Rika's Apology
Minimum gore. Maximum spoilers (for Tsumihoroboshi mainly.) No Hanyuu
:(
Enjoy!
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I hadn't been able to save her.
That was the thought I drifted through the nothingness with. It
was
the thought that filled what little I had left of my mind when last I
had died. Slamming my head against the point of a knife, its handle
braced against the wall, while the demon laughed in front of me. A
coward's death, done to escape torture, probably only made possible by
the drug she'd turned on me.
Had it really been like that?
A fainter memory drifted up from the recesses of my memory, far
longer ago; Satoko's tearful face, watching helplessly, as the demon
drove the nails through my joints. Three for each finger. Fifteen for
each hand. Screams filled the air as my intestines were carefully
pulled
out for the demon's feast, care taken to keep me conscious for every
moment of it. But the screams hadn't been mine.
With the spirit inside me, I could withstand any physical pain.
That was what I had truly wanted to escape... Satoko's sorrow.
Already, my memories were fading. Soon I would re-enter the world
and be ordinary Furude Rika again, enjoying a peaceful life with her
friends, looking forward to her role as a shrine maiden in the Wata-
nagashi Festival. But it would not last. It never did. The cycle of
tragedy would happen again and again until, at last, someone had the
strength to end it.
I closed my eyes. In an hour, this death would be gone from my
mind, and I'd spend the next few weeks just picking up the pieces.
Until
then, all I could do is live out my happy days. Perhaps if the rest of
them stayed happy too, if the circumstances drove no one to fulfill
their own personal sacrament... then this month would finally end. That
was all that Furude Rika could do.
"Rika-chan, it's time to wake up," a petulant voice sounded above
me.
I opened my eyes, blinking them against the bright sunlight that
filled the room. Standing above me, as expected from that tone of
voice,
was Houjou Satoko. She was quite unmistakable, with amber eyes and that
blonde hair, like a foreigner's; not that I would have mistaken her
anyway, since we lived together.
What day was it? It must be Sunday. The glare of the sun shone
directly upon me, which meant it was nearing noon. I moved a hand
slowly
to my face and rubbed my eyes, struggling to recall the day before. My
memory refused to answer, and my head felt fuzzy; I wondered if I was
ill.
"We're going shopping this morning, remember?" she told me. She
stood for a moment of me gazing back at her, sleepy and
uncomprehending,
before crossing her arms with a humph. "Well, if you'd prefer to skip
lunch and dinner, I guess we can do that too," she said as she turned
to
leave. Satoko liked me. If it were anyone else, she would have walked
off without a word.
"H-hold on, Satoko! I'm coming," I called after her. I tried to
throw off the blanket and stand up at once, got tangled in my futon
about midway, and fell back to the floor with a small crash. The blonde
girl turned back, and hurried over to me once she saw what had
happened.
A worried expression was on her face.
"Are you okay, Rika-chan?" she asked, straightening me back out on
the futon and covering me up without waiting for a reply. "If you're
not
feeling well, I'll go by myself... just rest, and I'll make you some
tamagozake when I get back." From aloof to concerned in an instant...
still overbearing, though.
"I'm fine, Satoko-chan." Though my mind was a little awry, my body
was fine, even restless; I didn't want to stay in bed all day, which
Satoko would surely make me do if she thought I needed it. I squirmed
back out from the futon, sitting up rather then trying to get to my
feet. "...I'm slow to start on the weekends, you know that."
She looked at me critically. "If you're really all right, try to
hurry, okay? If we beat the crowds to the supermarket, we can visit
Mion-san at the toy shop." She left, and in ten minutes- aided by her
verbal harassment from the other room- I managed to be up and fully
clothed. Being midsummer, I needed only a light sun-dress, although it
could get nippy if we speeded down the riverbank.
I went out to the main room to find the other girl holding two
pieces of buttered toast, which she thrust in my direction. "You woke
up
late, so you don't get a proper breakfast," she chided. "Besides, we'll
eat lunch in a few hours anyway."
