Marlene's Iron Maiden
Damn.
Haven’t had sex of that kind in a while. And it’s all down to her. My
beautiful unwilling killer.
It’s kinda pathetic though. I’m lying here, in bed with her,
reminiscing about last night. The feel of her soft skin against mine.
The taste of her sweet nectar on my lips. The sound of her gorgeous
gasps of pleasure.
I’ve never been a woman who takes much stock in one person. Hell, she
could be gone tomorrow and I’d still find someone else to fuck silly
all night. Yet I’m lying here, staring at her.
But why in the hell am I doing this?
I hold no confusions about our relationship. It’s all sex. She’ll come
to me one night, rain, sleet or snow. She’ll just stand there,
watching me; her body will say nothing, but her eyes...
Her icy crystal blue eyes call out to me. They command me to ease her
suffering. And I do. I devour the body she so willingly offers to me.
I could be so poetic about this whole situation. I could describe the
sweet tingle I get when I touch her. I could state the power and
control I feel when I hold her. But that would be splitting hairs.
I don’t mean anything to her. I can see it in her eyes. Like I said,
it’s all sex. That’s all she ever needs from me. I guess part of me
should be proud. I’m the only one who can give her a decent fuck and
she knows it. But then another part of me hates that fact.
She just uses me. Like a damn vibrator. She gets her fix and then she
makes tracks faster than that Japanese wannabe on steroids.
Most people would think that I’d find that kinda kinky, but all it
does is just annoy the shit out of me. Who the hell does she think she
is?
Even now, when she’s lying asleep next to me, she’s still got that
pompous expression on her face. Like the world isn’t good enough for
her. Flaunting her ‘chastity’ around like she’s God’s gift.
Heh...
She wasn’t bragging about her chastity when I got her into my bed
though...
And yet, despite all that, I’m never happier than when I’m plunging my
tongue into her pussy. When we make love, it’s...its not anything
meaningful or delicate. It’s ruff and brutal.
In a weird way, it’s kinda commanding. She silently demands pleasure
and I demandingly give it to her. That’s the way I see it and the way
she expects it.
I swear she takes delight in reinforcing our dirty little chemical
love.
And even though her attitude towards me sucks, I’m damn well drawn to
her. Her silky body, her cold glance, her wild hair. She looks
fantastic now. Bathed in the moonlight seeping out of my window, she’s
still got that haunting image of a goddess.
Again...I hate myself for pining after her so much. Tomorrow morning
she’ll be outta here faster than lightning, with little more than a
goodbye. Off to chase after that shadow guy.
Interesting. She’s so sexy...so powerful. Yet she devotes her whole
life to chasing after a fucking corpse. If she weren’t so smart I’d
swear she was an idiot.
She ain’t got any passion when she’s in bed with me, but she devotes
her mind, body, heart and soul to killing a cadaver with a heartbeat.
What is this I feel when I think about them together? Son of a-! If
didn’t know better, I’d swear it was jealousy...
But then again, how can I blame her for that? If I had my way, I’d
have my hands wrapped around the neck of Sol Badguy...
Argh...I don’t wanna bring myself to think about that asshole. Marlene
and me will cut open his chest and rip out his fucking heart soon
enough.
I guess she and I aren’t as different as I thought, eh?
Dammit all to hell, I can’t even think straight. It pisses me off that
I can’t deal with this woman better. Even now...when I stare at her
little angel-face, my heart won’t stop thumping.
Why the hell does she have this effect on me?
There’s only one person on earth that I respect. Only one person I’ll
ever give a damn about. My ‘benefactor’ of sorts...
...That Man...
His will is my order. He commands and I follow. It’s my life. She
knows nothing about my other life. She knows nothing of the blood I’ll
spill shortly. She knows nothing about him.
Following his will, organizing my Carnival, killing Sol.
Those are the things that mean something to me. Nothing else should
matter as long as I have my way and I fulfil my desires.
So why in the fuck can’t I stop staring at her?
...And...why does the idea of her leaving me to kill that shadow box,
just...screw me up?
Why can’t I stop thinking about you, Millia?
**********
Tiredly, I draw up from my unfruitful sleep. All I really did was
dream of him...dream of his dark spectre casting his evil shadow over
me. The nightmare that plagues me constantly.
Then I adjust my eyes to my current location.
I’m in her apartment...in her bedroom...in her bed. Then I turn my
head to the left, and her sleeping form lulls upon my eyes.
And I get a sick feeling in my stomach. The things I let her do to
me...I let her claim my body as though it were nothing more than a
meaningless commodity.
I completely destroyed my honor in order to achieve a few moments of
unbridled ecstasy. And I let shame and self-pity take over.
I have become nothing more than a wraith. A starved vulture swooping
down on a few scraps of joy. Maybe I am worthless...
