"Uh, Relena?" Dorothy winced as an entire round of artillery hammered against the Valkyrie's shield. "The Tandem's as confused as I am. Not to be a bother, but what exactly are we /doing/?" The radio screamed itself on, squeaking loudly through a few seconds of distortion, before Tyse Derrick's angry voice thundered inside the cockpit. He had figured out what she was doing, or thought he had, and Relena knew it would make him very angry. "Damn it, Peacecraft! How can you want peace with this monster? You watched him kill my best friend! This bastard shot him right in front of you! He's trying to kill all of us, trying to destroy your country! Get the hell out of the way!" Relena refused to move, standing her ground through another round of gunfire. "This isn't about one man's life, Derrick! Listen to me!" ------------------------------ Most of the Prime Minister's personnel had fled in terror when they saw the squadron of suits converging on their position. The Prime Minister had merely laughed, before pulling his chair up to the main control panel. //Do you want to make a martyr of me, Peacecraft? Why not show everyone just how dangerous and hypocritical the Sank kingdom can be! Kill me now, and this war will never end.// He knew it was Peacecraft's doing, even though he saw that the squadron approaching his position was made up of rebel suits. Of course the Sank would send others out to do their dirty work, while keeping their own hands spotlessly clean. It was as simple a strategy as having Relena Peacecraft be conveniently "kidnapped" just before the Sank launched a preliminary offensive strike. It was the only way to keep their figurehead as a pure and perfect idol, instead of the tyrannical liar she truly was. //When war comes to your door, Peacecraft, you are just like any other leader, who has no alternative but to fight. I'd be happy to die proving that to the world.// He also caught a glimpse of something at the tail end of the rebel advance, flying in formation with the suits that were, without a doubt, converging on his position. "Hey, mister Minister." The voice crackled rough and angry over the Prime Minister's radio as the suits slowed, moving into a firing formation. He recognized it, the voice came from the rebels' second-in-command, a man too stealthy and careful, too paranoid for them to eliminate. "This war is over for you." On the monitor, he could see the suits' massive guns all pointing directly at him. It was a strangely disassociative feeling, watching the monitors, realizing he was about to see his own demise televised. The ground shook, the suits fired, and when he hadn't been vaporized, the Prime Minister realized something had jumped into the path of the attack. The cameras positioned outside couldn't adjust to give him a clear view, whatever it was that had saved him was too large and too close to be distinguished. All he could see was white, until, as the massive object moved away, he realized he was looking at the Gundam suit he had tried to destroy earlier. The rebel suits had stopped moving, they appeared to be discussing something. The Prime Minister quickly flipped through radio frequencies, trying to crack the signal. "... your country! Get the hell out of the way!!!" Another round of fire, but the Gundam didn't move. "This isn't about one man's life, Derrick! Listen to me!" //Peacecraft?!// /That/ was a bit of a shock. The prime minister blinked, remembering what the minister of Finance had said, how the new Gundam hadn't actually destroyed any of its opponents, merely rendered them incapable of fighting. The battlefield was littered with dead suits, strewn for miles like shelled peanuts. //Trying to play it both ways, eh Peacecraft? Win a war, but don't kill anyone doing it? I'm sorry, that's just not the way it works.// The Prime Minister smiled, switching on his own radio link, to his own forces. All Peacecraft and the idiot rebels had to do was keep debating for a few more moments, and he would call in a fleet large enough to destroy them both. "Peacecraft! Move now, or I swear, I'll destroy you both!!!" "Listen to me, damn it! Think! /How/ did you find out the prime minister was here?" Tyse paused. "We intercepted an encoded transmission, and what does that matter anyway?" "Too easy. Don't you think it was much too easy to find the leader of their entire army through one transmission? Not to mention, making it all the way out here without running into any enemy fire? No defenses? No bodyguards?" Another rebel ship interrupted Relena's questions. "Sir, she's crazy. We worked like hell to decode that message, and get out here. Let's just off that bastard and be done with it, whatever she says!" The suit raised its gun, but Tyse's suit slammed the other fighter's arm back to the ground. "No!" ----------------------- "Sir? Sir? Are you there?" The Prime