"That's fine, Satoko-chan," I answered with a smile. "I'd really
be
holding you up otherwise... Speaking of that, you do have the money for
the groceries, don't you?"
Satoko checked all four of her pockets, then slapped her forehead
theatrically. "Too excited!" she said, and hurried off to the secret
place where we kept our money. With an inward giggle, I watched her
depart as I munched on a piece of toast. Nothing alike, the two of
us...
yet we needed one another.
In another fifteen minutes, we were on our bikes and departing
Hinamizawa. The sun was high in the cloudless sky as we rode along the
concrete path beside the reservoir, towards the town of Okinomiya. The
weather, at least, was going to be wonderful today.
"Is something wrong, Rika-chan?"
As we left the toy store- we'd met Mion there, and talked briefly,
but she'd been busy shelving and hadn't had time to eat with us- Satoko
was looking worriedly at me again. I gave her a smile, replying in my
usual way: "Mii~." It was the third time she'd asked me, though, so I
felt something else was necessary. "Why do you ask, Satoko?"
"You're not yourself today." She turned her face back to the road,
keeping her eyes on me in a curious manner. "I know you're not the most
talkative but... you've hardly said anything at all on your own since
we
left this morning. And whenever I look over, you have this expression
on
your face... it's not quite sad, but..."
She was more perceptive then usual. Off the main street, we were
already nearing the end of town; I slid my hands behind my back,
twining
my fingers together, and stared off to where the road disappeared into
the rolling hills far in the distance. "Satoko-chan... have you ever
the
feeling something awful is going to happen?" I said.
"Plenty of times," Satoko replied without any hesitation. "But it
usually doesn't. So there's nothing for you to worry about." She smiled
brightly.
I shook my head. "It's not like that. This... it's happened
before,
and I'm sure that it will happen again." Abruptly, tears welled in my
eyes as the full force of the strange feelings creeping up on me took
effect; the dead certainty that our group of friends was destined for
tragedy, even though I could not say why. "One or more of us will die,
and I-"
In an instant, Satoko was blocking my path. "Rika," she
interrupted
me, abruptly serious. "Is this about Watanagashi?"
Her sudden change of manner shocked me back out of my despair. I
hesitated for a moment. "Sort of," I replied.
"Let me tell you something," she said. "There's nothing you can do
about Watanagashi. Everyone knows that. No one expects anything of
you."
I wiped my drying eyes with the back of my palm as she spoke. "If
you're
scared that the next one Oyashiro-sama curses next might be me or
you...
well, it did wipe out our families. But even so, all we can do is enjoy
life for as long as we can."
"But... what if there were something that I could do about it?" I
scratched my head. "I don't know for sure, but-"
"Don't you think I thought the same thing with Satoshi?" the
blonde
girl asked. "He wanted to escape; even a spoiled little girl like me
could see that. But he stayed here for my sake... until the day he was
cursed." She put her hands on her hips. "The point is, I didn't punish
myself over what I could or couldn't have done. I didn't cry when I was
all alone. I went on with my life, and discovered there were people in
the village who could look past Houjou and be friends with Satoko. The
first of those was you, Rika-chan."
"But-" I replied habitually. Satoko didn't let me finish; she took
my hands in hers, and gazed straight at me. "The Rika I know isn't sad
over silly things. She's always cheerful." She smiled. "And you know,
the only thing sillier then regretting the past is regretting the
future."
"Satoko-chan..."
"Now, cheer up," she ordered. "Or I'll have to convene a special
club session. In your current state, you're bound to lose whatever we
play." She grinned, throwing an arm around me. "But Satoko-chan
wouldn't
take advantage of Rika-chan like that... if you really are Rika-chan.
Audio identification, please."
Suddenly, my stomach growled, and I recalled that I hadn't eaten
anything today except for those two slices of bread. "Ni~pah," I said,
blushing.
