El-Hazard is the property of Pioneer/AIC. This fanfic and all original characters are property of dooky. Oh, and the excerpt from "Smash" is courtesy of the Offspring. Yep. dooky likes punk. Get used to it. EL-HAZARD: THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME The Shape of Things So Far- As the only person now capable of producing a new generation of Roshtarian princesses, Fatora reluctantly decides she must do her duty. Mari is working in Nanami's restaurant, and has attracted the unwelcome attentions of Parnasse. Makoto and the priestesses reveal the text of the Heretic Prophecy- unfortunately, it is completely meaningless, and has obviously been carefully encrypted. Qawoor and Makoto set out to translate it. Doctor Amiri approaches Alielle and Fatora with a plan- to use her advanced medical technology to allow them to have a child together. Makoto tries to investigate the link between Ifurita and Qawoor, and finds a strange man present in Ifurita's thoughts. Mari is reluctant to speak to Mr Fujisawa, having apparently fallen out with him in the past. When the time comes to implant Fatora's child, Amiri decides she is under too much stress, and Alielle opts to take the baby instead. Investigating a remote outpost, Jinnai finds Sakura Tamaro- who, on transportation to El-Hazard, has somehow become fused with a Demon God... THE FOURTH MONTH: "TAMARO NEVER DIES" Day 97 Although she would never have admitted it, Diva's new guest was really starting to piss her off. She knew little about this 'Tamaro' character. Jinnai, on the other hand, seemed to be very familiar with her, and held her in extraordinarily high esteem. Precisely what this woman had done to deserve the admiration the commander of the Bugrom forces himself was far from apparent. The information that Diva had managed to extract told her very little. Tamaro was an 'idol'. When she had asked for a definition of this term, Jinnai and Tamaro answered with blank expressions. Apparently neither could offer a sufficient description of an idol's function, except that it involved singing, and then writing one's name over and over again in order to satisfy admirers. Neither of these abilities were of real use in any conventional battle strategy, so Diva was puzzled by Jinnai's excitement. True, she had arrived in this world in the form of a Demon God. But so far, she still hadn't shown any real power- apart from accidentally freezing five hundred Bugrom to death, and she couldn't remember doing that. In the past week, all she'd done was slouch around the hive, complaining about lower back pain and how she couldn't understand the stupid bugs. But what worried Diva more than anything was the effect Tamaro was having on Jinnai. Fair enough, perhaps he wasn't always right. But Diva and the Bugrom accepted that his word was Not To Be Questioned. Tamaro was, apparently, unaware of this rule. She answered back. Unbelievable. She was unashamedly critical of Jinnai, questioning his every decision in a most disrespectful way. But, even more incredibly, Jinnai simply accepted it. This was not the leader she knew. Jinnai vaguely recalled reading something along the lines of: "never meet your idols- you'll only be disappointed." Sakura was not at all what he had expected. She certainly came across better on TV than she did in real life. She was, he now realised, a complete bitch. Of course, this didn't change the fact that he really, really liked her. He was instructing (well, yelling at) some junior bugs when Sakura strolled in. "I still can't figure out how you did it," she said casually. "Did what?" "How you managed to convince all these bugs that you were a messenger from God." She chuckled quietly at the absurdity of the idea. Jinnai gulped and looked desperately between Sakura and the bugs. "That's... that's because it's true!" he said unconvincingly. "You get out of here!" he screamed at the bugs, who quickly complied. "What the hell are you doing?" he hissed at Sakura. "Oh, come on now, Katsuhiko," she smiled. "You've got to admit it's amusing. You, a messenger from God? These guys must have had low expectations." "I AM a messenger from God!" Jinnai snorted, indignant. Sakura greeted this remark with an expression somewhere between incredulity and pity- albeit the sort of pity one feels for a wasp repeatedly headbutting a window, too stupid to comprehend the concept of glass. "Oh my God... you mean to say you actually believe it? What are you, insane?" Had anybody else said this, Jinnai would have had them tossed down the nearest dark pit without hesitation. But, well, this was Sakura. "Just don't embarrass me in front of the bugs, okay?" "I'm bored!" Sakura complained. "This place sucks. And what are you gonna do about this hole in my back?" "That's Mizuhara's fault, not mine. And the sooner you figure out how to use your Demon powers, the sooner we can kick his ass." Sakura still wasn't sure precisely how this Mizuhara was responsible for her current situation. "Who is he, anyway? A scientist, something like that?" Jinnai nodded. "A diabolical scientific genius of the first order." "I hate scientists," Sakura said, a statement which to her mind justified itself. "But you're the sort of person I like." "Uh... really?" Jinnai blushed for the first time in five years. "Yeah. Underachievers make me feel superior." "WHAT?" Day 101 Mari was not having a good day, even by her life's recent low standards. The restaurant was full, which meant lots of work and talking to people, neither of which she particularly enjoyed. Plus, most of the customers were regulars, meaning she had to listen to their incessant talking and pretend to be interested. Parnasse was here too- infuriatingly chirpy, but that was hardly unusual. Worst of all, Nanami was away at the palace, organising the catering for some conference or other. So her deputy, Mycea, had been left in charge. Dutifully she took down the orders of Makoto, Ifurita and the three priestesses. Mari didn't know the priestesses personally, but had seen enough of them to have worked out the basics. The blue haired, depressingly cute and unerringly polite one was Qawoor. The confident academic who kept one eye semi-permanently hidden under a surprisingly intimidating hairstyle was Afura. And the loud, abrasive redhead was, of course, Shayla. "Why the long face?" Shayla quipped. "What?" Mari responded, confused. Great. Now everyone on the table was looking at her. "Cheer up," Shayla smiled. "It might never happen." "It already has done," Mari said quietly, and walked away. "Hey, what's her problem?" Shayla turned back to the others. Makoto shook his head. "She's complicated. And I can't help feeling responsible. It's my fault she ended up here..." "Master Makoto, you couldn't have known," Qawoor reassured. Ifurita nodded in agreement. "You told me Mari was sad before she came to El-Hazard. If she couldn't find happiness on