The Honeymoon's Over!
In the bustling city of Post-Crusade Berlin, masses of eager men and
women walked through crowded streets to reach one place. A popular
network studio of moderate funding draped in flashing neon lights and
streamers. The cheery clusters of excited citizens poured into
Noontide Studios, more and more people arriving by the dozen.
And why were they so excited you ask?
Well for a game show of course! The Honeymoon’s over!
A lovable game show that had been around since the old days of the
twentieth century. The popularity of this show made it all the sweeter
for everyone. Because by the year 2059, The Honeymoon’s over had
evolved from a small time game show, to a massive international
franchise. And now, Noontide Studios, Germany had requested for this
show to be hosted in Berlin. By now this show had become so popular
that it started to issue out a whole new grand prize.
Anything you desire.
Inside the studio, more and more crowds of people came and took their
seats, nattering and chatting about the show that was about to take
place. Amongst those people was the sweltering Prototype Gear of
legend, Sol Badguy.
“Geh...” Sol growled. This place was infested with miserable gnats,
hoping to block out their sadness with a crappy show. {This better be
over with soon.}
Quickly, Sol took a seat in the front seats of the studio audience,
resting Fireseal just at the base of his armrest. Carrying the thing
around might worry someone if he wasn’t too careful. Then he’d have
some screaming idiot calling him a psycho. But he had good reasons for
being here though.
Just as Sol took his seat, the lights above the stage across from him
switched on sharply, and an eager chorus of cheers echoed in the
studio.
A voice announcer sounded out, amidst the cheers and whistles of one
of Berlin’s finest audiences. “Hello folks! And welcome to the
Honeymoon’s over! Let me introduce tonight’s guest host, Dr Faust!”
The heartfelt cheering took a deeper level as Faust stepped onto the
stage, donning a formal tuxedo and (as usual) his gigantic six-foot
scalpel, strapped onto his back.
“Hello everyone! And welcome to The Honeymoon’s over! Now, before we
bring out the couples, let me explain the rules before we get started.
This is a test of knowledge, about you and your significant other. We
shall ask questions of each person, and then their respective spouse
will confirm the answer. For every question answered correctly they
get points, and those who answer incorrectly...could get hit by their
partner with one of these lovable plush pillows. Ho, ho, ho, ho!”
Sol scowled. “Hitting each other with...what kind of fruity game show
is this?”
“Heh! I disagree!”
Sol’s searing brown eyes darted to his left. With that trademark grin
of his, Johnny walked up to Sol, with May and April taking up the
rear. Johnny took a seat next to Sol and smiled at him.
“What’s going on?” Johnny asked quietly. “I never pictured a tough as
nails kinda guy like you coming to a place like this. What happened?
Did a gypsy give you back your soul?”
Sol shut his eyes. “Why the hell do you have to be here?”
Johnny smirked. “I guess not. But since you asked, one of my
crewmembers is in this game show. We came to cheer her on.”
“Whatever.” Sol said.
May paid no attention to Sol, and wrapped her arm around Johnny’s,
smiling happily. “Wow! I’ve never been to a place like this before,
Johnny! It’s just a shame that we couldn’t be in this...we’d win it
for sure...”
April’s eyes rolled in their sockets. “Yeah...they say pigs fly south
this time of year too...”
May looked over at her friend. “What was that, April?”
April sweatdropped, waving her hands apprehensively. “Hey...I didn’t
say anything...nothing at all...”
“Stop acting weird, April. We’re here to have fun, remember? We should
be excited for Dizzy, she’s really happy about this. And
plus...arrgh!!”
May leapt back in fear when an ashen white skull popped into the air.
Soon this skull was accompanied by the materialization of Dizzy’s
faithful protector, Testament. Testament looked around for a second,
and then took a seat next to April.
Johnny, May and April stared at the Gear with sheer fright. Testament
looked back at them. “What?”
“A normal person would have used the door. You scared the bejeezus
outta me.” May said, shuddering for emphasis.
Testament ran a hand through his hair, not really taking much notice
of May’s question. “I am not exactly ‘normal’ as it is.”
Sol’s eyes darted to his left again. Now more people were showing up.
And yet the only thing they’d end up doing would be getting in the
way.
“Who invited the Queen of the Dead?” Sol said gruffly.
Despite all the bad will that existed between him and Sol, Testament
let that one roll off his back. Even though he would have liked
nothing more than to put Sol in his place, this was Dizzy’s big day,
and he didn’t want to ruin it with needless violence.
Testament threw a scowl meant for Sol, but turned his attentions to
Johnny. “Kindly inform that hot-headed Neanderthal that I am here for
Dizzy, not to rend his flesh scrap by scrap.”
Sol chuckled a little. “Whoa...I think hell just froze over.”
Johnny sweatdropped and intervened before something got started. “Now,
now, lets not get angry with each other…lets just enjoy this as best
as we can, then when it’s over we can kill each other in the parking
lots. Agreed?”
Testament resisted the urge to summon his scythe. “That is acceptable
to me.”
Sol shut his eyes again. “Whatever.”
May decided that it was best to stay out of that little tiff and
looked up at the stage. There were five podiums, each built for two
people, and another for Faust. But as she looked at Faust, she
felt...something.
May clung to Johnny’s arm a little tighter. “Weird...I...feel a chill
when I look at that announcer guy...I wonder why...”
“What are you talking about?” April asked.
May pointed to Faust. “There’s something weird about that guy...he-“
Johnny cut off May, before she could finish her sentence. “Shush,
May!” Johnny whispered. “It’s starting.”
The loud cheering of the crowds subsided slowly as Faust starting
talking again, as she tapped the purple colored question cards in his
hands.
