* Limb by limb and tooth by tooth,
Tearing up inside of me,
Everyday, everyhour, 'wish that I...
Was bulletproof... *
"Mmmmh, there's nothing better than a hot bath with a cold beer!" The
last months had been quite hectic, but now that Gaul was at least dead,
things were coming back to a relative normalcy. She had at least been
allowed to leave the infirmary... After Thessa had profusely scolded her
for not staying in there while they fought for the ship. Melissa smiled.
The sweet captain hated losing soldiers on the battlefield. She was
young and idealistic...
"I was like that before... 'wonder what happened to me?" But she knew
perfectly well. Too many battles, too many fellow soldiers lost... They
were her real scars...
She angrilly swallowed the rest of her beer in one long sip. "Tsst! Stop
mourning! Past is past, move on with your life."
Just as she said that, the door swung open, giving way to an angry
looking captain. The younger girl held out her hand, showing some piece
of paper. "Will you explain to me what THIS is?" She shouted for
everyone to hear.
The A.S. pilot narrowed her eyes and answered quite flatly. "Well,
obviously, THIS is my resignation letter." And opened herself a new can
of beer.
"I know that! What I want to know is why?!?" Thessa shouted again,
exasperated.
"If you stopped screaming, maybe I could answer you..." Suddenly, the
dark-haired woman tensed up and in one swift movement, hurled her can in
the general direction of the young woman. The startled captain felt the
can fly past her at top speed, and then heard a loud crashing noise just
behind her.
"Thessa-san, would you be kind enough to shut this door?" asked the
satisfied pilot.
When the white-haired girl turned around, she noticed Karl Weber, now
flat on his back and knocked out for good, a circular shape on his
forehead and a maniacal smile frozen on his face. "Uh... Right!"
Two minute later, the door was firmly closed, and Thessa had decided to
join the other in the bathtube. The two women were staring at each
other, occasionally sipping at heir respective can. 'She isn't a child
anymore...' Mused admiringly the pilot.
Melissa studied a bit longer the stubborn face of her captain and smiled
at herself. "So! You wanna know why I wanna quit?"
The younger simply nodded.
Melissa's gaze became far away. "D'you remember when we fought against
each other with the A.Ss? Do you remember this feeling?"
Thessa shifted uncomfortably, but nodded again.
"The fear and excitement of the fight that culminates with the
destruction of your ennemy, or yours. And then, this emptiness you're
left in, when everything's over..." She rested her head on the rim of
the bathtube, letting her legs wander further and brushing ever so
slightly Thessa's thighs. The young woman barely suppressed a shiver,
but didn't actually broke the contact. She refocused with some
difficulty on her subordinate who was going on with her monologue,
apparently oblivious to her reaction.
"... This void... I feel it all the time, now... I... I just don't know
what I'm fighting for anymore... I feel... Lost, tired... I can't fight
like this..."
Melissa suddenly raised her head back and riveted her purple eyes to
those of her captain, who was lost in her own ocean of confusion. "I
don't know who I'm fighting for anymore."
This struck Thessa badly, she took it as a personnal attack. "I know I'm
not the best of the captains, but nobody fights for me, but for an
ideal, a better fut..."
The pilot raised a hand to cut her speach off. "No, you're a fine
captain, the better we could hope for, you've proven yourself more than
once..." Again, her gaze lost itself in past memories. "And you've never
considered that battles were games... But as for the crap about a better
future, do we have the right to impose our on view on that matter to
other people? To the cost of lives?"
They looked at each other for a long time, until Melissa sighed and got
out of the bath. "Don't worry, I intend to honor my contract until the
end, you'll still have to stand me during one more month."
Thessa remained motionless. She felt a bit confused. In all honesty, she
often asked herself if she had the right to dispose of others's lives
like she did. But that wasn't her main problem right now. What was
bothering her, were the sudden rushing, twirling feelings she felt for
the sergent major. Up until now, she would have always described their
relationship as a rollercoaster. But this, this was beyond a mere park
attraction, it left her with a lurching stomach. That was really new.
Well, not exactly, she had to admit, she had already experienced it,
when they had hugged each other after their little contest. But it was
all in the heat of the moment, wasn't it? It couldn't possibly be
something else?
She blushed as she remembered something else. There had been dreams...
Sweet dreams...