Earth, perhaps she'll find it here." "Ow!" "Look out," Mycea warned casually. "That's hot." "Yeah, thanks," Mari snarled, clutching her hand. "I don't think I'd have noticed otherwise." "Have you served table four yet?" "No." Mycea tutted quietly. "What? Hey, I'm doing my best. I can't do everything at once!" Mari objected. "They've been waiting nearly fifteen minutes, Mari." "Well, they'll appreciate it more when they get it. Give me a break." Mycea frowned. "You won't get very far in this job with an attitude like that." "Oh, don't," Mari replied, her voice filled with venom. "Since birth I've dreamed of being a waitress. Please, don't shatter that dream." Mari picked up a tray and walked back out to the customers. "So," Afura probed, "How is the translation of the prophecy coming?" "Not good," sighed Makoto. "We've looked into every language and encryption system we could find, and nothing fits. We're no closer now than when we started." "I'm sure we'll find a way," Qawoor smiled, ever the optimist. "I wonder what it really says," Afura pondered. "Our future could be written out on that thing, waiting for us to translate it." "I don't know if I want to know the future," Ifurita replied. "Isn't life supposed to be about uncertainty?" Makoto nodded. "I'm with Ifurita. To know the future, and not be able to change it... I wouldn't want that." "You did see the future," Shayla said. "Remember? You predicted the attack on Princess Rune." "Oh, I'm pretty sure that was just a coincidence," Makoto lied. He knew that something weird was happening. The premonition, and the strange connection between Ifurita, Qawoor and himself. And despite having mastered the finer points of dimensional transfer, he had no clue as to what was going on now. Alielle tiptoed gingerly along the corridor, accompanied by Fatora. "You know," Fatora said, "I think it's safe for you to walk normally." "You think?" Alielle replied. "I just don't want to hurt the baby. I had no idea pregnancy was so stressful." "Alielle," Fatora sighed. "You've only been pregnant for seventeen days. At this stage, most people don't even realise they ARE pregnant. Just relax, will you?" Alielle's extreme caution wasn't totally unexpected. She had been interested in this idea from the start, so naturally she was taking it very seriously. Of course, she was still new to this, never having given motherhood much thought in the past for one or two fairly obvious reasons. Alielle had the potential to be a great mother, Fatora had decided- although she still had no such confidence in her own maternal abilities. Still, the prospect of a miniature Fatora was nothing if not appealing. The child would undoubtedly be female- a quirk of the royal family's inheritance pattern, designed in ancient times to facilitate the efficient passage of the spiritual gene across the generations. To Fatora, this was just 'one of those things', but Amiri seemed to have figured out the mechanics of the whole system in detail. The doctor was seeing Alielle regularly, primarily to check her condition, but also, Fatora suspected, out of scientific curiosity. "Fatora! Alielle! Good morning!" Fatora looked up in surprise upon hearing the voice. "Rune?" Princess Rune was, albeit with some considerable effort, walking slowly along the corridor. To Fatora's knowledge, this was the first time Rune had walked unaided since the attack. She instinctively lurched forward to offer assistance to her sister. "Please, I'm fine," Rune objected, politely but firmly. "Well, um, okay," Fatora replied, reluctantly deciding to leave Rune be for now. "I said I'd be well for the summit, didn't I, Alielle?" Rune smiled. "And what about you? How are you feeling?" "Oh, well, I'm okay right now, but I'm not sure I'm getting enough protein in my diet. Also I'm worried that..." "She's doing great. Really," Fatora interrupted. Two and a half weeks of Alielle's hypochondria was beginning to take its toll. "I have a surprise for you, Fatora," Rune said, making her way to the entrance of the conference hall. "Guess who's here?" Fatora peered into the room. "Ooh! Fatora! There you are!" A familiar redhead, taller and more strikingly attractive than should really have been permitted, quickly came to greet Fatora. "Hello, Princess Formyka," Fatora sighed, resigning herself to the fact that things were probably about to get much worse for the foreseeable future. "You're looking great, Fatora," Formyka grinned. "Not a day over twenty five." "I'm twenty one!" hissed Fatora. "Well, I know what good friends the two of you are," Rune said, apparently oblivious to the blatant display of animosity before her. "I'll leave you to catch up on things." Formyka watched Rune walk away. "I like your sister," she said after a while. "In fact, I like her so much, I may just have to seduce her." Fatora nearly collapsed with fury. "You... you stay away from my sister, you... deviant!" "Hmm..." Alielle pondered. "You know, something seems missing from this picture." "Oh, I know!" Formyka said, snapping her fingers twice. Apparently from nowhere, her two servants and constant companions emerged, and stood proudly next to their princess. "That's better," Alielle nodded, satisfied. "So Fatora, what's it like being married?" Formyka enquired. "Is it really as unspeakably excruciating as they say it is?" "Actually, I find it most enjoyable." "So the lack of sexual freedom doesn't bother you? Interesting." Fatora laughed mockingly, until she realised that, because of the recent upheaval, she hadn't had extra-marital sex since... well, since her honeymoon. "Marrying Fatora is the best thing I ever did," Alielle said. "Especially now that I'm pregnant." "Pregnant? Whoa!" Formyka gasped. "Wha... I mean... who's responsible for THAT?" "I am," Fatora smiled. Formyka looked from Alielle to Fatora, then back to Alielle, then finally back to Fatora. "Fatora, honey... you are FULL of surprises." It was early evening by the time Nanami finished overseeing the preparations for the royal summit's vast catering requirements, but she noticed that the sun was still high in the sky. And it was warm too, she thought as she crossed the central square, now almost deserted. By her reckoning, it was early June. A year in El-Hazard was the same length as an Earth year, although the preferred calendar here- the Zubian system- was rather elaborate and difficult to get to grips with. She flicked through the lists of supplies she still needed to order in. That was a lot of food. The summit lasted a week, and, as she had discovered at the royal wedding, royalty had notoriously large appetites. The last sheet she came to was something very different. Having witnessed the futility of Makoto and Qawoor's daily efforts to decipher the Heretic Prophecy, she had decided to lend a hand. Not that she knew the first thing about decoding, but it couldn't hurt to try. So she'd copied down the text of the prophecy- although her Ancient Roshtarian wasn't that great, so she'd written it in good old Japanese instead. The prophecy was, at least technically, an official secret, but as it was effectively meaningless at the moment, the priestesses didn't mind Nanami making a copy. As she got closer to the restaurant, she heard the sound of a child crying. Really crying. Upon closer observation, she spotted Miz outside the restaurant, trying to control Mika, who was in the midst of a tantrum of truly spectacular proportions. 