“Okay then! Shall we get started? With great pleasure, let me
introduce our first couple! Let us give a nice warm welcome to Bridget
and Dizzy!”
May and April joined in with the cheers of the surrounding audience,
offering their own bid of support for their good friend Dizzy and her
new boyfriend, Bridget.
“Whoo!” May yelled. “Go get ‘um, Dizzy!”
The innocent Gear and her English bounty hunter stepped through the
lilac velvet curtains of the stage, hand in hand, and walked over to
their podium, the one marked with ‘Couple No. 1’.
The two smiled at each other. Dizzy was still a little nervous about
this, she shouldn’t be making public appearances in her situation
(Dizzy had to hide her wings and tail) but she was also thrilled about
this. She and Bridget were finally admitting their relationship to the
world.
Faust smiled at the two of them, though you’re really couldn’t see it
under the paper bag and all. “Hello, couple one. Welcome to the
honeymoon’s over. Why don’t you start off by telling us a few things
about yourselves? Now long have the two of you been together?”
“Well...” Dizzy started nervously. “Bridget and I have been dating for
around three to four months now. We are just telling people about now
though.”
“Well that’s very nice.” Faust said. “And what do you want for your
Grand Prize?”
Bridget tightened his grasp around Dizzy’s soft hand. “Dizzy and I
don’t really want anything much. We’re happy with each other.”
The crowd chipped in their approval with a bout of ‘ahhh, isn’t that
cute?’ All except for two men, who were sitting casually behind
Testament.
“Hey…” The first man said. “Aren’t they both...girls? That’s a little
weird ain’t it?”
The second man also piped up. “Forget that! Look at the blue-haired
chick! She looks like that the second self-reliant Gear from months
back! Don’t you think...?”
Testament turned around sharply. “Silence you ignorant, bastard
mortals! How dare you make judgment on my precious one!”
Groups of the crowd went silent from Testament’s outburst, but the
Gear took no notice and turned his attentions back to the stage. “It’s
all okay now, my special child. You may continue.”
Johnny covered his face in embarrassment, hoping to God that no
good-looking women saw any of that. May and April just stared oddly at
him.
May leaned towards April and whispered into her ear. “That guy’s a
little...strange isn’t he...”
April whispered back. “Yeah...you wouldn’t want to meet him on a dark
night...or any other time of the day for that matter...”
Faust tapped his cards, ignoring the crowds. “Okay then...lets bring
out our next couple! All the way from China, please give a warm
welcome Ky Kiske and Jam Kuradoberi!”
An ecstatic, cheery Jam stepped out of the velvet curtains arm in arm
with an embarrassed and somewhat flushed Ky Kiske. The ‘happy couple’
took a seat in the booth parallel to Dizzy and Bridget’s.
“Hey there, Mr. Faust!” Jam said cheerily.
Ky sighed, he could have sworn that the grip Jam had around his arm
was cutting off the circulation to his hand. “Greetings...”
“Well don’t you two make a wonderful couple? So tell me, how did the
two of you meet?”
Jam’s eyes went wide with romantic nostalgia, clutching onto Ky’s arm
even tighter than she had been doing before. “Well...we were at a
nightclub two years ago in a small town in China. Ky and I locked
eyes...ever since then we’ve been hopelessly, madly in love with each
other.”
Ky looked confused. “Two years ago? But I only met you last Tues-“
Jam cut Ky off with a nervous giggle. “Now, now Ky, leave those
details to me! Anyways, just last year, Ky proposed to me and bought
me the biggest engagement ring ever! I mean you should have seen the
size of that rock! Whoooo! Baby!”
Faust looked at Jam’s hand. “Well then, where is?”
Jam quickly put her hand behind her back. “Um...it’s...getting
engraved, yeah...that’s it...engraved...”
Faust nodded. “I see. So what do you two want as you prize if you
win?”
Ky didn’t miss this chance to throw in a willing comment “Oh well,
there was an exquisite collection of rare Japanese teacups that I was
looking at yester...ouch!”
Jam deceptively elbowed Ky in the ribs to keep him quiet.
“Actually...” Jam started. “I think we would *both* like some money to
pay for my restaurant. See, it burned down a few days ago and I need
some cash to rebuild it.”
“Brilliant!” Faust said. “Well let’s bring out the next couple.”
Johnny smirked at Ky, who was being silently scolded by Jam. “Heh,
heh, heh! What happened to Ky? If he got any more whipped, he’d be
butter!”
As rare as it was, Sol managed to speak out. “Doesn’t surprise me.”
“Okay!” Faust yelled out eagerly. “Here’s couple three! Everyone say
hello to Baiken Seishino and Anji Mito!”
Anji chuckled amusedly as he stepped out of the velvet curtains of the
stage, followed by an irritated, angry and unsociable Baiken. She
could not believe that Anji had tricked her into participating in this
idiotic circus. The only thing that kept Baiken inside that place was
the promise of ‘anything she wanted’ if she could win. And naturally,
Baiken had her angle...
The two Japanese colonists sat down in the booth next to Ky and Jam,
and Anji could not help but wave to all the wonderful people cheering
him on. However Baiken was not so amused.
“Well hello there!” Faust said to Anji and Baiken. “And how did you
two get acquainted?”
Anji grinned. “Well, Baiken and I met each other at a ramen place just
a few months back. Ever since then, we’ve been besotted with each
other.”
Baiken’s eye narrowed. “Your lack of shame is astounding, Anji Mito.”
The Fan-carrying Japanese man leaned to Baiken and whispered. “You
want that grand prize, don’t you? Do you think either of us can pass
this up?”
