Teaching Respect (part 3 of 4)

"Headmistress? Xu? Hello? Xusie?"

Blinking as her eyes filled with bright light, Xu dragged herself back into the world of the living. Momentarily disorientated, she dropped the pen that had been drooping in her mouth onto the pages of files she had spread all over her lap. Her chair tilted violently as she shifted her weight badly, and she had to scrabble furiously to collect the papers as they went flying.

"Mmm, what? Who’s there?!"

She looked over at the door, and saw Quistis standing leaning in the doorway, arms folded with an amused, chastising look on her face. Hadn’t she… oh right, Quis had a key… right, right. Wake up Xusie, she thought to herself.

"The work of a Headmistress is never done, eh? And to think I almost went for this job. If I’d have known it meant sleeping in a comfortable chair, in the middle of the day… you must be worn out!"

Xu stared blankly back at her, trying to think of something to say to her friend’s sarcastic assault. Dazed, she swivelled her chair and looked out the window behind her. Sunlight streamed in beams into the room, warming her face and confirming the inappropriate timing of her nap. Distant sounds of laughter and calls could be heard – the sound of the school moving obliviously below them.

She turned and looked back, a sheepish grin forming on her face. Biting back a laugh, she placed the pile of files on her desk. Quistis smiled and inclined her head waiting for an answer. Xu fought back her smile, smoothed out the files and took the pen up in her hand. It was no good, and she moved her hand up too late to catch herself as she burst into an embarrassed laugh.

For a good minute or so, the two old friends giggled and cried with laughter, Xu with her hand over her face, sobbing with utterly humiliated, but tickled laughter; Quistis pretending to sleep in the chair opposite from time to time. It had been such a strange few days, with Fujin so on edge and reading through her files... Xu felt like she hadn’t had a good laugh in years. She was so relieved, things almost seemed normal again for a moment.

Eventually however, they had to come to their senses. Still chuckling slightly, and with neither very far from another total breakdown, their mirth gradually subsided. A smile still twitching at the edges of her mouth, Xu composed herself, and threw an empty box of staples at Quistis in mock annoyance, trying to force her to get it together. After a few false starts, Quistis finally managed:

"So… Headmistress?"

"Yes… Senior Lecturer?"

Yearning to let go again, but conscious she was in fact neglecting her duties, Xu furiously fought to calm herself:

"Oh Quis, come on. If you want something…"

"My pen".

Xu almost burst out in hysterics again, briefly bewildered at the sheer mundanity of the request.

"Mmm-hmm, I think I left it in here yesterday. Really!"

With both of them doing their best to rein in their insane laughter at this feeble conversation, Xu searched through her papers but came up a blank. Shrugging, she held up her pen…

"There’s this one, but…"

Quistis lurched over and snatched it mischievously, producing a few papers she had to sign. Clearing her throat with a chuckle, she bent over the work… and then fell back in her chair holding a hand over her mouth to stifle the laughter.

"It’s out of ink!"

"I know! Serves you right!"

Another lengthy period of hysterics threatened, but Xu held up a hand pleadingly:

"No, no come on. I was up all last night; I’ve got work to finish…"

"Oh?"

Xu looked up at her, and saw her friend had become an oasis of calm. Sat up and with her arms folded, she now had a deeply interested look on her face.

"It’s not like that… at least not yet anyway. Oh, I don’t know what it is…"

Xu’s laughter was fading fast now, as the exasperation of the previous few days returned. Quistis leaned forward, and drew one of the files round with her finger to look at it.

"It wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain young woman here on probation, would it?"

Xu looked down and saw it was hopeless. All the files were about Fujin quite obviously, and Quistis’ fan club, the ‘Trepeies’ were the most informed gossip network she had ever known. This conversation had clearly been Quistis' goal in coming here...

She knitted her fingers together into a bridge, and looked with a sigh at a photo of Fujin (and some others) that had been unearthed. Looking across her fingers, she saw Quistis was sporting a supportive but concerned look.

"You don’t think it’s a good idea?"

Quistis picked up the photo, and considered it thoughtfully. She shrugged and handed it back.

"Teachers and students, teachers and other teachers, teachers and teachers who are really just students still… it can get very messy".

Xu pursed her lips defiantly, and slid the picture out of sight.

"A teacher trying to get an emotionless student to open up to them. A teacher who can’t deny she had more than one reason for helping? Sound familiar to anyone?" she enquired testily.

Quistis smiled ruefully: "And you know how that turned out…"

Both of them sat in their thoughts for a minute, an awkward silence pervading as the conversation had started to strike at some nerves. Quistis finally looked over and remarked:

"Look Xusie, it’s just… I know I’ve tried it a few times, but it’s never easy. People think you’re just throwing your position about and…"

Xu sat back in her chair, and sighed with irritation.

"Take off the gloves Quis, say what you really think. You think she’s dangerous, don’t you?"

Quistis shifted uncomfortably, before turning to look her straight in the eye.

"I’m just saying Xuse, the ones I’ve dated haven’t tried to destroy the world lately".

Xu ran her knuckles thoughtfully across her mouth, regarding her old friend with what she was afraid was dangerously close to hatred at such a poisonous statement. She sat up and tidied up the files, trying to calm down.

"That’s not very funny, Quis."

Her friend hesitated before replying. Xu could feel Quistis was regretting, as indeed she was, that the conversation had become so hostile. But she felt so mad at Quis right now for this.

"It wasn’t meant to be funny, Xuse. Fujin’s a very troubled young woman. This could end very badly… for the both of you."