Minister didn't respond, switching off the radio link to his troops, a disturbing idea slowly coming together in his mind as he listened to the argument outside. ----------------------- "What are you saying, then, Peacecraft?" Tyse's voice was thoughtful, much less angry. Relena smiled, just a little, knowing she had his attention. "Someone wants /you/ to kill the Prime Minister. He might be full of incredible nationalist pride, and his country might be noble and strong, but I don't think this war is as popular as he wishes it was." The Prime Minister scowled, almost breaking into the signal to confront the girl directly, seething at her comment, at her arrogance. He ignored the nudging from his own conscience, telling him the girl might be right. "So-" Tyse was silently following her logic, but would need a full explanation, from her, to convince him not to go forward with his own plans. "If you kill him, Derrick, it looks like he was just another casualty of war. The war with the Sank will stop with his death, but your two factions will go on fighting each other - forever." ---------------------- The prime minister pressed the com link to his own troops again, ready to act, unwilling to listen to any more nonsense. //As if I am that out of touch with my own country, as if they wouldn't follow me.// He waited for a few seconds, then realized that the radio was completely dead on his end. He could receive transmissions, but could not contact the outside world. ---------------------- "If you don't kill him, Tyse, /they/ will have to solve their own problems, and it will give you the chance to negotiate with them." Relena paused. "I know it hurt you to lose your friend. Believe me, I /know/, but this might be your only chance for any peace. Your friend told me that just before he died, that he wanted peace." ---------------------- For a while, there was nothing but silence, and the prime minister watched as each suit slowly lowered their weapons. He turned quickly, as the door of the armored carrier opened up behind him. "We really underestimated her. Pity." The minister of Finance sighed, raised his gun, and shot the Prime Minister just once, spilling the last blood of the day, and stopping the war machine in its tracks. ---------------------- "Hey, look." Trowa couldn't believe his eyes, as the suits that had been lining up in formation for another attack suddenly started to retreat. "They're giving up?" Quatre murmured, holding his injured arm tight against his aching side. "Finally." "That was one damn weird battle." Duo muttered, scratching his head. "Too damn weird." "I'm going to go check on Heero." Trowa slowly moved his Gundam towards the still motionless Wing Zero, which hadn't moved, and whose pilot hadn't said a word since the new Gundam had left him stuck like an old car in the mud. "Anyone see Wufei?" Duo said, stretching his arms high over his head inside his cockpit. "He got hit by that new Gundam, his suit fell over, I think." The Sandrock gestured with one massive arm out towards the vast, suit-littered battlefield. "He's out there, somewhere." Duo had debated taking the moral high road, going out to find the Asian pilot, but the sheer number of places Wufei could be made his final decision much easier. "Sorry man," Duo mumbled after a few radio checks turned up no sign of Nataku's signal, "I don't like you /that/ much." ------------------------ "Heero?" There was no answer as Trowa approached the other suit, just radio static, which at least let him know the Gundam hadn't been fried with whatever strange weapon the new suit had. //Which means he /could/ have joined the battle again, fought his way out of whatever trap he was in. He just didn't want to.// "Heero?" It took him a few minutes, but as soon as Trowa was sure there was no enemy ambush, no present danger, he climbed out of Heavyarms, and started scaling the rigid foam that covered the Wing Zero from head to toe. "God, Heero." He muttered, chiseling away at the foam surrounding the cockpit door. "How'd you manage to get turned into a cannoli?" The brunette pilot was finally able to get inside, grateful to see Heero's eyes flick up toward him, before turning away to the window. The pilot looked physically fine, but utterly miserable, curled up in the Gundam's seat, hugging his knees close to his chest. "Hey." No answer. "You okay?" For a long time, Trowa wasn't sure the other pilot would answer him. "I lost her." Heero's voice was hoarse, as if he was trying not to cry without even realizing he wanted to. His words were rough and raw, full of more real emotion than Trowa remembered ever hearing before. "I had the world in my hand, and I just threw it away." Heero shook his head slowly, side to side. "There's no one I can blame, it wasn't fear or duty... I was just /so/ stupid. Now I've lost her forever." Trowa didn't