Butterflies Instead
AN: "Butterflies Instead" title by K's Choice, it's -not- mine.
---
The Amakura twins had never spoken to anybody about what it was that had
happened in The Lost Village. It hurt to speak about the events that had
transpired there. It was also so outlandish that others might have
wondered if they were having some sort of mental breakdown. Still, the
sisters spoke about it to one another from time to time. The
conversations tended to be short. It was troubling to them both
remembering that night. They'd both lost a part of themselves in that
village.
There was nothing to be done about restoring Mio's eyesight. The town
doctor was baffled. Test after test showed no indication as to how a
young woman could suddenly become blind.
After Mio and Mayu had been found unconscious in the forest the
community had rallied to them for a few days. Mio and Mayu were
distressed at her blindness. Mio had heard Itsuki's voice telling her
not to look down into the but she hadn't been able to help it. She never
would have expected what happened to happen.
Now the fuss had died down about the missing twins. Things weren't as
exciting now that they'd returned, even if one of them couldn't see
anymore. Eventually people tired of them and they were left in peace.
----------
Mio was grateful. Though her and Mayu still had no recollection about
how they'd escaped the village (and how it came to be that the village
no longer existed) it was good to finally be alone again. Their parents
were no longer around so it was only the two of them.
The house was empty and there were places were the cold wind got in and
chilled them. Most of the time they spent in their bedroom. The first
few days were hard for both of the girls. Perhaps it was harder for Mio.
She accumulated various bruises in her new state. It was difficult.
Mio's blind stare was excruciating for Mayu. It was hard to believe that
her sister's eyes, once so sharp and focused now seemed vacant. It was
all her fault. She couldn't help that thought crossing her mind every
time she saw Mio. She'd saved her and had lost her sight. It wasn't
fair.
"Mayu...?" Mio's tone was uncertain lately. She sat on the bed, worried.
Her hands would always stretch out blindly, seeking Mayu.
"I'm right here," Mayu took Mio's hand in her own and kneeled in front
of her.
"I thought maybe you'd left." Mio both looked at and through her. A
smile lighted on her lips. "You're quiet."
"I was just thinking."
"What about?"
"It's nothing," she said softly and touched Mio's face in a gentle
fashion. Lifting herself, her leg aching, Mayu took a seat alongside of
her. "How are you feeling...?"
"A little better." Mio took a shuddery breath. "Are the others still
worried?" She referred to the villagers who stopped in once in a while
to check in on them. "You can probably tell better than me."
"A little." Mayu closed her eyes briefly and tried to imagine what it'd
be like spending the rest of her life in darkness. It was terrifying,
especially after what they'd gone through at the lost village. So many
had been vanquished during the repentance, forced to live in black
before their lives were extinguished. An entire village wiped out... She
shook the thoughts away. "But it's to be expected."
"You're right." The words and tone were so accepting. Since the incident
some of Mio's fire had left her.
"I'm sorry," Mayu felt her eyes watering, scalding her. The words were a
whimper, "I'm so sorry. It's my fault. It's all my fault."
She was reminded of Sae. "Don't say that," Mio's hands went out,
determined but fumbling until they finally clasped Mayu's face. Her
fingers brushed the burning tears. When the realization hit her, her
expression became melancholy. "Don't be sad, Mayu."
"It's my fault," she repeated, "If I hadn't made you promise...!"
"I would have gone after you anyway." Clumsily her arms circled around
Mayu's neck and pulled her closer. She felt the tears at her shoulder as
Mayu rested her forehead there. "Together forever, remember?"
Mayu's eyes slid shut, comforted.
"I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost you," Mio said holding
her tighter. Anything was worth bearing as long as she had Mayu with
her.
Mio had knocked over the tea again. She apologized, and tried to
remember in what direction it was that the napkins were at. This was the
hassle of rearranging things in the home. What had become familiar in
her blindness was no longer applicable. It was exhausting in this new
arrangement having to learn everything again.
"Don't worry about it," Mayu told her.
