Pretty Things
It was an unbearably lovely day. So peaceful, that even the applaud
from the crowd and the jovial tones of the brass band seemed in place
and bizarrely quiet. As she cut the red ribbon and watched it fall to
the ground she forced on a painted smile and then looked up as a
million balloons were released into the air. Floating colorful toys
embraced the atmosphere without a care and her soft eyes wished she
could float up with them. Float up and be forgotten in the sky, or
perhaps even the sweet black embrace of outer space. It was a trifle of
a fantasy though. She couldn't escape that easily. The minute she tried
someone would jump up and save her. No one wanted her to fail, and even
when she did...Everything was fixed so it looked perfect, because she
was meant to be perfect. She was barely into her twenties and she still
seemed to fit into her skin as a leader of the world. She was once a
princess, then a queen and now a diplomat. How easily the roles changed
and yet remained the very same. She received compliments on her speech
as she walked at a steady pace back to her car. It would have been
extra polite for her to stay for the rest of the festivities, but she
couldn't force that much courtesy on herself that day. Her convictions
were, for the moment, lingering on escape from anything resembling
either happiness or discord. Happiness was easy to escape. Discord,
though, much like death, followed her like shy puppy. As she walked
along she ran into a familiar face. He raised an eyebrow of concern as
she approached and her immediate reaction was to force the stubborn and
brave exterior she had become so famous for. She didn't want to be
saved, not today.
"Relena?" His voice was a husky whisper that liked to linger in her
ears.
She stopped and smiled plastic as it was. "What can I do for you Mr.
Yuy?"
"Hn." It was his standard reaction to her unwanted formalities.
"Running away?"
"Never running away Heero. I don't dare."
He was taking stock of her answer. Taking it in and analyzing it like a
mathematical equation. She wished he would stop. But she knew he still
felt a sense of duty toward her. She had always meant to ask him why he
felt the need to keep charging in on his white horse, but she never
did. She was afraid of what the answer might be. Long ago she held an
unhealthy obsession for him. He had promised her death when everything
in her world was being ripped to shreds and he had never delivered.
Instead he became her hero of sorts, a fallen angel to watch over her
misguided steps.
"I really do want to get back to my room", she said trying to move
things along. He had a terrible habit of lingering in silence.
"That was a nice speech you gave." Was he trying to drag the
conversation out? It was very unlike him.
Her plastic smile was soon very real. "It was a pretty speech. It said
all the right things to all the right people, and it suited the
occasion"; she paused noting his growing concern. She didn't want it.
"So what are you doing here?"
"Looking for someone." That answer made her feel better. It was short
and precise and it was the Heero she recognized.
"Well then, I'll let you find them."
"Hn."
He waved her on, his concern thrown into the back of his mind. He would
perhaps find the time to linger on it again, but for the time being he
didn't want to pry. Their relationship was a strange one, oddly distant
and yet extremely close. She wondered how they managed. She wondered
what kept them from deeper conversations and friendlier sounding chats.
She realized, though, that neither of them could bear to be that close.
He couldn't be the hero forever, and she...She was sick to death of
being the damsel in distress. She reached her car and had the driver
take her to a place that was, as she put it, "Anywhere but here."
Screams could pierce the dark
But never touch my heart
As death dances so close to me
I wonder why it won't let me be
It flirts and catches everything I know
Makes cities vanish and the people I love go
But as it follows so close
It refuses even my best request
It offers up nothing but empty jests
And I see the distance calling
But destruction and the grave keep me from falling
Far from prying eyes she sat in her room and worked. When she finally
came up for air she realized that it was about five in the morning and
she had a breakfast meeting at seven. She shook her head in
disappointment. Biting at her bottom lip as she tried to think of a way
out of the meeting, nothing polite enough came to her. There were those
who were lucky enough to call in dead to work, but she was not one of
them. Her existence as a politician thrived on her perfection. That
sticky sweet solution of just enough care and bravery she had learned
to call to her self with out any effort at a very young age. And people
followed that. People clung to that image of her as a sweet but brave
and courageous princess. They understood that side of her, and praised
her as if she were some sort of heavenly creature. But she wasn't. She
wasn't any of that. She, for all her outward posturing was still a
stupid and stubborn, spoiled little girl who was never allowed to touch
defeat. Even as the Sanq Kingdom went up in flames she was pulled with
grace from the fires and tossed into something much hotter. She felt at
times, back in those days, like a dried piece of kindling...Something
fresh to ignite the hellish breath of war. Now she looked in the mirror
and saw a young woman clinging to the political walls in a desperate
attempt to really do as she always meant...but with true courage. Her
actions though, still felt forced, masks that were laid to deceive if
only for the briefest of moments. She wondered if she could ever plot
her own downfall and succeed at it.