completely understand, and didn't know what to say, how to respond to Heero's sudden, unexpected misery. The radio suddenly clicked on, in the middle of a message from somewhere outside, not another suit. "... this, I repeat, is a declaration of peace between our country, the free and independent rebel nation, and the Sank kingdom, witnessed by the minister of finance, independent leader Tyse Derrick, and Relena Peacecraft." Trowa looked up, eyes wide, staring at Heero's radio. "Relena?" ------------------------- "The Prime Minister was unfortunately killed by friendly fire, and in wake of this tragedy, our country no longer feels that this battle can prove any point. We would like to open negotiations tonight, to bring this event to a peaceful conclusion." The Gundam pilots were still stuck on his opening words. "/Relena/?" Quatre murmured. "... but /how/?" "If Tyse and that new suit were in the same place, and Dorothy was in the suit, and Relena was with Dorothy - then Relena... was in the suit with Dorothy?!" Duo grimaced, clutching at the top of his head. "Owww, I think I broke my brain." "That Relena's a real firecracker, isn't she? I never did understand why you two didn't get together." "Howard?!" Duo looked up, saw a figure in a familiar pink tropical shirt standing next to a Jeep, waving at him from a high hill. "So, how'd you like the Valkyrie? I probably should have told you about it, but I wanted it to be a surprise. Did she look like she handled pretty well?" "The new suit?! /You/ built that?!" Howard laughed. "Howard, sir? About Relena, um-?" Quatre trailed off, and Howard only laughed harder. "Boy oh boy, are /you/ in for a surprise, kid." ------------------------- "Well, what do you think?" Dorothy turned, buttoning up the front of her jacket, and saw that Relena was posing, arms high above her head, wearing just her kerchief, tied around her neck like a big bow, and a pair of socks. "Well?" Dorothy smiled. "Merry Christmas to me." Relena giggled, throwing herself into Dorothy's arms, covering the girl's face with frantic, feather light kisses. //That battle... that was cool, and it was only a little while ago. We're both still pretty wound up.// Dorothy sighed, as Relena's kisses became less fleeting, slower, moving down the side of her neck with the promise of more... a promise Dorothy knew the other girl would keep. "Did I ever tell you, Dorothy, how incredibly /sexy/ you look in uniform?" The brunette kissed her deeply. After a moment of pure, heady bliss, Dorothy frowned, fighting the sudden rush of dizzy joy, pushing Relena away slightly, knowing if she didn't, they both risked losing sight of all the important things they had been fighting for. //I never thought - I never thought I'd be here, like this, endangering a peace treaty because I was too busy making out with its sponsor.// "Relena." She chuckled as two warm arms wrapped around her waist. "Relena, we really have to get going." "Mmm?" The brunette continued to nuzzle Dorothy's neck, brushing her lips lightly down the curve of one shoulder. "... that's exactly what I was thinking, lover." "That's /not/ what I meant." Dorothy murmured, even as she reached up, letting Relena's long hair cascade around her fingers, gently pulling the brunette into a kiss. //Ah, to hell with negotiation. It was an awesome day, it needs an awesome ending. I think we'll just stay here. Duo can handle things.// The instant Dorothy realized what she had just thought, Relena leapt backward, out of her arms. The look in her eyes told the blonde that they had been thinking along the same lines. "Did you just think...?" "That we should stay here, and that /Duo/ could do just fine with the war treaty on his own?" Relena quickly started getting dressed. "We'd better get out there." ---------------------------- "Zechs, would you please stop pacing?" Noin had to fight the urge to laugh as giggles and /other/ noises were heard behind Relena's closed bedroom door. Zechs froze, staring goggle-eyed and slack jawed. Noin was sure, in a few more moments, his stare would have melted the doorknob clean off. The Lightning Count had been more than prepared to hunt Dorothy to the ends of the earth, to fight her to the death to get his sister back. He was not prepared to find out what had /really/ happened to Relena, and what was going on now. As far as Noin could tell, the reality of the situation had blown a fuse somewhere inside Zechs' central programming. The stunned, shell-shocked look had not left his face since they had learned who the mysterious Gundam's pilots really were. //Not that it wasn't a big surprise to me either. Relena and Dorothy in a Gundam... Relena-and-/Dorothy/!