'And that's why I don't have children,' Nanami thought to herself. "Mika, come on! That's enough!" Miz said, attempting to reason with the unreasonable. Mika continued unabated. "I want ice cream!" "No, Mika. They're closed, look!" "Energetic, isn't she?" Nanami approached the scene, trying to look sympathetic. Miz looked up. "Oh, Nanami. I don't know what's got into her. She's usually so well behaved." "All kids do it," Nanami said. "She isn't old enough to understand. Why don't you come inside? Let her wear herself out." Nanami led Miz and the still hysterical Mika into the empty restaurant. "If she really wants an ice cream so bad, she can have one." Miz shook her head. "No, no. She has to learn that she won't get what she wants just by kicking and screaming." "That's, uh... a brave decision," Nanami said, observing Mika as she continued to tug angrily at Miz's arm. And that's when they heard the singing. "Smash is the way you feel all alone, Like an outcast, you're out on your own..." Nanami and Miz looked up, curious as to the source of the voice. "Smash is the way you deal with your life, Like an outcast, you're smashing your strife..." It was a female voice, coming from the kitchen. And the voice was startlingly beautiful, so much so that Mika actually stopped crying in order to listen. "Head over heels, I've fit in before, Now I don't want to do it no more..." Nanami leaned into the kitchen and saw Mari, quite unaware that she was being watched, casually singing as she put the dishes away. "I just want to be who I want to be, Guess that's hard for others to see..." "Mari?" Taken completely by surprise, Mari span round on the spot. "Oh! Hi! I was just..." "Incredible!" Miz entered the kitchen, accompanied by Mika, who was now staring intently at Mari. "Usually when Mika starts crying, she doesn't stop until she's asleep. Thankyou, Mari"! "Wha... what did I do?" "Your singing," Nanami pointed out. "It seems to have calmed Mika down." "Oh, right. Well, um... you're welcome, Mrs Fujisawa." Mika trotted over to Mari and smiled up at her, and expression completely at odds with the rest of her face, still red from her earlier tantrum. "Hi! I'm Mika!" "Um, hi, Mika," Mari replied, bending down to the child's level. "I'm Mari. I'm glad to see you enjoy the classics." Mika didn't really understand this, but decided it was probably a good thing. Satisfied, she went back to her mother. "Well, we should be going," Miz smiled. "It was lovely seeing you again, Mari." Nanami led Miz and Mika to the exit. "Okay, come back soon!" She walked back to the kitchen. "Mari, I didn't know you could sing." "I can't really," Mari replied. "But, you know, I like to try." "I'm serious!" Nanami reaffirmed. "I can't believe no one's ever told you before. You have a beautiful voice." "You... um... really think so?" Nanami witnessed Mari smile for the first time since she arrived in Florestica. "She wants me to... WHAT?" Sakura sat up suddenly, then got dizzy and almost slid off the oblong block of honeycomb she'd been using as a convenient slouching pedestal. This reaction was rather puzzling to Jinnai. Surely, it wasn't much to ask. "Diva wants you to sing," he repeated testily. "But... why?" "Well, duh, because you're a singer. That's what you do. And, since you're apparently incapable of causing the mass destruction we were all rather hoping for, Diva suggested you try something you're actually good at." "Sing to who, exactly? Just her?" Sakura was, for some reason, noticeably nervous. Jinnai nodded. "And the bugs. Make an event of it. Something from your third album, perhaps." He paused, then added, as courteously as he could: "But not track eight. I don't know WHAT you were thinking when you came up with that one." "Well, I don't want to sing," Sakura said decisively. "Not for her, not for you, not for anyone." She folded her arms in a defiant gesture. Jinnai sighed inwardly. Part of him felt he should have expected this, but unfortunately his judgement of Sakura was still clouded by the accumulation of positive media images he'd absorbed during his years as a Sakura devotee back on Earth. Sakura the great, Sakura the caring, Sakura the flawless idol. "Aw, come on, why not?" he pleaded. "It's my prerogative. As a professional bitch." "Look," Jinnai frowned, "if you don't sing, that'll make me look like an idiot in front of Diva." "Why should that bother me?" "Because" Jinnai sighed, "I don't have total control over the Bugrom. Diva does. And if, for any reason, she happened to get... suspicious, or pissed off, or just plain bored with me, she could quite easily kick me out on the spot. Or worse. That applies to you as well. So on the whole, I think it's best if we do as she says. Clear?" Sakura suddenly looked uncharacteristically small. "There's a... problem," she said feebly. "You see, I, uh, can't actually sing. Not as such." "But... what about your shows? Your albums?" Jinnai asked, incredulous. "They put my voice through an effects machine," she admitted. "Hey, if you mention this to anyone, you're dead." 'This is all I need,' Jinnai thought. It was at times like this he felt like banging his head against the wall. Just as an experiment, he decided to try it to see if it made any difference. After a few knocks, he reassessed the situation. Sakura was still there. The problem was still there. The only discernible difference was that his tension headache had become slightly worse. Jinnai made a mental note not to bother with this particular stress relief measure in the future. "Sakura," he said calmly, "you are going to sing. I don't know how, but you are going to sing." Sakura looked out upon the disturbingly large number of Bugrom sat expectantly in neat little rows before her. The picture was somehow reminiscent of a school assembly, albeit in a school populated by a lot of large, ugly children. In all fairness, the average Bugrom's capacity for appreciation of the arts was somewhat limited, partially because of their uninspiring social environment, and partially due to sheer stupidity. But to the Bugrom, this was still an exciting prospect. As they understood it, Sakura originated from the same higher dimension from which their leader had been sent. Jinnai had already pointed out that she was the greatest singer in his world, so to hear her sing was clearly an honour of unparalleled proportions. Jinnai stood apprehensively next