Relena was tired of always being in the worst case scenario, existing in places in her life that always seemed to have reached their lowest point. More than that, she was tired of being wrong, of realizing that things could /always/ be worse. "I'm not doing this to hurt you, Relena. I want you to know that." Relena looked at the documents under her hands, and up into the earnest blue eyes of her older brother. She fought for an appreciative calm, tried to keep up the façade of strength, to pretend that everything was fine, but the words came out stillborn anyway. "I believe you, Zechs." Dorothy hadn't been there, after the speech, like the blonde had promised she would be. After the hollow cheers and applause had vanished, and the crowd was a blank roar at her back, Relena found she was alone once again. //I can't do this. I can't do this.// It wasn't until Zechs found her, a few minutes later, that she realized how truly alone she was. //Every time I think I can't handle it, every time I think I'm at my last straw it gets worse.// "I swear. I swear to you Relena, if there were any other way, any way I could put this off, I would have. But you have to know that Dorothy /is/ the enemy here. She wants to hurt you." Relena looked down. Underneath her hand, a slightly younger Dorothy stared up at her, that challenging, almost mocking smile already clearly present on her face. The photograph was only one of many, along with documents, files and computer printouts displaying the life of her blonde friend in all its destructive glory. For surviving the assassination attempt, for barely holding on to her sanity, her brother had given her a gift, one that confirmed everything Relena had ever believed about Dorothy Catalonia, everything she had tried to tell herself wasn't true. "She's trying to destroy the Sank kingdom, Relena. She's using all of this as a way to get close to you, so that she can personally be the one to obliterate Absolute Pacifism." Noin was there too, but acting as Zechs silent audience, adding no opinion of her own. "What could possibly be better for her, Relena, than to have the ruler of the Sank wrapped around her little finger when the order comes down to annihilate it?" Zechs crossed his arms, an angry gleam in his eyes. She knew he was imagining Dorothy, caught in his trap of logic. The brown-haired girl suddenly was very tired. "Of course. Yes. You're right, Zechs. It's all very clear now." Relena was still staring into the eyes of the photograph, feeling very calm, and very empty. She wondered if this was what it was like to be Heero, if this was what Duo or Quatre or the rest felt inside, to be a Gundam pilot. The Perfect Soldier. Relena tried not to move, afraid to break the fragile chill that was slowly descending over her spirit. She hoped it would spread, that it would take away all the sadness, all the pain. //I could kill you right now, brother. In this moment, I could kill you, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I'm only sad, because I know the coldness won't last.// "Relena?" Noin touched her shoulder gently, kneeling down to look into her eyes. "Relena? Are you all right?" "No." Relena kept looking forward, kept her eyes on the picture. //How can you ask me that? After what I almost... did, after what you saw me do... with her?// Relena knew the room had been bugged, and instead of indignation, and anger at having her privacy taken away, all she could feel was shame. //You don't have privacy. Not anymore. And they all saw... You acted like such an idiot, to believe her.// //Oh God, I wanted to believe her.// Relena's cheeks flushed, bright red with humiliation. Emotion flowed in and ebbed away, leaving her dead and drained one moment and overflowing with fear and sorrow the next. "No one's blaming you for believing her, Relena. No one's faulting you for wanting someone to care for. You don't have an easy job, and we all understand that. You are in a difficult position, perhaps the most difficult in the entire universe." Noin's gaze was compassionate and open, but Relena felt her heart constrict, pulling away from the dark-haired woman's kindness. //They'll hurt you. That's all kind people can do, is make promises they can't keep, and hurt you when you need them... That's all anyone can do, is make you trust them, think that you can count on them... and it's all lies.// Zechs' blue eyes were narrow, bright and hard as he thought, beginning to form his plan of attack. The brown-haired girl knew he thought she was on his side, the Duke was sure Relena would listen to him now. //I don't care. I can't do this anymore, any of it. Leave me alone. Find someone else. I'm done.// "We'll get her, Relena. I swear, whatever it takes, I'll keep her in solitary until we find something to pin on her, and take her out of here." "That will cause an international incident, Zechs." Relena reached out, and flipped over the photograph, feeling her old habits, her leadership role, assuming control. The stoicism, the control that had been drilled into her swept over her apathy, her desperation quickly and easily. It promised her the best of both worlds, the eloquence to deal with the situation at hand, and the numbing cold that would keep her from having to feel anything. //That's all I want... that's all I need.