// Noin didn't pretend she understood, or that she trusted the blonde girl yet, but knew that, with a little time, she could be convinced. Unlike Zechs, she had also realized the futility of trying to deny what had already happened. //Poor guy,// she thought, watching Zechs continue to pace back and forth in front of the closed door, // first he doesn't get to play the heroic elder brother, and then he has to deal with the fact that his little sister's growing up, all in one day.// The surprising turn of events had thrown everyone for a loop, except for Howard, whom Noin had seen walking around with a smug grin on his face. She didn't know what that was all about, but figured that she'd figure it out sooner or later. At that moment, the door opened, and Relena stepped into the hall. Noin was slightly relieved to see she was dressed for business, in her formal ivory coat, hair neatly pulled back. //Did you really think she might not come back, that she might just turn around and leave again?// Noin knew, if Relena hadn't decided to stay, she couldn't have really blamed her. The dark-haired woman readily admitted the job was more than /she/ could ever imagine handling for long. It was a relief to see the brunette once more, and by the genuine smile of happiness on Relena's face, it seemed that things had improved, that life was back to normal. //Almost normal.// Noin had to stifle her mirth yet again as Dorothy stepped out behind Relena, and she heard Zechs loudly, and barely, choke back his surprise. Noin didn't know what the future held, how this new development would change the kingdom, but just watching the ease with which the blonde girl ruffled Zechs' feathers made her think any adjustment would be worth it. //Someone needed to open his eyes, and change his perspective on how things have changed, how his little sister isn't so little anymore.// It was hilarious to watch Zechs fight to keep his usual calm expression, when it was so blatantly obvious that he wanted nothing more than to throttle the blonde girl, and he knew that Dorothy knew it. Noin ignored the feuding pair for a moment, to welcome back her friend, the person she had put her faith in, who represented all she thought was worth fighting for. "I'm glad you're safe, Relena. I'm glad you came back." "Just in time to mop up another mess, eh Noin?" Relena's tone was dry, but she was still smiling, and the dark-haired woman knew then that everything would be fine. //I can't believe I'm saying this, but Dorothy did all right. She may have even saved the kingdom, hard as it is to believe.// Noin smiled, knowing she was going to have to drag her lover kicking and screaming through the transition. As Zechs started to speak, his expression remained constant, like that of a child being forced to eat his vegetables, choking them down only because he absolutely /had/ to. "I took care of some of the preliminaries. All the essential documents are tagged in these folders, along with the terms, the outlines. Everything's laid out." His eyes flashed as Dorothy reached for the documents, as he realized there was no mature way for him to avoid giving them to her, nothing that wouldn't seem childish. "Hm, diplomacy in the special anal-retentive version." Dorothy sniffed, hefting the thick, heavy folder in one hand. Noin silently agreed with the blonde, it did seem overdone, for what should have been a simple treaty. No doubt, this would be another meeting for the record books. //Welcome back, Relena.// Zechs wasn't finished, he stammered and spoke slowly, fighting off blunt, angry words by the thinnest margin of politeness. "These negotiations could be... delicate, Relena. Are you sure it's a good idea for Miss Dorothy to-" He trailed off as Relena took Dorothy's hand in her own, and turned to him with steel in her eyes. "They want to meet the Valkyrie pilots, brother. That /is/ who they made the initial treaty with, both of us. Dorothy is the other half of this alliance, and I think it would be crude to think that I could speak for her." Relena had kept walking while she was speaking, and Zechs could not respond before they reached the doors of the main hall, and were suddenly walking along a throng of reporters, cameramen and most everyone else with a stake in the treaty. "Don't worry Zechs." Noin smiled as Dorothy gave him one last, victorious smirk before turning away. "Something tells me you'll have /plenty/ of time to trade jibes with Miss Catalonia later." Zechs sighed in pained understanding, and Noin took his hand in support, even as she fought to keep from laughing. ------------------------- Dorothy watched the crowd carefully with every step she took, making sure to betray none of her nervousness, her concern. The blonde knew she would probably spend the rest of her life like this, watching for any danger, any threat that could harm the woman she loved. Dorothy had already received, as expected, a few notes from "friends" of her grandfather, most of them carrying the same "what the hell do you think you are doing?" message inside. //I'm doing what you taught me to do, grandfather.