Goodbye
(~ )= lyrics
(=) = thoughts (//) = memories
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
//Heero worked on his Gundam and said nothing to an incessantly
chattering Duo behind him. He hadn't said anything the whole day until
she came in. "Heero... I want to talk to you." "Hm." Duo stared at the
two and took his cue to leave, noticing how Heero made no attempt to
look at her or talk to her. "Heero," Relena insisted once more but he
still ignored her. Relena stood, hands on hips, for a brief moment
before she took the issue into her own hands. "HEEEEERRRROOOO!" she
shouted at him. Duo winced and ducked at her sudden outburst and
quickly made his exit telling Wufei who was about to enter that it'd
be better if he didn't. "WHAT!" Heero yelled down at her, his eyes
blazing fire and his features showing nothing less. Relena stared up
at him in disbelief and disgust. Had he ever spoken to her this way?
For a time after the Eve Wars, she thought there might be hope for the
two of them but then he went off and on his own, only to come back not
four months later. She thought it was fate and that they were meant to
be but it wasn't. He was harder and colder than before. "Arrogant
Fool," she called out and left the hangar bay. Heero did not see a
weepy girl scamper away. Instead, he saw hatred in her eyes as she
turned on her heel and marched right out of there the same as how he
_had_ noticed her come in. He said nothing, nor did he try to stop
her. He just stared at the heart he just shattered. A heart that
proved to be made of steel underneath.//
Relena looked down at her favorite picture. Blue eyes full of ice and
pain stared back at her. It was a candid shot of him, for that's the
only picture he'd allow, but it was a rather nice shot; death glare
and all. This is what it took. Seeing this picture for what he truly
represented to himself and to others. Cold and unfeeling. How had it
taken her so long to see this? She didn't know and didn't care to
know. She knew now and that was enough. Heero would never love her the
way she loved him. The heart could only take so much. Hers had reached
it's limit... his was unyielding. One more feel of the cold glass that
covered his face led her to believe that she was feeling more than
just that crystal plane beneath her fingertips. The cool feel
reflected back a cold heart. She sighed.
~Your heart is not open so I must go
The spell has been broken, I loved you so~
"Good-bye, Heero."
~~
Duo stared blankly at the door. His hand was already on the knob when
she spoke and now he didn't know what to do. "How can you say that,
Hilde?" he asked her. "It's true, Duo. You _don't_ love me. You don't
even notice whether I'm here or there..." she replied adamantly. Was
she right? How could she be? He _did_ love her. "I'm leaving Duo. I
can't stay under this tangle of lies any more." Duo turned around to
look at her. Something he _had_ failed to miss upon looking at her the
first time. A duffle bag sat waiting by her feet. She was _really_
leaving. "So what... just like that, you're gone?" he asked irritated
and hurt. "I need to be free, Duo. Free to taste my _own_ wind. You
come and go as you please and I NEVER say a word! I'm sick and tired
of this CRAP, Duo! YOU were the one who brought this up!" Duo stared
at her, remembering his words to her the very night before.
//"Hil... do you ever think that maybe we were meant to be free
spirits?" "What?" Hilde asked, eyes wide with confusion. "What's
_that_ supposed to mean?" "Well," Duo said, sitting up on his elbow to
look down at her. "You know... free... to choose... to live..." "What
are you saying?" she asked but Duo only laid back down next to her and
said nothing more, save for goodnight. "Yeah... good night," she
replied sourly and rolled over.//
"What a way to end a good session of sex, huh? Thanks for the lay can
we be free birds now?" Duo's eyes grew to giant saucers as his face
contorted into anger. "That's NOT what I said, Hilde! And YOU Know
it!" She just stared at him, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.
"Hilde..." he said and walked over toward her. He wrapped his arms
around her and pulled her near. This was her downfall by any account
and they both knew it. "Duo..." she pushed him away. "No... I can't do
this any more and I'm not going to," she said firmly. "Maybe when
you're done being 'free' you can look me up... maybe I won't be." she
said. Duo watched as she walked out the door. She had never stood up
to him before. Usually, it was him hugging her, she'd turn to mush and
allow him to kiss her and then they'd go a step further until they
were lying side by side after a wild rampage of sex in which he'd told
her more than plenty of times that he loved her. Not this time. This
time she just pushed him away and walked right past him. "You'll be
back," he said to himself.