to Diva. Maybe it was him, but the already got the impression that she didn't like Sakura one bit. "Good evening," Sakura began nervously. "Tonight I'd like to perform some songs from my third album, 'Sakura Loves You.' And I'll begin with one of my favourites, a song called 'Ooh Baby Baby Yeah.'" As much as Jinnai could have prepared himself for the sonic nightmare that followed, it would never have been enough. "Hey baby, when we met, ooh yeah, that very first time, Underneath the mooooon..." Truly, an acoustic assault on the ears of such horrific magnitude that even a vengeful Old Testament God might have considered it a bit on the extreme side. Jinnai's leg muscles began to tense up. He was busted for sure. Diva turned to him. This was it. "How curious," she remarked casually. "The aesthetic qualities considered desirable in music must be quite different in your dimension." Here was a viewpoint Jinnai had simply not foreseen. "I... huh?" "Yes. We were always under the impression that hitting notes and keeping in time were the most important factors. Obviously we were mistaken. I look forward to learning more about your music. Jinnai couldn't believe his luck. She was serious. Then he realised, to his immense disappointment, that now he would have to endure this hideous performance in full. By the time Sakura had finished her fourth song, half of the Bugrom in the front row appeared to have gone into shock, and it really came as quite a relief to everyone when the attack started. Somebody was shooting at them, but it wasn't at all obvious who, or even where they were shooting from. Bugrom fled in all directions, but as they didn't know where to flee to, the ensuing scenes made for as fine a definition of chaos as one could ever wish for. Sakura dived underneath her makeshift stage. Surely she hadn't been THAT bad. A blue bolt of energy whizzed dangerously close to her face. She was going to die! The thought hit her like a ton of bricks. No, this wasn't fair at all. A strange phrase popped into her head. 'Find Power Key Unit.' That's odd, she thought. She didn't even know what a Power Key Unit was. "Idiots! Morons! Imbeciles!" Jinnai screamed at the bugs as they ran in aimless circles. Eventually he ran out of synonyms and had to stop. "Isn't anyone going to protect me?" Immediately, fifteen bugs leapt on top of him. Any further commands, complaints or swear words were rendered inaudible. Sakura found herself pushing through the frenzied crowd of bugs. Precisely why she was doing this was beyond her. Her instincts were telling her to hide, but something was driving her, forcing her to move. Something caught her eye. Lying next to where Jinnai and Diva had been was the strange object that Jinnai had used to wake her. This was the Power Key Unit. Somehow she just knew. She picked it up and aimed it at the source of the shots. There was a deafening noise, followed by quite a lot of blackness. Ifurita opened her eyes, unsure for a few brief moments as to where she was. She turned to Makoto, fast asleep next to her, and prodded him until he woke up. "What? What is it?" "What was that?" Makoto lay still for a moment. "What was what?" "I don't know, I was asking you." "Oh, go to sleep." Makoto turned over and went back to sleep, only to experience the strangest dream he'd ever had. Day 102 Nanami ran as fast as she could towards Makoto's house. He wasn't going to believe this. Makoto and Ifurita were sat up in bed. One way or another, last night had been very odd. "That was one hell of a weird dream," said Makoto. "Hmm..." Ifurita replied. "Could it have been another premonition?" "This? No way! Too weird, way too weird." "Tell me what happened," she urged. Makoto laughed. "Forget it. It's too stupid." "Oh, come on. Please?" "Well, okay. But you have to promise not to tell anyone else. They'll only laugh..." In her hurry, Nanami forgot to knock. A minor lapse of protocol, but under these circumstances, it was one she'd live to regret. "Hey! Makoto, guess what? I think I've..." It took her brain a few seconds to register that Makoto was sitting naked in bed with an equally naked Ifurita. Both of them were, justifiably, quite surprised. "Oops." Nanami hurried back outside, and tried to make the image go away. It didn't. "It's really alright, Nanami," Ifurita assured. "You just took us by surprise, that's all." Makoto and Ifurita were by now fully clothed, but for some reason Nanami still had difficulty looking directly at them, like somebody viewing a socially awkward solar eclipse. "What is it you wanted, anyway?" Makoto asked. She put a piece of paper on the table. "I translated part of your prophecy." To Nanami, it no longer seemed quite as important as it did before. Makoto, however, did not share this view. "What? How? What did you do?" He grabbed the sheet in excitement. "Well," Nanami began, "It was strange. I had it written in Japanese, and I found that if I wrote out all of it in hiragana, then read down instead of across, it started to make some sense." "But that's impossible... I mean, before we came to this world, nobody had ever even heard of the Japanese language." Nanami nodded. "I know. But check it out." She pointed to the part she'd decoded. Makoto read the section aloud. "It says: 'Bear witness to the shape of things to come...' Nanami, you're right! I think this is it!" Nanami brightened a little upon witnessing Makoto's elation. "Yeah, I kind of got mixed up after the first line, but I'm sure I was on the right track." Makoto read the first line over and over. Finally, it seemed, the Heretic Prophecy was within their grasp. Doctor Amiri placed four jars of tablets in front of Alielle. "Now, princess. Take two of the green every morning. Take one red in the morning and another before you go to bed. Take a yellow after meals, and three black each evening." Alielle blinked. "Wait... let me write this down." "What is all of this?" Fatora asked the doctor. "A cure for hypochondria?" Amiri smiled. "I thought it best to give the princess something to stabilise her hormone levels over the critical period. It should only be for a few weeks. Plus, having some medication to take might calm her down a little." "Okay," nodded Fatora. "There aren't any side effects, are there?" "Well, curiously enough there is sometimes one mild side effect. But it's, uh, nothing you won't be able to deal with princess." She winked at Fatora. Fatora stared back. "Huh?" "I have to get to the clinic now," Amiri said. "See you next week, princess." She got up and left. Fatora frowned. "Damn it. I hate it when people wink at me and I don't know what it means." Jinnai looked down upon the cleanup operation in effect after the previous night's unfortunate incident. Sakura stood beside him, grinning broadly. "Pretty good, wasn't I?" "Yeah," Jinnai sighed. "Once you stopped singing and started shooting. I still don't get it. I thought you didn't