// She felt a tiny warm glow light up inside as Relena turned and smiled at her, nervous eyes seeking support and comfort, betraying her fear to no one but the blonde. Dorothy gladly returned the smile, felt the happiness inside her grow as the brunette's wary smile steadied, and returned to her tenfold. //I'm doing exactly what you taught me. I saw a better deal, and I'm taking it.// ------------------------- //Just remember, Relena, every time you look at me, know that I'm thinking about how good you look in that jacket - /only/ that jacket.// Relena smiled at the memory as they turned into the main hall. She was slightly more nervous than usual, but figured it was the price she had to pay for taking a break from the routine. Relena had forgotten how bright the camera flashes were, how the world seemed both unbearably crowded and strangely empty when so many people were watching you so closely. //It's not like that. Things have changed. You're not just a figurehead anymore. You're the one in control now.// It didn't matter who disapproved of her, or Dorothy, or the fact that they were together, or protested, or didn't understand. Relena knew that she still led with all the wisdom and determination she had, that the Sank kingdom would move in the right direction, as long as she fought for it with everything she had. //Things will be fine, better than fine. Absolute Pacifism will come true, I just have to believe in it.// There hadn't been time yet, for world reaction to the Valkyrie, and Relena knew it would be mixed, with both good and bad consequences she couldn't even imagine yet. The brown-haired girl stifled a small grin as she and Dorothy walked past the Gundam pilots, standing in uniform along one side of the hall. //Oh, I've just /got/ to keep her. We've just got to keep her, if for what it did to them if nothing else.// The brunette knew she had to keep the Valkyrie, if only for the looks on Duo, Trowa and Quatre's faces. Each pilot had their own individual expression of disbelief: Duo's was amused, Quatre's was polite and poor Trowa's, who was an equal caliber soldier with Wufei and Heero, was simply /complete/. There was simply no way for the slim, brown-haired pilot to see her as a soldier, it just wasn't something he could do. //... and then Heero, who, of course, has no expression at all.// Relena was impressed that the Japanese pilot had even shown up, and she could see through his normal, sullen facade instantly. It wouldn't have changed anything for him to know, but she knew she shared some of the pain underneath that impassive mask. //I never wanted to hurt you, Heero. We never wanted to hurt each other, I'm sure of that... but I couldn't wait forever. I'm sorry.// Wufei, she also noted with some sadness, was nowhere to be seen. She had hoped he would be there, to enjoy some of the joys of peacetime, the happiness after the battle, but Relena saw that her butler was standing where the Asian pilot should have been. //Oh Wufei, what good is fighting, if you don't enjoy what you've won?// Relena noticed the disdain on her butler's face, as he watched her walk by with Dorothy, his disapproval just slightly less obvious than her brother's. The look hadn't changed since he had delivered their clothes, a last-minute realization that had kept them from joining the meeting in their flight suits. //I thought his eyes were going to fall out of his head when I told him to grab Dorothy's uniform...he and my brother ought to start a club. "No Dorothy's allowed."// Relena gulped, swallowing her sudden nervousness as the doors at the other end of the hall finally opened. She could see Tyse and the newly-appointed Prime Minister waiting for her, with all the power and diplomatic force they could muster, a veritable army of assistants and consultants, all ready to deal. Relena felt a hand brush against her own, looked over to see Dorothy smiling at her. //Just remember, Relena - /only/ the jacket.// Relena smiled, stepping into the chamber with her head held high, and a calm, steady smile on her face. No matter what happened, the brunette knew everything was going to be fine. Relena knew she was no longer alone, and that, together, she and Dorothy could make any dream fly. ---------------------------------- "Damn it." Wufei sucked on the side of his hand, tasting blood, feeling the sting where the screwdriver had slashed his skin. He had spent what seemed like forever trying to restart /any/ of Nataku's systems, knowing only that the battle was over, that everyone else was gone. Unfortunately, The EMP pulse that had knocked out the Gundam had also managed to fry his wristwatch, so the only other information he had was that it had been day, and was now night. Late night. /Nothing/ he tried had worked, rewiring