A Simple Girl's Silence (part 6 of 7)

a Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfiction by Ancient Rime

Back to Part 5
Man has always loathed the darkness, and feared the abyss. For the 
millennia, we had assumed that the most deep and terrifying darkness 
lurked in the shadows of the night, and in the voids of space. This 
was not so, simply because the most frightening darkness had come only 
from the far reaches of the soul. Yes, indeed, the most equivocal and 
delicate understanding is not of the world around us, but the world 
that lurks deep within us.

Alone, the journey is very frightening indeed, and perhaps even 
impossible. But man is never alone, he never has been alone in the 
world or in the universe. In much the same way that God manages to 
touch lives with an invisible hand, Misato had gone behind the scenes 
and learned of Rei. They were side by side now, neither one as alone 
as they were before. The deep pitfall that had been rightfully named 
"Central Dogma" conjured up the anxiety that lurked in the human 
heart, and this was exactly where Rei and Misato had gone, absolutely 
not without purpose.

There was other life here, beside that which they claimed themselves. 
There was a shuffling sound in the background, and a soft murmur. 
Misato stepped up her pace a little further, only to find Dr. Ritsuko 
Akagi standing before an air locked door. Misato stood still for a 
moment, Rei was directly behind her. Misato's voice was clear in the 
static free environment of Central Dogma. There was no interference in 
this environment, it was completely clean and only certain NERV 
personnel were even allowed near it; this did not include the head of 
operations herself. No, pawns were no more allowed in the castle than 
humble stable boys.

"For a pawn I made a decent friend... Didn't I, doctor?"

Ritsuko's rueful chuckle could be heard in the background. Misato was 
not directly behind her, but her eyes seemed to pierce through her 
skull with resentment, betrayal, and accusations. The foreboding 
expression, it was almost inhumane in its sincerity. Misato stepped 
one step closer to Ritsuko before the doctor spoke.

"I knew you were coming Misato. I know just about everything that goes 
on around here. I didn't willfully hide these things from you, it was 
an order, a simple order. I can't let you inside."

Rei's head bowed. There was a time when she too was willing to follow 
every single order of Commander Ikarii, even if it meant the death of 
her. She wouldn't question it, because the Commander knew best. 
Because of Rei's recent conquest of her own heart, she had discovered 
that all human beings are all mutually alike in frailty. She had begun 
to wonder what placed the Commander higher than man himself. Did those 
who ran NERV really think themselves gods? She had learned so much, 
and she would continue the trend in learning just how precarious fate 
could be. Misato withdrew something from her purse, and pressed it 
against Ritsuko's head. In the faint light, it was possible to see the 
outline of a pistol.

"I don't think so, Ritsuko. I came here to see something, and you're 
going to show it to me or I'll simply kill you and burry you beneath 
your lies."

The smooth click of the revolving chambers could be heard as the 
barrel was pressed more firmly against Ritsuko's skull. A short lived 
smug laugh escaped Ritsuko. She had not dared to turn around, and was 
still facing the air locked doors. Perhaps it was the complete guilt 
that kept her from looking Misato in the eye.

"You came here to see it all, hadn't you? All right... but if you're 
to see it then so is she!" 

Ritsuko had pointed at Rei, who was standing quietly in the 
background. There almost seemed to be a pain in Rei's eyes, as though 
she too was being brought to her own grave in finding this truth. It 
felt as though she were holding on to some concept that kept her going 
higher and higher, until she could no longer see the ground. Misato 
was silent. Only a moment passed before she looked to Ritsuko, her 
eyes judgmental and leery. Her voice lacked expression now, and did 
not have the zeal of its former self.

"Agreed."

Ritsuko simply smiled with an enlightened expression on her face that 
was normally present, but much more defined now. As her hand came 
down, she spoke, the card swiping through the scanner.

"Oh Misato... there's is so much," at that given point in time the 
card had gone through and there was the blinking of a light that went 
from red to green. "That you don't know."

With the conclusion of that statement the air locked door had opened 
to display Lilith pinned up on a cross, the Lance was the only thing 
keeping it up. Misato's gasp had not come, but instead was locked deep 
within her with great fear. It loomed there in the middle of an ocean 
of life, as though it had been there for millions of years before even 
man. Indeed, the tale of the Angels began long before man. How 
fortunate we were as a species. Rei stood there, seemingly unaffected, 
though she stared at the remains, the SEELE coat of arms imprinted 
over its face. It seemed almost to give Lilith character, as though 
they were meant to be the eyes on this hideous creature. Ritsuko let 
both Rei and Misato inside. Her mordant laugh could be herd but 
briefly.

"You both seem quite shocked. This is just the beginning you know. 
Rei, this is the being from which you were created."

Dr. Akagi began her casual pace, as though none of this bothered her 
at all. However, beneath the facade of blatant honesty rested the 
anguish that had settled deep within her thoat. It was as though she 
were saving it, storing it for the last. As she walked, a contingent, 
flowing wave of her hand expressed her thoughts at random, as though 
the hand had a life to call its own; she continued.

"Perhaps it was only destiny that you'd end up here... Funny, a 
scientist speaking of fate."

Ritsuko took them through tunnels that connected like nerve tissue 
leading to a brain. It seemed as though the labyrinth would never end, 
until Ritsuko finally stopped. This room was darker than all of the 
others. It was vast, one could just about hear the echo of their own 
breath in the endless expanse. Rei stepped back warily. Her head was 
high as she surveyed the area as best she could in the failing light.

"Death... it smells like death in here..." 

