentleness, she brushed the tendril
aside and tucked it behind her friend's ear.
True to form, her friend remained dead to world. A
strange feeling came over her heart as she gazed at
Michiko and Dai just barely managed to keep herself from
gasping. It had hurt but at the same time, it had given
her a feeling of joy. To be able to look at her like
this, without having to avert her eyes. Without letting
too much of the affection she felt into her eyes. But
without seeing her friend's violet's eyes gazing back at
her in return.
Unbidden, a desire came upon her to find out how
soft Michiko's lips were. Again, her body worked faster
than her mind did because she found herself on her knees,
her face close to her sleeping friend.
This is madness, Dai told herself. It was a madness
that came upon her every time she came near or even
thought of Michiko. But she could not stop herself. She
felt Michiko's breath on her face, breathed in the clean,
soft smell that was Michiko. All thought stopped and her
lips descended upon her friend.
Only to stop a millimeter away. Michiko did not
deserve this. She deserved a heartfelt declaration of
love; sincerity and resoluteness. Not this stolen
midnight kiss. She deserved someone who could give her a
future, give her the children she sometimes spoke about.
Not Dai, who could give her neither.
Her duty as the Lunar Priestess. The responsibility
she had to the world. There could be no hapiness for her,
there was no time for her to be happy. Her duty to
Michiko. Her friend adored her so much; she could not do
this to her, saddling her with the perverted affections
of someone with whom she only felt sisterhood.
She stood up and without a backward glance, walked
out of the room and closed the door.
*****
The Lunar Priestess had always been quiet but today
she was unusually withdrawn. As soon as Oogami-sensei
released them from their morning lessons, Michiko ran
over to her friend and clasped her hand.
Dai's gaze was stormy and turbulent but the
gentleness that came into it as soon as Michiko came into
her sight made the blonde's heart jump a little. Hastily,
she squashed down the jittery feeling she had always had
around her tall partner.
"Dai-chan?"
The Lunar Priestess tilted her head slightly in
response.
"Why are you so quiet today? I mean- " Michiko said,
not wanting to aggravate her friend further.
An even softer look from the other girl. Michiko
felt a flush start from her cheeks and go all the way up
to the roots of her hair as her heart started palpitating
even more.
"Uh... I think I need to talk to Oogami-sensei about
something. Talk to you later!"
She fled, feeling like an utter fool. Her friend was
so beautiful and composed that Michiko felt clumsy and
graceless beside her. Dai also had a very kind heart
behind the icy exterior and that made Michiko adore her
even more.
The dream she had last night rose up in her mind.
Dai walking into her room, with a look full of love and
something else. Dai leaning over her. Dai pressing her
lips to hers. A sob started to push its way from her
throat. Beautiful, noble Dai would never want her and
Michiko was insulting her friend just by thinking of her
in a weird way.
She started running to the field.
*****
That tore it, Dai thought glumly. She had not been
hiding it well. So much so that Michiko saw the need to
run away from her. Her first instinct was to go to her
room and cry but she squashed it. Taking a deep breath,
she got up and walked to the front doors of the shrine.
It was a fine day outside. It was the opposite of
what she was feeling. She wished that it were a stormy
day instead, that she could at least find a perverse sort
of comfort in the lightning and thunder.
She sensed, rather than heard a presence behind her.
"Oogami-sensei."
"I spoke to you about duty. I spoke to you about
responsibility."
She turned around and looked at him. His face was
composed and grave, as always.
"And you, more than Michiko, understand duty and
responsibility. It is in your blood. She does not shirk
it but you were brought up for it, unlike her. She has
had a carefree and happy life."
Born of a ruling family, Katsura Dai, scion of an
ancient line. It was true. She knew the utter
mercilessness of duty. And she had been perfectly bred
to carry it out.
"I have never spoken of this but I care for the both
of you."
Nothing in her expression changed but he had always
been able to read her more than other people could.
"You are surprised that I speak of this, yet you
have always known. You have always been perspective,
except perhaps in certain matters."
She continued looking at him stoically.
"I will speak no more except to tell you this. Duty
is not always a shackle. Remember Katsura Jiro."
A faint smile flicked across his face before he
left, leaving a slightly stunned and thoughtful Dai.
Katsura Jiro?
*****
The lush green fields had always given her a sense
of calm and she was sorely disappointed when today, they
failed to do their duty. Michiko plopped herself down to
the grass and curled up, feeling as if she wanted to
burst into tears. That had not gone too well.
