Another Rainy Day Tale
*It's funny how
Even now
You still support me
After all the things that I've done
You're so good to me
Waiting patiently
And isn't it sad that you still have to ask if I care?*
Hilde stared out the window watching the rain hit the windshield. Long
streams of water sliding off the car in all directions, speechless and
numb to the question that waited just to the left of her. She wasn't
sure how to answer. The feel of patient light blue eyes regarding her
cut at her insides. She wanted a simple answer…but all she knew, all
she felt was a paralyzing glance that wanted to love her.
"You don't have to say", was the sudden calm and easy response.
The car started again and Hilde released a breath of anxious relief.
Crossed her arms over her chest and sank into her seat. After an hour
of unending silence the car pulled up to a small red house that looked
a little worn and tired.
The windows were fogging over as the vehicle sat. Finally Hilde
reached out to open the car door. The cold and wet weather hitting her
insides with little affect. She slid out pulling her jacket around
her, though she couldn't think why.
"If I call you…will you pick up the phone", the driver asked before
Hilde could make a proper escape.
"I don't know", was the honest answer she could give. "I never said I
was perfect Sally", she whispered as her foot reached the pavement,
sneaker immediately soaked through.
"I never thought you were", was the regretful reply. "I just wanted to
take you away…just for a moment."
Hilde sniffed and exposed the rest of her body to the storm, slamming
the car door behind her. Wet and soggy sneakers squished in the mud as
she trampled the flooded grass to her front door. She never looked
over her shoulder. She knew Sally would sit and wait until she was
inside before leaving. And as expected, the minute the slightly warped
wooden door popped open Hilde heard the engine rumble off.
She took a deep breath, removing her damp shoes and sweater. Brushed a
hand through her dark mop of hair and eased her way into the kitchen.
Dug around her cupboards for some coffee, and failing that, placed a
kettle on her stove to boil water for tea.
Warmth…after the long ride home she wanted warmth. Even if she didn't
think she deserved it.
*Walk on shells tonight
Can't do right tonight*
The radio was on, and she had a fire going. Cuddled at the end of her
sofa, clutching a cup of herbal tea, and wishing her heart would stop
doing somersaults as her mind played over the events of the day. She
should never have said. She should have kept quiet and ignored the
request.
"But you didn't", she reminded herself.
It had been such a terrible day. Moods matching the weather in every
aspect and she would be first to admit the mistake she made. The fire
crackled and the memories sparked. She never knew she could ruin
something so quickly.
She brought her hands to her lips. The sin still fresh and lingering.
How could she be so selfish? What was she thinking accepting Sally's
invitation?
She shook her head. Sally didn't invite. No the cool and casual
medical student merely listened and then when all control fell to ash
at a lightening strike, the older woman merely slid into what Hilde
let loose. And he saw it all.
Lukewarm tears graced her cheeks and she wiped them away.
He didn't yell. He didn't demand an answer. He just slipped out of the
room the way he had entered. She had wanted to run after him to
explain, but he vanished. And then collected and calm Sally offered to
drive her home.
She set her tea on the coffee table, pulled the wool blanket at the
other side of the couch over her, and watched the fire die until she
was asleep.
*What a mess I've made
Sure we all make mistakes
But they see me so large
That they think I'm immune to the pain*
The phone rang and there was a knock on the door. She let the machine
pick up the message as she ambled over to the door.
The deadbolt clicked away and she opened the door slowly.
He was soaked through to his skin. Dark eyes hurt and lost as he
trembled in the rain.
"Is it my fault", he asked timidly.
"Do you want it to be", she replied. "Come in out of the rain Trowa."
He shook his head. "Tell me why."
Caught in the doorway the warmth of the house intruded the chill of
the still raging storm. She leaned into the door jam unsure what to
say, biting back her weak side as she kept herself from crying any
further.
"Hilde…tell me."
She shut her eyes so she wouldn't have to watch his reaction. "I don't
know… but it's nothing to do with her…because honestly it could have
been anyone. Maybe…" She trailed off, folding her arms around herself
to avoid falling apart. "Maybe it was revenge."
"Then you never forgave me."
"I guess not", she choked. Opened her eyes and found she was not
nearly as strong as she wanted to be. He looked so miserable. "I
wanted to", she whispered.
Trowa shivered as the rain fell harder, punishing the world for past
crimes. "Then there's nothing left."
"I guess not." Hilde focused on the ground; the pattern of the water
as it pattered off the cement into the flowerbeds, the dirt patches
that never grew anything colorful. "You'll catch your death if you
stay out in this weather."
"Don't worry about me."
"Don't say things like that. I don't want you to get sick… At least
come in for a change of clothes?"
He shook his head again, half his face now hidden by wet and dark
hair. "I'll warm up later."
"With him", she muttered and she never meant to say it out loud.