Baiken’s shoulders slumped. Hard to believe, but Anji was right. This
was an opportunity that they may never get again. Baiken weakly moved
herself a little closer to Anji, shutting her eye in disgrace.
“Yes...we are besotted...” Baiken coughed. “...he...'rocks my
world'...”
“That's very nice.” Faust said. “And what would you like as your
prize?”
Baiken's eye filled with serious determination when she exclaimed, “I
want a confrontation with That Man.”
Faust looked from one side of himself to the other. “What man?”
“That Man!”
Faust was still confused. “...”
“You know!” Baiken said angrily. “...‘That Man’...Ano Otoko?! Creator
of Justice? 20 percent psycho and 80 percent bastard?”
Faust shook his bag-covered head. “Not following you.”
Baiken growled in frustration. “Well, whatever the hell his name is, I
want his bloody, maimed, burned, diced, skewered, lifeless carcass
strewn out across my feet.”
“Uh...” Faust was dumbstruck. He was the kind of person that attracted
weirdoes anyway. This wasn’t much of a surprise. “I’ll look into
that...well, lets bring out the next couple!
At the other side of the large studio, I-no, avatar to ‘That Man’
walked through the large metal doors into the studio. Three or so
hours ago she had gotten into this huge argument with Millia about
absolutely nothing important. Some horse crap about I-no flirting with
other people way too much. I-no couldn’t understand the ex-assassin’s
problem. It was innocent at best, nothing heavy. Millia always had
this way of twisting a little thing into a big thing. Now, I-no was
tired of having to deal that nag, constantly on her case, and decided
to have some...‘fun’. Unfortunately for I-no, Berlin was about as
exciting as an Amish prostitute.
However she found masses of people inside this place, maybe she could
have her fun right here.
“So...what’s all this then...?” I-no said, to no one in particular.
Then she looked over to the stage at the far side of the studio,
seeing three couples there.
“Geh...” I-no sighed miserably. “It’s some crappy dating show...I
don’t have time for this...”
Just as I-no began to turn away, Faust branched his arms out at the
velvet curtain. “Please welcome our next couple! Axl Low and Millia
Rage!”
I-no swerved around sharply. “What!?”
A grinning Millia stepped out of the curtains arm in arm with a
nervous (but happy) Axl. He couldn’t believe his good fortune. All he
wanted to do was to watch this thing and see who won. Then Millia came
up to him and asked the brit if he wanted to enter the game with her.
Axl was always going to be faithful to Megumi, but he had to admit,
this did sound like a lot of fun. Millia on the other hand...had much
more devious intentions today. She was sick to death of I-no chasing
around anything she saw. If she could flirt like there was no
tomorrow, then so would Millia. Only difference was that Millia would
do it ten times better and rub I-no’s raunchy nose in it...it was what
she deserved...
Needless to say, her plan was working like a charm...I-no seethed with
jealousy as Axl proudly walked Millia over to the 4th podium.
{What the hell is she doing with that loser?!} I-no thought harshly.
{Look at him...with his hands all over my woman...I’ll *kill* that son
of a-}
I-no didn’t even bother to finish thinking, as she stormed over to the
front line of the seats to get a better look at this. Before long,
I-no was at the front row, and in her anger, she forcefully pulled a
random audience member out of his seat, and sat down. Normally I-no
would have blown her stack and just blew up the whole damn place with
some of Marlene’s sweet loving, but something inside the rocker just
told her to watch this for a while and see what happened.
“Okay!” Faust said. “So when did you two lovebirds meet each other?”
Millia smiled deviously, wrapping her lithe arms around Axl’s neck,
leaning into him with an exaggerated passion. “Oh we met long
ago...and we’ve been happy ever since then...me and...” Millia cut
herself when she realized that...
Axl seemed to pick up on this. “It’s Axl.” He whispered.
“Yeah...that’s it!” Millia said, then she lowered her voice. “Axon and
I...we’ve been so happy together...”
Millia then scanned the crowd. And her sneaky smile got even deeper
when she saw I-no in the front seats, burning with jealous anger.
“Axe is perfect for me.” Millia uttered seductively. “So much more
satisfying than my old, promiscuous, flirtatious,
can’t-stay-faithful-to-save-her-damn-life girlfriend.”
Faust sweatdropped. “Yes...I see...well what do you want for a prize?”
Axl was the one to answer this. Millia didn’t really care about
anything other than making I-no jealous, so this was the perfect
opportunity to get his one wish.
“I’d like to meet the man that can travel throughout time and space in
the same way that I can. If that’s okay...?”
“Well...I...” Faust drifted. “...I guess that’s valid...fair enough.
Now, let me bring out the last couple! Everyone, say hello to Zappa
and S-ko!”
Zappa stumbled out of the velvet curtains, walking onto a stage. The
Australian man cringed in nervousness as a massive crowd stared down
on him. This was not what he needed right now. What he needed was to
find Dr. Faust. He was the only person that could cure him of this
terrible affliction.
Johnny stared curiously at Zappa from his seat. “Why the heck is he on
his own if this is a dating show? Oh, I get it! He’s one of those
‘self-love’ kinda people. It’s a brave move but...must be kinda
lonely...”
May cringed a bit. “He looks weird to me...and I still get chills when
I stare at that Faust guy...why...why...”
Zappa took a seat nervously, and Faust greeted him. “Hello, Zappa
and...S-ko...where might your girlfriend be then young man? Is she
still backstage?”
“...Hello? I’m sorry but...could you introduce me to Dr. Faust?” Zappa
said.
Faust pointed to himself. “That would be me.”
“Oh thank God!!” Zappa said feverishly. “I’m begging you! I need your
medical advice and expertise! I have this terrible affliction...”
