Individual Study of Emotions Based on an Unfulfilled Interest in the Same Sex
She has a great body. But it's not just that
She's always so cool. She could take on almost anyone. And she doesn't
take shit from nobody. She's decisive... competitive. She saved our club
at least once. Probably out of her sense for competition.
She cares for people too. She hurts someone from time to time. She even
hurt me. But I don't think, she ever means it. And she tries to help
people, when she knows, that they need help.
She has feelings too. She doesn't usually show it on the outside, but
she's really a sensitive person. Even she can get hurt. Even she needs
someone, who would comfort her from time to time. But... she already has
that someone. And... it is not me. Oh, how I wish, I could have been the
one who held her that time, when she broke down in the clubroom and
cried from the stress. But it's not meant to be. It's not me, who dries
her tears.
But... I'm not brave enough. I could never tell her, how I really feel
in earnest. The only time I can tell her is, when it seems, that I'm not
serious. And it hurts even more. When I tell her, that I love her and
she thinks, It's only love among friends.
But she has him. The childhood friend. It's like from a manga. I could
never compete with him. He's strong... brave... cool... he always
protects her. He holds her, when she needs him. And he's probably more
of her type than a girl, who hides behind her long hair and only comes
out, when she becomes someone else.
I so wish, I could have her to myself . Am I selfish? Probably. But even
if I can't have her, I can still see her. I can tell her how I feel.
Even if she takes it as a joke. It hurts... but I can handle it. I
really can. I just have to lock up the feelings that hurt me. In a
prison deep within my soul. There they can't hurt me so much. This way I
can smile... smile and go on.
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