Nirvana of the Aegis Soul
So cold...
Where I am...
Drifting once again...
I walk here, along this quiet strip of gentle grassland. The coldness,
drilling into me. My cloak, flocking in the chilly breeze. It is
through this I travel. Once again I journey.
I journey from her, to face him.
The two facets of my dilemma. I am trapped. Trapped between the
proverbial rock and a hard place, between my past and my...future. And
as each step I place moves me forward, an old memory shoots into my
mind. Memories of my old life.
From my youth...I was trained to be nothing more than a weapon. A tool
for the bloodthirsty ambitions of others. And...as clearly as I can
remember...his darkness...
Zato-ONE’s darkness...
That was the driving force behind it all. Zato-ONE...that
animal...that lowlife scum...he is the one who did this to my life. He
was the one who narrated this murderous power into my image. He was
the one who caused (and continues to reinforce) my suffering.
And I will never be free...until I am rid of him.
So...I will relentlessly pursue him. I do not believe in destiny, but
if I have at least one mission in life, it is to bring him down. That
is all I live for. It is all I should live for.
To finally free myself from him, from the past, from the assassins...I
have to kill him...and yet...
None of that seems to matter when she holds me...
Irritated with these thoughts, I shake my head free of them. I cannot
do this anymore. I cannot use her...not like this. I will not let it
be like this.
I will not use...I-No.
But...even now I...I see her face in my mind’s eye. Her
eyes...constantly changing colour. Her midnight raven hair blowing in
the cool winds...her fluttering smirk of contempt.
Again I try to shake free from her magnetic image. Why have I let
myself...become so connected to her? For the most part, I have
accepted the loneliness that comes with being a runaway assassin. I
knew what the consequences of my actions would be long before I even
left the Organization. I knew that by running from it...simple contact
with anyone was no longer possible.
I willingly sold my soul into seclusion.
And yet I allowed myself contact with I-No. I risked her safety simply
so that I...could be with her.
Why am I so selfish? Why do I continue to manipulate the lives of
others for my own ends?
I will not continue to use her...it is disgusting. It symbolises
everything I stand against. But I still find myself...desiring her.
Needing her electric touch pressing against my skin. But...I
cannot...offer her what she needs. She needs more...I-No needs someone
who will not treat her the way I do.
“You’re just a coward, Rage.”
I freeze in place. Her voice. Still...inside me. Dancing along the
canals of my mind. Wrenching into my soul and drawing out my
conscience.
Is she right? Am I a coward?
My only options...have been to run. That was the only way I could free
myself from the assassin group. It is all I have ever known. Maybe I
am cowardly.
As I think...I am running from her...
But does she not understand the situation? I had no choice but to
leave. Why does she allow herself to be manipulated by me? Why is she
so stubborn? Why can’t she see that I’m not right for her?
Why doesn’t she understand that it would be better for everyone if...I
never went back to her?
All our meetings are tarnished by filthy lust. Even our first...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I sit here in this smoke-infested bar, by the bar side, sitting
quietly on a tall wooden stool. I sigh helplessly as my ravaged ears
desperately attempt to block out the jarring thunder of the music
around me. And ever slowly, the burly bartender strides up to me.
“Here’s ya sake.” He quips gruffly.
Shortly he is gone to tend to other dishevelled customers of
his...establishment. And I stare at the small glass of premium
Japanese style sake.
It brings back good memories of my times with Baiken.
Alcoholic she may have been, no swordswoman on the face of this earth
could rival her fire and courageous dignity. She always seemed to have
a simple outlook on life, but there was always a hidden depth to her
that I could never have begun to imagine.
Baiken was the only one could ever understand me.
Things were so much easier back then. When I travelled with her...life
was not difficult. My life was simple and clean.
Another section of my life that I’m left relenting over.
Quickly, I gulp down the small glass of sake, push myself off the
stool and make my way to the exit. I never did have Baiken’s tolerance
for alcohol.
As I slowly saunter past the bouncers and pass through the double
shifting doors, I step out in the outside to take a deep breath of the
cool night air.
But I do not savour it for long.
As a dark haired woman in crimson leather, wielding an unusual guitar
slowly stalks to me.
Her strange eyeshade permeates my soul for some reason. Why?
“I’ve been watching you.” She states. “For such a cute little package,
you’ve got a grim face. It’s kinda sexy...but I bet it’s been a while
since you were last laid, huh?”
I’m sure my face did not reflect my thoughts. Such rude arrogance is
usually annoying to me. But I must admit, compliments (if that could
be considered as such) like that did get to me. No matter how
meaningless they were.
Still, I try to retain an aura of indifference towards her, and I
begin to walk away, without uttering so much as a word to her.
And seems as if I have struck a nerve.
“Who the hell are you to walk away from me like that?!”
I say nothing.
And again she yells out. “So the cute little flower has an attitude,
eh?”
Suddenly I stop in my tracks. Instantly I am filled with a strange
anger. Unbeknownst to anyone, that was his name for me...
His ‘Little Flower’...
My head moves around slowly. “Do not call me that.”
...I can...see her...smirking... “Heh, heh, heh...what’s up? Did I say
something wrong?”
Normally, I would not have even thought about using my powers on
anyone unless I absolutely needed to, but the cocky disposition of
this woman angered me. Speedily, I rip my cloak from my body and my
whip-like hair lashes out at this leather-clad woman. But she does not
run. In total surprise to me, she jolts to one side, avoiding my
attack with almost eagle-like quickness. Then her long fingers strum
across the strings of her cerulean guitar.
And I let out a small yelp of pain as a blast of ultra sonic waves
carve a shallow cut into the map of my face. I slide back somewhat to
reassess the error in judgement that I had made of this woman’s power,
but before long, I see a flash of red slice through the air.
Sneakily, the woman positions herself before me.
With another conceited smile, she shoves me against the stonewall,
pressing herself against my body, her rosy scent surrounding me.
Her eyes gleam as she looks into mine. “You’re not a willing fighter,
are you?” He pauses to push her left leg between my thighs. “Nah, I
didn’t think so.”
Then shockingly, my body freezes in place and my eyes widen, as this
woman leans toward my face. I gasp as she drags her warm tongue over
the wound she administered to my cheek.
She then pulls back and smiles deviously as a small trail of my blood
dribbles down the side of her mouth.
“Your blood tastes so sweet, Cookie.” She says lustfully.
I freeze up automatically as she presses her forceful lips against
mine, my body trembling with the contact. One of her hands snaked up
to my jaw placing a tight grip around it. Out of reflex, my lips part,
and this woman seizes her opportunity, thrusting her tongue into my
mouth.
I remain still from pure shock, as her free hand roughly massages my
breast. And the revolting taste of my blood fills my mouth as her
tongue dances along my own.
But what shocks me most...was that I wasn’t fighting it...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sharp chill runs down my spine as I remember what that night led to.
The first time I slept with I-No.
**********
Kaiser’s Afterthoughts
----------------------
* Well. I’ve decided make this into a four part series; with two more
follow-ups on the way. The next will be from I-No’s perspective.
* In case you’re wondering, this whole thing is *not* a spin-off of
Darkest Body, Brightest Soul. Millia said that she spent some time
with Baiken, but that is not the Millia-scenario from DB, BS. This is
a completely independent story.
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