White Winged Dove
She likened the Unifying Peace Conference to a badly staged ballet,
awkward in movement as the world's, nay, the galaxy's top political
leaders clamored about, inching from forum to forum in base indecision
over the future of the earth and the colonies. Making petty and often
vain speeches vying for laws that were unwanted and in some rare
instances extremely important. Dorothy Catalonia was invited and
attended only because she was swiftly becoming one of the Preventors'
chief benefactors. She didn't press her opinion about the newly
attained peace, nor did she sit in the shadows and pretend to be just
a causal observer. She played both sides of the coin making sure she
was noticed and making sure certain bills were passed purely on
principle and without causing a stir.
She was in the main gallery of the conference. Watching as assistants
and secretaries ran about gathering various schedules, some for
meetings, others for the more important treaty and law signings. And
of course the most important events of all in everyone's mind, the
three key speeches to be given by the Vice Foreign Minister, that
young political genius, once a princess, once a queen, always
righteous Relena Darlain Peacecraft. Dorothy watched the main schedule
board click with last minute changes reminding her of being stuck in a
shuttle terminal. Blue eyes unmoved by the wall of praise spilling
from some young lobbyist. The boy was all too in awe of the reigning
vice minister, all too excited and the blonde wondered if there was
anything she could say that would quiet him. Something that wouldn't
make her stand out but still make her point. Thankfully no action was
needed as he wandered off in search of ears that actually cared.
It had already been a long week and she was tiring slightly of all the
posturing. If war was over then war was over. All hail the human race
for finally coming to some sense, but it wasn't that simple as Dorothy
well knew. Something a distant cousin of hers had said liked to creep
on her at times: "Mans basic instinct is always to fight and take and
make new. Destroy the old so that progress and change might occur."
She believed that more deeply than anyone could know. It was a nice
fairytale to believe that peace would last, but there would always be
a person, a group, who wanted to change the world and "make it
better". And better was not always just or right but it was the idea
of change that made the difference and nothing else. Once the idea was
present there was little to stop someone from trying to make that
change take place.
She drummed her long slender fingers along the arm of the chair she
was sitting in. Her lovely princess had delayed a speech yet again and
there was nothing to do and no one Dorothy felt worthy of conversing
with. So she made a game of spotting Preventor officers that were
scattered about as security. The game ended much too quickly as she
noted that there were five in the main gallery badly disguised as
clerks. There were two on upper balconies watching the crowd hidden
poorly by velvet curtains. She focused on one in particular, wondering
if the lady new she was being observed. If the lady was aware she
showed no sign and for that Dorothy was grateful and slightly
disappointed.
Her disappointment stemmed from never finding the right time to drag
the lady aside and talk to her about a few things they had in common.
The most important at present being the vice minister and the lesser
(but still very important) being the tie each had to the late Trieze
Kushrenada. For the moment Dorothy could find a way to think on the
later with more interest. She didn't have any family left. After her
grandfather's fall Trieze was all she had in way of blood ties. Or at
least blood ties that mattered to her, ties that taught her about the
world. When she was very young she had gone to visit her cousin. She
was bored over all by the trip since she was left as usual to her own
devises. But one day she wandered to a small field that was used for
shooting, mostly little clay disks each being a point and whoever shot
down the most won. At the time and still presently she found it silly.
There was no real risk in shooting something made of clay. She
recalled the odd smile that inched over Trieze's face as she mentioned
it. He seemed strangely proud of her for making such an observation.
The next day he took her out hunting, capturing a few pheasants, a
rabbit, and oddly enough a set of doves. They were symbols of peace he
had told her, but even the most docile and innocent of creatures lives
in the risk of being taken. Life and war and peace where the same he
explained, because everything runs the risk of being taken. Change
being the only constant there was and man's greatest tragedy being his
want to keep change from over taking him. She sighed as the thought
passed and refocused on the lady who was watching the room like a
well-trained hawk.
"Trained by the best there was", Dorothy whispered to herself. "To
catch doves."