// "If we extradite her without iron-clad proof of conspiracy - if she's not holding the smoking gun, half the countries in the world will attack us as illogical tyrants, and the other half will see it as weakness. Relena bit her lip hard, the words felt like razorblades on her tongue. "I'm sure Dorothy's counting on that." "So, what do we do?" //Ah yes, Zechs. Come up with the problem, and then expect me to solve it.// "Let her go free for now, or put a guard near her door if it will make you happy. Tell her they're part of new security protocols, until we track down the sniper." "...and you won't talk to her?" The way Zechs said it, it wasn't really a question. "No." Relena said it calmly, quietly, though one hand was clenched, white knuckled, in her pocket, where no one could see. //You coward. To tear my life apart like this... to offer me nothing but demands. Now I know why you chose not to rule. You coward.// "No. I won't have anything more to do with Dorothy Catalonia." "Sir?!" A soldier stepped into the room, and his eyes immediately turned to Relena as he realized she was there. He said nothing more, but seemed to be waiting for her response. "What is it, soldier?" The man saluted, his voice was low and slightly shaky as he spoke. "Ma'am... there's been a situation on one of our allied stations. It's...gone." Inside, Relena cried out in shock and despair, just screamed and kept on screaming, but her face betrayed none of it, remaining as unmoving as stone. "Do we know who's responsible?" "A faction of one of the governments from a neighboring mineral satellite. They're claiming it was self-defense." "Self-defense. Against a station with no weapons." Relena's was amazed that her voice was so steady. All the grief and anger had constricted itself into a tight ball that she had shoved deep down. It was now sending shooting pains through her stomach, but she could handle that better than having anyone know she was an imperfect commander. //It's better this way, just better to live with some pain on the inside and be the ruler when it counts.// Zechs frowned. "We've still got to deal with the rest of the party that came with the man who was assassinated. They're still angry, and they're out for blood. We've got the moderator from the other nation still in one of the east wing guest rooms. There could very easily be an incident." "One problem at a time, brother." Relena steepled her fingers, feeling every emotion, all of her inner turmoil pale in comparison to the incredible amount of work in front of her. She knew she could see only a handful of the mountain of conferences and discussions in front of her, treaties that she would navigate like the rockiest of rapids, with absolutely no insurance that anything of her, or her country, would remain on the other side. //Push it all away, take all that uncertainty and push it away. Be a ruler. Fate has made it very clear today, Relena Peacecraft, that ruling is the only path you are allowed to take. Wishing for happiness is worthless - it's simply not yours to have.// "We'll take it one thing at a time." ------------------------------------- It was 4 a.m. by the time the last meeting was over, and Noin stumbled into bed right behind Zechs, barely having the energy to take off her uniform and crawl up next to him. It sounded wonderfully sexy, but Zechs was really the last person Noin wanted to be around right now, and not just because none of them had showered in more than a day. He had made an incredible amount of bad decisions since that afternoon, mainly concerning Relena, and that made it hard to look at him, difficult to remain silent. Even more pressing, Noin wanted to sleep, desperately needed to rest, and she knew that her lover would still be up for another hour at least, talking out his problems, plagued by the need for solutions. Noin was certain his insomnia in times of stress was what had kept him single up until this point. //...and if he doesn't go to sleep, I swear to God, he's not going to stay /alive/ much longer either.// The dark-haired woman had barely gotten comfortable, before it started. "They're still not going to stick to the terms of that agreement for long. I don't know, I just can't figure out what he's thinking." Noin quietly tried to plug up her ears by holding the pillow over her head. It didn't work. "...and the ocean treaty with... God, is it the southern end or the northern? Or are they all one country now? I just can't remember. They're so damned unstable." //That makes two of us.// Noin grumbled half-coherent death threats quietly to herself, sure she was about to spontaneously combust with repressed rage. After a few more minutes, Zechs stopped speaking, and the pause in his rambling stretched out, until it appeared he was finished. //Thank God he's not on monologue mode tonight.// The pilot relaxed a little, hoping the silence would last long enough for her to fall asleep. //Just give me a few more minutes, and I'll be out like a light. Just a few more minutes...