Mio could hear her slow steps moving as hurriedly as they could to wipe
at the spilled tea. The aroma of green tea wafted in the air and Mio
felt herself blush. She remembered where the napkins were and reached
out to grab a hold of them. Once in hand she held them uncertainly,
unsure of what the next move. "I can do it," she said quietly and dabbed
at the approximate spot where it'd been spilt. Mayu had cleaned it up
already. Mio had never thought she'd see the day when Mayu moved faster
than she did. She felt a pang of guilt at the thought. She wondered if
it crossed Mayu's mind as well, but Mayu wouldn't say it. Not even in
jest.
"Next time."
Mio heard her footsteps slowly walking away toward the general area of
the kitchen. Maybe she was going to wring out the sink towel. Or maybe
it was napkins she had. Mio hated how she missed the nonsense things
she'd taken for granted. When Mayu returned Mio looked over at the area
where she was indiscriminately. "You don't have to do everything for
me."
There was a pause. "I know."
"I need to learn," Mio said more firmly.
"You are learning." Mayu pulled a chair next to her and sat down. "I
just want to make things a little easier for you. You always made things
a little better for me, even when I told you it was alright."
Mio frowned.
"It's okay," Mayu's voice was silken. She gently eased strands of black
from her younger sister's eyes.
----------
"I don't see anyone anymore," Mio said one day.
Mayu looked at her and tried to understand the meaning behind her words.
Mio wasn't the type to state the obvious. So Mayu waited.
"I...must make them uncomfortable."
"I'm sure they've just been busy," Mayu set down the book she was
leafing through and looked at Mio whose sightless eyes seemed so sad. It
was upsetting to her that the only things Mio seemed to see these days
were unfortunate revelations. It was true what Mio said. One of her
friends, Tsukiko had confessed it to her. She didn't know how to behave.
To be sympathetic or just pretend she was the same Mio. It was hard when
her eyes were on her but they weren't. Mayu could understand, but she
didn't know if she could forgive them leaving Mio at a time like this.
"Maybe." Mio stood and took a few steps over to where Mayu was. She
folded herself next to her and sat. "I should put something over my
eyes. They might not be so uncomfortable then. Blind people do it, don't
they? They put on some sort of blindfold. I don't know why I haven't
until now." Hadn't the doctors said something about that as well? There
had been a hope that as long as she wore a blindfold and kept from
'straining' her eyes she might be able to see again. Mio and Mayu knew
better, however.
Mayu's eyes narrowed. "Why should you try to comfort them?" Her words
held an undercurrent of anger. She further whispered fiercely, "You're
the one who has suffered."
Mio said nothing for some moments. "Find me a nice ribbon, Mayu.
Something pretty, okay?"
Her older sister nodded. Mayu stood and went to Mio's dresser drawer.
Opening it she withdrew a few hair ribbons and browsed through them.
"There's a pink one here," Mayu told her. "You used to wear it a lot,
remember?"
"I think it's a little frazzled."
"You're right," Mayu said upon inspection. She ran through a few more,
all of which Mio deemed unsatisfactory for one reason or another. "Those
are all of yours."
"Do you have one?"
"Let me check." Mayu moved over to her dresser. She didn't know how Mio
now enjoyed her slow, melodic step. It was comforting to her. That Mayu
was near, that she was on the way. It was easier for her to distinguish
her from the others. Mayu would always be her special one. "I have one,
I think it's new. I must have bought it a long time ago and never worn
it."
"What color is it?"
"Hmm, a light brown or beige." Mayu didn't want to say that it matched
the outfits they wore on the day the village trapped them.
Mio didn't notice. "Bring it here."
Mayu did and accompanied her on the wooden floor. Delicately she placed
it in Mio's hands.
Her twin inspected it, running her fingers along to the tip, seeing how
long it was, just how wide.
"It's soft," she said with a smile.
"Is it okay?"
"It's perfect," she nodded.
"Will you put it on, then?"
"You do it," Mio said. "I don't want to make the top of my head look
clumpy if I do it wrong."
Mayu laughed. "All right then." Taking the ribbon from Mio's hands she
placed it over Mio's eyes carefully before wrapping it around her head
and tying it lightly but snug enough so that it wouldn't fall off. "Is
it too tight?"
"It's fine." Mio turned her head back and forth. Then: "How's it look?"
"Not bad," Mayu approved.
"It still feels the same."
"What does?"
Mio sighed a 'never mind'.