"That's more like it. Let's get some bentos, and some ice cream
afterward. The food money you saved us on breakfast ought to cover it,
right?"
"Thank you," I said as we walked our bikes back to the house. We'd
returned to Hinamizawa around two o'clock, after our late lunch and the
treat afterwards. The sun was still bright, and it seemed a shame to
waste it, but I was feeling a bit under the weather after all. No pun
intended.
"For today? It's nothing," Satoko replied. "We had to go to town
anyway, and since you were feeling down, it's only my job as a friend
to
help you out."
"That too, but..." I frowned. My head hurt, and I still couldn't
remember anything. "I feel like there's something else I should be
saying to you..."
"You're full of odd feelings today, Rika-chan," she remarked.
"Maybe you've been possessed by a ghost. No shortage of them around
here, is there?" Satoko grinned for a moment, then stopped, scratching
her head. "Sorry, was that morbid?" We reached the side of the house,
and leaned our bikes against it, standing there for a while as we
conversed.
"A possessed shrine maiden..." I considered. She was making a
joke,
but I had always been possessed in a way. I wondered what had happened
to that horned girl that only I could see... she hadn't appeared in a
very long time. Now wasn't a moment for such introspection, though; I
pushed the thought aside and smiled at Satoko. "What should I do,
exorcise myself?"
"Try it," she suggested. "Not the full ritual, of course... just
meditate for a moment, and say 'Begone, evil spirit' or something like
that. Um, Oyashiro-sama won't be offended if you do a little thing like
that insincerely, will he?"
"That's not a problem, Satoko-chan," I said. "It's worrying you,
so
if there is an spirit hiding within me, I do want it out." I smiled at
her, and closed my eyes. "Mii~."
"Hey, you don't have to do it standing out here-" she began. But I
wasn't listening. I'd cleared my mind of distractions, and was thinking
back to the time when it first started... four years ago, shortly after
the dam murders.
That was the first time it had truly felt like there was somebody
else inside me, somebody speaking through my lips-
Suddenly, a memory flooded my mind.
No, it wasn't a memory. It didn't feel like something that had
happened before... not yet, anyway. Was this a vision of the future?
Was
I some kind of divinatory saint?
It was in the schoolyard. The new boy in town, who moved here only
a month ago- I hardly knew him- was on his hands and knees in front of
me, crying. I wondered if I'd done something nasty to him, but they
didn't seem like petty tears; they were tears of helplessness and
regret. We were alone, though I heard others talking some distance
behind me.
My hand rested itself gently on his head. Words issued from my
mouth, in a voice that was not mine.
"...forgive Keiichi."
"You were able to recognize your sin on your own. But no one will
understand that sin, nor will they be able to forgive you of it."
"But I am able to forgive you of your sin."
"I can understand how amazing you are. I understand that this is a
miracle."
"And right now, you can understand-"
The vision skipped forward. We were still in the schoolyard; but
this time, Keiichi, that was his name, was standing and hugging
Mion-san
tight. She looked absolutely shocked. At another time, I might have
giggled at the sight, but now hardly seemed appropriate... nor could I
giggle. I was just a spectator.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly, in a miserable, poignant voice. "I'm
really sorry."
"For wh-what, Kei-chan? Ah, ah, ah, I-I-I don't know what you're
talking about-" Mion stammered.
"You don't have to know," he said. "It's okay even if you don't
know. I'm really sorry."
"I will never doubt you, Mion... no, any of my friends ever
again."
"That's why, somehow, forgive me for that day..."
I returned to reality, and promptly fell down on my knees.
"Rika-chan! What's wrong?" Satoko said, grabbing me. I couldn't
answer right away, and she got me back to my feet and started pulling
me
towards the door. "This time, there's no arguing. You're going to rest
in bed and have some tamagozake." Rather a rough way of her to treat a
sick person, I thought, as I stumbled over a few pebbles while she
dragged me along.