Her blue-gray eyes caught the ever-changing main schedule and shook
her head with disappointment when she noted Relena's speech had been
delayed until the next day. Something must have been going on, an
assassination attempt perhaps. Whatever it was most of the people in
the main gallery began an exodus to their rooms or rescheduled
meetings that had previously been canceled by the Vice-Minister's
speech. She leaned back in her chair a bit to decided on what she was
going to do. Lady Une still in her perch above the crowd kept pulling
the goddess' attention making her think of more personal things.
It was a hard emotion to describe being a mix of curiosity; envy and
anger the day Dorothy realized her closeted love was leaving her for
someone who could fulfill her need for destruction. That need to be
pushed into defeat and feel the burn of it. Of course as Dorothy
always observed there was no one who ever got close to Relena who
could manage the task. She could have, of course, it would have been
easy to break the princess when she had the chance but she couldn't
just give in to such self-destructive behavior. Especially since the
princess refused to admit that that was what she craved. Looking over
the lady she knew exactly why Relena had run to her for what she
wanted. Lady Une was every faux pas and danger the girl had ever
known. The lady had killed Relena's father. The lady had a reputation
for being cold and cruel but the truth was… the lady of old… the lady
that had caused so much fear and commanded so much respect had been
killed two years ago by a bullet to the chest. Oh the lady still
commanded respect and she was still feared to an extent but really she
was a much different person. Dorothy had observed the change and
really anyone who had a knack for reading people could see the
difference between Preventor Une and the Lady.
With ease Dorothy removed herself from the chair and made way to her
room. When the conference was over she was going to take a long
vacation from active political life. Go to the colonies and maybe open
a club. Or maybe she would just rebuild her reputation as someone not
to be trifled with. Someone who was expert at games of the heart.
"Can't rebuild what was never torn down", she muttered inside the
elevator that was slowly taking her to her room.
And there was truth in that statement. She was only seventeen but she
was still quite notorious for being everything she was. There were
those that fell to her beauty and those that feel to her wit but they
still fell. Even the dear Vice Foreign Minister had fallen to her and
easily and quickly, begging for defeat. Begging for all things that
eluded because of the tight shell of protection others pulled around
her. But something like defeat…defeat backfired on everyone who sought
it. And defeat was prodding at Dorothy in the form of a misguided
attempt at a love affair. The blonde fought against it though and she
felt as if she won on some levels. It wasn't that she was heart broken
she had convinced herself; it was that her playmate quit the game
before she could properly end it. She shook her head as the doors to
the lift slid open, stepping out in a strange rush to her room. The
strain of the week official as she silently cursed herself for
hurting.
In the darkness of this desert
I am lost within the folds
Great blackness taking over
Something to warm me from the cold
And as the wind picks up
And as the stars begin to shine
The moon a mere smirk in the distance
I can feel what I hate to admit
The scars I hid so well from view
The tears I could refuse
Because wouldn't it be terribly pathetic
To cry over the loss of you
Dorothy found the confines of her elaborate suite too restricting. So
she dressed and made way to her private car to escape the world of
ever present dignitaries and other political vipers that liked to
haunt the hotels grand dining room. She wondered if her dislike for
politicians was a direct result of her grandfather's once stifling
hold of her life. It was a theory, but she didn't enjoy prescribing to
it.
With ease she slipped from the hotel and into the parking garage
where, waiting like a patient child was her car. It was a bright
yellow Porsche that often had the look of a bumblebee. Despite it's
vibrant color it was a far and delightful cry from her normal choice
of vehicle. The press, which had a passing interest in Dorothy from
time to time, caught on to her like for big and yellow cars (Cadilacs,
vans, SUVs). She decided scaling down to something sporty would do a
nice job of throwing the howling wind of the tabloids off her trail.
The ploy worked for a while, but she wasn't concerned about the press
chasing after her. There were other more interesting politicians to
pester at the conference.
The Unifying Peace Conference was being held in a rather upscale
little seaport making dining experiences an interesting challenge for
any visiting the city. The hotel that all of the members of the
conference were staying at however was in close distance to two
neo-rich restaurants. This meant that despite their dislike of the
press parade most of the politicians wanting to dine out would brave
having a picture taken with spinach stuck to their teeth rather than
exploring the lesser-known, less expensive restaurants in the area.