----------
Mio was screaming because she couldn't wake up. She'd dreamt of Sae and
her laughter, and the Kusabi, of a village practically extinguished in a
second and bound men, little Chitose and so many others who suffered in
a place that was always night. Mio screamed because for her it was
always night and for some seconds, seconds that seemed to stretch on for
eons, through the deaths of many twins and lost villagers, for those
brief heartbeats of a minute, she thought that maybe she was in that
place again.
It was Mayu who woke her. She flicked on a lamp. Mio heard the noise and
though the black that she always saw was not vanquished, she nonetheless
felt reassured. Mayu's arms wrapped around her. "Mio! What is it? Are
you all right?"
Mio shook, her teeth chattered. She sat still, trying to distance
herself from her nightmare. It was easier when she could listen to
Mayu's breathing and her voice. "Just a nightmare," she squeezed her
eyes shut and kicked herself for thinking it would help. "I didn't mean
to wake you; I'm sorry."
Mayu shook her head and stroked Mio's hair. "It's okay," then,
tentatively. "Was it about the Lost Village...?"
"...Yeah."
"I thought that maybe I was the only one who still had nightmares about
it."
Mio looked at her, the ribbon still over her eyes. "Mayu..."
"I know it's horrible of me to say but now I don't feel so alone about
it."
"You should have told me."
"I didn't want to bother you. Besides, I'm telling you now, right?"
Sae's laughter still rang in her ears. While some might have doubted
being near someone who looked so much like her, someone who'd been
possessed by her even, Mio had no reservations. Mayu's face, Yae's and
Sae's, they were all a mirror of her own face. It was no wonder that the
villagers, priests and all the others had confused Mayu and Mio for
those twins of the past. "You're right." There was some silence that
neither of them particularly minded. "Mayu...?"
"Yes?"
Mio took Mayu's hand and twined it with her own. "Could you sleep here
tonight...?" Mayu's bed, a mere five feet to the left seemed too far
away.
She squeezed her hand delicately and smiled. "If you'd like."
She rose from the bed and both her and Mayu pushed back the sheets and
comforter. Mio scooted to the side, touching the wall as Mayu joined her
on the small twin bed. Mio, thinking about it then, found the name
ironic and told Mayu who laughed. "It's been so long since we've slept
here like this."
"Years."
"Yeah." Mio stretched out on her side and faced Mayu. "Is this okay? Is
there enough room?"
"It's fine," Mayu said with a nod as she shifted a little.
"Will your leg be okay? I don't want it to hurt. You can stretch it out
a little." As she said so she placed her hand on Mayu's leg and moved it
carefully so that it was in a more comfortable position.
Mayu laid her head on the pillow and noticed how her leg draped over
Mio's own. "Will you be able to sleep?"
Mio nodded. "It's a little chilly."
With a touch to Mio's face and arms, Mayu confirmed that she was indeed
cold. She wondered if it was the outside temperature or the effects of
the nightmare. She moved closer and let her arm rest along Mio's waist.
Their stomachs touched but neither of them were bothered. Mayu pulled
the sheets more securely around Mio's shoulders.
"Who'd have thought that you'd be the one taking care of me now," Mio
said softly.
Mayu's fingers grazed Mio's face. "You always took care of me and you
never complained."
"Yes but..."
"Shh." Mayu continued to brush her fingers along Mio's cheek. "Just get
some rest. I'm not going to leave you. I'll be right here." She flicked
the light off, allowing Mio to pull her closer.
----------
They sat in front of the mirror. Mio sat on the bench in front of the
vanity table. Mayu stood behind her, drawing the brush through the onyx
strands that shone and ran halfway down her back. While she combed her
hair, Mayu observed her. This wasn't anything that needed to be done.
Mio knew full well how to comb her hair. Time had passed so that she got
everything right. She could properly dress herself and most of the time
she could make her own breakfast without help. Still, this small ritual,
one they'd partaken in as children and had once again started was
something they both enjoyed. It was relaxing.
Mayu's fingers played along Mio's hair that day, running down to the
tips. She smiled slightly. "Your hair's gotten longer."
Mio had lifted her hand to touch the ends. "It has. So has yours." For
she full well remembered the long strokes she'd taken along her hair
with the brush. "Are you going to cut it?"
"Do you think I should?"
