Remnants of a Rainy Day
The summer monsoon was heavy that day, a curtain of rainfall shrouding
our view of the outside world. The air was thick with humidity, and it
fell over us like a blanket, soothing our bodies to rest and our eyes to
close. There was no need for travel today. As the rain and the wind
raged on outside the entrance to the dark and musty cavern, inside it we
slept, swathed in dampness and lethargy.
It was early morning by now, and yet the sun had not peaked over the
distant mountaintops. This downpour had driven it away, cloaking the
blue sky in dark, angry clouds, filling the placid air with torrents of
rain. And inside...inside there was nothing but moist, clammy darkness,
peppered with the occasional breeze from the outside. My kimono was wet
and stuck to me like glue, and my hair, which I had long since untied
and let hang loose, felt stringy and limp. All night I had been drifting
in and out of fitful sleep; now, restless as I was, I was too drained to
do anything but lie against the stone walls of the cavern and doze.
Though it had been silent as the grave all night, I wasn't alone. She
was there, as it seemed she was always. With her head resting against my
shoulder, she slept peacefully, her dark eyelashes brushing her
milk-white cheeks, her chest rising and falling only slightly with each
breath. Her legs were pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around
them; next to her, her small, circular mirror lay face-up on the dirt
floor. I sighed, knowing I might as well be alone, for more than likely
she would sleep until we were called to move on. If not, she would wake
and act as if she were asleep, sitting in that same position, staring at
the blank grey walls. She never was much for words.
I idly fingered one of the flowers in her hair. "Little fool," I said to
no one, "What goes on in your head?" I laughed softly. "God damn, Kanna,
talking to you. I must be really bored."
But I was. It seemed I had spent countless days waiting and watching,
standing on the sidelines. Given the choice between that and how it used
to be, I would rather feel the wind in my hair, taste the blood in my
mouth, swallow the rage that came with the empty feeling where my heart
should've been pounding in my chest. I would rather be prodded and
provoked by Naraku than ignored by Kanna, because it meant my time of
usefulness was past. Such idleness proved I was of no use to him any
longer, and if I was no use to Naraku then I was no use to anyone. He
wouldn't allow me to be.
My eyes found their way to her countenance again, the pristine china
mask she called a face. He would never let my sister fade. Kanna was too
loyal, too trusting, too valuable to him, so much so that it nearly made
me sick. It was infuriating, how she could be so simple as to devote
herself to him with nary a question or concern, how she could take his
abuse and misuse of her with a straight face, day after grueling day.
She immersed herself in her service to him, every word, every step
bathed in serene acceptance of her fate. Had she trained herself to
endure it all? Had she needed to?
"What a strange creature you are." Rising to my knees, I crawled over to
face her and drew in close, so close that I could hear every shallow
breath. "Look at you. You're perfect. Not a hair out of place." Before I
could stop myself, I leaned forward and brushed my lips against her pale
cheek. God, she was soft. Smooth, flawless, snow-white skin, and she
smelled of lillies and face powder. "Of course. Of course you are. He
wouldn't have had it any other way." Smiling to myself, I kissed her
gently on the forehead, then said a bit more loudly, "Kanna. Hey, Kanna,
wake up."
She stirred, and her charcoal-black eyes fluttered open. "Kagura?"
"Naturally."
Glancing outside at the pouring rain, she looked back and me and asked,
"What do you want? It's not time to go."
"I -know- that," I said, "But haven't you slept enough?"
"What do you mean by that?"
I groaned. "I mean that I'm going stir-crazy, you little twit. Can't you
do anything but sleep?"
"Complaining to me will get you nowhere, Kagura." She raised an eyebrow.
"If you wish for your situation to change, I suggest you do something
about it."
I sneered at her. "And what, get another one of my internal organs
ripped out? I don't think so."
Kanna gazed at me for what felt like forever, her raven-eyed stare
contemptuous and cold. "Indeed. And I suppose that settles that." She
turned on her side and lay in silence, a speck of pure white against the
darkness of the tunnel ahead. For awhile, I simply sat and watched her,
lying there and hugging her mirror to her chest, drawing slow circles
over its surface with one finger. It seemed to calm her, and I listened
to her breaths grow deeper and longer as she lulled herself back to
sleep.
I glanced outwards towards the mouth of the cave, where I could make out
only a faint outline of the bleak horizon. "Kanna," I said above the
constant drone of the falling rain, "when are we leaving this place?"
She sat up sleepily and blinked at the torrent outside. "When the
monsoon ends, we will begin our journey home," she told me. "Once we
reach there, we will wait for Naraku."