dead systems simply didn't accomplish anything, and eventually Wufei had been left only one option: look for a pry bar and try to open the cockpit on his own. That idea had led to his current situation, and he grumbled to himself as he tore off part of his shirt, wrapping it around his still-bleeding hand. "Damn it damn it damn it damn it /DAMN IT/!!!" Wufei resisted the urge to beat his head against the side of the cockpit, and the even more irrational impulse, to start politely begging Nataku to wake up. He had been very angry for a long time after his suit had been disabled, but was now merely frustrated. The longer he thought about it, the more obvious it was how humiliating the situation was he had gotten in to. Not only that, but there was also another, more urgent problem that was slowly becoming impossible to avoid. //Oh man.// Wufei whimpered, realizing there was no need to hide anything inside, not when he was so obviously alone. He yelled with all his might into the darkness. "I HAVE TO GO TO THE /BATHROOM/!!!" ~end Omake Theater - Random Acts of Wufei Warning: These sorts of things are usually only funny to me. If you want to waste a couple of minutes of your life, keep reading. If not, I suggest you stop now. The scene: Dorothy and Relena are on the couch, kissing and cuddling and generally being disgustingly cute to any single people who have to watch. That would be Heero, who is standing in the doorway, off to the side, scowling and pretending to be focused completely on the generic action movie Duo procured for the evening. The two couches in the room make an L-shape, and Trowa and Quatre are on the other couch. Quatre is resting with his head in Trowa's lap and the brunette pilot is feeding him grapes. This scene is also sweet enough to make not only teeth, but the entire jaw, rot off. Duo and Hilde are resting on the floor with their backs against the couch Dorothy and Relena are on. This is pure torture for Duo, who keeps being smacked soundly by his lady love as his eyes keep wandering towards the two girls. Wufei, as usual, is nowhere to be found, but that, as you'll soon see, is about to change. Hilde: This movie's pretty good. Duo: (with his neck craned around almost 180 degrees toward the other end of the couch) Yeah. Wow... oh /yeah/. *SMACK!* Duo: (rubbing the lump on his head as he turns back to watch the movie) Damn woman, that hurt. Hilde: Watch it, sweetie - or I'll yank that braid right out of your head. Duo: (with a wounded look in his eyes) You wouldn't. <holding braid protectively> It's a part of me, a part of my manhood! <All three girls share a long look, all thinking the same thing about the /length/ of said braid.> Dorothy: He's compensating. I knew it. Duo: HEY!!! <Duo turns and starts to protest soundly, but his eyes glaze over as Dorothy and Relena share a long, deep kiss.> Duo: ... mommy. *WHACK!!!* Duo: OW! Damn it! <On the other couch, Trowa is smiling, watching the fun.> Trowa: "Mmph... such violence." Quatre: "hee hee..." Trowa: "...?" Quatre: "You can spank me anytime you want to, Trowa." <EVERYONE stops, and Quatre realizes he said that just a teensy bit louder than he had intended to. He turns deep red, and even though he's already laying down, somehow he manages to face plant. Everyone laughs.> Duo: Hey Heero! Why don't you come in here! Heero: ... Duo: <shaking bowl temptingly> We've got caramel corn! Heero: ... Duo: Don't tell me you're still pissed because Dorothy stole the woman of your dreams before you got a chance to tell her how you felt and spirited her away for a fun-filled vacation of sun, fun and hot sex and then came back and kicked your ass in a better Gundam than you have? Heero: ... Duo: Man, you can really hold a grudge. I know I wouldn't care, if my girlfriend decided to hook up with another girl. Maybe I could even... heh heh, you know... *WHACK!!!!* Duo (nearly unconscious and barely able to speak) ... bud I diddnt eben ged to the gud pard... wid the chocolade syrup. *WHOMP!!* <------ this is Duo, unconscious. Everyone returns to the movie, and no one notices the shadow, lurking in the corner, preparing to strike. Dorothy: Relena, could you get me a handful of popcorn? Relena: Sure. <As Relena leans forward to grab the bowl, a pool cue sails through the air right where her head had been only seconds before. No one pays much attention.> Trowa: Where's the remote? I can hardly hear the dialogue! Quatre: Aw, come on? Does the story even matter? (Not in THIS fic, folks!) Relena: I accidentally kicked it on the floor. <Relena bends over, and a violin sails past, brushing the top of her braid.> Trowa: "Wasn't that-?" Relena: <holding up the CD remote> Dang! Wrong one! <As she bends over again, a flute follows the violin in low orbit> Quatre: "Yeah, it was." Dorothy (to Relena as she snuggles up close): I think there's something wrong with Wufei. Relena: <ducks as a buzzsaw blade whizzes past her head.