Welcome to the Dollhouse

a Hellsing fanfiction by Princess of Pain

"I didn't know you wanted a girlfriend."

Ugh.  Him.

I light my cigar and squeeze the match out between thumb and 
forefinger.  I take a nice, long drag and enjoy the thick taste of it, 
the burn in my lungs.  I can't recall a time when I've actually 
finished an entire cigar, but I enjoy smoking.  The act of 
contributing to my own death helps me to feel alive.

I blow smoke out my nose.  Ah, I can feel my nasal tissue turning 
black. Good.

When I feel like it, I glance over at him.  He stepped through the 
wall.  He's standing next to the portrait of my father, sans hat and 
glasses, examining me with slitted red eyes.  And that smile.  That 
fucking smile of his.  I own his life; I've got him by the old 
gemstones, so why the fuck does it always seem like HE'S the one 
playing a joke on ME?

"Forgive my presumption, Alucard."  Another drag.  More burning.  More 
*sensation*.  "When I made that statement, I had no idea that you had 
it in for my butler."

"Ah-ah-ah, Integral.  There was nothing between Walter and I when 
Celas first joined our happy little slave ring."

"Then exactly when did this occur?"  I am a little curious.  Walter 
never struck me as being the nancy type.

An expansive shrug.  "Have I asked how you came to be entangled with 
my child?"

I try to stub out my cigar in the ashtray.  I hit the desk instead, 
leaving a loose scrawl of ash on the polished dark surface.  Damn.  He 
had to be watching when I did that, didn't he?

"I... was trying to discipline her."

One black eyebrow raises in inquiry.

Why the hell am I telling him this?  Him, of all the snakes that 
creepeth on the earth and feed off the clay heels of humans?  I should 
keep a journal to vent in.  Maybe then this wouldn't be.

"Always acting irresponsibly.  Little twit.  Always trying to get 
herself killed.  Never drinking the blood we give her--you could try 
to train her better, Alucard--"

The slightest flinch.  Good.  One for me.

"--but that's just part of it.  She's so... weak.  She can be strong, 
but only when she has someone to prop herself against.  She can't 
stand on her own.  She's a puppet."

"So you decided to stick your hand in her and make her dance?"

Oh, if only looks could kill.  I would trade away all of Hellsing for 
the eyes of a basilisk.  I would set up my newly-stone Alucard on my 
balcony and watch as pigeons shit on his amused, presumptuous face.

"And you?" I grit through tense teeth.

"Oh, it was sheer chance, really," he says, his voice as light as air.  
"I've always liked him--he's far more intelligent and skilled than the 
rest of you bumbling humans put together.  He's very... what's the 
word... well-preserved."

"Cradle-robber."

He laughs.  Damn it.  Damn him!  "Were we in public, the passers-by 
would mistake him for my father."

"You flatter yourself, Alucard.  Not only are you nowhere near as 
handsome as Walter, young or old, I highly doubt that he would be 
foolish enough to want to be seen with you in public."

For an instant, the perpetual smile is gone, replaced by an angry 
neutrality that would have rendered the bowels of a weaker person to 
water.  Even so, my knees tremble a bit.  Then the storm passes and 
the smile returns.

"Integral, my dove... you forget.  I am not you.  Never mistake your 
loneliness for mine."  The smile widens.  "In that, we are a bit 
alike, aren't we?  Both seeking ways to while away the time and forget 
that we are dead?"

"There is only one corpse in this room.  And I doubt Walter would 
appreciate being referred to as a hobby."

He laughs again.  Goddamn it.  "Well, you certainly lurch about like a 
corpse made living.  A loopy, maybe, or one of those charming Nazis 
brought back to life.  And I don't think Celas would like to hear you 
describe her as a marionette."

"Is there a point to this?" I snap.

His pale face becomes grave--the smile shrinks down to the slightest 
curve of his lips.  "Only this.  I care for, and care about, your pet 
Shinigami--as much as a 'soulless monster' like me can care about a 
human.  I will continue to do so.  There's no cause for concern on 
your part.  But you..." his voice lowers to a threat "...had better 
care for and about my child.  Celas is not Einstein, but she's not 
stupid.  More important than her brains, she is kind.  If you feel the 
need to play with her, don't hurt her.  If you return her to me 
damaged in any fashion, I swear to you... I will first damage this 
seal.  Then I will damage you."

"Yes, Master."

The smile widens to his customary Cheshire grin.  "I thought you might 
listen to reason, Integral.  It's such a rare quality.  I admire you 
for it.  Good night."

And he fades through the portrait of my father with a flux of sound.

I fumble through my drawers.  Where did I put those stupid cigars?  
After closing the last one and giving up, I notice that I left the box 
on the surface of the desk.  Smooth on, Integral.  If only--

A head of dark hair suddenly peeks through my father's portrait.  The 
kind, oil-rendered eyes are replaced by twin garnets flawed with onyx.  
They twinkle at my gleefully.

"By the by, Sir Hellsing... wouldn't Walter make the most wonderful 
nosferatu?"

Unfortunately, he dissipates before I can get my shoe off and throw it 
at him.  Cheeky bastard.

I light another cigar and watch it burn between my fingers, 
occasionally breathing in the burning black that puffs into my face.

I fucking hate vampires.

Back to Hellsing Shoujo-Ai Fanfiction