Faust leaned over on his podium. “I am sorry, my boy. But I’m a host
and a host only tonight. I’m afraid you’ll have to wait until tomorrow
unless it is serious or life-threatening.”
Zappa felt it coming on...“But it is serious and life-threatening!!
Every once in a while, my body just seems to lose consciousness and
then...a...arrrrrrghhhhh!!”
“Something wrong there, son?” Faust asked.
S-ko, the parasitic leech of a ghost woman, took over Zappa’s mangled
body, his face darkening, his eyes turning a beastly crimson and his
mouth leaking of saliva.
“AND THEN I HATE YOU!!!!!!” Said S-ko.
“Well...I’m accustomed to hatred.” Faust said. “But I’m sure we can
sort all of that out later. So where might S-ko be?”
“YOU FOOL!!” S-ko bellowed darkly. “I AM THAT WOMAN!!!!! FEAR ME!!!!”
“Oh I get it!” Jam said, looking over at Ky. “That guy and S-ko are
‘one’.”
Dizzy was confused. “If they are the same person…isn’t that cheating?
Who knows someone better than they know themselves?”
S-ko bellowed again. “I SAID FEAR ME!!! WHOOOOOSSSSHHHH!!!!!!!”
Faust evaluated the situation. “Well...technically they are two
different entities fused into one...so I guess it’s logical to assume
that they are a romantic couple.”
Baiken scowled. “What sort of foolish game is this?” And she pointed
at Faust. “You there, witch doctor! Are you going to allow this?”
Faust shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”
“I AM A GHOST YOU IDIOTS!!” S-ko yelled out again. “WHY ARE YOU NOT
SCARED? RUN FROM ME!!”
“So S-ko,” Faust said cheerfully. “How did you and Zappa meet?”
The possessed body of the Australian stopped wailing around, and
actually put some thought into that question. “WELL LET’S SEE. I TOOK
OVER ZAPPA’S BODY AROUND...I DUNNO...THREE MONTHS AGO? I THINK THAT’S
RIGHT. WE MEET AT A CHARMING LITTLE PLACE CALLED PHANTOM CITY.”
“And do you love him?” Faust tapped his cards in the usual manner.
“THE HECK SHOULD I KNOW? I PRY INTO HIS MIND AND STEAL HIS BODY. I
DON’T BAKE COOKIES FOR THE GUY.”
“Okay...well what would you like for a prize if you win?” Asked Faust.
S-ko to a moment to think. “A TRIP TO THIS ‘AUSTRALIA’ PLACE HE KEEPS
NATTERING ON AND ON ABOUT MIGHT BE NICE.”
“Well that’s good enough for me.” Said Faust. “Okay, lets start the
questions! And we’ll start with couple number one. Dizzy, if Bridget
could describe you in one word, what word would it be?”
Dizzy thought for a second. “Um...Angelic?”
Bridget cheerfully held up a lavender card marked with the words
‘angelic’. Dizzy giggled happily and hugged her loving boyfriend.
Faust smiled. “Now that brings a tear to my eyes. You get ten points!”
May, Johnny, April and Testament all smiled when the electronic point
tally on Dizzy and Bridget’s booth went up by ten.
“Whoo!” May yelled. “That’s my girl! Win this thing, you guys!”
Faust looked over at Ky and Jam. “Okay. Couple number two. For ten
points, Jam, what is Ky’s favorite material possession?”
“Oh that’s easy!” Jam said. “His fancy teacup collection! Ky was
bugging me about an antique store that had some nice ones just the
other day.”
Faust stared at Ky. “Well, Ky?”
Ky held up the card in his section of the booth. On it was the
statement ‘My precious collection of teacups’. Jam chuckled knowingly
and Ky’s shoulders slumped. But still, he had to admit...Jam did get
that right...
“But…” Ky began. “I was only asking miss Kuradoberi for directio-“
Before Ky could finish, Jam slapped her hands around Ky’s mouth. “Oh,
ho, ho! Ky, dearest...we’ve had our turn...”
Faust looked from side to side. “Uh...well, that’s ten points for Ky
and Jam. Moving on, to couple number three! So Baiken tell us. Who is
Anji’s favorite person in the whole world?”
Baiken grinned and rolled her eyes. “Heh. It doesn’t get any easier
than that. Anji’s favorite person in the world is himself.”
Faust and the audience suddenly went silent. The only thing that could
be heard was the sound of a cricket’s chirps and I-no mumbling all
kinds of hellish profanity about Axl.
Baiken looked around to incredulous stares. “What? It’s true.”
Faust looked at Anji. “What did you say, Anji?”
Anji smirked at his Japanese companion and lifted up a card that had
the name ‘Baiken’ written over it.
May squealed in the crowds. “Oh, that’s so cute! Why is that old woman
such a mean old thing...?”
Baiken looked oddly at Anji for a long second. “Me?”
Anji just shrugged. “Yeah, why not? I mean, myself? How vain do you
think I am?”
“I...guess I misjudged you...Anji.”
Faust smiled brightly, staring at the crowds. “Can you feel the love,
folks?”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Baiken yelled loudly. “I said I misjudged him, I
didn’t say that...oh never mind...”
Faust tapped his deck of cards again. “Okay then. Couple number four.
Axl, tell us. What is Millia’s all time hobby?”
Axl thought for a second. He remembered that Millia gave him a list of
all her personal details and facts, so he could get the questions
right. And soon after, he remembered that.
“Uh...I think it’s playing with cats or something like that.” Axl
said.
Faust pointed to Millia with his cards. “Millia?”
Millia lifted the card to reveal the words ‘Playing with cats’.
“Wonderful!” Faust said directly. “Give those two lovebirds ten
points!”