Dorothy didn't care for the high class and "in" places near the hotel,
finding them dull and dreadfully boring since all the patrons were too
busy trying to look good to notice that the lobster was always over
cooked and the wine list lacking.
In a furry of speed she raced her way around the town until she
reached a small boardwalk that was home to one of the best restaurants
she had ever encountered. Besides that, the small place was right on
the water a perfect place to watch the light and fireworks show
coordinated by the boardwalks small amusement park. She wondered if
the owners would remember her as she made the small trek from her car
to the quaint place, aptly name 'The Waterfront'. A broad smirk
crossed her face as the same waiter from her last visit took her over
to a single table on the patio, followed shortly by the owner and the
chef whom asked if she was in good health. Spewing the various other
small talk owners enjoying bestowing upon their favorite patrons.
Dorothy enjoyed the chatter but was relieved when she was left to
peruse the menu and watch the lights from the boardwalk reflect on the
dark water.
It was in that quiet space between ordering her meal and waiting for
it to arrive that she began to drift over the past. And the past was
three years long. It was enough to make anyone slightly melancholy,
even though Dorothy blamed it on fatigue not sentiment. Still the
memory was there like a thick fog that could not be cut or faded by
the hope of the sun.
For three years the goddess had shared a bed with the princess in an
off and on relationship more akin to a strobe light than anything
else. And when it ended it ended because Dorothy hit a soft spot that
Relena couldn't protect. And when it began again it was always because
of the same reason… a soft spot that just couldn't be protected and a
need, a want the diplomat couldn't rid her self of. Dorothy loved
those moments. She always knew when they were coming too, because
Relena's deep blue eyes just couldn't hide her true feelings. Still
over all those moments and emotions nothing compared to the very first
time. And what a time it was.
She remembered the Sanq kingdom was barely clinging to life back then.
Running on the ideas of a dead king voiced through the never-ending
song of his long lost daughter. But the princess was not truly
equipped to handle such grand ideals as total pacifism, total peace.
She was a lost little girl, vengeance in her heart, destruction on her
mind, and a false belief taken on more for duty than personal
conviction. Dorothy loved to watch Relena defend pacifism. It was
quite a show and the audience always bought the performance and
cheered at the end. It made the goddess smile but by far the best
thing she ever did was argue with the Peacecraft. Calm and reflective,
perhaps a bit cruel at times in her points Dorothy loved the responses
that fell from a perfect mouth because they were mostly lies, pretty
as pictures.
And then one day Dorothy the champion of war and Relena the champion
for peace took a long stroll and talked. The memory caused a tiny and
bare smirk to cross Dorothy's face. Relena was in rare form that night
as the pressure of being a teenaged world leader began to creep upon
her. The goddess remembered how she responded, swiftly, harshly, easy
tact and easy prey and the fire of rage that grew in the princess's
eyes. It was too much for Relena to take really. She had no choices
left no lies to offer in defense… So she broke and slapped Dorothy so
hard she fell to the ground. Smarting and laughing from the wound it
was the best victory the she had ever garnered. Especially when she
picked her self up and stepped over to Relena who feared violent
retribution. The fear had been clear in the princess's eyes as a
wolfish grin inched over Dorothy's face. That was the beginning of
everything really. The beginning of a three-year thing that could
hardly be called love but was something deeper than mere lust, maybe
it had been hope. It was hard to tell, because whatever it was
Relena's act of violence was rewarded with the kind of kiss most girls
never receive in a lifetime of searching.
The memory slipped away quickly as the waiter brought over Dorothy's
meal. She hated to linger on the past. Nothing good ever came of it.
It bit at her though putting her in a sour mood that was amplified as
a calm and steady voice rallied her attention.
"You know the rules of the conference clearly state that all attendees
must not leave the area with out a preventor escort?"
"I shall have to remember that for future reference", was the biting
reply. Dorothy kept her gaze on the water as she continued, "Maybe Une
would be willing."
"Must you do that?"