~Freedom comes when you learn to let go
Creation comes when you learn to say no ~
Hilde stopped at the edge of the sidewalk and turned to look back. She
could see his darkened form in the window staring back. This was her
time, now. "Good bye, Duo," she said and ran down the street to the
main crossing to catch the bus.
~*~
On the bus, Hilde stared out the window at the passing scenery. She
didn't even _Like_ living on L2 any more. But where would she go? It
was her home. She didn't want to go to Earth... it just didn't call to
her the way space did. She wanted to go away. Just... away. She
thought of Duo and felt the tears trickle down her face. She had never
been that strong before. It had taken everything she had not to just
give in to him when he hugged her and she didn't know how she did
it... she just did. "Duo..." she whispered to the glass in front of
her where she could almost see his amythist eyes staring at her.
~You were my lesson I had to learn~
~~
Relena sat in the cab and stared out the window into the clouds. Zechs
had done it. He left without a word- though it was in the midst of
battle. Why couldn't she? The world would not fall apart if she were
to leave for a little while! She just needed to gather her barrings
and make a fresh start... but she had to make a fresh return before
she could do that. She wondered what the others were thinking by now
but she didn't care. Would they beat her to the space port? Would she
care when they confronted her? No and if they did, it wouldn't matter.
She thought about Heero's final word to her. His projected voice
echoing in the hangar bay. He had no right to speak to her that way...
to feel the way he felt, that was one thing but couldn't he be more
civil? Relena laughed a little to herself and looked down at her
nails. "No, Heero... you couldn't be, could you?" she asked to
herself.
~I was your fortress you had to burn~
This would be one bridge she would have no trouble burning... she
_did_ hope, however, that he would not have any troubles in doing the
same. But this was Heero. How _could_ he have trouble at that?
~*~
~Pain is a warning that something's wrong
I pray to God that it won't be long
I wanna go higher~
Hilde stepped off her shuttle and walked aimlessly down the corridor
full of people. She didn't even _Know_ anyone on L3. She was thankful
for the credits she _did_ have but knew it would either get her food
and a place to sleep or back to L2 and that was it. One or the other.
Relena stared at the world beyond the window. They wouldn't find her
on L3 would they? But even if they did, it was already too late. She
made her decision and she was going to stick to it. The world beyond
her touch was inviting enough and she was going to take it. All that
it had to offer. "Relena?" Relena winced slightly at hearing her name
but turned quickly at the voice. Shock and surprise filled her
features as she looked at the young woman approaching her. "Hilde?"
she asked. "What are you doing here?" Hilde asked in as much surprise.
Relena's slightly brightened face gloomed once over again. What had
brought her here? "Heero," she replied and stared out the window once
more. "Heero? I don't understand..." Hilde said, searching for more.
Relena turned to face the young woman before her. "Heero ticked me off
and I needed to get away," she said. "I've finally realized that he'll
never love me and so... I just needed to get away so that I could
return as a fresh, new Spring day." Hilde sighed and nodded. "I hear
ya," she replied. "I left Duo today." Relena eyed her cautiously,
searching for the tell-tale sign of tears or any other kind of
emotion. She, as well as the others, knew of the couple's on-off going
relationship. Most had felt sorry for her but it was her decision to
stay and she did... Everytime. "How do you feel," Relena asked. Hilde
looked up into the soft sea-green eyes. Even though they were the same
age, it was as though Relena were older than she. Perhaps because of
her role as former Queen, now Vice Foreign Minister.
~There's nothing left to try
There's no place left to hide~
"I just can't believe it's done," she commented quietly and did her
own take of the world outside. "How about you?" she asked in return.
Relena, again, turned to look at what Hilde was looking at.
~There's no greater power
Than the power of good-bye~
"I have never felt stronger," she replied and to this, she invited
Hilde to join her in her escapade of 'hiding out' on L3.
~*~
Hilde laid back on the bed. The day's events with Relena proved to be
wild and most definitely free. She had never felt this way before. It
was an air she could quickly get accustomed to and would never had
imagined Relena for the type to give her such an exciting adventure.
"Hey," Relena smiled as she entered the room setting down a small
grocery bag. "What's that?" Hilde asked, sitting up. "Room Service,"
Relena laughed and pulled out a bucket of chicken and two bottles of
strawberry flavored wine. "We are going to eat and get silly-drunk,"
she giggled. "One thing, if any, that I learned from Noin... don't get
STUPID like my brother!" Hilde smiled and headed for the table where
Relena was unpacking the dinner. "You know... I would never have
believed that you could..." she fumbled for words. "Live on my own?"