know how to use your powers." "It just came to me, I guess." Jinnai shook his head. It was beyond him. One minute there had been chaos; the next, Sakura was firing huge black somethings into the air, each time scoring direct hits on Phantom Tribe gunmen. Diva approached, looking a little perturbed. "Mr Jinnai, the prisoners have regained consciousness." "What? Prisoners?" Jinnai echoed. "I thought they were dead..." "So did I. But it would seem not. However, they do appear to be suffering from a paralysis of some sort." "Sakura, what did you do to them?" Jinnai asked. Sakura shrugged. "Dunno. Just shot them." "Allow me to explain," a voice said from nowhere in particular. Jinnai, Diva and Sakura looked over their respective shoulders to see a Phantom Tribe boy, in his early teens at the oldest, standing alone with a bizarre grin on his face. "Ack!" Sakura cried. "One of those blue guys!" She picked up her Power Key Unit, then accidentally dropped it again. "Now, come along," the boy said. "You wouldn't shoot an unarmed man." "I'll have you know I've made a career out of shooting unarmed men!" Jinnai screamed. "I'll... just who the hell are you anyway, kid?" The boy's expression changed markedly to one of resentment. "I'm no kid. I am Nahato. The leader of the Phantom Tribe." "Hmm," Jinnai nodded. "Times hard, are they?" "I can still have you killed, Katsuhiko Jinnai," Nahato said calmly. "The only reason my soldiers missed you last night was the mental torture of having to listen to your singing Demon God." "Hey!" Sakura objected. "I'm a celebrity!" "You're an Absolute Zero Class Demon God," Nahato corrected. "One of a kind, I believe." "How do you know this?" Diva challenged. "The Phantom Tribe are the most technologically advanced culture in El- Hazard. We know a lot of things." "So... how did I end up turning into a Demon God?" Sakura asked. Nahato raised an eyebrow. "Good question, Miss Tamaro. From what we can make out, the Absolute Zero project was abandoned towards the end of the Holy Wars for one reason or another, you know how wars can be. The unfinished prototype was sealed away. But this model had a number of unique features, one of which was the ability to assimilate organic and inorganic matter to repair itself. When you were sent here, you apparently activated that system and became part of the Demon God." "Okay," Jinnai frowned. "Why are you dispensing free information to people you were trying to kill last night?" "That was a test," Nahato smiled. "We were curious to learn how effectively the Bugrom could defend themselves. And your Demon God was most impressive. Which is why I'm here to propose a strategic alliance." Jinnai laughed. "An alliance? With YOU? Why would we even want to consider it?" "Because our projections indicate your puny army would last approximately four days in a war with the Allied forces. We can help fix that." "We're just not up to full strength yet!" replied a rather hurt Jinnai. "I know," Nahato said. "Would you like to know when our projections tell us you will be up to full strength?" "Yes! No! Um... maybe we can work something out..." Nahato smiled a decidedly sinister smile. "Of course we can. We're here to help." "Good morning, Mari!" Parnasse called to his favourite waitress as he entered the restaurant. "What a great day! Hey, Mari, where are you?" "Not here," called Mycea from behind the counter. "Nanami's got her. The royal summit starts today. They're in charge of the food. So can I get you anything?" "Oh... uh... no, I don't think so," Parnasse said dejectedly. Mycea shook her head. "I don't know what you see in that girl." "What do you mean?" "She never smiles. She rarely speaks, and when she does speak it's to tell you to go away." Parnasse sighed. "Yeah, but she's so beautiful." "You can do better than her, Parnasse," Mycea said. "She's nothing special. Think about it." Mari did her best to keep up with Nanami as she darted from table to table, checking the final arrangements for the summit's catering. "Hey, um, Nanami, is there something bothering you? Because you seem kind of distant, and, well, I know it's not much, but if you want you can talk to me..." Nanami looked up. "Promise not to tell anybody?" "Hey, am I likely to?" "Well," Nanami sighed, "this morning I accidentally walked in on Makoto and Ifurita when they were in bed together." "Cool," Mari smiled. "Did you see 'em naked?" "What? Yes... I mean, that's not the point. The thing is... seeing them together... like that..." "What did you expect?" Mari said. "They're in love. They've been living under the same roof for months. Ifurita ain't Belldandy, you know." A smile crossed Nanami's lips. "You read Oh My Goddess? I used to read that." "Yeah," Mari sighed, remembering. "What about Sailor Moon? Did you watch that?" Nanami nodded. "Let me guess. You're a Hotaru fan." Mari giggled. "You can tell? How?" Nanami laughed too. Mari seemed satisfied. "That's better. I don't like it when you're sad, Nanami." "I'm not sad. I'm just... I was so sure I was over Makoto. Now it looks like I'm not..." "Know what I think?" Mari offered. "I think you ARE over Makoto. But he's still your friend. And it can be hard to accept that someone you're so close to is, uh, intimate with someone else." She paused. "At least, that's what they say on TV." Mari was suddenly grabbed around the waist by an excited blue-haired princess. "Mmm!" Alielle squealed. "Hi! Who are you?" Mari looked down in confusion. "I'm... asphyxiating. Could you loosen your grip a little?" Fatora finally caught up. "Alielle, try to cool it, will you?" "Fatora," Nanami challenged. "What's going on? Why is Alielle feeling up my waitress?" "I think," Fatora sighed, "it's a side effect. Yeah, she's a little... affectionate today." Her voice trailed away as she appeared to notice something in the distance. "Oh my God... it's him." "Who?" Nanami, Alielle and Mari asked in unison. "Fran," said Fatora. Alielle jumped. Nanami gasped. Mari just looked confused. "That's bad, right?" "Fran was once my fiance," Fatora explained. "I was his servant," Alielle added. Nanami continued. "But Fatora dumped Fran and chose Alielle instead." "Wow," Mari said. "I bet he was pissed off." "There's more," said Fatora. "He tried to defraud the royal house, and to frame Alielle. Don't worry though. I kicked him in the nuts." "I wonder why he's here?" Alielle whispered. "Usually he sends somebody else in his place." "We should tell Rune," Fatora said decisively. "Come on. That guy gives me the creeps." "Okay," Alielle nodded. She grabbed Mari's arm again. "Nice meeting you!" Fatora steered Alielle away. "Sorry about that," Nanami smiled in apology. "Hey, don't bother," Mari replied. "I'm actually quite flattered." Rune, Fatora and Alielle sat at the head of the crowded conference hall. Alielle was happily rubbing her face up and down Fatora's arm. "Alielle, will you knock that off?" Fatora