"No", she muttered. "It's all right for some, but not all right for me.
Someone would save me."
She shook off the thought with some disgust. It was rather selfish of
to think that way. She was the only person really keeping her self in
that place. If she wanted to leave so badly, no one would blame her or
raise a red flag if she just retired. Tiring of her complaints she
decided she better get ready for her morning meeting. She hopped into
the shower and was out with plenty of time to dress and catch some
early morning television before she left. She breezed through the
channels with out care stopping only once to watch, of all things, a
commercial. It was for the circus and she smiled slightly as a young
man she recognized gracefully dodged the knives that were being thrown
at him. He still wore that half mask for the show, and his hair still
covered his face with impossible elegance. He was the quiet one of all
the pilots. Seeing him made her wonder how everyone else was doing. It
wasn't that she didn't keep in touch, she just wondered how they were
really doing and if maybe one or all of them felt like she did on
occasion. She clicked off the television and grabbed her briefcase full
of notes. As she walked off to meet her driver she made a note to try
and catch the circus when it came into town.
Impossible as it seems
I like to think of things like your dreams
And if they ever really came true
I wonder...if they ever really do
Sitting with such high end goals
I wonder if I let this place take my soul
Will I ever be more than just a little girl?
Will I ever have need to conquer the world
Impossible as it seems
I've been wondering...
What do you dream?
The meeting lasted well into the afternoon. As soon as it was over she
had to rush to her next engagement where she was due to give a small
speech. It was as most of her speeches where, full of conviction and
her lasting stupid bravery. At the end she was met with a wall of
applause. As she stepped off the stage she over heard someone mention
it was the best thing they had heard that year. Her light eyes hid her
feelings of disappointment. A soft step hit the floor as her ears were
suddenly over run by an off set slow clap that she recognized. Very few
people in the world had a clap like that; it cut through Relena like a
steal blade. As she turned her head to get a view of her tormentor she
smiled slightly, not forced or plastic. Ignoring the requests around
her she walked over to the owner of the clap and waited...Waited to be
devoured.
"Why Miss Dorlain I do believe it's been too long." The young woman's
voice was a biting relief amidst the vacuous sea of admiration.
"It has, hasn't it", was the soft reply.
"Lovely speech. It was very pretty."
"I'm glad you liked it Miss Catalonia."
The young woman quirked a forked eyebrow, a feral grin on her porcelain
face as she tossed back her platinum blonde hair. The game had begun,
and much sooner than Relena had hoped. It was a simple exercise really.
Dorothy Catalonia shot in with some sarcastic and witty remarks and
Relena did her best to remain as perfect in appearance as she could. It
was too bad she was so busy or she would have stuck around to see how
long the game could have lasted, alas she could not.
"I would love to have a long discussion with you about that speech
sometime Miss Relena."
"Perhaps I can have it arranged. Give me a ring at the embassy. For now
though I have to make my way to yet another event", was the calm and
overly polite reply.
Deep blue eyes watched in earnest as her favorite opponent slipped into
the crowd. It had been too long since their last bought, and Dorothy
longed to see how well her little princess had shaped up since then.
Her game was never meant to be cruel, though that's how many viewed it.
No, her game was to illicit response and challenge what she knew her
opponent did not really believe. She enjoyed having that kind of battle
always at her finger tips, because it took the place of her
other...more violent attractions. She was raised on war. She was taught
all it's principles and technicalities by the very best. Bloody battle
had been closer to her than family. But her lust for danger finally
caught up with her. And when she couldn't shed a tear after hurting
someone that was so righteous she knew...She knew her time at playing
in the battlefield was over. If the world were ever called to fight
again she would go, but now...Everything was as it should be. Well,
everything but a certain little girl who was still playing in the big
bad world all by her self. She might just have to speed up her next
meeting with the world's most admired politician.
I think you know me too well
I think you're the only one who can tell
And won't you do your best
To keep me from my rest
I'm not sure anyone else could
Well...at least not this good
"Oh don't mind me...I'm just trying to get a little plumbing done", the
janitor stated a little apologetically as she walked into the room. He
half chuckled when he realized who she was and slightly embarrassed
mentioned, "Well y'see these little valves have to be replaced every
six months or so and well-"
"Don't worry about it", was her reply. Polite as ever she grabbed a few
things from her room and set out to find a quiet place to work. She was
quickly met by the head of maintenance who was even more apologetic
than the poor janitor had been. She quickly let him know that it was no
trouble and escaped to a small patio that over looked the embassy's
large rose garden. Sitting in the sun she pulled back her light brown
hair into an easy ponytail and took off her jacket draping it neatly on
her chair. The sun wouldn't be out for very much longer, but it was
warm enough that she wouldn't have to worry about becoming overly cold.