The blonde Russian woman grinned sharply and stared out into the
crowds. She was more than pleased with the effects of her plan. If
I-no got any more green-eyed she’d explode. But Millia wasn’t done
there...
“Ten points...how wonderful. But no points could ever measure the love
and passion I feel for...”
The Time-traveller sighed. “It’s Axl...”
Millia rolled her eyes. “Yes, yes, whatever. Acne and I were made for
each other.”
I-no scowled hatefully at Millia and Axl. The red musician was so
angry she didn’t even notice that Sol was sitting eight seats across
from her. For some reason...having to watch that greasy animal paste
his hands all over her precious angel just tore I-no up. But then,
after this thing was done, I-no would do the exact same thing to Axl.
The only difference would be that Axl would be spending the rest of
his days in a graveyard.
{You better hope I don’t catch you...} I-no thought darkly.
“Alrighty then, folks!” Faust looked over at S-ko/Zappa. “Lets move on
to couple number five. S-ko, what is Zappa’s most treasured fruit?”
The ghostly possessor grinned. “THAT’S EASY! BANANAS!”
“Okay then.” The crazy doctor nodded while S-ko left Zappa in control
of his body for a short while. Zappa’s eyes and skin returned to
normal, and he breathed a sigh of relief when he regained
consciousness.
Zappa’s blue eyes looked around his settings. “Uh...what...was going
on? Dr. Faust?”
Faust pointed at the cards Zappa’s booth. “Just lift up that card
right there.”
“But why?” Zappa screamed. “What has that got to do with anything? Can
you not see that this woman is in control of my body!?”
Faust tapped his fingers on the podium he was standing by. “Yes. I see
that. Now, if you could just lift up the card so we can see your
favorite fruit...”
“Fruit?” Zappa barked. “My favorite fruit are bananas! But that has
nothing to do with-“
Faust smiled. “Marvellous! Zappa and S-ko get ten points!”
As the electronic tally on Zappa’s podium went up, the possessed man
stared at Faust in disbelief. “Dr. Faust! Why won’t you help-“
“Okay!” Faust said quickly. “That was the end of the first round. From
here on in, all correct scores will be for twenty points. Now back to
couple one! Are you ready?”
Both Dizzy and Bridget answered Faust. “Yes!”
“Okay then. For twenty points, Bridget. What is the one thing that
annoys you about Dizzy?”
Bridget smiled wholeheartedly, looking over at his girlfriend.
“Nothing.”
Dizzy’s eyes went wide with confusion, and her heart pounded with the
drums of love. “R-really?” Dizzy found herself stuttering.
Bridget nodded. “Of course.”
“What did you say, Dizzy?” Faust asked.
Dizzy lifted up a card that read, ‘Undine and Necro’. Both Dizzy and
Bridget were confused, but within Dizzy was a happy feeling for this
shock.
“Are you saying they don’t bother you?” Dizzy asked timidly.
Bridget shook his head, grinning from ear to ear. “You’re my perfect
angel. Nothing about you bothers me. Not even Grandpa Hellfire and the
midwife.”
Dizzy dropped the card, thoughtlessly. “Oh, Bridget...”
Dizzy rested her palm on her chest. She couldn’t believe how much
Bridget loved her. Or even how much she loved Bridget for that matter.
Both Bridget and Dizzy’s slowly closed in towards each other as their
lips got closer and closer. A wave of excitement, comfort and love
shot into Dizzy as she pressed her soft set of lips against Bridget’s.
“Ahhhh!” The audience said in unison. “Ain’t that the cutest thing you
ever did see?”
“I’d have to agree folks.” Faust said wistfully. “It warms my heart to
see that. Okay you two...”
Dizzy sighed pushed her body up a little closer to Bridget’s, and
Bridget reciprocated by wrapping his arms around Dizzy.
“Okay...you can stop now...”
Bridget deepened their kiss, separating Dizzy’s lips and offering the
innocent Gear his tongue. A muffled cry of joy leaked from Dizzy’s
mouth from such an endearing action, and she clasped onto Bridget’s
cheek tenderly, and following that-
“...Hey!” Yelled Faust.
The two lovers broke off sharply but reluctantly, their cheeks glowing
with a fervent crimson. “Um...sorry. Dizzy and I can...get a little
carried away...” Bridget said apologetically.
Faust sweatdropped. “I guess it’s okay. Just remember that this is a
respectable game show. Not softcore porn for some crazy fanboy.”
Both Johnny and Testament stared at Bridget and Dizzy with utter
confusion. “Wait a sec...” Said Johnny. “When the hell did Dizzy learn
how to kiss like that?”
May lowered her head and giggled a little. “Well...a couple weeks back
Dizzy was nervous about what she had to do with Bridget during
*those*...moments. And well, me and April gave her a few tips...that’s
all.”
Johnny tried desperately to shake off the dark glare that he was
getting from Testament. “Whoa, whoa...I didn’t know anything about any
of that!”
“On to couple number two!” Faust said eagerly. “Ky. This question is
worth twenty points. If you get this right, you will be put in the
lead. Are you ready?”
Ky nodded indifferently. “I assume so.”
“Fine! Now, what is Jam’s favorite meal?”
Silence. Ky shook his head, much to Jam’s disapproval. “Well?” Jam
said.
Ky looked back at his ‘wife’. “Well what?”
“What’s my favorite food? Come on, sweetie you know this one.”
Ky just shrugged. It was indignant but it was true. “I am sorry, but I
haven’t got a clue.”
Faust scowled at the former commander. “You...you don’t know that?
What kind of husband are you?”
Ky’s eyes narrowed. “I am not her husband!”