But if she didn't overreact, she wouldn't have been Satoko. "I had
a vision," I replied belatedly as we made our way into the house.
"During a fever, we call that being delirious," she said, letting
go of me and quickly exchanging her shoes for slippers. "Besides, if it
was anything like your other premonitions today, I'm not sure I want to
hear about it. No offense." Inside the house, she seemed to trust me to
follow her to the bedroom. I did so, where she was already unrolling a
futon.
"Down," she ordered. I obediently lay down on the futon, and she
covered me up, smiling brightly. "Just get some rest, okay?" She headed
off towards the kitchen. It seemed that I'd finally fallen victim to
Satoko's maternal instincts... but if it made her happy to pamper me, I
didn't mind. I just hoped she wouldn't assume I would have no appetite
for dinner.
I turned my head into the pillow and closed my eyes. Besides, I
did
need some time to myself to figure out the meaning of that vision I'd
seen. I wondered if I might recieve another... but a feeling crept up
on
me that that one was the only one.
"Are you sure it's alright for you to come to school, Rika-chan?"
Satoko asked the next morning. It was cold, and we hung around inside
the doorway, not in a hurry to go outside just yet. I was feeling much
better. I could remember Saturday clearly now, and... some other
things,
as well. Things I could never tell her.
"Of course. I wasn't that ill, I just wanted to humor you," I told
her matter-of-factly. "Ni~pah."
"Stupid. That sake wasn't cheap, you know."
"Sorry," I apologized, then frowned at her. "Wait, didn't you just
use my parents' old sake?"
"Well, yeah, I did... But once that runs out, we won't be able to
buy any more."
"So we'll get it from Mion," I said with a grin. "Soy sauce, sake,
what's the difference?" Shoes on, out the door; it was now or never. I
stopped walking abruptly, as we were midway along the side of the house
to our bikes. "Um... Satoko-chan."
The blonde girl blinked and turned around, meeting my eyes with a
puzzled look. "Rika-chan?" She gave me her usual bright smile; it
seemed
to make the morning air that surrounded us a little warmer.
I walked forward and wrapped my arms tightly around her, hugging
her close, shutting my eyes as my chin rested lightly on her shoulder.
She gave a small gasp of surprise, and her body tensed. "Rika-chan?"
she
repeated, her voice a whisper that I hadn't thought possible from
always-loud Satoko-chan.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"S-sorry for what? If it's for tricking me last night, I really
don't mind... it's nothing..."
"You don't have to know," I said, repeating the words verbatim.
"It's okay even if you don't know. I'm really sorry." To be honest,
even
I didn't know, but it was something I had to do. She really was warm...
I wanted to selfishly stay that way forever, but she was uncomfortable,
fidgeting in my grasp.
Reluctantly, I let go, and took a step back. Satoko was blushing
deeply, and staring at the ground. I wondered if I'd gone too far; this
was a side of her I hadn't seen before. "Um, Satoko-chan, I didn't mean
to..."
She shook her head violently, and met my eyes. "Don't apologize
any
more, Rika-chan," she said. "You were the only one there for me. I was
surprised... but if anyone ought to hug me, it's you." She stepped
forward and gave me a quick hug of her own. "I hope it works the other
way around."
"Of course, Satoko," I replied. My own smile felt as radiant as
hers at that moment. Then I caught a glimpse of the sun, beginning to
rise above the trees. "Um, should we get going? We don't want to be
late," I said, and scratched my head. "I suppose I chose a bad time for
a moment like this, didn't I?"
Satoko giggled. "If there's anything more," she said, "we can
finish later." It was my turn to blush. But she didn't see; she had
already turned away and was heading for the bikes. I followed her,
distracted by my thoughts.
Perhaps this time, these endless summer days wouldn't be quite the
same old story.
It really was going to be a wonderful day.
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