"If you like," Mio picked up a few of the things from the top of the
drawer. A small decorative hair comb lay there; it was the shape of a
butterfly. Mio explored the edges for a few quiet moments before she
lifted it. "This is a butterfly. What color is it?"
"Red," Mayu said quietly. For a small time the movements of the brush
ceased and then she continued. "Do you like your hair how it is?"
"I don't mind." Mio was mostly indifferent towards it. "But if you cut
yours, I'll cut mine."
Mayu tilted her head to the side as she studied her. "I'll remember
that." She lifted the butterfly comb and pressed it experimentally to
the side of Mio's hair, just behind her ear before she slid it in
carefully. "Do you mind?"
Mio thought about it for some time. "No." She touched ribbon that lay on
the vanity top and began to lift it.
"Leave it," Mayu said. "It's just us."
Mio's hand dropped back to her side. Standing, she turned around and put
her hands on Mayu's shoulders. Their hair draped over both of their
faces for an instant. Neither noticed how much they resembled Akane and
Azami during the crimson ritual at that second. Mio looked into Mayu's
face with such intensity that the older girl thought for an instant that
Mio had regained her vision.
"What is it?" Mayu asked.
Mio said nothing. Picking up the brush once more she brushed Mayu's hair
again until it was styled like hers usually was. This wasn't something
that Mio saw but something that she imagined. She'd come to realize that
imagination and recollection was just as powerful as sight was.
Mayu realized immediately and was silent. Loosening the comb from Mio's
hair she put it in her own to complete the look that Mio had held
moments prior. Mio's strands fell over her face in a mirror image of
what Mayu had been earlier. Neither said anything, they only continued
to stare at one another. Mio put the brush away.
From time to time Mio and Mayu would go for long walks. Mio didn't take
a cane or staff. She was satisfied with holding onto Mayu's arm. She
trusted her implicitly and knew that as long as Mayu was by her side
she'd have nothing to fear.
On those days they would walk through the parks. Mayu's voice would flow
into her ear telling her of the scenery. This tree had been cut down but
there was a new small garden. These were the flowers and this is what
they look like, that one in the corner isn't getting enough sunlight and
is wilting.
They would go to a bench, usually in a quieter area of the park and sit
there and talk. There was that one area that was near the forest but
they never went there anymore, preferring instead to stay within the
boundaries lest they fall into that nightmare world again.
The two of them enjoyed listening to the trickling of the stream. Mio's
hearing in particular had gotten better. While Mayu would point out to
her the sights, Mio would tell her of the birds chirping in the
distance, the cicadas and how the stream had picked up speed no matter
how little. In this way they complimented each other and filled what the
other lacked. They felt like one being although neither ever spoke of
such things.
"It's so quiet here," Mio commented.
"Yeah." She looked at the setting sun and explained all the colors,
connecting it with a more specific color. 'Red' or 'orange' no longer
satisfied Mio. Mayu never minded explaining in more detail because she
knew that she'd want the same if she were in Mio's place. "I wish you
could see it."
Mio glanced at her with a smile. "I do, thanks to you."
Mayu smiled.
"Mayu. Do you...get lonely?"
She was surprised. "Lonely? No. Why do you ask?"
"You're always with me."
Mio stared off into the distance. To any passerby it would appear as if
she could really see everything. Mayu sometimes wondered how often she'd
worked to perfect that look of one who sees or if it just came naturally
after becoming used to her new condition. After all she hadn't always
been blind. "I like being with you."
"I like being with you. But you have friends, Mayu. You can spend time
with them and I'd be okay."
Mayu gave a shake of her head as if something bothersome had landed on
her hair. "I was never as outgoing as you were."
"You could be, if you got away a little."
"Do I smother you?"
Mio laughed, thinking the worry in Mayu's voice was uncalled for. "Don't
be silly. I don't mean it like that."
"Then how do you mean it?"
"We're older now," she said after some consideration. "And I've gotten
used to things. I just...I don't want to hold you back from all the
things you could have. Friends...a boyfriend, maybe."
Mayu's face darkened. "You don't need me anymore?"
"No!" Mio grabbed Mayu's hand and squeezed it, "Mayu please, don't think
of it like that. I'll always need you..."
"Was I a burden to you...?"
Mio gave a fierce shake of her head. "Never!" She moved closer to her.