Relena finished. Hilde blushed slightly and nodded. "Most people
don't. But I learned well from my father... he taught me how to have
fun and live life to the fullest. I'm not saying it's easy to have fun
while being the Vice Foreign Minister... just that I know when I need
a break." Hilde nodded and took from the bucket only to nibble on the
piece she chose. Relena watched her and wondered what she was
thinking. That is until her own thoughts consumed her, filling her
stomach instead of the chicken. It wasn't long that they took the
first bottle and dipped in and no sooner had they opened the bottle
that they were feeling the waves and effects of the alcohol.
Hilde cried as she told Relena about what had happened between her and
Duo and the things he said and all that he had done and cried harder
when Relena told her the truth about whether she had known or not of
Duo's actions. "Nobody told me," she cried. "Why couldn't they tell
me?" Relena just stared, thinking about Heero's harsh reaction to her.
She didn't cry, though. "Probably cause they figured you would just
push it out and not listen," she answered. Hilde wiped her eyes and
blew her nose and took another drink of her wine. Trying to stabilize
her balance, she stood up and unsteadily made her way to the window.
"Duo..." she whispered. "How could you?"
~Your heart is not open so I must go~
Relena stared at the girl and took another long sip from her own glass
as a haze began to fall upon her. "Heero..." she said looking into her
glass, "to Hell with you!" she giggled and then made her way to the
window with Hilde and stared out, putting her arm around the sobbing
girl. Her thoughts on her rejection to the man she thought she loved.
~The spell has been broken, I loved you so~
"Never again," Relena said to Hilde. "Never again let them play this
role in our lives..." Relena said, voice rough from the wine. She
handed Hilde her glass and offered a toast. Hilde accepted, dried the
tears from her eyes and lifted her glass.
"~You were my lesson I had to learn~" she said, "and I'm learning it,
Duo Maxwell!" Relena smiled and clapped a bit. "Heero," she started
and lifted her glass, "~I was your fortress you had to burn~ now watch
me burn!" she laughed and finished off her glass in one drink.
~*~
Hours later, Relena woke up, not remembering going to sleep. Hilde was
asleep next to her curled into the fetal position. Slowly, Relena got
up and grabbed the comforter from the other bed in the room and
covered Hilde and crawled back in next to her. After shutting the
light, Hilde instinctively rolled over and grabbed Relena's face,
pulling it closer to her and kissing the other girl deeply. Relena's
eyes widened at the shock of what was happening and at the fact that
she was enjoying it.
But it couldn't be... Hilde must have been dreaming about Duo. She
pushed Hilde away gently. "Hilde..." she whispered. "Hilde... wake
up..." she whispered a bit louder. "I am awake, Relena," Hilde
whispered back. Relena jumped back a bit and turned on the light.
Hilde stared at her in the dim light and for a brief moment saw a
reflection of Duo staring back at her. It was an image that faded
quickly and was replaced by a softness only another heart-struck woman
could give. "Why did you..." Relena asked fumbling for words. "I don't
know..." Hilde whispered. "Maybe it was saying good-bye," she said.
Relena looked up at the girl. What harm could this cause? Heero's best
friend's girl and herself... there couldn't be too much damage.
Besides, who was to say that either were going back to said men? "Are
you... embarrassed," Hilde asked looking down. Relena flushed red in
the face. She was embarrassed that she wasn't embarrassed. ".....
No...." she said finally. "You?" Hilde moved a little, scooting back
to her side of the bed. "I don't think so... No," she said and looked
to meet Relena's eyes. There was silence there.
~There's nothing left to lose
There's no more heart to bruise
There's no greater power
Than the power of good-bye~
Relena switched the light off and sat there for a moment contemplating
her thoughts. //"Perhaps it's saying good-bye."// The words echoed in
her mind. There was no pain left for either men to cause them... there
were no more bruises to induce on their already shattered hearts.
"Hilde..." Relena spoke softly, gently. "It's time for us to..." her
thoughts trailed as her words did.
~Learn to say good-bye~
Hilde sat up and looked at Relena in the earliest haze of dawn. She
reached out for the other woman just across from her. Relena accepted
the invitation and leaned forward. Seconds later they were caught in a
warm embrace of emotion, holding one another, tasting the other,
yearning for more. Yearning to let go. Relena pulled away from Hilde
slightly and stared into the crystal blue eyes that stared back at
her.
~I yearn to say good-bye~
"Say good-bye," she whispered and Hilde closed her eyes to the next
round this time by Relena's assault.
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