“Heh, heh, heh...” Jam laughed nervously. “Oh Ky, you’re such a
kidder!”
“But I am not...” Ky sighed. Well, may as well give it a shot.
“...Anything Miss Kuradoberi has cooked herself?”
Jam grinned brightly, flashing her card, marked with ‘Something I’ve
cooked myself’. Faust smiled at the two of them, and Jam curled her
arms around her flaxen haired knight of justice.
“Correct!” Faust pointed to Ky and Jam’s tally. “Give those two
lovebirds, twenty points! Ky and Jam take the lead!”
Jam giggled childishly. “Well, what did you expect? Nobody knows me
better than my man!”
“Couple number three!” Faust looked in the direction of Anji and
Baiken. “Lets see if you can catch up with our leaders, Ky and Jam.
You have no points right now, but you do have the potential to catch
up. Are you ready?”
Anji nodded confidently. “Ready!” And Baiken just sighed.
“...Ready...”
“Okay, Anji. For twenty points, what is Baiken’s oldest past time?”
“...Um...” Anji tapped one of the twin Zessen fans on his wrist as he
thought about that. “...Well...is it...uh...”
Baiken rolled her peach tinted eye. “Please take your time.”
“...Hmm...well...I...” Anji decided to take a stab in the dark.
“Um...Mah-jong...?”
Faust pointed to Baiken. “What did you say, Baiken?”
With her one arm, Baiken lifted up her card. On it were the words,
‘drinking sake after sharpening her blade’. Anji’s eyebrows rose.
“Oh...so that’s it...”
Baiken shook her head in frustration. “Do you even want to destroy
That Man?”
“Well...” Anji commenced. “To be honest, my aim is knowledge, not
revenge. See, vengeance is your angle, Baiken.”
Baiken just gritted her teeth and looked away. She couldn’t believe
she had been sucked into this madness.
Faust shook his head. “With that kind of attitude, it's no wonder poor
Anji didn't get the answer right...do you think you might have a
medical deficiency that prevents you from being feminine?”
“Fool!” Baiken spat. “I have forsaken my femininity to pursue That
Man! I have no need for romantics!”
Jam smirked. “It shows. I thought you looked like a bit of an old
maid.”
Baiken stood up from her seat and placed her keen hand on her sword,
withering Jam with a hateful glance. “What did you say, girl?”
Jam clenched her fist arrogantly. “You pickin' a fight, grandma?”
“Now, now ladies...” Faust said cautiously. “This is a game show, not
a talk show, so keep you hands on your lover and not on each other's
necks...”
While Baiken and Jam cooled off, Faust turned his attentions to Millia
and Axl.
“Now, Millia and Axl.” Faust looked at his card. “If you correctly
answer this question, you will be running along side Ky and Jam with
thirty points. Are you ready?”
Both Millia and Axl nodded. “Satisfactory! Now, Millia. What is does
Axl dislike more than anything in the world?”
Millia squinted at Axl. Then she realized that she literally knew
nothing about this man. She could bump into a total stranger and still
know more about him then she did Axl. Well, I-no’s sour grapes were
all Millia really cared about, but she owed it to Axl to at least help
him win the prize.
Resolve or not though, Millia still had no idea. “Um...I’ll pass.”
Faust scowled sharply. “What?”
“I said I’ll pass. I don’t know the answer to that question.” Millia
whispered to man next to her, eliciting dagger-like stares from I-no.
“Sorry about that, Exo.”
He didn’t mind, but... “It’s Axl...”
Faust shook his head. “Well...for the first time ever...someone has
forfeited a question. No matter. On to couple number five!”
“Please help me! Before I lose myself!” Zappa yelled desperately.
“Is your love for S-ko that strong? Don’t worry then. This question
should be easy enough to answer. What is S-ko’s...” Faust checked the
card over. “How the heck did a question like this get in here?
Eh...well...” Faust cleared his throat. “So...Zappa. What is S-ko’s
favorite sexual position?”
Ky almost choked on his own air. “Good lord!”
Zappa breathed in heavily. “Dr. Faust! I’m begging you! Isn’t helping
people your missiiiiooooonnnnn...”
“HEY THERE!” S-ko said. “I’M BACK!”
“Wonderful, S-ko. So what is your favorite sexual position?”
Zappa’s possessed body picked up a card, brandishing the word,
‘missionary’. Faust just held his hand to his chin and thought to
himself for a second.
“Well...Zappa did say something about mission or whatnot, so I’m going
to allow that answer! S-ko and Zappa are tied with Ky and Jam at 30
points a piece!”
Anji looked over to S-ko, confusion in his words. “Excuse me, but...”
“WHAT IS IT, BOY!?!” S-ko shrieked.
“I was just wondering how you could possibly have sex. I mean...you’re
a ghost...”
S-ko leaned over and gazed into the distance wistfully. “I WAS
RECALLING THE DAYS I USED TO SPEND WITH MY BASTARD OF A BOYFRIEND,
BACK IN THE PAST WHEN I WAS STILL ALIVE. WHY DO YOU ASK?!”
Anji leaned back in his seat. “No reason. No reason at all...”
“Well that’s fine.” Faust exclaimed. “Now, we shall move on to round
3! From now on, all questions will be for thirty points! Lets start
with couple number one. Bridget, Dizzy. This is for thirty points.
Answer this correctly, and you’ll be put in the lead. Are you ready?”
Dizzy nodded, her hand held softy by Bridget’s grip. “I’m ready, Mr.
Faust.”
“Brilliant! Now. Dizzy. What would Bridget say is the strangest place
you’ve ever-“ Faust checked around this card as well. “...Well...I
assume this is a legitimate enough question but...geh. What would
Bridget say is the strangest place you’ve ever...‘ahem’ ...had
intimate relations of a physical nature?”