She shook her head. "I'm not in a good mood. It's been a long and
tedious week, especially since so many forums and meetings keep
getting delayed because of someone's speeches." She looked up briefly
catching a familiar glance of irritation.
"May I join you", the intruder asked as she pulled over a chair. She
took a seat.
Dorothy sneered, although it was a slight thing and not easily caught.
"So nice of you to ask permission Ms. Darlain. It's a free world…for
now… You may sit where you like."
**And the lady's feeling
Like the moon that she loved
And we fight… for the northern star**
It was well nigh impossible for a moment to be more uncomfortable.
Filled with cutting silence and the occasional flicker and burst from
the light show across the water, the delayed boom of the fireworks
edging in briefly. Relena sighed and bit at her bottom lip. She made a
habit of it when she was uncomfortable or at a loss. Both instances
were present and she bit down a little harder than normal. The goddess
across from her kept her gaze steady on the show.
Unable to keep up the silence and unable to be elegant if not
tactfully cruel Dorothy asked, "Why are you bothering me Relena?"
The princess stirred a bit leaning across the table. "Maybe I just
wanted to talk to you."
"We have nothing to discuss"; Dorothy paused adding, "Except maybe
that prissy colonial addendum that was passed through yesterday
evening. Why put your name on something that won't last?" She
considered the statement and shook her head; "You could just quit
playing the adult instead of being trampled into dust by it. It would
be easier and despite your beliefs, have the desired effect on your
life."
"I'd really rather not argue."
"Then don't and stop looking for a fight."
"I'm not looking for a fight"; Relena confessed doing her best to draw
Dorothy's attention.
It didn't work. The goddess wouldn't look her way.
"I didn't think it was possible", the vice-minister stated slightly
shocked. She sat back in her chair. "I'm sorry if I hurt you."
In the past that would have been enough to make Dorothy charge into a
full battle and take no prisoners. However she merely looked the girl
dead in the eye and replied, "It was my own fault for falling in the
first place dearest, nothing to be sorry for and nothing to worry
about. I'm sure you're being well taken care of."
"We broke up", was the immediate response.
Dorothy perked an eyebrow, "Good for her… I'm not taking you back."
The girl huffed, "I don't want to be taken back."
"Liar liar", she whispered. She looked closely into Relena's deep blue
eyes. She found truth there but not much. Mostly she saw what she
expected and that was all want and need. Need like she'd never seen.
It was flattering but she knew better than to fall into to it. "Three
years princess that's what we had, that's what you took and I gave and
now it's gone. You can't fix it… not ever."
"He left too you know", Relena said after a moments thought. "He never
kept his promise."
"Of course he couldn't love"; Dorothy said trying not to sound
comforting. "You are this burning light in the distance. And you draw
people to you like, pardon the crude analogy, a bug zapper. They all
want you and even if you burn them they will always come back. It's
too late to try and deny it you are the very symbol of perfection. And
as sullied as you are… and as low as you sink… and as much as you want
to be extinguished it will never happen, because even those with the
power to break you eventually want to protect you. Shame on us for not
knowing better but thank God a few of us aren't so blinded we can
learn to escape…even if it stings."
"I'm too young for this."
"So am I, so is he. So are his friends, your brother, those serving as
senior officers at the Preventors. We are the young saviors of the
world. We have a duty, but no one ever said we couldn't take a
vacation. There are no excuses", Dorothy replied and it stung her
because it meant she lost somewhere. It meant she was fallible and for
once it was quite all right. She motioned to the waiter to bring her
check.
Relena looked overly downcast and Dorothy didn't have a thing to offer
her. Even if she did she doubted she would actually make the effort to
do so.
"What were we", the princess asked quietly.
"Lovers dearest."
"But not in love"
Dorothy clicked her tongue and gave into her instincts, "I don't know
if there is a word for what we were that's proper. I know it hurt when
you left for someone else, and I know that not enough time has passed
because every time I look at you I feel the sting." Her eyes shut for
a moment. "And I think it was impossible to have anything happily ever
after. You just can't admit to the world what you really want."