// "I can't... I don't know. What do you think about the second colonel, Noin?" The dark-haired woman responded with an inarticulate yell of annoyance, and had to take a deep breath, and think very hard, in order to pull any words from her muddled, angry brain. "Zechs...! For God's sake - for /my/ sake - will you /please/ just give it a rest for tonight? I'm tired, you're tired, just shut the hell up and get some sleep!!" She had the feeling her outburst surprised him, but she was too tired to care. The blonde-haired man sighed. "I guess you're right." Noin felt him roll over into a more comfortable position, turning away from her as he settled in for the night. "At least we have the situation with my sister under control." Noin bit back a curse. She wanted to sleep, /really/ wanted to sleep, but there was no way she could let his statement stand as it was, without trying to correct it. //He thinks he's done the right thing... and he /did/ take the only responsible course of action. But... it wasn't as harmless as he thinks, there's still a big problem to solve. Relena...// Calmly, and quietly, Noin pulled her pillow out, and hit Zechs with it. The blonde didn't react, simply rolled over to face her as she stuffed the pillow back under her head, one eyebrow raised, eyes flickering in amused annoyance. "Was that for keeping you from your beauty sleep, or something else?" He asked mildly. "You... I just don't understand you, sometimes. What are you not getting? What part of the picture have you missed?" Noin tried to keep calm, knowing that she would never get to sleep otherwise, even if they did end this conversation at a reasonable hour. "Relena's going crazy out there. She's snapped herself so tight into that mold of ruler, of leader, because there's nothing left for her without it. First Heero, and now Dorothy..." "Heero?" Noin hit him again. "You really are clueless. How in the hell did you ever manage to get an Aires suit off the ground?" Zechs fell silent again, but she could see the glint of his blue eyes in the night, knew he was still awake. "What are we supposed to do then, Noin? Dorothy can't be allowed near her." "I know, she's still dangerous. Catalonia's still a big threat. I realize that." Noin sighed into her pillow, guilt rising up inside, intensified by her weariness. "I can't believe we let this get so far, Zechs. I can't believe that I didn't notice earlier. Dorothy's had so long to mess with her mind, to gain her trust and affection, to be her friend. This just has to be tearing Relena up inside, and I don't think she even has anyone to talk to." A pair of warm, muscular arms wrapped around her, Zechs nuzzled her neck, murmuring comfortingly in her ear. "We'll figure this out, tomorrow's a new day. It seems like a lot to deal with, I know, but we /will/ find a solution. We've been through worse times than these before." Noin nodded, closing her eyes, but his words were little comfort. The dark-haired woman fell into an uneasy sleep, knowing that somewhere, Relena was probably not sleeping, and definitely had no one to talk to, no one to hold her and tell her it would be all right. ----------------------------------------- "We have a lot in common, Dorothy." Dorothy turned her head, listening to the crickets chirp, but always keeping an eye on the man in front of her. "You really think so?" The redhead grinned rakishly, she could see a diamond imbedded into one of his teeth. It was definitely not part of the official Sank kingdom uniform. "We're both pretending, you and me. We're also both hoping to gain from our deceptions. I think - that if we worked together - our partnership could reap even larger rewards." Dorothy raised an eyebrow. "Start talking." "Well, you see how easy it was for me to meet you, for us to get out here despite their "military protection," and the fact that they're guarding you like a hawk. Let's face it, they can't even keep the land inside their own gates safe." Dorothy nodded. It wouldn't have been impossible for her to find her way to the outer gate, despite the guards that kept a close eye on her now, but the fact that one of those guards wasn't working on Zechs side created a very useful shortcut. "Do you know how many people want that Peacecraft bitch dead? She's too good at her job, I figure. She can make treaties between countries that have been fighting for generations, and even people who don't believe in one-man armies are afraid of her, I hear. The bounty on that little brunette head of hers is rising... and we've got the best chance to make the most of it." "I'm still listening." Dorothy folded her arms, leaning against the cold brick wall of the outer gate. The soldier gave her another diamond grin. "I can get us anywhere, with this uniform, with my record. All you have to do is help me... tell me where she'll be, move things into the right position when the time comes." He watched her expression, and kept speaking when it didn't change. "You don't have to worry. I know how close they're watching you now. They'll never be able to connect you to it. I'll work it right, or rig it so it looks like an accident, or something natural." He chuckled, it was a repulsive sound. "You know what they say, a heart attack is never just a heart attack. Not with kings and queens anyway." Dorothy started to speak, but the man raised a white-gloved hand, eyes sparkling. "I know what you're going to say now. I'll split the take, 70-30 with you. Trust me, it'll be more than enough. No one else is