Taking deep breaths, che forced herself to calm
down. She adored Dai so much and it seemed that adoration
was becoming a source of embarassment to them both.
Miserably, she wondered if she should perhaps keep away
from Dai. At that thought, a sharp stab of pain went
through her. Keeping away from Dai; that thought was
worse than losing an arm or a leg.
Eyes closed and lost in misery, she failed to notice
the slight rustling of the grass denoting the presence of
someone else. A hand closed on her forearm.
She jerked and screamed, in her blind panic fearing
an assasination by the Orochi.
"Eeeeeeeyeh!"
"Michiko," said the voice dearest to her, cutting
through the panic.
A sense of mortification flooded her as she saw that
it was Dai.
"Dai-chan," she said in a small voice and started to
get up. Her friend's hand gently kept her down and
pausing, she acquiesced.
She heard Dai lying down beside her but she did not
turn towards her. She looked at the blue sky overhead.
"What's wrong, Michiko?" Dai asked in a gentle
voice.
Thankfully, she managed to keep a quaver from
appearing in her voice.
"Dai-chan, I want these days to never end."
Dai's hand gently touched her cheek and caressed it.
A thrill shot through Michiko and and she turned, to see
Dai's beautiful face upside-down from her point of view.
Her friend had lain down the opposite direction from her
but her face was directly across Michiko's own.
She could have sworn she heard a gulp from Dai but
that was impossible. Dai never got nervous about
anything.
"Michiko?"
"Yes?"
"Have I, have I ever told you about Katsura Jiro?"
Her melancholy abated somewhat and she looked at Dai
with interest. Dai was definitely nervous.
"No, Dai-chan. Wasn't he some kind of hero years
ago? Wait a minute. Katsura? Is he related to you?"
"Well, ah, he was what you would call a hero and
yes, he's my grand-uncle but my family threw him out."
She considered Dai's face carefully. She seemed to
be skirting an unpleasant topic.
"Why, if he's a hero?"
"Well. Well. He was like the black sheep. Everything
he did was contrary to what the family believed in. He
wanted to marry this peasant girl who was already
pregnant by another man."
Michiko gasped loudly. She knew that the ancient and
noble Katsura clan would have likely disowned him.
"But he didn't care. I think he loved her a lot. He
simply rode out with all his gear and went off before
they could disown him. And the thing is, my grandmother
said that he didn't even know that she loved him back but
he just felt that he had to do it."
The Solar Priestess sighed, happy at such a romantic
turn.
"Then, during the Ten Years war, as most people
know, he was the one that managed to turn the tide of the
war in favour of our country. They would have made him
shogun but again, he simply rode out and went away with
his family."
Michiko's eyebrows raised up to her hairline. "That
is amazing, Dai-chan. What do you feel about it?"
There was no doubt about it. Dai had definitely
gulped.
"Well. Well. Uh, you know that the Katsura clan
values devotion to duty above all other. They speak of
him as having abandoned his responsibilities and
ultimately disgracing what we stand for."
"Dai-chan?"
"Uh, my opinion. My opinion is that he did what he
had to do, both ways."
"Both ways?"
"What was required of him. What he wanted..." Dai
said softly.
Michiko considered that for a moment and nodded.
"So Dai-chan, you came here to tell me that story?"
she asked innocently.
To her surprise, Dai blushed right to the roots of
her hair, suddenly sending Michiko's heart pumping. There
was something afoot. Dai was about to tell her something.
"Michiko. I'm sorry. I did not come here to tell you
Katsura Jiro's story. I came here because I've decided
something. That I have to do what I have to do. Both
ways."
Dai's face came closer, so close that Michiko could
feel her breath. Her dark blue eyes were sparkling with
some emotion so intense, it made Michiko feel giddy. Dai
was so close, so close that she could-
Dai meant to kiss her.
A silent question in Dai's eyes. Michiko said yes
with all her heart.
*****
Chikane paused at the door to Himeko's room. Each
night it was a torment. Each night she wanted to go in ,
to seek an outlet with for her feelings. Some nights she
managed to go in. And when she went in, there was another
battle to be fought. Some nights she simply walked away.
Today, she stood there, suffering silently. Thinking
about dreams where the two of them lay on a lush field
and kissed. Thinking about the reality of Souma and
Himeko. Thinking about duty and responsibility.
Tonight, she walked away.
*****
A/N: Not speaking Japanese and having to wait can kill!
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