She Should Be Mine
Wow...
Man...I’m such a ditz. I mean really...why did I...why was I so
stupid? Why did I let myself...fall for her?
I look at her sometimes and I just think to myself:
‘How could I have missed it?’
It’s not like she’s an open person but I still should have seen it.
Every time I look in her eyes, I see what they really want. And I’m
surprised that she doesn’t see what I want.
I want her.
Wow...where do I even begin to describe her? She’s...she’s just so
gorgeous. Every time I look at her body I’m surprised I don’t get
jealous. She just has this way of getting to me. Sometimes I see her
standing on her own when we land to pick up fuel. She just stands
there, her long sea blue hair waving in the breeze.
And I get chills down my spine when I see this. These chills also have
a tendency to be followed by a throbbing ache between my legs.
I never really look at her like that often though. Just at the times
when the frustration inside me builds up a notch. But whether feel it
or not...she is disturbingly sexy. Not many people are as eye-catching
as she is. A lot of people would be freaked out by her wings and her
tail...but not me. I wonder why...? It’s just something about her.
She’s got all these qualities that form one whole. And that whole just
sucks you in, y’know? Like a vacuum. I...I can’t explain it,
but...when I see her walking around the ship, cooking with June or
having fun with May, I’m overcome with this attraction to her. She can
be so natural...so charming, and yet she doesn’t even know it. That
shy expression of hers just adds to her mystique.
When it’s put like that, I suppose it’s no wonder I feel the way I do.
I guess I’m just a sucker for her innocent, oblivious little
seductions...
I love you, Dizzy.
Whoa...I think that’s the first time I’ve ever admitted that to
myself. How I feel about her. But it is true. I have been lost in
Dizzy’s eyes ever since she was first brought on the ship.
It just took me a while to realize it.
It surprises me that I remember that day so well. I was with June and
some of the other girls, up at the bridge. Johnny and May had left the
ship to hunt down some Gear that was somehow able to function. Johnny
said that he just wanted the bounty on its head, and May secretly
wanted the money to buy Johnny a present. Not a present from her as a
crewmember or a friend, but as a ‘woman’.
Needless to say, her plan didn’t quite work out like that...
Instead of returning to the ship with 500,000 world dollars, Johnny
and May came back with the self-reliant Gear.
Her name was Dizzy.
Everyone, including me, was shocked by Johnny’s decision. He maybe
captain, but he has made his fair share of mistakes in the past. And
I’m ashamed to say that I thought that bringing a Gear onto the ship
was one of them. I mean you can’t blame me, can you? Not only was she
a Gear, but she was a Gear that could fully operate. Johnny told me
that Gears couldn’t work anymore because their commander was dead. Yet
bang, here was this girl, moving around without any problems
whatsoever. Not only that, but she was attracting a lot of attention
in the public. That was something we didn’t need. We are pirates after
all. Having a Gear of so much importance would blow our cover
eventually.
But...those were my old feelings. And they didn’t last long.
I think everyone was a little afraid of Dizzy from the start. Aside
from May and Johnny, no one was really comfortable around her,
especially the older girls. But over time, we all warmed up to her.
Aside from me. I was still afraid.
Until one day...
The ship had crashed into something, we really had no idea what it
was, but it did some damage. Johnny ordered the landing of the May
ship, then he and a few of the crew, made repairs to the wing that had
been damaged.
I’m not a mechanic, so I didn’t bother to concern myself with details.
We had landed on a range of mountains, and May wanted to explore a
bit. Just as usual, May made Dizzy tag along, but I also decided to
join them. I guess at the time, I just needed to set my feet on the
ground to think straight. So the three of us left to check out these
mountains.
May was well into it, and Dizzy kept reminding her that Johnny told us
not to stray too far from the ship. As for me...I really couldn’t
focus on what either of them was saying. Something had been niggling
at me. I didn’t know what but...something was bothering me that day.
And whenever I looked at Dizzy...I felt it again, but stronger. I was
so confused.
But then...I saw Dizzy kneeling down for some reason. May questioned
her about it, but Dizzy didn’t say anything about it. Then two cuddly
little furry animals ran up to her, nuzzling themselves into her lap.
And Dizzy gave out the cutest of laughs. And I looked at her. Really
looked at her. She was so innocent. So shy, so calm. There was nothing
about her that was a danger. And at that point, I realized that Dizzy
wasn’t like any other person I had met before...
She was special.
And from then I realized, that I had feelings for her. I could tell
instantly that I did. Even at the times I didn’t trust her...I
couldn’t stop thinking about how hot she was. I’m not like May. Looks
aren’t as important to me as they are to her...but even I could not
ignore how beautiful Dizzy was.
And from then on...Dizzy had stolen my heart.
But...unfortunately for me...Dizzy already had someone who she loved.
Someone who meant more to her then I did.
May.
