(I’m Sorry) Lyrics by Roxette The first time we met time stood still. You left me breathless suddenly speechless. Within the hour we where one. Two total strangers kiss in the moonlight. (Chorus) Oh you know I’m I sorry I had to go. I’m really sorry It had to die I’m really sorry I made you Cry...Cry We fell in love between the nights Too many lovers and too many teardrops And fate won’t resist some satin sheets. I was so helpless, totally ruthless. Oh you know I’m sorry I had to go I’m really sorry I hurt inside I’m really sorry I made you cry, cry Love is lifting you up and dragging you down. Makes you go round and round and round Time make us stop and then its all gone Funny how memories keep lingering on. Chorus Oh you know I’m sorry I had to go I’m really sorry it had to die. I’m really sorry I made you cry. You know I’m sorry I had to go. I’m really sorry I hurt inside. I’m really sorry I made you cry. I’m really sorry. Cry, cry, cry. Musings The first thing I noticed upon stepping off the train is the smell. The offensive odor of sun baked and bloated fish. That mixed with the briny moist air makes me nearly nauseous. I stretch feeling bones pop and muscle whine in protest. It was a long trip here especially after having to spend the last half in a cell but at least I got some sleep. The slimy troll I was so wonderfully aquatinted with stepped off the train not to far away and looked at me hotly from behind swollen battered sockets. I waved cutely and walk out of the station. Fishermen’s Horizon was a dying town by the looks of it the mad made island of steel girder concrete sat squarely in the middle of the ocean. I have little doubt it was a wonder in its day. Now though it seemed little more than a place trains came to die and old men came to fish. I look curiously to the center of town the glare from a massive mirrored crater dominates the heart of the island. A solar array I surmise as I walk around. Vagabonds and working girls mingle about with dirty children and young adventures. Why again am I literally out in the middle of no where? I have my reasons, that is enough to go on. The sun is brutal here and someone of my complexion burns quickly so I decide it best to go indoors until it begins to get dark. I go inside a shack of a inn, The place is rotting and falling apart. Light seeps through the shoddy plank walls, and the place appears to have been decorated by a lunatic. A stuffed monster here, the skull of a whale there and the pickled remains of some humanoid sit in a jar by a pin dusty ball machine. Some aged bimbo with far to much makeup and absurdly large breasts bounces up to me. I nearly laugh at the sight of her in her grass skirt and a flower print muumuu. She wants to know if I want a room or company. I accept the former and decline the latter. She sends some sickly child to take my bag. He looks to have drank the local water for far to long. I take the bag from him and sling it over my shoulder motion for him to lead me upstairs to my room. I miss you, I miss your laughter and your smile. I spent such a short time with you and you changed so much in me. I hope you know that I am thinking of you. The child stops by a door made of plywood. He can’t be serious. Yet he is and sticks out his hand. I fish in my pockets and had him some coins to send him on his way. I enter warily wondering if I am going to go through the floor and into the ocean. I can hear the waves somewhere far below me. I admittedly have slept in worse places but not many. The bed is a tattered mattress with a blanket made of sewn towels. I don’t even consider what’s living in it or who’s died under it. I slip out of my dress suit before melt and don some shorts and sports top. I go down stairs in the slim hope they have anything to eat that’s actually supposed to be edible. The locals point and stare at me. I’m sure I all but glow compared to the dark tans I see everywhere. I ignore it I am used to stares. I saunter up to the bar feeling like some idiot cowboy. The steely eyed talking beard behind the bar asks me if I want a anything. I take my chances and order the special and a tall glass of water. More stares now I nearly scared the poor old coot. I forget sometimes how much me talking to people throws them off. Easy to see why I hardly bother. I hate being the center of attention it can ruin your day. But then again you know that all to well also to. Your just on the opposite end of the spectrum. Your the beauty and the I’m the beast so to speak. I may not be social but I know people and how they think. I have a lot of free time and I spend it watching, and observing people they fascinate me with their nuance’s. I know how people see you and think. Behold the extraordinary Quistis Trepe, beautiful and infallible. They put you up on such a hard pedestal you are afraid you will fall off. While people see me they see Fujin the she demon, ugly and spiteful. Its hard not to live up to the expectations people place upon you and hard still to see past them. We are the same my dear just different sides of the coin. The meal is not fatal as I feared and is actually fairly pleasant. I tip the man generously and head back to my room to await dusk. ************************* It’s been three days since You left. I sit alone in my room wondering why I let you affect me like this. You this woman I barely know, who I let into my life so you could watch me disintegrate. You used to be my enemy for Hyne’s sake. You didn’t care you never cared about anyone. That’s a lie and I know it. You carried me from darkness, you was there for me and I tried to be there for you. You allowed me to care for and see the real you. That means you trust me right and if you trust me that must me you care. Self-doubt rears it head cursing at me making me falter. "She let her guard down because you got her drunk." But she stayed when she could have left. "Only because you cried and sobbed, she felt sorry for you." It was more than that it had to be. "Then why did she leave." I don’t know. "You don’t need her you have plenty of friends." There is more to it than that. "Ah here we are again, just what are we talking about?" I don’t know it’s just so hard to think about. "Your hopeless." I dismiss the demon so I can function. I stand and get dressed taking time to look in the mirror. I look old and tired and here I am barely in my twenties. Not that is matters anymore right, don’t forget I have another year to add in a few days. I already know how I plan to celebrate it. I think bitterly. There’s a knock on the door, its Xu, she wants to talk to me before class. Apparently there was talk of trouble with Archibald and Luccian again. They have been reported bullying the other students. I tell her I’ll look into it. A fine choice of making then part of the Disciplinary Committee. They get in more trouble than they stop. Class is the same as always I put on my cheery face and go about my duties. I inform the class that trip to Eshtar has been cleared for the weekend. They cheer and carry on like the eager kids they are. After class I talk to Luccian, he’s defensive and evasive. It’s like talking to a wall. He so much like Seifer it’s scary. I want to slap him a few times for his pompousness. He denies hurting anyone and that the fight with you was your fault. Everyone backed him up on that, and it infuriated me. I know better, you would never harm anyone unless they provoked you. I hate him more and more as he spews more lies about you. Saying you did this and that. Saying that he tried to just walk away from you. Then he says you attacked him outside the garden. Archibald, I note remains oddly quite about the last bit. I noticed the stitches in his hand and his broken nose, I just never thought about it until now. I accuse him of attacking you and he blows up. A hint of the anger he is hiding, well he’s not the only one. We are on out feet screaming at each other now. He actually raises a hand to strike me but stops when I don’t flinch I am beyond caring about such things now. I slap him for even thinking it. He falls into his seat in shock I tell him to leave. I report what I think happened to Xu. She takes my report and says she will investigate further but if that’s all I have there’s not much she can do since you are no longer here to back up the claim. I miss you terribly Fujin, a new found friend I was just beginning to understand and you left me. I do not hate you though. I just wish it could have been different. I want to tell you having those few hours with you where some of my happiest in a long, long time. I have had dreams about you, did you know that? Some of them are a bit out of the ordinary. The thought of them makes me blush with embarrassment. I don’t care though, I am an adult. Dreams are part of being human. I can sense how uncomfortable you are around me. I wish I could have put you more at ease but now its to late. For both of us I realize.
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