"Really."
"Those are the commands that have been issued, yes."
I glared at her. "It's always commands with you, isn't it? Naraku says
jump, and you ask how high. Can't you think for yourself?"
She slowly shook her head. "I wasn't created to think for myself."
"Weren't you?" I went to sit beside her once more, and rested a hand on
her thin shoulder as I spoke. "And do you do only what you were created
to?"
"I find it serves me well, yes," she replied, and shook me off. "You
would do well to follow my example, Kagura. You might find things a bit
easier for yourself."
"Would I, now?" I said indignantly. "Kanna, you foolish child. Such a
one-track mind. Has it not occured to you that not everyone is as
shallow as you are?" I pushed a strand of silvery hair from her ear, and
whispered, "You're perfect, and you know it. You were made that way." I
kissed her ear. "You'll never be driven to the brink, will you, Kanna? I
can try, and I can try..." I let my voice fade into the darkness;
slipped my arms around her and pulled her close. "But I'll never -sway-
you. Will I?"
When she spoke again, she sounded faint."You know where my loyalties
lie. Do you wish to contest them, Kagura?"
"Mmm." Burying my face in her neck, I murmured, "I know you'll always go
running home to Naraku, you adorable little snitch. I know I can't
change that." I nipped her lightly and smiled to myself. "But I'd like
to see if I can't make you scream."
I laid her down gently on the dirt floor; then, before she could react,
I leaned over her on my hands and knees and kissed her full-on. Her
mouth was warm and sweet, and I pushed my tongue between her lips to
taste her further. As I did so, she whimpered softly into my mouth. "You
can't do this," she gasped when I broke the kiss, "You'll be punished.
You know that."
"Naraku can drive a stake through my heart for all I care." I took her
hand in mine and kissed it. "Kanna, I've been cooped up in here for
nearly three days now. I'm restless. I can't sleep. And above all, I
can't stand another second of your deadpan act." I laughed mirthlessly.
"You can tell Naraku I went insane. You can tell him I couldn't stand
another second of his gloom and doom little go-fer girl, that you drove
me out of my mind with your babbling about his commands. Besides," I
added in a sultry tone, kissing a tender spot on her neck, "it's his own
fault. After all, he is the one who made you so damn cute."
"Kagura, that's-"
I silenced her with another kiss, running my tongue over her lips before
parting them gently and exlporing the warm wetness inside. She let out a
soft moan and wrapped her arms around me in an attempt to steady
herself, and I could tell she was fighting it. -Such a good little
drone. Loyal to the end.- I snickered to myself. -I'll break her yet.-
Slowly, I moved from her lips to her neck, kissing and sucking gently as
I fondled her small body, trembling in my arms. Reaching for the sash
that held her kimono, I tugged it loose, revealing her white underdress,
which was silky and thin and left little to the imagination. I smiled.
"Kanna. Sweetheart." She bit back tears, struggling to overcome the urge
to wrap her arms around herself and cry. Kissing her cheek, I pulled her
close and stroked her pale chest through her slip. "Don't be so very
hard on yourself." I touched the tips of her budlike breasts, and she
cried out softly and buried her head in my chest. Licking her ear, I
murmured, "Don't be so afraid."
She gritted her teeth and mumbled, "I-I'm not afraid...what you're doing
is wrong-"
"As if you'd know anything about what's right and what's wrong," I
retorted, nipping her lightly through the cloth. She tightened her grip
on my arm as I pushed the flimsy garment from her shoulders, and I ran
my tongue over her pink rosebuds. As I continued to suck and lick her
gently, I felt her hands go to my head, her fingers wrap themselves
around my tendrils of black hair. Smirking to myself, I bit down ever so
slightly, and she cried out before she could stop herself.
"Kagura-"
I placed a finger to her lips to quiet her. "Shh." Nuzzling her small,
soft breasts one last time, I lifted my head and cradled her to me,
pulling her wrinkled white dress to her knees and then discarding it. By
then, tears were streaming down her cheeks, and her normally pale cheeks
were bright red. Kissing away the salty droplets that spilled from her
dark eyes, I ran my fingertips over her lily-white thighs, and slid one
finger in between her legs. A chill ran down my spine, a deliciously
warm sensation from the wet softness against my hand as I stroked her.
Her little fingernails dug into my skin as she held on, her head resting
against my chest, each breath coming fast and hard. Gentle as could be,
I slid a finger into her and touched her from the inside, and she let
out a stifled whimper into the folds of my kimono. I closed my eyes,
digging deeper with one and then two fingers, loving the warmth and the
moisture that enveloped them as well as the soft moans they elicited
from Kanna. Slowly drawing them out, I sucked them dry of her residue,
then lowered my head and pushed apart her legs, breathing in the sweet
and milky scent of her most secret, sensitive spot...