And for some reason, the idea of Melissa leaving, was really upsetting
her! And not only because she was one of her best officers.
"So, now what?" She sighed in frustration. "Oh... I really need help..."
--------------------------------------------------
- Knock, knock -
Chidori Kaname stopped to chop her vegetables. "Uhh? I wasn't expecting
anyone..."
Someone knocked again and Chidori hurried to the front door. "Hai! I'm
comin'!" Under her breath, she muttered. "... Better not be Sosuke with
another of his security toys!" When she opened however, her eyes doubled
in surprise of who was standing there.
"Thessa-san!" She exclaimed. "What are you doing here? Are you alone? I
mean..." She blushed at her rudeness. ".. You're of course welcomed, but
why didn't you call? I could have..."
The white-haired girl interrupted her with a sunny smile. "Hi,
Kaname-san! Nice to see you too! My guards are waiting outside. May I
come in?"
Some time later, they were both sharing the meal Chidori had cooked.
"Thessa-san... I'm pleased to have you here... But, why?"
Thessa smiled wickedly. "Why? Can't I pay a friendly visit to the heroin
who helped save my ship? Friends are supposed to see each other
sometimes, and we are friends now, aren't we?"
Chidori sweatdropped at that, but smiled back sincerely. "Of course, we
are!"
"Thank you... you know, it's really important to me. I mean, the crew is
wonderful, but sometimes, I'd like to live a normal life, have many
friends and do what girls our age are supposed to do... But that will
never happen..." She sighed. "But I didn't come here to complain about
it. Actually, I need your help."
"Ohh?" Chidori cocked her head a little. "Is there a problem with the
ship?"
"Mmm? Oh, no! Nothing so serious... It's kind of a... personnal
matter..."
The teal-haired girl just look at her questionningly.
Thessa took a big breath. "You see, there's this person I've always
liked. And, at least for me, it has recently evolved into something
more. And I don't know what to do..."
Chidori tensed slightly. "I don't think I'm the right one to be asked
this to..." She answered carefully.
Thessa looked up, obviously disappointed. But then, the proverbial light
bulb appeared. She smiled reassuringly. "Oh, you think I'm talking about
Sosuke!"
"Err... Aren't you?"
"No, I'm not. Do you remember when I explained to you how telepathy
between Whispers works? That it's more like a merging of minds, the
sharing of thoughts and feelings?
"Hum... Yeah?"
"Well, I've figured a long time ago that the feelings I had for
Sosuke... came in reality from you. From our first telepathic
encounter." She grinned. "Those are pretty strong feelings, or I
wouldn't have picked them up on such a short link! You should tell
him..."
Chidori blushed profusely and coughed in her fist to try to hide her
embarassment at having been figured out. "... Kof, kof... Err... Then
why did you tell me you were... involved wtih him?"
Thessa pouted. "Well, it took time to come to this realization. And it
was just too fun to pretend to be a normal girl with a crush on a cute
guy! Isn't he cute when he's embarassed?"
A vein began to throb on Chidori's forehead. "Are you sure you're really
over him?"
"Well, mostly. But don't be so suspicious, I'm not going to steal him
away from you. Anyway, I don't stand a chance against such a beautiful
and gifted cook!" She answered cheerfully.
Chidori blushed profusely at the unexpected praise. "Hum... Err... Thank
you... But it's not like he and I are together or something..." She took
a big breath to calm down, and got all buziness again. "Then, who's the
lucky guy, if I may ask? Is it a member of your crew?"
"Why do you want to know?" She knew why, had the roles been inversed,
she would be grilling the girl too.
"Hey! If I have to develop a crush on someone on our next telepathic
link, I'd like to be warned!" And she mentally listed the men she knew
Thessa was closest to. Sosuke? No, if she had told the truth, he wasn't
in the game anymore. Something cheered in the back of her head. Then,
the major Karirin? YUKK!!! Too old! But then again, some girls did like
older men, for whatever reason... And finally, Weber. That pervert! But
he could be charming when he wanted to. So, why not?
Thessa grinned devilishly. "It's one of my soldiers, right, but I won't
tell you exactly who. That would spoil all the fun! We can't have that,
can we?"
Kaname made a face. Like the guards outside, who were of course
listening to the whole conversation with a rapt attention. Not their
fault if their detectors were so sensible, was it?
