To Hurt You
Let's get one thing straight. I'm only in this for the pain I can cause
you. Ahh..you've always been so beautiful. So exquisite.
So...oblivious. You're lying in my bed asleep and I stroke your cheek
gently. Keeping up appearances, you see. It's not like I care for you
that way. Or any way. You're a pair of muddy sneakers left to dry on
the back porch, so no one will see. You're just a toy, played with once
and then forgotten by some careless child.
Or is that how you saw me?
Whatever. It doesn't matter to me. I was through with you long before
you betrayed me.
You cough slightly in your sleep. How weak you are...I hope you don't
wake up. I don't feel like playing the loving girlfriend today. Am I
your girlfriend? Your pretend one, I mean. I don't know. You've never
mentioned anyone else. For once, you've acted intelligently and you
haven't talked about HIM since our last fight. You're so naive to think
you could just say his name around me casually.
Not that I care about him anymore. You wanted him, you got him, I
wanted him, I got you. I suppose I can't be too picky, even if you are
the most annoying creature on earth.
But every time I touch you I'm reminded that he touched you first. And
every time you touch me so eagerly I remember it was the same way you
touched him. It's all I can do just to keep from shoving you out the
door.
And I never do. I can't refuse you no matter what. I'm starting to
wonder if this is really just for revenge. I think of what happened to
me and I feel...almost as though I could cry.
I don't cry anymore, though.
I kiss you softly, afraid to rouse you because of the things I'm
feeling. The things I'm always feeling. Your eyelids flutter, though,
and I watch you - watching me. You reach for me, childlike, and pull me
closer to rest against your naked body. Your lips part slowly; your
face displaying your extreme vulnerability at this moment.
"Yui-chan," you whisper, "what do you feel for me?"
You always asked the worst questions in school. Now you're asking the
worst one of me.
I hate you, Miaka Yuki. This is of course what I should say to you. I
should hurt you now and get it over with. I hate you with a passion,
which clearly explains my desire for you..right?
Well...maybe.
I kiss you softly, trying not to let my mouth damn me. I hate you,
but...
"...I love you..."
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