Silent Knight
Silence is a double-edged sword.
Despite his promise, Zidane never came back. The weeks turned into
months, and the months have now become a year. My heart aches as I am
forced to watch my queen suffer, losing hope day by day. Duty, however,
binds my tongue. I cannot tell her that as she breaks, I also break. I
cannot tell her that as she cries, I also cry, if only within. I cannot
tell her that as she mourns a love lost, I mourn a love that can never
be.
I realize the wrongness of it. I first knew Garnet when she but a small
child and I was yet an adult. Then came the day I pledged my life to her
as her guardian and later her general. How little I knew how blurred the
line separating my duty from my affection would become.
A year gone, and now, according to the servants, Garnet has ceased
eating. I make my way the throne room, and Steiner salutes me as I
approach, his armor creaking loudly as he does. With only a slight nod
to him, I enter the main hall, stride to the throne, and kneel before my
queen.
"Highness." As I stand, I glance to the long oaken table on the eastern
wall, noting her dinner had not been touched. "Highness, you must eat
something."
She meets my eye, and it pains me to see that hers are empty. "I don't
feel like eating."
I step to her side. "Sometimes we must do things simply for the sake of
doing them," I tell her softly. "Please do not forget, Highness, that
you have a kingdom to rule."
"And I do, Beatrix."
"Yes, but you need to keep your strength up," I remind as I put my hand
over hers.
"What if I have no strength left?"
"My queen, do you think Zidane would want you to forsake the years of
your prime and waste away in grief?"
I immediately kick myself as Garnet's gaze slowly lowers, her eyes
brimming with tears. There are times when silence is the best course of
action, a concept I had so foolishly failed to recall at this precise
moment. I kneel at her feet once more and gently touch my
sword-calloused fingers to her now wet cheek.
"I apologize, Highness. I did not mean to upset you."
Garnet's eyes open and stare into my good eye, and I swear I see a
flicker of emotion behind the hollow sadness. She brings her own hand to
mine and presses my palm more firmly against her cheek.
"You only speak the truth, Beatrix. You only ever speak the truth." She
sighs. "All right, I will eat something...for you if not for myself."
She places a light kiss on my forehead and rises from her throne.
Slowly, I follow, trying to force down the blush that threatens to make
itself known.
Twilight comes, and I finish my rounds of the castle. When I reach my
bedchambers, I am startled to find Garnet standing at the doors to my
balcony, looking out over the castle grounds.
I quickly salute. "Highness, is something wrong?"
"Will it get better?" she asks without prelude.
The question catches me off guard. I step into the room and close the
door behind me. The moment I turn to face my queen, I find her arms
slung around my neck as she buries her face into my chest. I feel her
hot tears soaking through the fabric of my uniform, and my skin burns at
their touch.
"Tell me it will get better," she begs, her plea muffled against me.
I sigh to myself and try not to think of how close she is holding me. "I
don't know that it will."
She lifts her head and looks up at me with red puffy eyes. "Then lie to
me?"
I clench my eye shut and pray my restraint holds out. "I...I could never
lie to you, Highness..."
"Then do something, anything to stop this pain!" My resolve begins to
crumble. "I can't stand feeling this way, Beatrix! Make it stop! I just
need you to make it-"
I silence her with my lips. I am not surprised when her delicate royal
hands clutch the collar of my uniform and pull me closer, urgency taking
hold as her tongue desperately seeks mine. My will surrenders to
passion, and I push her into the wall of the chamber, all formality of
gentleness lost in the whirlwind of emotions. Pulling back just enough
to lift her up, I nearly slam her back against the wall as her legs wrap
around my waist. My mouth stays crushed against hers and she clutches to
me tightly. Even when our lips part, she refuses to let go, her fingers
remaining entangled in my hair as we struggle to regain our breath.
Finally, I lower her so her feet again touch the floor, and we stand
resting our foreheads against one another. I hear her whisper my name
and it pangs me. Shakily, I drop to one knee and hold my fist to my
heart, bowing my head in shame. Garnet soon kneels beside me and
whispers into my ear.
"You know, every girl dreams of her knight in shining armor that comes
to rescue her, sweep her off her feet, and carry her off into the
sunset. As far back as I can remember...you've always been my knight,
Beatrix...and you'll always be my knight..."
Garnet stands and quietly withdraws from the chamber. I know she is
trying to be strong. As soon as I hear the click of the door shutting,
my legendary strength shatters, and I break down and cry.
The world around me fades as I retreat within myself for the remaining
hours of night. When finally morning comes, my composure has returned,
and I draw Save the Queen from her sheath. I hold the garnet-encrusted
sword, the symbol of my honor and fealty, before me. For the briefest
moment, I wonder if I still have the right to wield the holy blade, or
if my oath has been so jeopardized by my emotions that I should walk
away now.
I shake my head to clear such thoughts. Garnet is still my queen, and I
am still her knight.
She will marry, of course. The realization is no stranger to me; a queen
has her obligations, just as I have mine. Thus, out of duty, I remain
silent, my feelings again confined to the shadows as I deny the very
essence of my being.
If silence is a double-edged sword, then duty will be the loss of me.
Back to Final Fantasy 9 Shoujo-Ai Fanfiction