She concluded with absolute certainty. A sudden chain of nerves was 
set on fire inside of Rei's body, she was now very uneasy. Misato 
turned around to hold her up gently. Her eyes were angry as they met 
Ritsuko's in the pale light of the area. Ritsuko had turned away, not 
due to the fact that Misato was so terribly angry with her, but the 
fact that Rei was already in pain, and they still had not gotten to 
her absolute truth. It still lay ahead, and they were now extremely 
close. That pain in Ritsuko's voice was more profound more visible 
now.

"Yes, death and its very scent, that would pr appropriate for a 
graveyard, Rei Ayanami."
There was a long drawn out pause, during the duration of which Rei 
seemed to suffer from ever increasing anxiety. Misato stared coldly at 
the doctor finally as she would wait no longer for her to continue.

"Finish the thought, Ritsuko... Finish it right now." Misato's hand 
had uneasily begun to tremble seeing Rei in the pain that she was in, 
and was reaching towards her gun. She was fully ready to pull it from 
the confines of her uniform jacket when Ritsuko began to speak again.

The doctor moved to push a switch on the wall, and the room was once 
again illuminated. From the darkness arose the ghosts, horrifying 
phantoms of the past that still haunted this room, and would forever. 
The skeletal structures laid strewn about the floor carelessly. They 
were similar to that of human beings, but huge in an alien sense. 

"This should smell like death, because it is a graveyard, a graveyard 
for Eva's. Talk about pulling skeletons out of the closet. Hmph... 
These are all failures that met their doom. That thing you pilot, it 
is as alive as you and I."

Ritsuko looked Rei in the eyes for the first time. Her nature seemed 
almost cautious. Rei had collected herself a little bit more from her 
previous state, and was now only leaning on Misato lightly. She looked 
down at the girl, her expression all of a sudden stern.

"Don't fail me now, Rei Ayanami. We've one more ghost to visit." 

With that, the three pushed onward. They were traveling up a hall now 
that seemed to be very lengthy. "The seasons perpetually change. Often 
it's hard to tell where fall ends and winter begins. Man is reaching 
the biter cold of the winter of his end nowadays. It seems more and 
more obvious that the human race has become that of the dead leaves of 
autumn, laying strewn about the earth in so many different colors... 
Yet, at the core, they are all still alike. Man is no longer his true 
self. Our version of the 'truth' died in the year 2000AD, the lies 
began there, and ended up here!" 

With those final words, Ritsuko's hand slamed against a pannel on the 
wall. The lights dimly lit the room, and it was possible to now see 
that the room was circular, a large server looking machine at the 
center, and a control board to the north. The walls were glass, and 
filled with LCL. Floating inside that soup was Rei, hundreds of her, 
literally hundreds. Misato's eyes opened wide with shock seeing the 
image that lay ready before her. 

"REI! They're all... Rei!! What the hell... is this?!"

Dr. Akagi's voice was beginning to grow weak, and Rei herself was not 
so much troubled or shocked by what she saw. Certainly, she had always 
send that she was herself, but there was still more to her. She was 
finding now that this was, in a literal sense, true.

"This is the core of the Dummy Plug... This is my life, my work... And 
my nature as a scientist! A creator of dolls!" Ritsuko's voice was 
cracking as she went on.

"Man has made a long journey from the ancient seas to who he is 
today... But perhaps the distance wasn't so great to reach what he 
still is now. I have gone nowhere, science has brought me nowhere. 
Just as the rest of the human race, I have not progressed from the 
animal from which I had come. But the rat race will go on forever, my 
field will never cease." 
Misato stood back in complete horror. She pulled back from Ritsuko who 
sought to cry on her shoulder as the tears would no longer ease 
themselves. When she fell to her knees, her requiem continued.

"Go on kill me! I'm not even human anymore!! I embrace death."

Misato was about to move, or at least try and speak. Taking quick 
action now was all too important. She couldn't leave the woman who she 
had gone to college with, befriended, and trusted for so long, there 
on the floor in complete agony. She was about to reach for Ritsuko 
when Rei intervened. She stood at the center of the room, her placid 
amber eyes all knowing. To those who would stand there and listen, 
they would come to call the words that would follow the truest insight 
in to the heart of Rei Ayanami. this marked the day she became truly 
human.

"You do not deserve to die, because you are here, you exist. My 
silence has long since been a vessel for my thoughts, as has this body 
been. Humans, I had long since questioned what they were. We are not 
creations of God, we are creations of our own thoughts, as you are, 
and so am I. I don't need to run anymore, I don't need to hide bacuse 
I know the truth now. Humans would rather run their entire lives from 
that which they are afraid of... They build their cities that light 
the night with man-made fire. I will not run. I intend to live. This 
is me... The truth of self can only be seen when false images and 
ideas are shed, trappings banished. I chose to live, not for me, not 
for these false versions of myself, but for the one human being that I 
have learned to love. I will not deny the one existence that is Asuka 
Langley Soryu no more than I will deny myself. I will live for her... 
Now I must kill off these false images to make this possible." 

Rei stepped forward with an ever sure gait. Misato had gone to her 
knees to comfort Ritsuko who was now crying quite heavily. She reached 
out to Rei who was rapidly approaching the control board. "No! Rei! 
What are you ... doing?!" Rei didn't hear her, she kept moving forward 
until she was standing before the panel. The large red button stared 
her in the eyes. With almost dutiful resolve, her hand pressed gently 
upon it. The clones, they shriveled to ruins, like a doll being pulled 
by the seams. Those "false images" fell apart right before her eyes. 
And oddly enough, Rei could feel herself alive for the first time. 
Warm tears streaked down her no longer cold cheeks. She turned and 
faced both Ritsuko and Misato. The tears fell from her eyes and down 
her cheeks, staining her skirt. There was actual emotion in her voice, 
even if it was pain.

"This is me. This is the true image of myself. There are no others, 
for I am I." 

Onwards to Part 7


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