> Really? Dorothy: You don't think it's obvious? Relena: <ducking poodle on fire> For Wufei? This is downright subtle. Duo (just starting to regain consciousness) : Whaz... up? <Relena ducks another blunt, heavy object, which just happens to be a fishbowl, with a current occupant. The bowl ricochets off of a beam, and the fish flies up into the air, right into Duo's mouth. The pilot, in shock, swallows the fish a split second before the bowl lands on his head, sending him back down for the count. Relena: <not impressed> I think he killed Duo. Trowa and Quatre (in unison, also not impressed): you bastard. Dorothy: Mission accomplished. Heero: ... Quatre: We should do something about Wufei. Trowa: Watch the movie. You'll miss the part where something blows up. Quatre: It's an action movie, something's always blowing up. Trowa: Exactly. Relena: <sighing> No, I really think we should do something. Dorothy: Watch this. <Dorothy does that magic "I dream of Jeannie" cross-your-arms-and-nod thing, and Wufei poofs into place a few feet in the air, crash-landing on the coffee table.> Quatre: <with his best wide-eyed, sparkly fanboy look> Wow, Miss Dorothy, that's incredible! What else can you do?! <Dorothy and Relena share a long, knowing look until Quatre catches on and gets a nosebleed.> ***Warning - Pointless Monty Python Reference two sentences ahead*** Wufei: ... Relena: Why did you go and kill Duo? -wait for it- Duo: I'm not dead... Dorothy: Shut up. Duo: I'm still alive! Dorothy: You'll be stone dead in a moment. Duo: I feel fine! I feel happy! Dorothy: You're not fooling anyone. Duo: I don't want to go on the cart... Dorothy: Stop being such a baby. Wufei: ... Dorothy: He says he's not dead. Can you help me out here? <Hilde shrugs and hits Duo with a pan she pulls out of "hammer space". Duo slumps to the ground.> Dorothy: Thanks. See you Thursday. ***End of pointless Monty Python reference. Enjoy your day!*** Relena: Come on, Wufei. /Talk/ to me! Wufei: ... Relena: I shouldn't be surprised. It didn't work with Heero either. Heero: ... Dorothy: What is it Wufei? <to Relena> I think he's trying to tell us something. <to Wufei> What is it? Is Timmy in the well? Wufei fidgets for a moment, then very seriously and ceremoniously hands Relena an envelope. Relena: What the-? <Relena rips open the envelope, reads the contents, and begins giggling maniacally, handing the note to Dorothy, who almost immediately has the same reaction.> Quatre: What is it? <Relena hands the note to him, and Quatre starts to read it out loud.> "Declaration of war... blah, blah. Wufei... against Relena, yadda yadda ya. Date of... time concurrent to... for the territory of-" <Quatre trails off, and both he and Trowa suddenly burst into wild laughter.> Relena: <taking note back from Quatre> You should have said something earlier, Wufei. Anytime you wanted, <she nearly bursts into laughter again>, "the territory" is yours for the taking. <At this point, Heero is noticing little glances his way. Even a Perfect Soldier gets a little nervous by continual looks and giggles.> Heero: ... All right, what's going on? Wufei: Are you /sure/ you don't want to fight me? Relena: <shrugs> ... territory's all yours, Wu-man. But are you sure you're fast enough to catch him? Heero: Relena, what are you talking about? <notices Wufei's intense, very happy gaze, looking him over slowly, from head to toe.> Uh... Wufei? <starts backing up towards door as Wufei takes a step in his direction.> What the hell? Dorothy: Go get 'em, Woofy. Heero: Wufei, why are you looking at me... like... AGH!!! <Heero dodges as Wufei pounces at him, and takes off sprinting like he's on fire, with Wufei in hot pursuit.> Relena: Damn. He might actually make it. Dorothy: Yeah - he might have. <As Heero runs by on a return arc, his screams increasing in loudness in a doppler-like effect, Dorothy slides out her foot, and Heero goes crashing headfirst into a wall. Wufei gently picks him up by both feet, and drags him out the door>. Everyone applauds mildly. Quatre: You know what I hate about these Omake things? Trowa: Mh-hm. Quatre: It's that there's never a good place to stop them. Relena: So why not just stop? Dorothy: Because the dialogue keeps going, and the writer keeps writing, sure than an ending is only a few sentences away. Quatre: Right! But it never happens! The damn thing just keeps going on for another page, until it becomes some sort of sick competition to see how long the faithful readers will continue with the inane dialogue. Relena: Let's see what else is on. <Relena reaches up, but instead of grabbing the TV, VCR, CD, garage door opener, DVD or Universal remote, she grabs the "Omake" remote and ends this mindless romp in stupidity.>
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