involved, every soldier in this place is in the Duke's pocket. Any land that's up for grabs once the country goes under, you're welcome to my share." "You really think it will be that easy?" The man nodded vigorously, his diamond twinkling like a shooting star caught in a loop. "Of course. All the land-hungry leaders want her dead just as bad, because they know she's the keystone... she's all that keeps this place from being just another run-over piece of dirt." Dorothy ignored the way he leered at her, clearing her throat to regain his attention. "How do I know you'll keep your word? How do I know you don't have more friends who will just take care of me too?" "I'm a lone wolf, lady. My loyalty is to the money. I don't trust anyone, and I don't have any friends." "That's a pity." Dorothy murmured the words calmly, taking another step to the side. "I'm sure they could help you out a lot right now." The first soldier hit the man in the head, slamming him into the brick wall where Dorothy had been standing, dropping him almost silently to the ground. Another soldier grabbed each of the redhead's arms, quickly rid him of his weapons, and tied a gag in his mouth. "You don't understand the true glory of battle. Someone like you... a person like you shouldn't ever be involved in a real war. You're not necessary in a fight, you don't belong anywhere on this earth." Dorothy gestured to one of the soldiers. "You were also wrong about /everyone/ being in Zechs' pocket. Some of them are in mine." The blonde snapped her fingers, and the soldiers disappeared into the darkness, dragging the man behind them. Dorothy could hear him screaming through his gag, even over the crunching footsteps of the men as they entered the woods just beyond the gate. She heard him for what seemed like a very long time, until a near silent sound replaced the screams with the still whisper of night. One of the men came out of the darkness, wiping the end of the silencer with a handkerchief. "Would you like a ride back, Miss Dorothy?" Dorothy shook her head, turned, and walked away. The blonde girl had too much to think about, needed a little fresh air to clear her thoughts. It would also be easier to explain away a nighttime walk than if she drove up to the front door in a soldier's car. //Although that might alleviate your fears, Zechs, if I was the official military slut, instead of the one making moves on your sister.// Dorothy didn't think of the man who had tried to recruit her into Relena's assassination as another human being. His intentions were too dishonorable, his cruelties too crude to even think of using the term. He /was/ the figurehead of a greater problem, though, a larger part of Relena's future, a situation that could only lead in disaster. //Relena, you're in such danger. Danger from outside and inside the kingdom, and even within yourself. I see that now, I know now for sure how much you're suffering. I tried to be there, but Zechs knows too much, or thinks he does... and I can't live in your world anymore.// Dorothy grimaced, trying to use the cold fear as fuel, forcing herself to think of /how/ to set her plan into action, before something else came up, and it was too late. //I don't know what Zechs has told you by now, Relena. I know you knew about me, you at least had suspicions. But what did he /tell/ you? Did he add to it? Did he lie? Did you believe him?// The attempt on Relena's life, or the successful assassination of the other man, it could be seen either way, and it would not be the end of the danger. Dorothy knew that for sure. Surely, there were others, even within the kingdom itself, entrepreneurs of a sort, who saw Relena's unpopularity as an advantage, and the blonde admitted that she could not find them all by herself. //Heero would help, even if he hated me and wouldn't listen to what I had to say, I know he'd do something to make sure she was safe. But he's not here, and Quatre and the rest of them listen to Zechs and Noin, and only to them. Zechs would wonder, if I spoke to him directly... he'd ask too many questions of me, and if I wouldn't answer, he'd think I was the mastermind behind the whole thing.// Dorothy was back to square one, to her original plan, which had unfortunately been well on its way before all the direct violence, before Zechs' had decided she was the target of his own personal witch hunt - even before... //She kissed me. She was so scared, and shy... but Relena Peacecraft kissed me.// The blonde felt a surge of fierce protectiveness as she gazed up toward the massive mansion, and saw that Relena's light was on, blazing out brightly in an otherwise dark universe. //What nightmares kept you awake tonight? What fears do you have... what can I do to help you?// Dorothy curtsied to the soldier at the door, smiled to herself at the look of surprise and shock on his face, watched as two more soldiers appeared at the end of the hall, silently watching her. It wasn't impossible to sneak past them. In fact, it was almost humorously easy. Reaching Relena was a puzzle Dorothy still had not yet found a way to solve, though, and getting to her side was the key to everything. //I'll find a way, Relena. I promise... very soon, I'll find a way.//
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