Violet Reflections
It's been so long since I looked into her eyes. Those calm, vicious,
violet eyes, waiting to strike, waiting to love, waiting. Maybe for
me...to come closer to her, to understand. Understand what lies beneath,
what is never skin-deep, but pure soul.
"What is a soul?" I once asked her. She replied with, "Whatever the
heart wants, the mind graces, and body feels." With the world on the
brink of destruction, the soul is a peaceful place, rather than a
thought. Peace over War. She would always reflect on the consequences
when I was in her arms. She would tell me, I would be safe with her,
that no one would hurt me. I feel deeply in love with her as she
protected me, always distant, always watching. One free will? Or my
brothers order. I would never understand fully until she told me why.
She doesn't want me hurt, and yet she leaves me to fight. For me and my
kingdom. That's what she wants, but what about what I want from her?
She and the Gundam pilots. Against the White Fang. Will she return to
me? To my heart, where I can be with her. When will this cursed war be
over, so we can finally be together again? Just me and her, we'll be
together, until another situation arises. I know my knight will protect
me, no matter what.
She fights now, risking her life for this world. Nothing is ever black
and white. Our love isn't. Maybe while fighting, she'll find someone
else. Someone else to give her life for. Or maybe I'll fall in love
with another person, one that will look to me for desire. I hope she
isn't disappointed. I really didn't mean for it to happen. I'm sorry,
but it was spur of the moment. I really didn't mean for anything to
happen when we talked. It's just, I missed you so much. She could never
be a replacement for you, never.
I'm sorry about a lot of things, please come back soon. I need you to
understand me, before I can understand you. I wish you were here. Life
is so difficult without your guidance. I wish that I could tell you all
about what’s happened here now, but I can't, you're gone. I remember
your funny snore, your hair after a night together, your way of telling
me everything would be all right. I remember the way you would hold me,
whisper in my ear, always beside me every night. I remember your soft
touch, your pure voice so sweet on my neck.
"A letter for you, Miss Relena," the envelope in put on my desk, sealed
with wax. I open it carefully, trying not to think of the worst. It
reads:
'Dear Relena,
I have decided to go fight with the Gundams. They are truly fighting
for what we believe in. Pacifism will be found, love. Trust in yourself
and those supporting you. Please try to cope, I know you will. You were
always strong. If you are reading this, then you know you will never
see me again. It has come to the worst, as I knew it finally would.
A soldier like myself can never be secure in a relationship in a war.
I will always love you, Relena. You must continue your life without me.
I know it will be hard. But you have to. For the Earth and colonies.
For the Sanq Kingdom. For me.
Love Lucrecia Noin.'
I was devastated. I sank to my knees in horror. I would never see the
face of my knight again. Never here her voice. I cried. I sat there and
cried for what seemed like ages. Then, I heard someone sit next to me.
"Don't cry Relena. Noin was a soldier. She died doing what she believed
in."
"But why?" I cried, tears blurring my vision of the newcomer.
"We all ask why, but have no answers," she tilted my chin and kissed me
softly, for what felt like ages. Trying to heal. Trying to understand,
but I didn't want to be understood. I wanted my Noin.
I wanted to be loved. And this was love. It took away the pain and
grief and gave comfort in every touch. I drew back looking into the
face of my new lover.
"Surprised?"
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