Opening her laptop her eyes wandered to the majesty of the garden
before her, it reminded her of her fallen kingdom. With a reluctant
sigh she set into her work, diving into it again without stop until she
raised her head a noticed the sky was no longer a brilliant blue. It
was instead a velvety black, with an empty moon hiding within the dark
folds. She huffed and closed her computer up, gathered all her papers
and tossed them inside her briefcase.
"You need to take more breaks."
It was a slight purr at the back of her neck that made her hairs stand
on end.
"Perhaps", she replied softly. "You didn't call to set up a time to
discuss-"
"I did. You weren't in your room."
"It's late."
"Not so very...Shall we discuss that speech of yours?" It was all at
once a delicate yet brutal invitation.
Relena spun around in her chair. "Yes...let's."
Is it only me
Or do you to wonder why we do this
I think I'll test the waters before I begin today
You're a rather spry fish...but...
Even piranhas have their docile days
Don't you think we've covered all there is to cover
Said all that can be said
What's left of us to volley with?
What's left but those tiny things...
I don't want to say
Things that will leave me where I've never been
“Oh please! You can’t be that adorably naïve”; she said in the kind of
wonderfully exaggerated and exuberant tone that made the young woman
across from her feel in awe.
“I’m not”, was the only argument the bright eyed girl could reply with.
Dorothy Catalonia let out a laugh accompanied by a soft, “Just
adorable.”
Things were bordering on heated debate but always fell just short of
something worthwhile. Relena refused to get too lost in the tiny feud
and would concede points whenever she felt she had no way out. She was
happy that they decided to walk the garden for their discussion though.
She was sure that eventually things would get a little too loud. Her
companion let another barrage of elegantly sharp comments escape her
lips, deep blue eyes simply a blaze with passion. Biting her lower lip
Relena searched the empty sky for a way to retort that would be
acceptable, not an answer she meant...but an answer that would prolong
her stance as the foolish little girl.
“Now you’re just losing on purpose”, Dorothy chided. “Tell me something
Miss Dorlain…have you been taking acting lessons since I saw you last?”
“No.”
“Funny I was sure…But you just sounded so convincing yesterday. I was
almost sure you believed every word that slipped from your perfect
lips”, she said as she clasped her hands together. “I mean really…I can
watch the way you walk, the way you talk, the way you…close your eyes
and I can see… You’re performing for the public. But you’ve always done
that ever since…” she trailed off uncharacteristically not wanting to
touch on a sore spot. “Still lost in everything you can’t be, aren’t
you?”
Light eyes were suddenly charged. “I don’t know what you mean.” The lie
left her throat and stung her. What was she thinking lying so boldly?
A slightly surprised but almost knowing expression washed over
Dorothy’s face and then formed into a smile that was almost vicious.
“That was pure art Relena…pure untarnished art that just left your lips
and I wonder if you know just how impressed I am.” She was truly taken
back by the bold fib. It was so silly a thing to try and get away with
in her kind of game. “But as I was going to say…I haven’t seen you this
passionate about your disbelief since your kingdom went down in
flames.”
“But my kingdom was always meant to go down in flames too many people
plotted its end.”
“I suppose you mean to lump me in the same category as my grandfather
when you say that?”
“No. I wouldn’t dare.”
Deep blue eyes sparked, “Oh no…why not? You don’t place me in that
group of charging white knights do you? Granted I did manage to save
you from a bigger more tedious throne, but do tell…where do you place
me?”
She was half tempted to bite her tongue but the words fell from her
mouth before she could catch them. “I place you in the highest rankings
of my heart for trying to destroy me.”
“So very bold you could almost break my heart with that… I never tried
to destroy you.”
“No?”
“No…Not so very much. I looked up to you. Adored your false conviction
for everything it was, because I wouldn’t have handled it half as
well”, she was almost whispering. An eyebrow quirked as she finally put
the pieces all together. “Oh…I see.”
She wasn’t surprised by the over excited phrase, but she wasn’t sure
what to say next. So she got defensive. “I don’t think you see
anything.”
“If you want me to press my new found point I will, but… something
tells me you aren’t quite ready for it.”
Dorothy was speaking in plain truths now. Relena couldn’t deny that,
but she still had a choice. It was easy enough to stop things now and
walk back to her room, leaving this debate to fade and be renewed when
she felt like facing truths. She was silent for a long while, biting at
her lower lip as she tried to reach a decision.