"Then, how am I supposed to help you?"
The young captain slumped back in her chair, looking at the ceiling. "I
don't really know myself... I just hoped something would pop up and help
me clear my feelings..."
Chidori leaned forward, resting her chin in her upturned hands. "What do
you mean?"
"I mean... I can't deny the attraction I feel toward this person. These
are my own feelings this time, and their strength scares me. If i was to
be rejected... And even if I wasn't, to stay with me means a life of
danger. To see my soldiers injured, or killed, is hard enough. What
about the one I love? How can I impose this on anyone? Especially if
this person doesn't want this life anymore..."
Chidori closed her eyes and reflected on her own situation with Sosuke.
When she finally opened them, Thessa was starring intently at her. 'Now,
I know why she came to me.'
She smiled gently. "Hum... You have basically two choices. Not telling
him and wondering the rest of your life what could have been. Or take a
chance and tell him. Either way, you'll have to face the consequences.
But I don't think you want to become an old lonely grouch, because you
were too afraid to act on your feellings!"
That made the young captain laugh heartedly at the picture she just got
of herself. "No, I really don't want that!"
"Good! Then, it's somehing you'll have to do sooner or later. As for the
danger, it's his choice to do. But if he returns your feelings, I bet he
would gladly risk his life for you everyday, as you would for him. And
if you want my opinion, he would be a fool not to love you back..." She
winked.
Unknown to her, the guards nodded in complete and utter agreement. Each
of them praying to be the one and swearing to beat to death the idiot
who would dare to reject their dear captain.
Thessa smiled at her friend. "Thank you very much, you're a real friend.
Now I know what I have to do. Sosuke is really lucky to have you." And
with that, she left, while Chidori kept on stammering incoherent
denials.
------------------------------------------------------------
Six days already.
Six days that they were stuck in this hell on earth that was the
amazonian forest. The engines were beginning to suffer of the constant
humidity and the men were assaulted by the whole population of starving
moskitos this godamn jungle counted. And still not drug dealers in
sight.
Melissa slapped herself for the billionth time. She examined with an
evil satisfaction the crumpled dipter in her hand before returning her
attention to her notebook. According to their informations, an unusually
large quantity of cocain was supposed to be transported through the
jungle to secret clears where helicopters would be awaiting it. Needless
to say that with the amount of money it meant, a strong security was to
be expected. The mission was simple: follow and identify the leaders,
then arrest them. But of course, to achieve this, the drug dealers would
have to show up first! This was so unfair! It was her last mission,
after all. She'd have appreciated to leave on a grand final. She
couldn't even bug ('Now that was a bad choice of word', she thought
while slapping herself for the billion and first time) Weber, since he
was on vacation somewhere in Germany. And Sosuke was still on his
'assignment' in Tokyo. Lucky one! Thinking about her companions brought
a small smile to her lips.
She knew she would miss them. Deeply. The bonds created between soldiers
of a same team were strong, almost family like, if not completely for
people like herself. They had shared so much. They were her brothers.
She would always care for them.
And then, there was...
Now, pictures invaded her mind as her smile turned dreamy. Pictures of a
young and beautiful white-haired woman, clad in a much too serious
uniform. So frail, and yet, so determined. So righteous and
strong-willed, but so unsure of herself at the same time. There was
something about her that just made everyone want to protect her, sergent
major Melissa Mao included.
She sighed wistfully and found that she was staring at he notebook
without really seing it for the last ten minutes. 'Oh, crap! that' not
like me! I didn't even have a beer! Next time, I'll be drooling all
over. Hopefully, it will cease when I leave for good... I almost lost
it, the other day, in the bath... But I couldn't help myself! This was
so damn tempting! Her skin was so soft! I'm lucky she didn't notice at
all. That would have been the end of me. I can't stand the idea of her
looking at me with disgust. I don't care about anybody else... But, no,
not from her!' She closed her eyes. 'That's the real reason I've got to
leave. This is a battle I can't win...'
Just a this moment, she heard a very charasteristic hiss, instinctively
ducked behind a large boulder nearby and all hell broke loose. The
boulder shielded her from a huge explosion and an incandescent rain of
shrappnells. A bit dazzled by the sonic shock, she crawled in the bushes
to hide. She took the time to recover and determine what was exactly
going on. She brought a hand to her left ear. She frowned when she saw
the blood that stained her fingers. That had been a close one!
