The Past of Today and Hope of the Tomorrow
Author Notes: This is a shoujo ai fic I guess. Um...it's placed right
after Miaka is captured at Kotou (I forget how to spell it...heh...).
I guess that would mean Miaka is in the dungeon. Please read and
review. And I don't really care if I get flamed. Whatever...
Shangri-la out for now.
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Miaka even now I feel the emptiness. The one that came upon me, when I
heard you say to Tamahome the reason you came back. That it was to be
with him. Because you were in love with him.
You know all this time I've been trying to get Tamahome to love me,
it's really just a game. I want you to hate him. I miss you. . . I
miss the way things used to be. Me and you, together always. I figured
out long ago what I feel for Tamahome is not real. It's just what you
felt when I was reading the book. The first page said the one who
reads the books will experience the same things as the priestess.
Just like I felt the cut on your leg, you falling and almost drowning,
when you got that fever, and also when you stabbed yourself in the
heart. I felt what you feel towards him. What you felt towards
everyone of the people you met. I felt the anxiaty when you couldn't
find me. I felt everything Miaka.
So this is what became of me, an empty shell. Without you, and the
possiblity of your love, I don't care what happens anymore. I don't
even care that Nakago manipulates me. The fool is blind, if he can't
see I don't care anymore.
I nearly crumbled, you know? When I caught you in the garden waiting
for Tamahome so you could save him. I almost crumbled because of the
sad look on your face. I would do anything for you and only you . . .
but you love another.
Perhaps if I told you this you may understand. Or pretend you do, then
rush head first into things you don't understand, just like always.
Why not me? Why? I didn't mind it before, when we were just friends in
our own world. I could stand just being you friend. I can't now,
because of what happened. Of what happened to me here. I needed you, I
still need you. Yet it is him, you are trying to save. Do you know how
much that hurts. Well this is to the hurt. *HAHAHAHAA* I can't FEEL
anything, anymore. Nothing but the slow throb of pain in that place
you used to occupy in my heart. Not just that one place, but the
entire of my heart, it was yours. Probably still is, can't tell
anymore. To speak truth, I don't want to know, because if I am ever
repaired, if it still belongs to you, I'm afraid I already know what's
going to happen.
I've looked over my past. I've noticed some thing. I've noticed that
life is a vicious circle to be forever repeated. I only wish that
things did not happen they way they did. I wish . . . I wish I had
told you the way I felt before this happened. I've known for so long.
Miaka. . .
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Yui . . . Why did you decide to become my enemy? My best friend,
that's who you were and still are. My only hope it seems is to find
the seven stars of Suzaku. So that I can have my wishes come true.
I remember the simple wishes that I had wanted when Hotohori first
told me about Suzaku, and what it meant to become the priestess. There
was one wish that I didn't say out loud. One that I still hold tight,
hoping beyond hope, will come true. I don't think it can now. At
least, not on its own.
Oh why am I so stupid? Why did I have to fall in love with Tamahome?
But even worse why do you think I betrayed you, that I hate you?
Is it because I told Tamahome that I love him? It's not my fault that
I love him. I love him like I love Hotohori, Nuriko, Chichiri, Tasuki,
and Chiriko. Only I had a crush on him for a while. It's not my fault
everyone sees it as true love. And all because I ran into a situation
with out thinking again.
Yui-chan I love you, why do you hate me? I wish I could tell you that
you can have Tamahome if you want. I'm only trying to save him because
he IS one of the seven stars of Suzaku. I wish I had told you I was in
love with you when we were younger.
Perhaps you would've listened. . . I mean believed me. Most of the
time it seems as if you think most of what I say is rubbish. Of course
most of what I said was, most of what I talked about was food.
I hurt in a way I've never hurt before. I hurt on the inside at a
place I can't seem to reach, and the hurt only gets worse everytime I
see you in pain or when I think of what it was that hurt you.
I wish I hadn't taken my uniform off. I wish I hadn't been in such a
hurry to get home. I wish I never even saw the book that brought us to
this incredulous place. This wonderful, lovely, depressing place.
Life just doesn't seem worth living without your happy face anymore.
So I'm going to try and make you happy. Somehow.
If I can awaken Suzaku, I'm going to wish to become your friend again.
I'm going to wish myself the courage to tell you my feelings. I want
to be together again, even if only as friends.
I will not be defeated.
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More Author Notes: *scratches back of head* This is my first piece of
fanfiction I have every written that I have ever posted. I wrote this
because my friend was pissing me off by talking constantly of Fushigi
Yuugi, and then I couldn't get it off my mind so I wrote this
*shrugs*....These are just some of my thoughts on what could be going
through Miaka and Yui's heads. And I also think I made mention of
something that shouldn't have happened yet. Shangri-la out.
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