"Maybe."
The answer stung.
*And you can't say the word
Cause I leap down your throat
So uptight am I*
"Hilde…I-"
"Obviously it doesn't matter who did what or why. We both fucked up…we
both know it doesn't matter anymore. So why don't you go back to him
and I'll…" Hilde sniffed. "I'll do what I'm doing."
If she had cared to look him in the eye she would have seen concern
and care he still held for her, but she didn't. She listened to the
sound of his shoes on the grass stepping away from her. Ending
whatever it was they had. Was it ever love? Was it just convenient for
both? Why did it hurt? Why did it matter?
The door shut loosely behind her and she curled back into her spot on
the couch. Waiting for sleep to replace her sorrow. Her eyes hit
momentarily on the flashing light of the answering machine, but she
ignored it.
Her eyes reopened to darkness. The house still and freezing, the
outside lonely and damp recovering from the rain. She sat up slowly
and switched on the small reading lamp next to the sofa. Hugged the
blanket close to her as she moved to turn on the heater before
reclaiming sleep. That's all she wanted to do, sleep and dream of
nonsensical things.
The heater started with a roar. Slow and steady heat rising from the
floor vents. And before she could escape to her room the doorbell
rang. It wouldn't be him.
She didn't want it to be him.
Hilde wiped the sleep from her eyes and shed the blanket she had been
dragging around on the floor. Opened the door and huffed with
irritation. A lazy and calm half smile greeting her discontent.
"I got worried."
"Why?"
"Oh…I don't know", Sally played lightly. "You haven't answered your
phone… and Trowa-"
"I don't want to hear about it"; Hilde cut in.
Sally sighed, "Defensive already I'm sure it went well between you
two." She folded her arms over her chest. "I'm not here looking for
anything if you're wondering."
"I'm not. I'm", she deflated into the door jam. "I'm tired."
"Then let me tuck you in", was the steady reply.
Hilde shook her head and then led the way into her house. She wondered
how it was that Sally didn't have a million girls following her
around; the woman had such an unrefined charm. The kind of restful
tone and demeanor that made Hilde want to crawl into Sally's arms and
never leave. She shook her head. She was pathetic.
The door shut with a light thud and she plopped into the couch. A
whispered chuckle made her look over at the older woman. Older? Not
much older, a year maybe, not more than that. But Sally seemed older,
wiser, again it was that steady calm exterior, the small grin tugged
at her lips.
"I thought you wanted to go to bed?"
"I'd rather you didn't tuck me in."
Sally nodded, sitting in the wooden rocking chair across from the
couch. It made Hilde grin. No one ever sat in the rocker. Most thought
it too uncomfortable, but Sally… she was perfectly at ease, using one
foot to slowly rock the chair back and forth in quiet creaks.
"It could have been anyone, right", Sally asked after a slow wall of
silence passed.
"No", Hilde answered before she could catch herself. She brought her
knees into her chest and focused on the flash of the answering
machine, all the unheard messages that carried Sally's voice, concern,
questions, and she didn't have any real honest answers…or not any she
wanted to give. She waited for Sally to respond or make a noise, but
there was just the low steady squeak of the rocker. "I'm too tired to
have this discussion right now."
"Ah but when you're more awake you won't be as honest", was the
perfect response.
"It wasn't calculated you know...at first I just really wanted to talk
to someone. Get all the frustration off my chest… Then it changed and
it wasn't really revenge, though it plays better that way."
The rocker stopped and Sally's light footsteps brought her over to the
couch. She set herself on the sturdy coffee table and leaned over to
touch Hilde's hand.
"Hilde… Look at me."
Violet-blue to a paler shade of the sky, eyes met and she didn't know
what to say.
*I'm praying for a miracle
But I won't hold my breath*
Sally used her thumb to brush away a few strands of Hilde's dark hair.
Lightly touching upon stains caused by rain and tears, feeling the
flush of young woman's cheeks.
"You need sleep and a good meal", Sally whispered. "I'll tuck you in
and give you a call in the morning."
"What?"
"And you can decide what want when you're ready."
"But-"
"Shhhh", she placed a finger over Hilde's lips. Took her by the hand
and silently requested her to stand. Sally grinned and placed her lips
on Hilde's forehead. "You have a fever", she muttered.
Befuddled Hilde shook her head and walked towards her room. Sally
followed close behind.
"When you're well", Sally stated leading Hilde over to the bed, "You
can answer the question I asked you in the car."
"When I'm well…" it was half question half reply, and Hilde felt her
eyes close as she slid into her bed, the warmth of the down comforter
taking her to slumber with a kiss on her cheek.
Sally sighed, turned out the lights and shut the bedroom door. It was
sure to be an interesting morning.
*You're so good to me
Waiting patiently*
Back to Gundam Wing Shoujo-Ai Fanfiction