hissed. "We're starting!" Rune began her opening speech. "Thankyou for coming so far. The purpose of this summit is to review the past year's events and to plan future strategy." Something in Rune's voice caught Fatora's attention. Yes, something was ever so slightly different. So slightly, in fact, that it may have been nothing at all. Rune continued. "To begin with, I would like to draw your attention to several areas which we believe are of particular importance." There it was again, thought Fatora. A sort of unevenness in her voice, the kind of thing perhaps only a sister would notice. There was something wrong. "Firstly, the priestesses of Muldoon have, as you are no doubt aware, discovered evidence that the Bugrom are rebuilding their forces." Suddenly, it struck Fatora. Rune was in pain. Damn it, she was always pushing herself too hard. This was positively dangerous. "Secondly, we will seek to resolve the dispute between Perallia and Stidiland..." There was a mild commotion from somewhere near the back. A very tall, reasonably annoyed looking man stood up. "What about the Opaques?" he demanded. Rune narrowed her eyes. "Thankyou, King Fran," she said, in a more civilised manner than either Fatora or Alielle could have managed. "I was coming to that." "Allowing them within Allied lands is a blatant security risk, as we have already discovered," Fran continued to anyone who would listen. "King Fran," Rune said in her most commanding voice, "if you have any further points to make, might I suggest you make them at the proper time." Fran reluctantly sat back down. That told him, Rune thought to herself. Then suddenly she started to feel most unpleasant. "F... Fatora?" she managed to say. "I'm awfully sorry, but I think you might have to take over for a short while." Rune quietly fell forwards. Fatora didn't take over though. She was too busy screaming at people to do something. "In order to best use your power, you must first understand how it works." Nahato looked with mild despair at Sakura's blank, distant expression. This wasn't going to be easy. "As I mentioned, you are an Absolute Zero Class Demon God. The phrase 'absolute zero' refers to the lowest possible temperature, that is to say, a complete absence of energy. Are you following?" "Wow!" Sakura said patronisingly. "You're really clever for a little kid!" Nahato didn't suffer fools gladly. In fact, didn't suffer fools at all. He had them shot instead. But Sakura made him curious. It had come as rather a surprise to everybody when one of the Phantom Tribe's technicians had discovered a horde of information about the Absolute Zero Class prototype in their databanks, especially as no-one could remember putting it there. Now, Nahato had the opportunity to find out just how accurate the information was. "By interacting with the Power Key Unit," he continued patiently, "you are able to create temporary dimensional vortices which contain precisely no energy at all." "Oh..." she said apologetically. "Is that bad?" "No, no," he sighed. "That's the point. A zero energy bubble acts as an energy sink, drawing in all of the energy from its surroundings. Which is why you are able to induce temporary paralysis, or, with more effort, freeze an enemy completely." Sakura was now humming quietly to herself (out of tune, naturally). Evidently, Nahato thought, she'd never studied physics. And he was right- Sakura hadn't studied physics, at least not beyond the playing-with- magnets-and-iron-filings stage. Diva emerged from the egg chamber feeling slightly odd. That last batch of eggs seemed rather easier to lay than usual. She shook her head, deciding that this was all probably related to the after-effects of Sakura's singing. By now, Nahato had given up on Sakura and had moved on to Jinnai. "This plan is GREAT," Jinnai objected. "What could possibly be wrong with it?" "It's stupid," Nahato said matter-of-factly. "Your main attack party is too small. They'd be open to counterattack from here, here and here." He pointed to three areas on the map, then waited smugly for Jinnai's response. "Well... yeah, so it's a risk," Jinnai admitted. "But I'm a risk taker. You can't win wars without guts." Nahato frowned impatiently. In his own very special way, Jinnai was just as stupid as Sakura. "Do you know what's been happening in Roshtaria recently?" Nahato challenged. "The Demon God Ifurita has returned. They have her on their side. Plus they've had significantly more success in rebuilding their armies than you have. Then there's the small matter of the Eye of God..." Jinnai growled. "Yeah, yeah, I get the picture, they're great, we suck. Now are you gonna stand there and criticise all day or do you have a solution?" "But of course," Nahato smiled. "That's why we're here." The conference hall was in mild disarray now that the Roshtarian princesses had left. The rumour was that Rune had been taken to surgery after a rather important internal organ (debate was still raging as to which one) had decided to stop working. Fatora and Alielle had rushed away with her, so the assembled royalty now found themselves with nothing to do. And some royalty, for example Princess Formyka of Styrenia, got bored very quickly. She saw King Fran of Dorusland walk to the front of the hall and glance around self consciously, as people usually do when they're about to start talking and are wondering how many people will listen, or indeed care. This should be interesting, she thought. Dorusland was a proud and respected nation without a doubt, but its ruler had absolutely no credibility whatsoever. That incident with Fatora, back when he was still a prince, was now legendary. Which made it all the more remarkable that he'd dared to show his face in Roshtaria again. "Your majesties," Fran started. "I hereby propose an emergency defence bill." "You can't," someone said casually. "The summit's not in session. Hadn't you noticed?" "I beg to differ," smiled Fran. "Princess Rune did not dismiss the opening session." Formyka was joined by her two servants. "What IS he doing?" she found herself wondering aloud. "Now that I have your attention," Fran continued, "I shall explain the content of the bill I am proposing. I move that we ban all Opaques from Allied lands immediately." Formyka almost laughed out loud. He couldn't be serious. One of the rulers nearer the front put Formyka's sentiments into legal terminology. "The Opaques are a matter for local government and local policy. Some want them, some don't. Each nation is free to decide for itself." "No!" Fran objected. "Their very presence compromises our security. And when the security of one Ally is breached, the others are all at risk. Nations like Roshtaria, Styrenia and Vandalia are not considering the rest of us, who live in constant fear of a Phantom Tribe attack facilitated by these so-called refugees!" This got Formyka a little angry. She had invited the Opaques into