"And what is that", Relena asked sharply. "Destruction? Normalcy? What
do I really want? And how could you possibly know?"
The check came and Dorothy forced a smile before returning back to the
task at hand. "You want people to stop treating you like a princess in
a fairy tale. You want to stop knights from saving you… but you won't
get what you want because you don't know how to tell those heroes no."
Dorothy looked over the bill briefly reached into her purse and threw
a large wad of cash on the table. Stood and tried not to react when
Relena caught her arm. She sighed; made immobile by a desperation she
was all too familiar with. With an easy move she turned to face the
girl, winced slightly as Relena moved closer, wrapped an arm around
her waist, took her lips.
Dorothy pulled back slightly to whisper in the vice-minister's ear, "I
could, for all I've just said and been through… I could give you
everything you want this very moment. But I'm not and I won't because
I just can't afford to love you ever again."
She backed away and despite her self made it out to her car and back
to the hotel without shedding a tear. She was grateful for that.
Grateful because she had just admitted something she'd been refusing
to believe for three years.
** And the woman may be awestruck
And the woman may truly care
But the woman is so tired…
So the woman disappears…**
The last evening of the conference was closed with a long and
intriguing speech about the heroes of the wars that were too young to
have to face adversity and a formal party that included light dancing
and heady amounts of champagne. Dorothy wasn't sure if she should feel
flattered or ripped off as Relena spoke. It was rather disgusting
hearing some of her own words twisted into to something that made the
rest of the conference goers ecstatic with pride and support. She
shook it off though and maintained her self through the party. She
managed to put a few people in their place when they began to
unknowingly bash her family members, danced and had a few sips of the
free but fairly cheap champagne that flowed through the room.
Any hopes of a "happy" and content evening faded quickly as Dorothy's
stormy eyes caught the princess slipping out of the so called
celebration hand in hand with an exuberant and obviously star struck
clerk. Eyes narrowed she managed to take in a deep breath with out
those around her taking notice. But someone noticed the intent stare
she laid upon the exiting vice-minister because Dorothy heard her
voice low and clear behind her.
"Ms. Catalonia I think perhaps we should go out to the balcony and
have a small chat", the voice paused and Dorothy figured she was
watching the tiny indiscretions being made by the diplomat. "As his
Excellency pointed out from time to time… it is best if you remember
to breathe when we make our exit."
The goddess brushed back her platinum blonde hair and eased away from
the group of people she was pretending to talk to. Slipped outside to
the small balcony overlooking the city. It was odd how far off in the
distance the lights of the city and the stars in the sky were almost
indecipherable from each other. There was a bit of the breeze coming
in off the shore filling the air with an almost salty scent, and in
the background… roses?
"Are you all right?" It was the lady.
Dorothy glanced over her shoulder and noted that the preventor was
holding two glasses. They weren't filled with champagne. She brought
her self around all the way and leaned back against the railing took
the glass that was offered and tried to manage one of her many grins.
"I'm perfect"; Dorothy managed to spit out just before she took a sip
of what she now recognized as scotch. "You do know I'm under the legal
drinking age", she quipped.
"Yes well… there are special rules for those at the conference", Une
retorted. "After all no one really seems to mind giving a teenager a
large and important political office. Who is really going to care if
you have a drink?"
"No one", Dorothy whispered. She took another sip even though scotch
was not her favorite.
The Preventor took a seat on the only chair, crossing her legs
elegantly before taking a quick sip and setting the glass on the
ground. Hazelnut brown eyes reflective if not sincere in their
concern. Dorothy wondered what Une could possibly say to make her feel
better, or why the woman felt the need to save her from the confines
of the party. Remember to breathe the lady had advised… and the blonde
was suddenly taken back to that day she went hunting with her oh so
distant cousin. Despite her grandfather's orders Trieze had let her
have gun when they were far enough out of sight of the rest of the
group. He taught her how to aim and reminded her that she shouldn't
hold her breath. Remember to breathe and when the target is in
sight…Bang! You shoot.
She smiled over at the lady who wasn't staring but watching her
closely.
"Feeling better", the lady asked quietly.