Over in the crowds, May looked oddly confused. “What does that mean?”
“Sex.” April said bluntly.
“Oh no!” Testament said sharply.
Johnny, May and April all looked towards the protective Gear for a
suitable reason for that outburst. “What is it?” Johnny asked.
Testament just shook his head, looking up at the stage. “I am afraid
that Dizzy and Bridget will attain no points in this round. Her purity
knows no bounds.”
May scratched the back of her head, nervously, but with an amused
smirk on her face. “Um...actually...”
Up on the stage, Dizzy turned a strawberry red and cast her eyes
lowly. “Well...there was this one time...in the kitchens of the
ship...”
“What!?” Testament bellowed loudly, then instantly called his blood
stained scythe to his side, directing his fury towards Johnny. “What
in God’s name have you been teaching my precious one?!”
“I didn’t teach her any of that!” Johnny said defensively. “Besides,
she isn’t a kid. Not really. She’s a beautiful young woman. She’s
going to eventually meet people and things are going to get
heated...and then...y’know.”
Testament narrowed his eyes. He was seriously beginning to rethink his
decision about leaving Dizzy with the crew of the Mayship. “...”
“Simmer down you two.” May said. “Bridget’s about to answer.”
Faust pointed to Bridget. “What did you say, Bridget?”
Bridget smiled cheerfully and raised the lavender card in his hands.
On it was the written words, ‘kitchens of the ship’. Dizzy smiled
happily, no matter how embarrassed she was, and once again pulled her
loving boyfriend into a tight hug.
“Now that there is what we call sweet love.” Faust beamed. “Well,
Bridget and Dizzy win thirty points and are in the lead!”
Faust turned his to Ky and Jam’s booth, fishing out another card to
question them with. “Okay. On to couple number two if you get this
right-“
Ky cut Faust off. “Hold on a second, Dr. Faust.” The French Knight
turned his attentions to Dizzy and Bridget. “Can I just ask? How do
two women...do that sort of thing? I mean...I’ve always wondered...”
Over in the crowd, Sol rolled his eyes dejectedly. “What an idiot.”
Bridget nervously looked back at Ky. “Um...actually...I’m a bo-“
“Alright!” Faust said quickly. “This question is to Ky and Jam, for
thirty points, which will put you in the lead. Are you ready?”
Jam nodded cheerfully. “Yes!”
“Okay then. This question goes to Jam. If Ky could describe your
relationship in one word, what would it be?”
“Oh that’s easy!” Jam said confidently. Then her brown eyes glazed
over as she added, “Magical.”
Faust looked over at Ky. “Okay, Ky. What was your answer?”
Ky shook his head knowingly and lifted up a card that read,
‘Delusion’. The crowds in the audience shuddered in unison, while Jam
just looked at Ky strangely from this.
“Delusion?” Jam said. “What are you talking about?”
Ky put the card to rest and looked at Jam sincerely. “I was asked to
be truthful. I am sorry, but...well...”
Faust waved his hands at the two. “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Lets not get into
any of that now. We are here to entertain, right? Okay. So, moving on
to couple number three! Baiken and Anji. So far you have absolutely no
points what so ever. But if you answer this correctly, you’ll be back
in the game. Since you have no points by now, I’ll have to ask Anji a
second question about Baiken. Is that understood?”
Anji nodded. “Yes!”
“Very well then! Anji, what is Baiken’s ultimate...” Faust stopped to
look at the cards. “Who the heck wrote these things...?”
Johnny adjusted his shades and smiled calculatingly. May looked over
at her captain. She could always tell when Johnny had his hand in
something. And the look on Johnny’s face proved that she was right.
“Well...” Johnny said. “They said they needed some help writing these
things so...I gave them a little hand.”
April shut her eyes and leaned back on her chair. “I should have
known.”
Faust just sighed, whilst looking at Anji. “Oh well. Anji, what is
Baiken’s...ultimate turn-on?”
Anji’s shoulder’s sagged. “Kami-sama, why do you keep giving me the
hard questions? Geh...um...well...I...hey! I know! She’d just tell you
to mind your own damn business!”
Faust looked at Baiken. “Well...is that true?”
Baiken sniggered and lifted up her lavender card. It was inscribed
with the words, ‘mind your own damn business.’
Jam scowled angrily. “Hey! That isn’t even an answer!”
Faust considered that for a brief second. “I suppose. But Anji did get
that right so, Anji and Baiken get thirty points!”
Anji smiled as the electronic tally on their booth went from zero to
thirty, and curled his arm around the Japanese swordswoman. “You see
there ‘honey’? Everything’s going to be just fine. Nobody knows you
better than I do.”
Baiken leaned closer to Anji. “You see this sword?” Baiken whispered.
“It will be paying your intestines a visit if you don’t keep your
mouth shut...”
“Now!” Said Faust. “Lets move on to couple number four! Millia and
Axl. You have ten points. Answer this correctly, and you’ll win forty
points, and will be on par with our current leaders, Dizzy and
Bridget. Are you ready?”
Axl nodded, while Millia smirked at I-no, who was still blowing smoke
in the audience. “I’m ready, man.” Axl said.
“Superb. Okay then, Axl. You’ve given Millia plenty of nicknames over
the times you’ve been together. What is Millia’s favorite, and when
are you most likely to use it?”
Axl thought for a second. Millia had told him this before; it was just
a matter of remembering it. After a brief few minutes, it came back to
Axl.
“Oh yeah!” Axl cheered with poise. “Millia’s favorite nickname is
‘Cookie’. And the most likely time I’ll use it is in the bedroom.”