Her eyes widened as she realized what I meant to do. "Kagura, no - you
can't possibly-"
"Oh, hush." I kissed her navel and laughed. "What have you got to lose?"
Nothing indeed, and I had everything to gain. The smell of her drove me
wild with longing, my mouth watering for her supple sweetness. Without
hesitation, I wrapped my arms around her waist and buried my tongue in
the center of her wet pink flower, eating her out to my heart's content.
Her juices coated my mouth and ran down my cheeks, and yet I persisted,
relishing the taste. I was vaguely aware of her hands on my head,
forcing me deeper inside her, and felt an inkling of satisfaction as she
called out my name with each gasping breath.
I lapped at her clitoris with the tip of my tongue, and she cried out,
tightening to my touch. Slipping in a finger to keep her little hole
wet, I focused my tongue and my lips on her pink pearl, kissing and
sucking as her arousal mounted. Gently working my fingers in and out of
her, I licked her sweet, tiny button until she could take it no longer.
Her juices soaked my face as she climaxed, letting out a scream more
satisfying to me than any I'd had the pleasure of hearing before. And,
having wreaked a fair amount of havoc in my day, I'd heard my share of
screams.
Lifting my head from in between her legs, I gave her a salty wet kiss,
letting her taste herself in the process. When I let her go, she fell
against me, exhausted, and I wrapped my arms around her and nuzzled her
neck. She was trembling, her pale face sticky with sweat and tears, but
at the same time more beautiful than ever. I discovered at that moment
that I loved Kanna like that; so weak and helpless, lying there in my
arms like a rag doll. -So quietly arrogant. So pristine, almost holy in
her reserve-. Not anymore.
"Kagura..." she said softly, raising her head in order to meet my eyes,
"you are horrible. Disloyal. Irresponsible." Kanna stopped for a breath,
then continued to recite my sins. "Vulgar. Selfish. Tactless." She shook
her head weakly. "-Foolish-, beyond all else." Pausing for a moment, she
then whispered, nearly inaudibly, "And you are...-truly- amazing. Let us
not forget that."
I could feel the smile breaking over my face. From that moment on, I
knew that no matter what came of this little affair, I was happy,
because I had won. I had broken Kanna's shield and revealed the sweet
honey within, a sugar that tasted of innocence and fear. By drawing out
my sister's tender side, I felt I had done the impossible - and that was
enough of an accomplishment to fill several lifetimes."Am I, then?"
A pink blush stained her cheeks. "I cannot lie to you, Kagura. That
was...that is to say, it..."
"Felt really, -really- good?" I finished with a devilish grin.
She closed her eyes. "Yes." Sighing contentedly, she burrowed into my
embrace and whispered, "God, yes."
I gave her a last kiss, knowing that all too soon the spell would be
broken, and held on to her for as long as I could. But as we pulled
slowly apart, I glanced towards the mouth of the cave for the first time
in what felt like an eternity, and saw that the monsoon had dwindled to
a spit. Far in the distance, the afternoon sun rose above the land,
shedding a golden light on the storm-ravaged hilltops below. Puddles
ringed the fields and drowned the trees, soaking the earth in mud and
moisture. Indeed, the humans tied to the ground would not be traveling
for days, but the skies were clear and balmy, and Kanna and I would be
airborne in no time.
"Here," I said softly, handing Kanna her kimono and underdress, "Get
dressed. We'll be going soon." The magic melted, and all I could do was
sit in silence and watch as she faded back into the empty little girl I
used to know. As she pulled her sash tight and finger-combed her hair, a
bubble of remorse welled up in my throat, and I had to fight the urge to
panic. -Keep your head about you, Kagura,- I told myself. -This is no
time for regrets.- Still, I felt nearly sick to my stomach, and
something inside me cried out for mercy, begged time to stop and turn
itself around. I had known I would not walk away from this unscathed,
had jumped into it knowing that I might not climb out. But the gruesome
reality dwarfed my confidence, and as the haze of passion and devilry
cleared, the weight of what I'd done came crashing down like a boulder.
"Kagura?" Kanna's voice was tender, her sable-satin eyes reflecting a
mix of concern and disdain. She looked almost as if nothing had ever
happened; aside from the slight flush across her face, she looked just
as she had before, sound-asleep in the cave. "It's time for us to be
going."