“It’s really late.” The blonde was going to make the decision for her.
“It’s not so late, besides…I want to hear what you think you see”, was
the firm reply.
“I’ve never known you to fly so blindly into one of these conversations
of ours”, Dorothy noted. “But since you pushed for it…If I had realized
you wanted to fall into defeat so badly I would have gladly pushed you
from that cliff.”
“Why would I want defeat?”
“Now you’re just delving into denial…Do you really think that lowly of
your self? Is that all you ever thought? Or did it just catch up to you
now that you’re older?” The string of questions invaded with more tact
than needed. She watched the young woman next to her shrink like a
shadow and she realized she was winning much too quickly. “This is
becoming all too familiar Relena. I’m not sure if I like where you’re
leading all this, because we’ve ventured that road before…remember?
You couldn’t handle it?”
“I was a kid.”
“So was I. Don’t try to take me into your pity pool dearest. I’m
exactly a few months older than you are and no more than that. Don’t
pull the all too used excuse that your childhood was ripped from you
because there are five men wandering the galaxy who can claim that
phrase better. I refuse to give you points on that”, she remarked with
discipline. “So you were a kid…who cares? We had to grow up and take
back the world because the adults refused to do so in a manner that was
fitting. And I make no apologies for my actions because even if I was
wrong…I still achieved something. So what are you so sorry for? You
didn’t mean what you said ever? You didn’t care about the fate of the
world? Tell me that you just played along a helpless pawn waiting
vainly to be rescued…or destroyed. Tell me that and mean it…because I
just don’t believe you were so lost.”
“Giving me pretty speeches is like casting pearls before swine. I’ve
become the almighty dictator of speeches like that.” Her words were
filled with an anger she’d never unleashed. “The city we live in may be
quite large… but the world is larger and space an empty grave…those are
my words. I used them the other day to convince a group of unrelenting
politicians to sign a law that would ensure…absolutely nothing. I will
not bend to pretty speeches.”
Dorothy Catalonia set in with a low off set clap. “Bravo Miss…Bravo. My
admiration for you and your convictions just continues to grow. Tell me
though…”, she paused to set her aim. “If I pushed you from your pedal
stool what would you do to me? If you lost what you claim to hate and
got to touch those flames your knights have kept you so safe from…what
would you do with the burn?”
“Don’t take this…where I think you’re taking this?”
“Afraid to fall Miss Dorlain?” She quirked an eyebrow her eyes a show
of heavy artillery. “I don’t think I have to remind you that you’re the
one who inched the conversation this way. And what a way it was.”
“Dorothy, don’t you dare”, was the heated reply. Her fist was a tight
ball.
“Would you really hit me Relena?” She paused and took in the view. “Oh
I believe you would… Before your anger consumes you…let me remind you,
yet again, love…You had your chance to escape from this conversation. I
gave it to you remember... C’mon, my sweet you know very well we’ve
always seen each other for what we are. There are no masks or surprises
to truly separate us.”
“And what are we”, Relena asked her fist still ready to swing.
A recognizable grin slid onto her face. “You…of course and with no
surprise are the fallen princess...and I… I’m a rouge knight. You saw
me and you knew I was there to ruin you…and instead of pushing me
aside…you welcomed me in.”
“And are we still so clearly defined?”
“Yes…because you still court destruction… What was it I said when you
lied that morning? When you had just gotten back to your room and that
lovely woman your brother so loves was looking for you?” She watched
the fist grow tighter.
“I don’t remember.” That lie was less attractive than her first had
been.
A sigh was released and platinum blonde locks shook with
disappointment. “If you actually succeed in hitting me I promise never
to give you a moments peace. I’ll leave and that’ll be it.”
“Can you keep your word?”
“Sun’s almost up”, she mentioned briefly. “I keep my word better than
you do…I always mean every word I say.” The grin disappeared from her
face. She was very serious. “When you come home at night and you can’t
say where you’ve been… What does that tell you about yourself? When you
want to confess but the world won’t let you…and the thing you lust for
just won’t give in…And your attractions become more deadly… Why don’t
you just-“
She was cut off as a small fist flew towards her face. It missed, but
only because she dodged. And as the other tried its luck at redemption
and was caught she was surprised she could even speak as Relena
struggled to free herself from her grip.
“Shall I push a little harder”, Dorothy purred as her companions
frustration grew. “I’ll always be just that more stronger than you.”
“Let me go!”