her country for two reasons- firstly, it seemed more civilised than putting up border guards and electric fences to keep out anyone who was the wrong shade of blue; and secondly, she knew it would annoy her most recent ex- boyfriend, a prince from a neighbouring country who didn't like the Opaques at all. Her mind raced. How did a defence bill work? Didn't they need the approval of the Roshtarian royal house? Rune Venus would never let this bill pass. Hang on, though... This was an emergency bill. Formyka recalled that, under the Allied constitution, there were special rules governing this sort of thing. The Rostaraian monarchs had the ultimate power of veto- however, if no representatives of the royal house were present... The bill could pass with a simple majority. Oh God, this was awful. As a supporter of the Opaques, Formyka was very much in the minority. She had to do something... She turned to her servants, whom she affectionately referred to as Number One and Number Two. "Listen, you two, Find Fatora and bring her here. Do it quickly!" "Okay, Lady Formyka!" replied Number One, the female member of the duo. "It'll be my absolute pleasure as always!" "Hey," objected Number Two. "It'll be MY pleasure too!" "We don't have time for this!" Formyka urged. "Just go! Go!" In the meantime, Formyka would have to do her best to block the bill herself. Formyka was not a political animal. She was much too nice, she'd always told herself. However, despite this apparent handicap, she was managing- just- to prevent the bill from passing. Mind you, she'd been talking non-stop for twenty minutes now, and was running out of things to say. "So, anyway, the barman says to the junior priestess, 'Do you come here often?' And... oh, this bit's good... the junior priestess says..." "Princess Formyka," Fran growled impatiently, "this is completely irrelevant!" "It's allegorical!" she insisted. "And if you'll let me finish..." "It is not allegorical, it is an obscene and extremely juvenile joke which you have told twice already. I think we should move on quickly. All those in favour of the bill..." "Bit I didn't get to finish..." Formyka started. "Princess Formyka, will you please shut up?" Fran hissed. "Now, all those in favour of the bill, raise their hands." There was hesitation. While the majority of leaders would have liked to support it, some disapproved of the way Fran had twisted Rune's unfortunate absence to his advantage. It was going to be close. Fran looked out upon the show of hands. A slim majority, but a slim majority was all he needed. He smiled a triumphant smile. "In that case, I make no hesitation in..." "Bill overruled!" a small voice shouted. Alielle walked quickly towards the centre of the hall, followed by Formyka's servants, both of whom looked exhausted. Seeing their princess, they staggered over towards her. "Couldn't... find... Fatora..." Number Two gasped. "Brought... Alielle... instead..." Number One finished. Alielle addressed the crowd. "As a representative of the royal house, and third sovereign of Roshtaria, I hereby reject this bill on the grounds that it is..." She paused as she ran out of the flowery legalese she'd been learning from Rune, but decided to plough on anyway: "...sneaky and not very nice." Fran looked as if he was about to explode, which, to Alielle at least, wouldn't have been at all unwelcome. "How dare you! I won't accept this! I won't! You have no right to do this! You aren't even proper royalty!" This wasn't really true, but saying it made him feel better. "I remember," he fumed, "when you used to be my servant!" "I got promoted," Alielle replied. "You haven't heard the last of this," he continued. "You all support me, don't you?" He turned to the leaders, who looked rather shifty all of a sudden. Nobody said a thing in response. Fran muttered something extremely rude and stormed out. The sense of relief was palpable as Fatora, Mari and the (largely unnecessary) surgical team filtered out of the palace surgery. "I think that went a lot better than last time," Mari said. "I made a more professional job of the scar, anyway. She'll be able to wear a bikini now." Fatora took Mari's arm in a gesture which was mostly friendly, but just a little over-friendly at the same time. "I had no idea you were the healing girl. I didn't get the chance to thank you last time." "You're welcome, your majesty," Mari replied. "So you've ended up working in a restaurant?" Fatora sighed in disapproval. "How does one gain satisfaction from such monotonous work?" Mari shrugged. "I haven't been able to work that one out either." "That's no job for a hero." Fatora continued, as a thought struck her. She smiled an evil smile. "Come to think of it, Miss Kurai, I might have the ideal job for you. A job full of excitement, action, and highly competitive rates of pay." "Sounds cool," Mari replied hopefully. Perfect, Fatora thought. She doesn't suspect a thing. The Fujisawas surveyed the five foot high racist graffiti on the school wall, neither sure what was the correct thing to say under these circumstances. "I first saw it this morning," Fujisawa said. "Fortunately it's not in full view, so I don't think any of the kids have seen it yet." "Shouldn't they have removed it by now?" Miz asked. Fujisawa scratched his head. "The cleaner says it's the wrong type of paint. It'll be gone by tomorrow, I'm sure. Hey... who did you leave Mika with?" "Oh," said Miz, brightening, "that nice young girl from the restaurant agreed to look after her. You know, Mari." "Mari Kurai?" Fujisawa replied, despite knowing full well that there were no other Maris in Florestica. "I don't think... oh, never mind." "What?" Miz probed, a little annoyed. "You don't approve, do you? Just what do you have against her?" "Nothing! We just don't see eye to eye. I've told you." "Well," Miz continued, "I think she's a delightful girl, and..." She paused nervously. Cerev was approaching. "Hello, Mr and Mrs Fujisawa," the boy said politely. Miz elbowed Fujisawa in the stomach. That was unnecessary, he thought to himself. When Miz elbowed him a second time, he realised why she was doing it, and immediately backed up against the wall, doing his best to cover up the graffiti. "I'm just going to wait for my mother over there," Cerev said quietly. "Tha... that's great, Cerev," Fujisawa smiled uncomfortably. "I'll see you tomorrow." Cerev turned and began to walk away. Then, looking back over his shoulder, he said: "Don't worry, Mr Fujisawa. I saw it earlier." Day 110 "It's been nice working here, Nanami," Mari said. They both knew she was lying, but it still seemed like the right thing to say. "Well, I... um... I just want you to be careful, okay?" Nanami replied. Mari had accepted Fatora's offer. As of today, she was officially Personal Assistant to Princess Fatora and Princess Alielle. Nanami knew very well that this was a hazardous line of work, and had done her