Now when I think about it in my head, it makes sense in a weird sort
of way. May was the closest friend Dizzy had on the ship. Those two
were always together, like long lost buddies. They do everything
together, even if there are alone in doing it.
They had formed a connection that I wasn’t going to be able to
understand in a million years. But, May sees their friendship for what
it is, a friendship.
I don’t think I need to explain why...
May is infatuated with Johnny. Any kind of decision she makes will
revolve around the captain. What he likes, what he doesn’t like, how
much of something he likes. In May’s eyes, Johnny outweighs the whole
world.
And it’s because of this, that May cannot see how much Dizzy loves
her.
But I don’t blame May for being so naïve. Even though her love for
Johnny borders on an obsession, she really does care for him. I think
Dizzy sees this as well. That is probably why Dizzy keeps her feelings
for May bottled up. She’d rather have May as a friend than risk their
friendship over the unlikely chance she’ll strike gold in May’s heart.
But what the heck is my excuse?
I have never even talked to Dizzy about the feelings I hold for her. I
know she’d be supportive, she is far too nice to hold my feelings to
scorn, but at the same time, I know my love won’t be returned.
She loves May, not me.
And...even though it’s not her fault, I cannot help but feel envious
of the power May has over Dizzy. She would do anything for May, I’m
sure of it. Dizzy shows a lot of devotion to the rest of the crew as
well, but May is very significant to her. May just shines above most
in Dizzy’s eyes.
Maybe Dizzy values May as much as May values Johnny.
But where does that leave me?
The fact that I don’t have any place in the triangle is the real heavy
hitter. I get depressed whenever I think about my Dizzy situation.
Which is why the whole crew thinks I’ve been moping lately.
So here I sit, at the lovable cafeteria of the Ship, with Dizzy and
May, eating our lunches at our usual table. While Dizzy and May chat
amongst themselves, I just play with my food, dipping my fork in and
out of it. I never feel hungry these days. Not really.
I try my hardest to keep my depression away from the others because it
just draws more attention to me, but I seem to be doing a lousy job at
it. Because both Dizzy and May stare at me with twin looks of concern.
But May is the first to act on them. “April...are you okay? You look
kinda tired. Are you?”
I am actually. I don’t get a lot of sleep either. Which is a shame
because they always involve a certain Gear and me. But, she a little
more confident and a little more...experienced.
But...I can’t put any value in a dream. If it isn’t real then it isn’t
what I want.
Uh oh. I guess I should say something back. “Um...I’m okay, May. You
really shouldn’t worry about me.”
The look on May’s face rivals confusion. “Well heck, girl I always
worry about my friends! And with a face like that...well...”
Man, I know May means well, but...
“A face like that?” I say sharply. “What the heck is that supposed to
mean?”
May throws her arms up in confusion and sweatdrops. “I didn’t
mean...What I meant to say is...I wasn’t saying
that...well...I...um...”
I pay no real attention to May. She’s so kind but right now she is the
root of my problems. Then Dizzy looks at me with a heartfelt concern.
She can read me like a book, even if she doesn’t know how I feel about
her. In some ways I like the way she worries about me. But then I feel
guilty for making her worry.
Especially when nothing can be done about it.
“April,” Her sweet elfin voice murmurs. “You do look tired. Maybe you
should rest. May and I can take care of your duties today.”
I feel my heart throbbing when she looks at me like that. I can deny
her nothing. Dizzy is so gentle. I‘d move the stars to keep her safe.
“Maybe you’re right.” I say, feigning tiredness. “Thanks, you guys.”
May nods at me in her usual upbeat way. “No probs, April. As long as
you start acting like your normal self then take all the time you
need.”
I briefly smile at the two of them, then stand up and make my way over
to the exit of the cafeteria. I walk slowly, in an effort to make my
act look convincing. After I’m out of sight, May and Dizzy continue to
talk. And even from here I can see the flaming blush along Dizzy’s
cheeks. Yet May is not aware of it.
I feel anger inside me. I know how immature it is to be jealous of my
best friend, but I can’t believe how clueless May is. And like a flash
of lightning, I’m reminded of Dizzy’s love for her.
The tiniest of crystal dew drop tears trickle from my eyes. I’m
surprised that I don’t cry more often. But then I realize...that I
don’t need to. As I look at them, I see that Dizzy is happy.
And my lips curl into a smile from seeing it. I love her...but she is
happy as she is. And at the end of the day, that’s all I really want.
To see her happy.
Even though she should be mine.
*********
THE END
Kaiser’s Afterthoughts
----------------------
* Sheez! That was a lot more depressing then I intended it to be. If I
wanted to feel disheartened I would have read a Tomoyo/Sakura fic. Oh
well, I hope everyone liked it.
* I’ve got my original character mapped out and he’s ready to go! All
I need to do is plan out a storyboard and we’re off!
* I’m not going to continue this, I like it where it is.
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