The response was tender and apologetic, which soothed Xu, even if it did not particularly reassure her. She cupped her chin in her hand, and tapped distractedly on the table. She shot glances at Quistis, who was evidently hoping for a cessation of hostilities.

"I… you’re probably right. And I’m sorry if I sound…"

"Hey, it’s okay. I didn’t mean to upset you either".

They touched fingers briefly to show they were both past the last few minutes. It was a level of intimacy most wouldn’t understand really. Loving without ever needing to tell the other it was purely platonic. It was a relationship she’d always drawn great strength from.

"She’s just so miserable, Quis. My heart breaks every time I see her. In the past, it just wasn’t… she was always part of that gang. I didn’t think it could ever happen. And I don’t want her or anyone to think I’m just using my position now for some cheap thrills."

She looked up at her old friend, emotion brimming inside her.

"I have to be with her Quis. I can’t think of anything else, I don’t want to do anything else."

Quistis nodded and sighed deeply, before reaching her hand over and giving Xu’s arm a comforting squeeze.

"Then I guess I’d better hear it all then."

Xu ran quickly over some of the events of the previous days, leaving out a few bits here and there to preserve Fujin’s dignity. Quistis lay slumped back in her chair with her feet up listening, nodding as she sorted through what she knew of the girl in question, and her memories of their run-ins.

"It’s the father though, I bet you" she said at length, looking over at Xu.

"Why she’s like this at all, I mean. Dresses how she does, hung with Seifer and Raijin trying to be ‘one of the boys’, that speech… kind of military, I always thought".

Xu nodded, and flipped through a few pages in the files.

"Her father is ex military. She’s… yes, an only child. Uhh, I remember reading all this at about 3 o clock last night. Father used to take her hunting apparently…"

Quistis raised an eyebrow and leaned over to look at her. They nodded at each other.

"A father who takes his daughter hunting… but I bet he never took her to any balls, or bought her any dolls, right?"

Xu shrugged, but Quis was probably right. She’d also gotten the distinct impression that Fujin’s father had gotten a daughter, when he really wanted a son, and had just ‘made do’.

"It’s when it happened… the… you know."

Xu motioned to her eye, embarrassed and feeling herself flushing red in the face. She felt so… devious talking behind Fujin’s back like this, even if she was only trying to help. Deeply uncomfortable now, she passed the file to Quistis and sat wringing her hands miserably.

"Hunting accident… rifle backfires…" Quistis shook her head sadly.

"But she clearly still idolises him, probably feels she let him down."

Xu snorted in outrage, and got up to stalk darkly about the room, her long skirt swishing angrily with her movements. Quistis didn’t look up from the file, but commented:

"That’s a bit of a new look for you isn’t it? More… Headmisstressy, hmm?"

Xu looked around with a pestered look. What did that have to do with anything?

"You think I’m wearing this to impress her? To make myself seem more…"

"Powerful?"

Xu slumped back down into her chair. She felt like such a fraud. Smart and capable, best in her class… ha! One (admittedly gorgeous) girl with a sob story and she was…

"So…"

Xu snapped back from her reverie, lost in thoughts of Fujin and herself in a thousand different scenarios, each more unlikely than the last.

"I hope you will agree that Fujin is a well disciplined candidate. If taught well and kept motivated, I am confident you will find Fujin to be a worthy SEED in the years to come. As a military man myself, I hope Fujin will live up to the standards of service and honour that my family have always cherished."

Quistis read this aloud with evident distaste, and threw it back onto the table. Xu picked it up, she’d almost torn this one up, the first time she’d read it.

"That man has a lot of problems, I’d say" ventured Quistis.

Xu gripped the page angrily in her hands, seized again with the desire to rip it into shreds and burn it.

"He doesn’t even refer to her as ‘She’ or ‘Her’. It’s all my career and my family, nothing about her really. It’s awful: it’s like he can’t bear the ‘shame’ of her not being a boy, and thinks if he doesn’t mention it, it might all ‘fix’ itself somehow."

Quistis nodded and reached over to the file, retrieving a page from the court record section. She turned it towards Xu and tapped near the bottom.

"That’s the important detail, Xuse. Confront her with that one, and you’ll get to where you both want this to go."

Xu looked carefully where she was pointing, before the words sunk in.

"You think… she wants me too?"

Her voice was trembling at the mere thought. She tried not to sound so excited, but it was like finding out God was real, and he was coming over for lunch to tell you the meaning of life.

Before she could get an answer, there was a smart knocking at the door. Quistis looked over, mouthed ‘I’ll get it’ to Xu, and struggled up from her seat. Xu continued to stare down at the pages, lost in thought until:

"Oh… Fujin. Hello, are you here to see the Headmistress?"

"Oh Quis, could you sound any more suspicious", thought Xu frantically as she snatched together all the files into one pile. Before she could put them out of sight however, Fujin marched into the room, practically walking straight through Quistis who had tried in vain to body block her. Lacking any better alternatives, Xu simply placed her elbows on the pile, and leant forward over it trying her best to smile in welcome.

This she found was not hard, as she became conscious that she was beaming a wild, happy grin from ear to ear. Fujin’s rigid stance relaxed somewhat she noticed when she met her gaze. The moment was too short though, as Fujin tore her gaze away to Quistis and stared rudely and unblinkingly at her.

Taking the hint before Xu had to say or do anything, Quistis backed through the door hastily:

"Well, I’m done I think, Headmistress. I’ll leave you two alone then."

Outside the door, where Fujin couldn’t see her, she smiled encouragingly and motioned to her hip. Xu glanced back at Fujin and saw the piece of paper she was holding. She looked back to Quistis, nodded at her, and motioned her to close the door.

Well, this was certainly going to be interesting…