"I know." When I didn't have my hair tied, I kept my feathers in a
pocket of my kimono. Drawing out a downy white tuft, I ran my fingers
over it absentmindedly, turning it over and over in my hand. "I know."
Looking me over carefully, she said with a touch of sympathy, "I don't
suppose you're afraid?"
"I'm not -afraid-." I let out a frustrated sigh. But after a moment of
silence between us, I closed my eyes and said softly, "Kanna, you know I
don't want to die."
She smiled almost bitterly. "And you know I don't want to turn you in,
but that's the way of our world, hm? Baby sister, in time you will learn
- or you would have learned - to accept that." Taking the feather from
my hand, she stroked its silky fibers and added thoughtfully, "It's
rather like the old adage, isn't it? The audacious oak, which finds
itself shattered by the wind, and the docile reed, which is merely sways
with it. A clear-cut path for the two, it would seem."
With a gentle breath, she blew the feather from her hand, and it floated
away on a summer breeze. "But what of the wind itself, for whom there is
no path?" Her dark eyes glistened with something like sadness. "What of
her?"
- - -
My palms are wet and warm with my own blood, running down my wrists and
dripping from my fingers. I have, however, learned to numb myself to the
pain, and the spines digging into my flesh are but pinpricks. The
burning sensation in my chest is another story; although these tentacles
bear no spikes, they feel like a vise grip, and with each passing second
it grows harder to breathe.
His words are liquid, flowing like poison from a vial, sometimes in a
stream and sometimes only in a trickle. They seep from his mouth to my
ear, sink there until they're barely intelligible, and I no longer
register his voice. And although my eyes are open, I do not see him; all
I see is her, so far below me on the ground. She is there, on earth, and
I am here, in space, suspended by these loathsome feelers and his
hateful words.
Before me there is only him, only my master, only Naraku. Only grey,
dead skin, stretched over his face like a mask. Eyes like drops of blood
against porcelain, and sooty black hair that writhes and twists akin to
something alive. A garbled mass of a body, nothing but flesh and muscle
painted with greasy, scaly skin. Caustic mockery, tinted with disdain as
it spews from his lips like bile. He is disgusting, and I close my eyes
and try to picture myself - try to picture her - borne of him. But the
image will not come, and I am glad.
Though my eyes are full of this vile masquerade, my mind has long since
detached itself, and it floats within her. Perched quietly beside him,
her face serene as a china doll's, she consumes me, as she did that
morning in the cave. Even as my mouth fills with blood, all I taste is
her sweet honey; even as my body goes numb, all I feel is her caress.
Even as my ears ring with his screams and mine, all I hear is her soft
whisper, and the desire to hold her wells up in me.
I should hate her. She is the reason I am here. She is the one who sat
beside him when the moon was full, and told him in a low voice of the
things I did to her. She is the one who followed him to where I hid, who
stood in silence as he ripped me apart with his words and his hands. But
I cannot hate her, because I know her other side. I know her, and I love
her, and I know that as the reed, she must not break for the wind. And I
know that, as the wind, I must accept that.
But Naraku is our oak, and he will shatter in time. Already his wisdom
is consumed in confidenc, for even in all his warped and perverse glory,
he is still but a halfling. Yet his ventures push that to its limits,
and soon enough he will find himself without means.... But I won't be
there for that. When Naraku's hierarchy crumbles, when his twisted
monarchy implodes and crushes him in its wake, my earthly remains will
be dust in the wind - and my soul will have escaped to somewhere
unseen.
My bloody lips curve into a half-smile as the world before my eyes
shudders and gasps like a dying animal, then fades to black all at once.
A hot, sticky liquid coats my neck and chest, soaking my kimono and
seeping into my skin, and the coppery scent allows for no mistaking what
it is. In the hollow chamber of my heart, a crimson flower blooms, and
my chest heaves as its petals spread like flames. For only an instant,
my entire body burns, the kind of pain so red-hot that it's cold; then,
the blossom crumples and dissolves into liquid ice, melting over my body
ever slowly as the ripples of pain subside.
Thoughts and memories drift away on silver wings, leaving my head a
peaceful void. I reach for the sky and catch one by the tail; it pecks
at my hand, but I don't mind. Stroking its feathers with one finger, I
take comfort in knowing Naraku, no matter how powerful he thinks he is,
has not bested me yet. The little white bird of dreams cupped in my
hands is mine alone, something that he, in all his divine fury, can
never take away from me. It is a memory of a sister, a reminiscence of a
lover, and a gentle reminder of days gone by. It is the heart and soul
of a lost little girl, spreading her wings for the very first time. It
is a precious, precious remnant of a rainy day, and I will carry it with
me always.
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