Dorothy released her captive’s wrist and chuckled when she hit the
ground. She watched the little princess sulk on the damp grass for a
moment nearly saddened by her easy conquest. Her smile faded as Relena
sprang up from the ground and tackled her, holding her to the ground as
firmly as she could. The perfect little girl breathed heavily as her
bright eyes burned with a fire Dorothy had not seen in the longest
time.
“Don’t you just hate it when history repeats itself”; Dorothy quipped
eagerly. “Gonna beat my face in?” She was waiting to add the final
push, but something was holding her back. The words waited at the end
of her tongue precious and few. They were her final attack, sharp and
deadly, and she didn’t want to use them. She wanted to save her fallen
princess just like all those other knights had, and she could save her.
But it wasn’t her place and so she spoke, doing her best to keep a
smirk on her face. “So… good for you winning like this…We never did get
to wrap things up after your little world went up in flames”, she
paused a bit. “I mean for the second time.”
“We have nothing…nothing at all that needs wrapping up.”
“But we do…Tell me…Was it everything you imagined when even she refused
you?” The expression on the girl’s face was enough to mark victory.
“Was it just as heart breaking as you hoped it would be? ‘Cos you know
if I’d had known that’s what you wanted”, she paused and took a deep
breath in so she could bury the knife deeper. “I’d have gladly given it
to you.”
Back a million miles ago
I hadn’t known at all
Back all that time ago
I didn’t want to see you fall
I tried to be a savior too
I tried to free your heart
But back a million miles ago
I managed to tear it all apart
Her grip grew weak and it was all the young woman she was holding down
needed to reverse the roles just slightly. Relena looked up at the
multi-colored sky that would soon be just a bright and lonely blue. And
silence reigned over all as she tried in vain to fight her tears. She
waited patiently for absolution as Dorothy suddenly looked down at her.
“Don’t you have a meeting early this morning? I’d hate to keep you from
your duties.”
Back a million miles ago
I had the perfect smile
I had the perfect kingdom
And even for the smallest while…
I had perfect lovers
But one by one they left me cold
To keep me from the flames
And in the end I’m almost sure
I have only myself to blame
“How did you know”, the fallen princess whispered. She was still
searching the sky for relief.
“How could I not?” It was swift and a slight kick. “We’re still both
young and stupid love…Only I can make things happen. I can grab what I
want and never have the courtesy to put it back again. Treading so
close to you I learned how to walk the fire and never get burned.”
“But…you knew.”
“So? I knew…does it matter. You said it best didn’t you? We were kids”;
a soft reply tried to delve deep.
It was rebuffed. “It hurt.”
“Did it? It’s over now though…” she paused wondering why she wanted to
fix things. “Why can’t you be happy with what you have? Why do you push
for your end so? I’ll never understand that…and if my dear…if you hate
this life so very much why not just leave it all behind and get on with
things. Who is going to stop you?”
“I don’t know.”
Dorothy sat back and tossed her hair.
Back a million miles ago
Didn’t I hold your hand?
Back when the world was dull and gray
Didn’t I take it all away?
If we’ve driven back to this same spot
Will we just restart all the pain?
Will I make the mistake the very same way?
And leave you howling in the rain
Relena Dorlain sat up and wiped the mist from her eyes. She felt empty.
She swallowed hard and then looked over at Dorothy. “Did it hurt?”
“What?”
“I…Do I really have to say out loud?”
“It hurt precious girl…it hurt a lot. One should never suppose just
because I am how I am…that I wouldn’t be hurt” She let her eyes wander
over her companion’s face and she shut her eyes. “It was bound to be
one of us I think. Either her or me…we both had no intentions of ever
saving you. I’m just surprised…” she stopped unsure for the moment how
to phrase things precisely.
“But you did try and save me…it still should have meant my end, but it
wasn’t. And I make no apologies for searching for something like
oblivion.”
“Even if it was in her arms? And even if…” she hated being speechless
it wasn’t in character for her. “Didn’t I give you the exact same
thing?”
“No. Maybe at first but it turned and I…I just couldn’t handle it. I
believe you remarked on that earlier.” She stood up and brushed her
hair back. “Shall we go inside?”
“Yes…let’s.”
So soft and cool I feel you near
Lost and lonely I know what you fear
And if you want to fall
You have only but to call
And I’ll run
I’ll run
I’ll knock you down
Push you around
Save your heart from beating
And give you a reason for meeting
I’ll run
And I’ll run
Cool and damp the winter air
Tell me why this isn’t fair
Loss and ache take to my side
Filling and killing taking all my pride
But if you want to
I’ll run
Ask quietly
And I’ll run
I’ll run
I’ll run
Back to Gundam Wing Shoujo-Ai Fanfiction