"Mayu, I liked being with you- I never did anything out of
obligation..." This was half true. She had felt obligated to watch Mayu
after their accident as children, but she'd never felt burdened or
unhappy about it...
"Then please, don't question me, Mio. If I didn't want to be with you, I
wouldn't be."
Mio didn't believe that. She refused to believe that Mayu wouldn't put
the needs of her sister before her own.
"Anyway, didn't I make you promise me you'd never leave me? That we
would always be together?"
"Yeah..."
"Why would I want to break that?"
Mio pushed back the hair that'd fallen over her face with the rustling
of the wind. "I don't know. Can we really be together forever...?
Sometimes I wonder if that's all just a childhood dream."
"We can be." Mayu gripped Mio's hand tighter. "As long as you're with
me, Mio...I don't care about anything else." The world could crumble,
but as long as she had Mio she'd be all right.
----------
Sharing the bed had become a custom that was simply understood between
the two of them though they made no note to tell anyone else. It was
easier to be within arms reach. The nightmares didn't come nearly as
often as then. It seemed as if the two of them in close proximity to one
another was enough to fend away any impending threat of horrible phantom
dreams and visions.
Sometimes before they fell to sleep they'd talk hours. The topics would
range from light to heavy. Books, television shows and homework
assignments were sometimes the matter at hand. At others it was their
injuries, how they felt about them at what particular time and memories
of the village.
"Sae-...you," Mio started awkwardly this time. "When I had to fight
her...when she was in you... Amidst the laughter...sometimes I'd hear
your voice."
"My voice?"
"Yeah... You were telling me your leg hurt." She felt her eyes stinging
then. It was hard to believe that such a memory, one from long ago could
trigger such a reaction. This was the first time she'd revealed this to
Mayu since the incident. Having her so close to her made it harder
somehow. "If I hadn't dropped the camera quickly enough- If I hadn't run
fast enough, if I hadn't been strong enough..."
"But you were."
Mio bowed her head and closed her eyes. Hot tears seeped out. In the
darkness, Mayu wiped them away.
"You never gave up, Mio. You never abandoned me. You saved me. I'm here
because of you."
Mio didn't understand why she couldn't still the tears that kept coming.
She pulled her limbs to herself, covering her face with her hands. She
didn't want Mayu to see her upset. Mayu was so empathetic toward her,
could so often feel the same things that she did that it was
frightening.
"It's okay," Mayu soothed into her ear, holding her. "Everything's going
to be okay now."
Mio clutched her. She was afraid that her fingernails were digging into
Mayu's back but she was afraid to let her go. "Don't leave me," she
cried. It embarrassed her to talk this way. She didn't like to sound so
dependent. It wasn't that she was ashamed to rely on Mayu but she
couldn't help but think that maybe she'd get in the way. That Mayu's
loyalty to her and her happiness would prevent her from leading her own
happy life.
"I won't," she rubbed her back gently. "Mio...what would you have done
if...things had turned out differently...?"
"I would have waited." Her voice was free of excess emotion then. It was
light, as if it could have flown away at any moment. She spoke with
perfect honesty. "I would have waited for you forever."
----------
They'd been in the kitchen. Mio had been slicing some lettuce when she
cut her finger. The small gasp she let out was enough for Mayu to turn
away from the dishes she'd been attending to and to look at her.
"Mio, what happened?" There was a trace of guilt and alarm in her voice.
She should have been more observant or taken care of the vegetables
herself.
"I just cut myself," she said with a frown, holding her own hand out as
if to look at it. She cursed herself for moving so quickly and not being
more careful. Now all she'd managed to do was worry Mayu.
"Let me see," Mayu took the offended hand and examined the injured
finger. A small stream of blood trickled from it, landing on Mio's white
shirt. "Does it hurt?"
Mio shook her head. "It's nothing, really." There was a stinging, like a
burn. She tried not to scowl too deeply at it. When the hand was lifted
and she felt a warmth surround her she tilted her head to wonder at it.
There was a small feeling of pressure upon it before the no longer
bleeding finger was released out into the cold world again. Mio touched
her other hand to Mayu's face and felt heat along her cheeks.
It was then that Mio leaned forward and caught her lips. She tasted
herself in Mayu.
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