"No", Dorothy confessed quickly. "I was just remembering something and
it made me smile."
"Memories can be crutches if you are not careful", Une stated. "But
memories are sometimes all we have."
"True."
"I hadn't realized you and Relena were a couple until now", the
Preventor offered in something that could have been regret but clearly
wasn't. "She never mentioned it."
The goddess shrugged, "She won't admit what she wants."
"So you mentioned last night."
Dorothy perked an eyebrow; "You were there?"
"Conference members are not to leave without proper Preventor escorts
or personal security", Une replied quickly. "I had to follow you. It's
only a pity she showed up."
The blonde shook her head; "No it was actually good of her. I had the
opportunity to learn something about myself."
"Possibly." Une stood from her seat and picked up the glass of scotch.
She took sip and leaned against the railing near Dorothy. "Fourteen
years old", she held out the glass. "Never drink scotch under twelve
years of age."
"Interesting advice but to deaf ears. I really don't care for it", the
goddess stated. "Why did you drag me out here?"
"To keep you from making a scene."
"I wasn't going to make a scene."
"No?" A brown eyebrow popped up accompanied by a wolfish smirk.
"No…"
"Maybe I dragged you out here to keep myself from making a scene", Une
confessed.
From inside they could hear things beginning to wind down. Dorothy
wasn't sure what she was going to do with her self. She liked being
outside on the balcony and away from people who wore her down. And
surprisingly she enjoyed Une's subtle presence.
***Oh I went searching for an answer…
Up the stairs… and down the hall
Not find an answer
Just to hear the call
Of a night bird singing
Come away… come away***
In the end she found herself back in her room and alone. The small bit
of scotch combined with cheap wine and champagne slowly taking hold in
a slight rush. She slipped into a hot shower and immerged sober and
refreshed. Clicked on the suite's stereo and thumbed through the many
selections available before finding one she was satisfied with. She
found the parallel between a few of the songs and her present
situation a bit amusing. She sang along slightly off key. Dorothy was
the first to admit her vocal chords had no talent but she tried and
that was always the most important thing. After along while there was
a knock on her door. It was either the occupant of the suite next to
her coming over to ask that the music be turned down, or it was going
to be someone she wasn't in the mood for, like Relena or a clerk. She
shuddered at the thought.
She unlatched the door and swung it open met quickly by intriguing
hazelnut brown eyes and a small bunch of roses. The goddess smirked
and pulled the door open wide allowing the preventor inside. She took
the roses and unable to find a vase, set them on a table. The lady had
moved to the stereo and turned the music down a bit.
"There", she began. "Now that I've taken care of that…"
"What are you doing", Dorothy asked before Une could begin whatever
excuse she had.
"Taking care of a noise complaint and delivering flowers", the lady
replied.
The blonde shook her head and noted the envelope in the lady's hand.
"Do you really want to read this"; the Preventor asked concern lacing
her tone. "I mean really it won't say anything you haven't already
heard from her."
"It won't change anything."
"No? No maybe it won't."
"Jealous?"
"Why would I be", she considered for a moment. "Perhaps… maybe
slightly guilty."
"Why", Dorothy moved to a chair and sat down.
The lady looked a bit grim, "I should have known."
She took the double meaning in the sound of her voice. Took the edge
of what it confessed and offered and considered for a moment. "Perhaps
you should have. Tell me one thing though."
"What?"
"Would you mind staying up with me? I'm afraid I'm too tired to sleep
and I could use someone to talk to."
A slight grin slipped across the lady's face. "What would we talk
about?"
"Anything everything…You can explain how the princess got you. Or you
could just help me with something that's been on my mind."
"And what is that?"
"Family", Dorothy replied. "I had this very distant cousin once and he
died before I could have a nice long talk with him."
"I think", Une whispered. "I think I could help you with that."
And I am one of many
Flawless and few
A god among men
Kin to those greater than time will allow
And I'm not sure where I'm going
And I'm not sure I want to know
I'm too young to feel this old
Too old to feel this lost
And I am just one of many
One of the few who was perhaps…
Pulled too far out their intended station
Pulled into something hotter than the flames of destiny
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