best to make this clear to Mari. "You have no idea what those two can be like," Nanami continued. "They seem very friendly," Mari commented. Nanami nodded. "You don't know the half of it." Priestess Afura Mann maintained a steady position in the air over the centre of Roshtaria's second city, Jagdhastica. Below her was a rally, its leaders endeavouring to keep it just the right side of respectable. She glanced at the streets around her. There were no Opaques out today. But then there wouldn't be, would there? At the centre of the rally was its organiser- the Roshtarian Sun's Voice of Reason, Jennown Doht. Afura did not like this man. Partially because of her general disdain for all those who start sentences with the phrase- "I'm not a racist, but..." and also because he was one of the public faces of the Holy Order, and frankly gave people like her a bad name. There was suddenly a commotion. For a few seconds, Afura wondered whether some of the more intoxicated participants had lashed out at some of their fellow protestors, having deemed them to be just that bit too blue for their tastes. But no, somebody rather unexpected had joined the protest. Afura recognised the man immediately. "King Fran," she whispered to herself. Sakura was flying. Heh. This was easy. The little blue kid had taught her how to do it. He'd taught her a lot of things these past few days. He was really quite knowledgeable when it came to this whole Demon God thing. The night sky was dotted with a few clouds. Not many, but enough for her purposes. The city below her- Florestica, was it?- looked very pretty. It reminded her of a theme park she'd once visited. Maybe, after they'd conquered the Alliance, Jinnai would let her have this one. She flew vertically into one of the clouds. For a second, she felt cold, but the sensation soon wore off as she adjusted to her new environment. This was nothing. It was about to get one hell of a lot colder. Mari took a few tentative steps into the bedroom. "So, can I get you anything?" Fatora was sat up in bed, trying to keep the giggling Alielle off her, for the next few minutes at least. Alielle had just had another dose of her medication, and was apparently experiencing the side effects in all their glory. "We're okay, I think," Fatora replied. "Hey, Mari," Alielle grinned. "Why don't you come closer?" "Okay." Mari stepped up to the bed. "That's better," Alielle said. "Now, why don't you join us?" So much for subtlety, thought Fatora. Damn. Alielle may have blown this one completely. In Fatora's experience, women confronted with a direct proposition of this kind invariably reacted in one of two ways, which she had mentally categorised as 'a' and 'b': (a) They would run a mile. (b) They wouldn't understand the question. All women fell into one of these categories. Shayla-Shayla was an 'a', while Qawoor Towles was a typical 'b'. Fatora preferred type 'b'- it gave her something to build on. So she waited with interest for Mari's response. "Okay," Mari replied calmly. There are some occasions on which the brain is presented with a concept so thoroughly alien to it that reactions of shock and surprise are bypassed completely, and all one can do is stare vacantly at the problem, in the manner of any one of the more stupid kinds of aquatic life. "Alielle," Fatora whispered, "has this ever happened before?" Alielle said nothing, but gave a gesture to indicate that it hadn't. They both looked back at Mari, who was enjoying the moment enormously. "I'm not an idiot, you know," she smiled. "I know all about you. The only reason you hired me was that you wanted to have sex with me, because that's the only reason you ever hire anybody. That's why I decided to accept. I thought it was about time I had some fun." Alielle and Fatora blinked at each other, mouths wide open. Eventually, Fatora turned back to Mari to offer her verdict. "You are really, really twisted." Mari assumed this was meant as a compliment, and, as it happened, she was correct. Maybe, just maybe, this universe wasn't so bad after all. Holding the Power Key Unit aloft, Sakura fired a jet of blackness into the cloud. She turned. She span. She fired in all directions, until all around her was darkness- a layer of purest nothing. She ejected herself from the cloud and moved on to the next one. "That's it," Makoto sighed. "I've hit a dead end. I can't translate any more." The task of decoding the prophecy was rather more complicated than ha had anticipated after Nanami's early breakthrough. The core of the problem lay in the fact that the base text was more or less meaningless. This made translation into Japanese very difficult, as many words had multiple meanings, all of which had to be considered in turn. "I wish Afura was here," Qawoor said solemnly. "She has a head for this sort of thing." Shayla nodded in agreement. The reason for the gloomy atmosphere was that, with over half of the prophecy now translated, things weren't looking good. Shayla studied the text again. 'Bear witness to the shape of things to come. When the time of the Holy Apocalypse is past, the Shadow Nation will become two, and the inert Shadows will make formidable enemy. Though the land be strong, rebuilt after war's ravages, it will fall. All shall be nothing, and nothing shall be all.' Not only was it predicting some kind of apocalyptic, or at least very unpleasant, event- it also seemed to implicate the Opaques as part of this. 'Inert Shadows was as good a description of the Opaques as one could have expected from a millennia-old manuscript. Shayla could not believe this. After some initial doubts, she had come to rather like the Opaques. They were a tough, principled people who had taken on some of the nastiest leaders conceivable in order to claim the freedom they deserved. But they weren't aggressive, and they certainly weren't enemies. The trouble was, Shayla was a priestess. And if there's one thing priestesses were meant to take seriously, it was prophecy. Things were making less and less sense. Qawoor stood up suddenly and ran to the window. "What is it, Qawoor?" Makoto asked. "I thought I saw... look !" Makoto and Shayla joined her at the window. None of them could believe what they were seeing. "It's... snowing," Makoto gasped. "Snow?" Shayla echoed. "In... the middle of summer?" TO BE CONTINUED (What? You didn't seriously think she'd end up with Parnasse, did you?) "Tamaro Never Dies" featured- Makoto Mizuhara, Mari Kurai, Katsuhiko Jinnai, Nanami Jinnai, Princess Fatora, Sakura Tamaro, Nahato, Princess Alielle, Princess Formyka, King Fran, Princess Rune Venus, Miz Fujisawa, Ifurita, Mycea, Shayla-Shayla, Queen Diva, Masamichi Fujisawa, Qawoor Towles, Doctor Amiri, Parnasse Ralielle, Afura Mann, Cerev, Mika Fujisawa, Number One and Number Two. dooky 14th July 2001 Proofreading courtesy of the magnificent Firebird... nice one!
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