I let her inside my body simply to relieve myself of the throbbing
thoughts of Zato-ONE. The moment I think of that man’s name, a chill
runs down my spine. He has such an effect on me. Why do I hold him to
such an influence in my soul?
But then...that *is* why I keep coming back here...she gives me a
feeling of life. A feeling that I thought I had long since forgotten.
A feeling that had been denied to me ever since I was nothing more
than an infant.
I feel my hand shaking as it slowly reaches out to her hair. And I run
my hand through her raven-black locks, matted with sweat. Sweat
created from our last night together.
I keep coming back to her. Because when I do...briefly, just briefly,
I forget about Zato...I forget about being a fugitive and I forget
about the organization that sculpted me into a murderer.
While I’m trapped in her embrace...transfixed by the passion and
ardour that leaks from her controlling touch...
When her lips are perched against mine...I feel like a woman.
This...is why I keep coming back. This is why I allow her to defile me
and consume my body. Because when she and I sleep together, I feel
that magnetic charge of electricity between us.
I cannot name it. This feeling. But it rejuvenates me. It allows me to
continue with my quest. It spurs me to go on living. That sentiment
gives me the courage to continue. Because as long as I survive I know
I can feel it again.
But...even though I am comfortable with this, I feel tormented by what
I’m doing. I’m just using her. She knows it, I know it. And she looks
at me as though she wants...more.
But can I offer her that?
No passion that she gives to me can ever make me forget how horrible I
am. How can I just use another living soul like this? All I do is use
her and move on. Move on in pursuit of Zato.
Why does she let me do that to her? Why would she even want to form a
connection to me?
I am nothing. Just a ghost. For doing this to her, I am nothing more
than a demonic ghoul. I know this.
Even though she would never say that to me, I know that she feels the
exact same way. She will just humor me into believing otherwise, and
she will forget my views as long as I climb into her seductions.
She willingly lets me use her.
That is what sickens me. But yet, she is not troubled by this. In some
foolish, childish way, I think she likes it in this manner. It is
simple and easy. But then she is torn by the fact that she also wants
more from me. I can tell that I’ve bruised her pride because of this.
She is ashamed of the fact that...I give her some form of happiness.
She craves control and I give it to her. I desire relief and she hands
it to me on a platter. That’s all our ‘relationship’ amounts to,
rationally. It’s an enigma that our liaisons can even be described as
romantic. They are just so self-serving...
And yet...she still burns for me. She craves me with a lust that
rivals darkness. She’ll still make love to me knowing full well that
I’ll never bring myself to...love her.
Behind her ill-tongue and foul language, she is really quite insecure.
And as my hand continues to run through her midnight black hair, I
realize that by using her like this, I’m no better than Zato.
My hand comes to rest on her soft cheek. And slowly, my quivering lips
manage to place the tiniest of kisses upon her own.
Quickly I unwrap myself from her bed sheets and made my way over to
the long trail of my clothes leading up to her bed. Clutching my
garments to my chest, I take one last look at her.
I can’t use you anymore, I-No.
**********
Millia tightened the grip of the buckles over her chest. Fully
clothed, the blonde made her way over to the door of I-No’s apartment.
Millia had to get out of here, and now, before she woke up.
But as luck would have it, as soon as Millia’s hand reached the door,
I-No’s deep voice called out to her.
“Where the hell are you going?” I-No asked gruffly.
Millia sighed, not bothering to look back. “I’m leaving.”
I-No chuckled darkly. “So...you thought you’d just sneak outta here
without even bothering to thank me for your fucking re-charge, eh?”
“That is *why* I am leaving.” Millia stated.
I-No couldn’t believe what she was hearing. But then again, this was
there normal routine. Why should today be any different?
“You’re just a coward, Rage. You ran from the Assassins and now you’re
running from this. Running is your reflex action to any kinda problem,
isn’t it?”
“...” Millia said nothing.
That bout of silence annoyed I-No to no extent. “Answer the fucking
question!”
“Maybe it is,” Millia started. “But then...it is the only way I know
how to live. I’m sorry.”
I-No gritted her teeth in seething anger and looked away. “Just get
the hell out!”
Millia said nothing more to I-No as she opened the door and quietly
left. As soon as the door clicked shut, the rocker let out a furious
shriek of frustration and flung her fist into the wall, smashing a
dent into it.
I-No simply ignored the blood that dripped down from her fist as she
slowly sunk to the floor.
“Dammit...” I-No scathed. “Damn you to hell, Millia...”
**********
Kaiser’s Afterthoughts
----------------------
* Whoo! My first GG fanfic outside of DB, BS! How was it? As always,
the Kaiser accepts constructive and/or positive feedback.
* Yes, before anybody screams about the improbability of this
coupling, I’ll say that I do know this, and I just felt like stepping
away from Dizzy/May fluff to focus on something a little more angsty.
* If I get positive feedback, I’ll continue this into an ongoing
series. If not, well I’ll end it there.
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