Millia’s grin deepened, still not taking her eyes off of I-no, and
raised her lavender card. On it was ‘Cookie, and in the bedroom’.
Millia saw the furious look on I-no’s face and took advantage of it,
by plastering her arms around Axl once more.
“Good work, Axl! You and Millia are now on level with Dizzy and
Bridget! You get thirty points!”
I-no was scowling in her fury. {Cookie!? But that's my nickname for-
How the hell does he know about- Oh I'm gonna rip you limb from limb!}
“But of course...” Millia breathed deceptively. “Only Oxl knows me by
that name...we share the deepest of relationships...right?
Axl rolled his eyes. Couldn’t believe that Millia still hadn’t caught
onto his name. “Yes, whatever...but my name is...ah, forget it.”
“Fair enough.” Said Faust. “Now...couple number five! Zappa and S-ko.
You so far you have gotten thirty points. If you answer this question
correctly, you’ll earn sixty points, and since you would have three
correct answers in a row that automatically makes you today’s winner.
That means if you answer this question correctly, you will win the
whole shebang! Are you ready?”
S-ko nodded. “READY!”
“Okay, S-ko. What is Zappa’s biggest fear?”
S-ko thought to herself for a second. “OH...I KNOW THIS! HIS BIGGEST
FEAR IS THE COSTS OF THE SPINAL SURGERY HE HAD LAST WEEK! HIS BACK WAS
TWISTED UP LIKE A PRETZEL.”
“I see. Well let’s hear Zappa’s response.”
Quickly, S-ko relinquished her control over Zappa’s body, his body
finally regain consciousness. Zappa blinked for a few seconds to
recover a sense of surrounding, and remembered where he was.
“I’m still...here...I’m still...alive...thank the stars...”
“So Zappa,” Faust began. “What is your biggest fear?”
“Excuse me?!” Zappa yelled desperately. “Can’t you see I’m in pain?
Help me! I need your medical help!!”
“I’d be happy to, my boy. But unfortunately, I can’t help you until
this show is over. So if you could just lift up that card right
there...”
Zappa sighed and lifted up the card. It had the words ‘spinal surgery
costs’ written on it. Jam, Baiken, Anji, Axl all scowled in
frustration when they realized that...
Faust smiled brightly. “Brilliant! That is the correct answer! Zappa
and S-ko, you are today’s winners! Congratulations!”
“Oh man, what a crock!” Jam yelled irritably. “Those two aren’t even a
real couple! Come on!”
May sighed. “Oh man...you mean that weirdo won it? I was sure that
Dizzy and Bridget would take that thing, no sweat...”
Johnny just shrugged. “I dunno. Guess you can’t win them all.”
Sol growled angrily and pulled up the Fireseal. He couldn’t believe he
came all this way for that miserable carnival. As soon as he started
to make his way to the door, Johnny called out to him.
“Hey, Sol! You a bit annoyed that she didn’t win? Is that why you
came?”
Sol didn’t even bother to look back. “...Whatever.”
Faust pointed to Zappa with his cards, staring at the studio audience.
“They are the winners! Everyone! Give it up for Zappa and S-ko!”
The audience broke into a loud chorus line of laughter, cheers,
clapping and reverent whistling. Taking his scalpel into one hand,
Faust stepped around the podium he was standing at, and walked over to
Zappa and S-ko’s booth, shaking the Australian man’s hand with good
cheer.
“Congratulations, Zappa. You and S-ko must really love each other.”
“Who is S-ko?” Zappa screamed. “Why won’t anyone listen to me? I need
your help Dr. Faust! Please!!!”
“Now, now my boy. I’m sure it’s nothing an all expense paid trip to
Australia won’t cure! And to get you on your way, Noontide Studios
have hired a brand new van! Well...brand new give or take a few years.
Enjoy your trip to Australia!”
Zappa’s eyes went wide. “But I *live* there! Dr. Faust, I am begging
you to help meeeeeeeeeeaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!”
S-ko grinned as she regained control of Zappa’s body. “THANKS! WE’LL
ENJOY OURSELVES DOWN UNDER!”
Faust and the studio audience all clapped happily as S-ko controlled
Zappa made ‘their’ way to the door on the far side of the stage,
leading off to a back street containing the van Faust was talking
about. And so...S-ko left...
**********
Two days later...
**********
Groggily, Zappa awoke from his sleep. His head was pounding like a
drum in hyper mode, and the muscles in his loose body ached. From the
looks of it, he was back in his mom’s house in Australia. Then the
memories of that outlandish ordeal all came back to him...if he had
known that it would have ended like that...
It must have been a dream. It had to be.
Slowly the door to the room Zappa was in opened. His mother stepped
through, brandishing a cup of tea and a plate of cookies. Zappa’s mom
smiled brightly at him.
“G’day, Zappa!” She said. “How are you feeling?”
“Mother? What...am I...no...you mean...it wasn’t a dream?” Asked
Zappa.
Zappa’s mother placed the tea and cookies on the table next to Zappa’s
bed. “Was what a dream, son?”
Zappa held his hand to his head. “…Oh mother...I need to lie down...”
“Later, sweetie.” She said. “So tell me. Who is this ‘girlfriend’ of
yours?”
{Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!}
**********
Kaiser’s Afterthoughts
---------------------------------
* Geh...my first ever attempt at humor. It probably wasn’t very funny,
but I had some fun writing it. Plus, I got a chance to use the
Millia/I-no thing without it being depressing or ‘adult’.
* Humor is hard for me to write, so I’ll keep this as a one-shot. If
you liked it, please say so, but if you didn’t, take it easy. Humor is
unfamiliar territory to me.
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