Another explosion made her head in its direction. An A.S. of her team
had just been destroyed. She suddenly looked where her own A.S. had been
standing and found only pieces of fuming, metallic scrap.
Then she heard others explosions, dozen of them. One by one, all the
A.Ss were blown away by rockets. Some attempted to take off and to fire
back, but the enemy's missils just seemed to come from everywhere. She
tried to contact them by radio, but nothing but a faint buzz answered
her. The damn thing was probably broken!
Under the predominent noise of huge explosions and metal torn appart,
she soon heard the all too familiar staccato of automatic weapons. And
human cries of agony.
No quarters given, no prisoners.
A single tear ran down her right cheek, then she frowned and let loose
with along serie of curses. These assholes were surrounding them! How?!?
They were supposed to have the finest detectors! 'Our sensors SHOULD
have spotted them miles away!!! And how did they know we were there, in
the first place!!!'
Sounds of shots nearby interrupted her feverish thoughts. She armed her
semi-automatic gun and headed carefully in the direction of the noises.
From her higher point of view, she could easilly take in the whole
situation. There! Down to the river. Two of her men were hiding behind
some massive boulders, just like she had. But unlike her, they had been
spotted by three of their ennemies. ' Mercenary men!' She thought. 'The
worst!'
The three men were firing all they have relentlessy, clearly meaning
that their two victims wouldn't be allowed to escape. And they laughed.
That had Melissa's blood boiling with barely contained rage.
'The bloody bastards are laughing!!!'
She hated this kind of people. They were all she had always fought
against. Those who thought they were strong because they had a gun in
their hand, those who took pride, or pleasure, in killing other
people... Those who had no respect for life.
Then, she saw another group of mercenaries, five, she noted, discretly
making their way through the trees, clearly intending to attack the two
Mithrill soldiers from behind. She didn't have much time to act. She
clame closer to the trio, her progression unnoticed thanks to all the
noise they were making. When she reached a satisfaying distance, she
threw them a grenade.
They never see it coming. No one survived.
She took advantage of the frozen moment that followed to yell a warning
to her comrades. They recognised her voice and just had the time to find
new shelters against the new threat. They managed to shot down two of
the mercenaries before the later, faced with a sudden unknown quantity
of adversaries, found it best to go fetch some help.
Melissa watched them flee and got out of her hiding. She quickly joined
the others, grabbing an undamaged H&K 47 and extra ammos when she went
past her victims.
She smiled. O'Brien and Olafson. Those two were old good chaps too.
Always ready for a new round of beer and a good fight.
"Good to see you're still alive, sergent major." Saluted Olafson.
She saluted back. "I could say the same about you corporal Olafson. And
how about you, corporal O'Brien?" The man was clutching his left arm,
which had been recently and hurriedly bandaged.
"What? Oh, that? Don't worry ma'am, that ain't nothing, 'won't stop me
to kick their butt!"
She smirked. "Good! But for now, we better move on, they'll be back in a
few. Let's see if any of the others could make it too. Have you tried to
contact someone?
Olafson shook his head. "We did, but our radios don't seem to work."
"What? You too?!? Did you tried the emergency signal?"
"Yes, of course, But we didn't get any answer yet... All we can do is
hope that the De Danan notices something's wrong..."
End of chapter one
Pffiew! My eyes are bloodshot and my back hurt. And I plan on two other
chapters... gaaah... Anyway, I haven't seen any fic about Full Metal
Panic yet, and, well, when you want something done, better do it
yourself. Of course, I don't owe Full Metal Panic, and the Mao/Thessa
thing is a product of my own imagination, but that's make me laugh when
I think at how it would be for them to share permanently the captain's
quarter on board. The lirics are from Radiohead, the bends. Bulletproof
is one of my favorite songs, ever. It partly inspired this little story.
And for once, I'm (almost) sure that I won't discover later on, that my
poor work seems to copy someone elses's fanfic. Gomen nasai to all those
who have maybe felt plaggiated in my previous fics. It wasn't
intentional, I'm far to have red even a tenth of the fics posted there.
Ja ne
Back to Bulletproof Index - Back to Full Metal Panic Shoujo-Ai Fanfiction